I cracked my knee over the corner of my bed last night leaving a bruise the size of a golf ball on my knee. It usually happens when I haven't made the bed in a couple of days. The bed gets resentful it isn't being taken care.
The bed will actually reach its corner out to kick me in the shins. This isn't the first time.
Its a hateful bed!!
I think the laundry I forgot to put a way had a hand in it, too. The piles of clean folded laundry I took off the bed and set down on the floor next tot he corner had a conversation with the bed and they conspired to trip me up.
Its not my fault I couldn't deal with my bedroom. I had cars to wash, Halloween decor to set up, and bitchy notes to text to strangers that judged my dating preferences.
I have since cleaned my room and made up with my bed and laundry. Its nice to know that even if people don't forgive you, your inanimate objects will.
Although I think I heard them giggling while I slept last night!!
Beds and laundry may break my bones but words only bruise a Blonde!!
10.30.2008
10.29.2008
Iphone Politics
Never take a political stand by way of text on an Iphone...
The following is a preview of a heated debate using the Iphone keyboard and text:
I am fairly certain I lost.
from the iphone:
letbthe middle man revolt andbsievthe execs for malice unloss the middleman is guilty of lusting it happen unless vptomf for blackam will se permmave enough
I will not vote for a system can be repaired by one man no how well speak nor howany pink flamingos she can trap the redneck vote
end of iphone text....
Don't believe the Iphone is better than the Treo or the Blackberry just because of great ads...learn for yourself...sort of like politics...choose wisely or make a fool of yourself!!
Blondes know there is good and bad in all!!
The following is a preview of a heated debate using the Iphone keyboard and text:
I am fairly certain I lost.
from the iphone:
letbthe middle man revolt andbsievthe execs for malice unloss the middleman is guilty of lusting it happen unless vptomf for blackam will se permmave enough
I will not vote for a system can be repaired by one man no how well speak nor howany pink flamingos she can trap the redneck vote
end of iphone text....
Don't believe the Iphone is better than the Treo or the Blackberry just because of great ads...learn for yourself...sort of like politics...choose wisely or make a fool of yourself!!
Blondes know there is good and bad in all!!
Barack's Moratorium
Spread the wealth but don't forget the Blonde.
I too was twisted into buying more than I could afford.
Do I get 3 months moratorium on my credit card payments?
The girl at Nordstrom said I could afford the Balenciaga shoulder bag, if I charged it. I believed her and now I am stuck paying...its not fair...I should be bailed out, too!!
If you want the credit institutions to feel good about giving more credit, why not lower the credit rate on already inflated, beyond the sky, charge cards so people can get a bit of relief to help pay off the original debt?
Then they can buy more, perpetuating new spending...duh!!!
Or just bail out the titans, let the idiots have 3 months free mortgage and make the rich pay for it all!!!
Blondes believe in limits !!!
I too was twisted into buying more than I could afford.
Do I get 3 months moratorium on my credit card payments?
The girl at Nordstrom said I could afford the Balenciaga shoulder bag, if I charged it. I believed her and now I am stuck paying...its not fair...I should be bailed out, too!!
If you want the credit institutions to feel good about giving more credit, why not lower the credit rate on already inflated, beyond the sky, charge cards so people can get a bit of relief to help pay off the original debt?
Then they can buy more, perpetuating new spending...duh!!!
Or just bail out the titans, let the idiots have 3 months free mortgage and make the rich pay for it all!!!
Blondes believe in limits !!!
10.28.2008
Friday Night Fright
...of a date.
Blondes have fragile egos, so when your on a date with one don't look at the brunettes that walk by and...
Never, never, never check out the young man with brunette hair directly behind the Blonde at the bar!!
Blondes are afraid of losing game!
Blondes have fragile egos, so when your on a date with one don't look at the brunettes that walk by and...
Never, never, never check out the young man with brunette hair directly behind the Blonde at the bar!!
Blondes are afraid of losing game!
10.23.2008
Manopause
I just read an advertisement for Andropause. Apparently, men get menopause like woman. They get a little pudgy around the middle, depressed, and their sexual appetite diminishes...
blah
blah
blah
...and of course to help them through this time, the pharmaceutical commies have something to help.
A peepee hardener pill.
For a man, he doesn't need to lose weight, he doesn't need antidepressants.
Nope!!
He just needs a pill that will make the 'General' go from flacid to fabulously firm for eight hours.
No wonder all the men leave their wives when they hit midlife crisis.
With a penis that is so hopped up on drugs, its irrational behavior has them seeking out twenty something girls to keep their crack head (pun intended) tweaking until it comes down from the high.
I blame the pharmie commies for the high rate of divorce. That and not having separate bathrooms.
Stop watching each other pee for cricky sakes!!
Blondes say NO to drugs!!
blah
blah
blah
...and of course to help them through this time, the pharmaceutical commies have something to help.
A peepee hardener pill.
For a man, he doesn't need to lose weight, he doesn't need antidepressants.
Nope!!
He just needs a pill that will make the 'General' go from flacid to fabulously firm for eight hours.
No wonder all the men leave their wives when they hit midlife crisis.
With a penis that is so hopped up on drugs, its irrational behavior has them seeking out twenty something girls to keep their crack head (pun intended) tweaking until it comes down from the high.
I blame the pharmie commies for the high rate of divorce. That and not having separate bathrooms.
Stop watching each other pee for cricky sakes!!
Blondes say NO to drugs!!
10.21.2008
Is it just me...
or does it seem to you that McCain and Palin are using the fear factor to get your vote?
McCain, don't bash socialism, at least they pay for medical and they don't crash markets with corporate greed!!
With regard to Obama...I haven't listened to enough of his speeches to get pissed into commenting!!
Blondes hate politics!!
McCain, don't bash socialism, at least they pay for medical and they don't crash markets with corporate greed!!
With regard to Obama...I haven't listened to enough of his speeches to get pissed into commenting!!
Blondes hate politics!!
10.20.2008
I don't need no stinking Badges
I volunteered only for two days for the film festival this year. It took me that long to remember why I did not want to be a driver.
It is tiring hanging out in a dank office waiting your turn to drive and when so many volunteers are pushy and in the coordinators face wanting the best ones to drive, I was under utilized and done with the whole affair after only a couple of days. Beisdes, I was never going to earn enough points to enjoy a festival badge because the coordinator booked her faves for the extra time.
I decided to spend my time at the Driskill bar just people watching and drinking my wine, which was far more productive as far as enjoying myself.
I may have not met anyone in the industry but I did get to play an actress for a bit.
I found it fun to carry on 'shock conversations' with my friend for the couple sitting behind our love seat. The older gentleman's ear fell off when we began to talk of the Sugardaddy / Sugarbaby web site we played on.
I handed the gentleman back his ear and once it was safely back on his head, we acted out our improv scripts.
We talked about how great it was to be a Mistress to a married man; no strings attached, no commitment, just a whole lot of fun.
And anyone who reads my blog will realize how good an actress I must be to pull off those comments without snorting wine out my nose.
Blah
blah
blah!!
We could barely contain our laughter when I got up to go to the bathroom and the gent's wife followed me in to make sure her husband didn't.
The Blonde loves to act!!
It is tiring hanging out in a dank office waiting your turn to drive and when so many volunteers are pushy and in the coordinators face wanting the best ones to drive, I was under utilized and done with the whole affair after only a couple of days. Beisdes, I was never going to earn enough points to enjoy a festival badge because the coordinator booked her faves for the extra time.
I decided to spend my time at the Driskill bar just people watching and drinking my wine, which was far more productive as far as enjoying myself.
I may have not met anyone in the industry but I did get to play an actress for a bit.
I found it fun to carry on 'shock conversations' with my friend for the couple sitting behind our love seat. The older gentleman's ear fell off when we began to talk of the Sugardaddy / Sugarbaby web site we played on.
I handed the gentleman back his ear and once it was safely back on his head, we acted out our improv scripts.
We talked about how great it was to be a Mistress to a married man; no strings attached, no commitment, just a whole lot of fun.
And anyone who reads my blog will realize how good an actress I must be to pull off those comments without snorting wine out my nose.
Blah
blah
blah!!
We could barely contain our laughter when I got up to go to the bathroom and the gent's wife followed me in to make sure her husband didn't.
The Blonde loves to act!!
10.17.2008
Sperpies
Spiritual herpes exists!!
Having the pleasure of dining with the Captain last night, I am in wonderment of spiritual guidance and those that seek it no matter the avenue they choose as their guide.
The theme of the night started in the car on the way to downtown.
I put the top down and cranked the radio..The DJ was interviewing a psychic. The psychic was describing her ability to be in touch with the aura and psychic energy of callers.
Without knowing it, this would set the tone of the evening.
A wicked co-inky dink was about to unfold.
Dealing with the supernatural, one has to wonder if that little tidbit of radio station would arm me against forces that might otherwise slip by me without a second thought.
With that radio talk, someone was telling me to be careful because maybe the world is more than coincidences and I should walk away from bad influences no matter how much I adore them for their dis-functionality.
I am trying to improve my lot in this world and maybe cavorting with the wrong friends could inhibit me from being with the right ones for me.
I ordered the margs just as the Captain walked up to the bar.
This was psychic herpes, a plague, a disease of which, if I did not remove myself, I would catch it and be alone forever. The Captain believed he was cast a spell by his first girlfriend and forever doomed. He talked of voodoo on the islands and how his love was, for a brief moment possessed by a spirit that wanted a little ecstasy of the flesh so she took the Captain's love for a heated sexual encounter.
When the spirit left, the girlfriend came to, and was a little more than p.o.'ed, that he cheated on her with the dead chick.
The evidence was clear.. he was in bed naked with obvious signs of copulation.\
Denial is futile!!
The Captain was from the islands and voodoo is strong there, and while I don’t believe in any one religion I do believe in a little of all and I am selective in what I believe.
And I believe, if you believe, it is strong and you can do me harm or you can do me good, which ever the winds may blow at that moment.
Whether it be Christianity, Buddhism, voodoo, Wicca…
It’s more the power of the mind to believe in something.
If you really listen to signs they will push you in the right direction; because quite frankly Blondes aren’t the only ones lost without faith.And faith is not in a church, its not in a temple, it is not in a religion, its that little voice that tells you right form wrong and your heart is all you need to guide you.
Cause if you can't listen to your head in these matters.
Logic can't kill the thought of a dead girl wanting to get laid.
The Blonde had a deep moment!!
10.16.2008
Stephen F Austin
Finally, a place downtown where I have a quietly reserved place to hang my hat while I write during the Austin Film Festival, of which at the moment, I am not agreeing with so much.
The new director, is along the lines of a gestapo for volunteers. If I hear one more time, from the t-shirt natzi, to wear my ugly volunteer t-shirt, I am going to pluck every hair from her head and explain to her how I have a psychological problem with unfashionable garments and asking me to wear it two days in a row could possibly make me snap at any moment!!
I am also not thrilled with the kiss-arse couple that bogarts the talent pick up from everyone.
My final straw was when they tried to give me a couple with a baby, instead of the crew from the private leer jet!!
I headed for the nearest watering hole to work out my woes and thank Gah, Stephen F Austin had everything I had been missing downtown, from free wifi to proper red wine goblets.
I found a bit of civilization downtown!!
Stephen F Austin is my sanctuary as I extend a helping hand!!
Blondes charity only goes so far!!
Is that a Rocket in my Pocket
or just the new vibrating Gillette Fusion taking care of two things in one shower.After getting an extremely close shave, pop of the head (pun intended), and give yourself a little something, something!!
The great thing about this technologically advanced shaving device is its ability to hide under the radar as a razor but really one must ask themselves?
Why is it being advertised as a man's razor?
Ladies, put down your pink whatever and pick up a man's shaving tool for the closest shave you will ever enjoy!!
Blondes love two kill two birds with one stone!!
10.15.2008
Thank you Austin
...for giving me Bourbon Street in my home town!!!
Thank you, Governor Perry, for the Katrina trash lingering on every corner of 6th.
Thank you for the paint can sniffers, the drug dealers, and the wacked out, looking for a hand out or a fight, depending on what cleaning product they sniffed.
Thank you for putting the homeless shelter right across the street from the liquor store.
Thank you for killing the music scene and replacing it with urban sprawl and crime.
Thank you for allowing me to feel safer in New York City than my own home town.
Thank you for nothing!!!!
Blondes are out of thank you cards!!!
Thank you, Governor Perry, for the Katrina trash lingering on every corner of 6th.
Thank you for the paint can sniffers, the drug dealers, and the wacked out, looking for a hand out or a fight, depending on what cleaning product they sniffed.
Thank you for putting the homeless shelter right across the street from the liquor store.
Thank you for killing the music scene and replacing it with urban sprawl and crime.
Thank you for allowing me to feel safer in New York City than my own home town.
Thank you for nothing!!!!
Blondes are out of thank you cards!!!
10.13.2008
To my Anonymous Comments
...you are no more valid to me than the Klu Klux Klan!!
Take your sheet off and be a man or a woman and own up to your negative comments.
I am not afraid to be bashed, nor beaten, nor dragged in the mud for the truth I believe.
You should aspire to do the same.
So!!!
Stand up!
Be accountable!!
Maybe if you weren't so afraid to speak out, our country would have done the right thing and revolted against greed!!!
Blondes hate hidden agendas!!
Take your sheet off and be a man or a woman and own up to your negative comments.
I am not afraid to be bashed, nor beaten, nor dragged in the mud for the truth I believe.
You should aspire to do the same.
So!!!
Stand up!
Be accountable!!
Maybe if you weren't so afraid to speak out, our country would have done the right thing and revolted against greed!!!
Blondes hate hidden agendas!!
I thought McCain was a Good Man
...but Palin and McCain have shown me why I dislike the country folk.
Palin has shown nothing more than her small town mentality at slinging bologne hash to make the click follow her. Anyone who follows someone that doesn't have the class or the intelligence to fight based on their own merits needs to keep their pink flamingos in the back yard.
Did I just see Palin at the Cheesecake Factory?
I am not a fan of Obama either, but realizing he may be n arrogant prick because he quit smoking on the campaign trail makes me feel better about his candidacy than a post traumatic war veteran who went 'Hockey' Mom on me!!
I vote for Canada to take over!!
I do have one Blonde question?
Why do we have a former terrorist allowed to be a professor?!!
The Blonde has yet to register and still wonders why she should!!!
Palin has shown nothing more than her small town mentality at slinging bologne hash to make the click follow her. Anyone who follows someone that doesn't have the class or the intelligence to fight based on their own merits needs to keep their pink flamingos in the back yard.
Did I just see Palin at the Cheesecake Factory?
I am not a fan of Obama either, but realizing he may be n arrogant prick because he quit smoking on the campaign trail makes me feel better about his candidacy than a post traumatic war veteran who went 'Hockey' Mom on me!!
I vote for Canada to take over!!
I do have one Blonde question?
Why do we have a former terrorist allowed to be a professor?!!
The Blonde has yet to register and still wonders why she should!!!
I Am a Gay Man
...in a woman's body.
My catty factor can go from 0 to 12 in a moments notice when trapped in a provincial haven such as the Cheesecake Factory at the Arboretum.
First, let me send an outcry to the inhumanity of serving village sized proportions of food on a single plate for the fat to feed. It was almost torture not to send an outcry to the woman in the sundress getting up from the booth who looked like a walking floral sofa.
Put down the fries and eat broccoli, you cow!!
Next was the Long Island Ice teas ordered by the couple next to me.
Come on!!! Who, without a fake ID orders that crap!!
Moving on to the high school crowed..AKA.. the future rednecks of the world!!
This particular night was a homecoming game. Texan girls decked out in JC Penny satin dresses and armed with little to no manners coming to celebrate something stupid like football and losing their virginity before the next Prom Night.
The very lovely, overly lip-glossed, pudgy chicks from the country high school celebrate by taking up the entire counter of the ladies room to apply more make up and hairspray to kill, not only a few cows across the border, but the the ozone future of our offsprings just to secure their doo's in an effort to bag the football player in the back of some cheesy car; forever surrendering their virtue to an idiot that will be manager of a carpet store in the near future.
As I waited politely for them to take notice that others existed beyond the cattle red rope, it was evident they were in their own little world.
I took it upon myself to give them a lesson in etiquette...subtly.
I delicately reminded them that while its nice to look made up on the outside; that putting red lipstick on a pig didn't take the place of the real beauty that exist from within when showing a bit of decency toward others.
Being gracious enough to see that others exist in this world and need the sink, is a far more lady like thing to do than to apply lip gloss to the point that it looks like they choked on a fried pork chop.
Blondes hate gluttony!!
My catty factor can go from 0 to 12 in a moments notice when trapped in a provincial haven such as the Cheesecake Factory at the Arboretum.
First, let me send an outcry to the inhumanity of serving village sized proportions of food on a single plate for the fat to feed. It was almost torture not to send an outcry to the woman in the sundress getting up from the booth who looked like a walking floral sofa.
Put down the fries and eat broccoli, you cow!!
Next was the Long Island Ice teas ordered by the couple next to me.
Come on!!! Who, without a fake ID orders that crap!!
Moving on to the high school crowed..AKA.. the future rednecks of the world!!
This particular night was a homecoming game. Texan girls decked out in JC Penny satin dresses and armed with little to no manners coming to celebrate something stupid like football and losing their virginity before the next Prom Night.
The very lovely, overly lip-glossed, pudgy chicks from the country high school celebrate by taking up the entire counter of the ladies room to apply more make up and hairspray to kill, not only a few cows across the border, but the the ozone future of our offsprings just to secure their doo's in an effort to bag the football player in the back of some cheesy car; forever surrendering their virtue to an idiot that will be manager of a carpet store in the near future.
As I waited politely for them to take notice that others existed beyond the cattle red rope, it was evident they were in their own little world.
I took it upon myself to give them a lesson in etiquette...subtly.
I delicately reminded them that while its nice to look made up on the outside; that putting red lipstick on a pig didn't take the place of the real beauty that exist from within when showing a bit of decency toward others.
Being gracious enough to see that others exist in this world and need the sink, is a far more lady like thing to do than to apply lip gloss to the point that it looks like they choked on a fried pork chop.
Blondes hate gluttony!!
10.09.2008
I Had a Dream
More like a nightmare...
because I was stuck in a cooking class and helped a girl get a rifle into a dance club and then the cops wouldn't listen to me!
Then I ended up in a consignment shop where the sales ladies ignored me because I said I was a Mistress who bed wedded men, to the girl with the rifle, and I really wanted the pretty little pink Burberry scarf and Christian Louboutin spectator pumps that were high on the wall... and they wouldn't let me have them!
and then I woke up!
The Blonde needs to stop dreaming!
because I was stuck in a cooking class and helped a girl get a rifle into a dance club and then the cops wouldn't listen to me!
Then I ended up in a consignment shop where the sales ladies ignored me because I said I was a Mistress who bed wedded men, to the girl with the rifle, and I really wanted the pretty little pink Burberry scarf and Christian Louboutin spectator pumps that were high on the wall... and they wouldn't let me have them!
and then I woke up!
The Blonde needs to stop dreaming!
10.08.2008
Too Far!!
I don't want to drive anywhere. It's all too far when your cars are being brats!!
I have yet to fix the sports suspension my rag top
thud
thud
thud
I have to fix the steering on the sedan
grind
grind
grind
I want to
duck
duck
duck
the mechanics bills
but alas
I don't want my heels to go
clack
clack
clack
I am as stubborn as a child when it comes to taking my cars into the shop. I hate it and want to throw little temper tantrums at the thought of walking into the service department and seeing the grin that accompanies the gentleman behind the counter.
"Well hello, little lady. How can we unload your wallet today?"
I have to spend an entire day researching, on the internet, and diagnosing my autos' problems to guard myself from blonde poachers at the auto shop. This is the time I wouldn't mind having a permanent time man on my hands.
Do you see what I am saying?
Do you see how desperate I am?
A full time man?! (shaking my head)
Now that I have reconciled the situation, Iwill be busy at the auto shop today.
Blondes have to pay for some things!
I have yet to fix the sports suspension my rag top
thud
thud
thud
I have to fix the steering on the sedan
grind
grind
grind
I want to
duck
duck
duck
the mechanics bills
but alas
I don't want my heels to go
clack
clack
clack
I am as stubborn as a child when it comes to taking my cars into the shop. I hate it and want to throw little temper tantrums at the thought of walking into the service department and seeing the grin that accompanies the gentleman behind the counter.
"Well hello, little lady. How can we unload your wallet today?"
I have to spend an entire day researching, on the internet, and diagnosing my autos' problems to guard myself from blonde poachers at the auto shop. This is the time I wouldn't mind having a permanent time man on my hands.
Do you see what I am saying?
Do you see how desperate I am?
A full time man?! (shaking my head)
Now that I have reconciled the situation, Iwill be busy at the auto shop today.
Blondes have to pay for some things!
10.07.2008
NBC's Friday Night Lights
This is the only photo I shot, while playing an extra, on the set of "Friday Night Lights":
Look for the Blonde in Episode 8 of the new season!!
10.05.2008
My Mother is Trying to Kill Me
...Again!!
Her chosen weapon this time is a mop and her newest concoction for cleaning the floors.
Lavender, which I am highly allergic too (if your remember she gave me lavender tea in the last attempt) is supposedly anti-bacterial. She read a blip in a paper somewhere about this handy 'green clean' and now the house floors are being doused with a healthy dose of lavender oil mixed with some other environment friendly detergent.
My throat is closing up...
My eyes are getting blurry...
I can't breathe...
Blondes need fresh air!!!
Her chosen weapon this time is a mop and her newest concoction for cleaning the floors.
Lavender, which I am highly allergic too (if your remember she gave me lavender tea in the last attempt) is supposedly anti-bacterial. She read a blip in a paper somewhere about this handy 'green clean' and now the house floors are being doused with a healthy dose of lavender oil mixed with some other environment friendly detergent.
My throat is closing up...
My eyes are getting blurry...
I can't breathe...
Blondes need fresh air!!!
Rednecks and Roadkill
are driving me mad!!!
First of all, there are more than one Maudie's around town. You don't have to eat at mine. Find one in your area!!
I don't want rednecks mucking up my good living.
I don't need to hear one more comment from some fat husband with his fat wife say something about me or my fashion choices!!
You who understand little more than dungarees and flip flops need to hide your ignorance and stay in your neck of the woods.
And another thing!!
While you are driving in my part of town, I would appreciate a little common decency when it comes to respecting deer and other animals that cross the road. Is it so hard for you to wait 2 minutes to make sure all the deer have crossed instead of barreling through them, like the pins at your bowling ally, in your obnoxious Ford Excursion.
Keep your beer gutting, gas guzzling, style lacking, country backward thinking, global warming, roadkill accumulating arse holes on your side of town!!!!!
And that goes for the men, too!!!
Blondes want a brake for animals!!
First of all, there are more than one Maudie's around town. You don't have to eat at mine. Find one in your area!!
I don't want rednecks mucking up my good living.
I don't need to hear one more comment from some fat husband with his fat wife say something about me or my fashion choices!!
You who understand little more than dungarees and flip flops need to hide your ignorance and stay in your neck of the woods.
And another thing!!
While you are driving in my part of town, I would appreciate a little common decency when it comes to respecting deer and other animals that cross the road. Is it so hard for you to wait 2 minutes to make sure all the deer have crossed instead of barreling through them, like the pins at your bowling ally, in your obnoxious Ford Excursion.
Keep your beer gutting, gas guzzling, style lacking, country backward thinking, global warming, roadkill accumulating arse holes on your side of town!!!!!
And that goes for the men, too!!!
Blondes want a brake for animals!!
10.03.2008
Cat-astrophe
OK, so I found crack cat and I have to say the reverse mohawk does look silly. I would be embarrassed, too. I guess some things really should be left to a professional.
Live and learn!
I guess Crack Cat was trying to hide his hairless predicament from his posse and went underneath the poolside decking and couldn't get back out.
We looked for him for 2 days. You think he would be hungry enough to cry multiple times and to everyone who was calling him...but NO.
He wouldn't answer me!
Still holding a chip on his shoulder!!
The other cats were awfully quiet yesterday accept for some chuckling from Sophie but that could have been gas; she scarfed down a twinkie she found in the bottom cabinet where there cat food is kept. When asked if they had seen Crack cat...all of them kept a poker face. Something is up. They may have tried to bury Crack cat alive.
This is still under investigation!
Around midnight, we heard a faint cry and rushed to the pool to find Crack cat stuck under the deck. We had to tear up a couple of planks to free the dumb pratt from his shallow grave.
He refused to look at me and promptly went upstairs to the garage to pee.
Yes folks, my gay crack head cat refused to pee outside of his litter box. He couldn't possibly bring himself to pee on the dirt, underneath the deck, where he got stuck no matter how many days he was holding it. The prima donna couldn't chance peeing on himself and the little bit of fur he has left on his belly.
This morning he still refuses to look at me!
I don't think he will let me remedy the situation with a poochie sweater.
The snickering from the other cats and myself have died down. Now the task of figuring out which one was responsible for trying to bury Crack cat alive, is on way.
Someone is paying for the deck with a tail!
Blondes hate bad haircuts!!
Live and learn!
I guess Crack Cat was trying to hide his hairless predicament from his posse and went underneath the poolside decking and couldn't get back out.
We looked for him for 2 days. You think he would be hungry enough to cry multiple times and to everyone who was calling him...but NO.
He wouldn't answer me!
Still holding a chip on his shoulder!!
The other cats were awfully quiet yesterday accept for some chuckling from Sophie but that could have been gas; she scarfed down a twinkie she found in the bottom cabinet where there cat food is kept. When asked if they had seen Crack cat...all of them kept a poker face. Something is up. They may have tried to bury Crack cat alive.
This is still under investigation!
Around midnight, we heard a faint cry and rushed to the pool to find Crack cat stuck under the deck. We had to tear up a couple of planks to free the dumb pratt from his shallow grave.
He refused to look at me and promptly went upstairs to the garage to pee.
Yes folks, my gay crack head cat refused to pee outside of his litter box. He couldn't possibly bring himself to pee on the dirt, underneath the deck, where he got stuck no matter how many days he was holding it. The prima donna couldn't chance peeing on himself and the little bit of fur he has left on his belly.
This morning he still refuses to look at me!
I don't think he will let me remedy the situation with a poochie sweater.
The snickering from the other cats and myself have died down. Now the task of figuring out which one was responsible for trying to bury Crack cat alive, is on way.
Someone is paying for the deck with a tail!
Blondes hate bad haircuts!!
10.02.2008
Crack Heads Hate Bathing
...and my cat is no different.
After trying to intervene in my cat's nip use, I gave him a bath and shaved off his druggie knotted hair, after he frolicked in dirt and Gah knows what all night long.
You think he would be grateful for the buzz cut...less to lick!
Oh!
Oh....wait a minute.
Oh, now I got it!
Less to lick!
He is a male cat!
He likes to lick!!
He is mad at me!!
He is punishing me!!
Come on Crack Cat...come home!!
Come!
Please, Come!
Come, home!!
Blondes don't lick pussy. We don't understand!!!
After trying to intervene in my cat's nip use, I gave him a bath and shaved off his druggie knotted hair, after he frolicked in dirt and Gah knows what all night long.
You think he would be grateful for the buzz cut...less to lick!
Oh!
Oh....wait a minute.
Oh, now I got it!
Less to lick!
He is a male cat!
He likes to lick!!
He is mad at me!!
He is punishing me!!
Come on Crack Cat...come home!!
Come!
Please, Come!
Come, home!!
Blondes don't lick pussy. We don't understand!!!
10.01.2008
I am not a Player
I love men that clearly state what they aren't on internet dating sites. It makes it easier for me to know exactly what they are.
I am not a player!!, he states.
Of course you aren't darling.
Your just relationship challenged.
And, I am not a real Blonde!!
I am actually a brunette who bleaches her hair killing any brain cells that allows me to filter out bull dung!!
I love men and their dungess!!
They can drive a thriving business with a brain fart, but they can't maneauver a simple curve in the road of personal life without driving into a ditch playing with a dumb stick that shifts into high gear with a drop of blood.
Maybe the cure for a dumb Blonde is a shot of the little chrimson to the cerebellum!!
Blondes don't rubberneck an accident waiting to happen!!
I am not a player!!, he states.
Of course you aren't darling.
Your just relationship challenged.
And, I am not a real Blonde!!
I am actually a brunette who bleaches her hair killing any brain cells that allows me to filter out bull dung!!
I love men and their dungess!!
They can drive a thriving business with a brain fart, but they can't maneauver a simple curve in the road of personal life without driving into a ditch playing with a dumb stick that shifts into high gear with a drop of blood.
Maybe the cure for a dumb Blonde is a shot of the little chrimson to the cerebellum!!
Blondes don't rubberneck an accident waiting to happen!!
Blonde Moments 293 and 301
Blonde Moment 293
I am on the plane this morning trying to buckle in. The buckle was stuck over a screw down in the seat. I kept tugging apparently a little too close to the guy next to me. After innocently fondling his outer thigh a few times in attempt to get my seat buckle, he kindly removed his Ipod bud from his ear, reached down and grabbed the other end of the belt that was not stuck to the screw.
The other end had the buckle!!
Blonde Moment 301
When getting a 'to go' cup of coffee, I always forget to push back the lid part that covers the sipping hole. After several attempts of looking like a blind fool trying to figure out why the coffee wasn't pouring into my mouth, a kind gentleman said...
"You might want to flip the cover back, makes it easier to drink"
Blondes can't hide their blind spots!!
I am on the plane this morning trying to buckle in. The buckle was stuck over a screw down in the seat. I kept tugging apparently a little too close to the guy next to me. After innocently fondling his outer thigh a few times in attempt to get my seat buckle, he kindly removed his Ipod bud from his ear, reached down and grabbed the other end of the belt that was not stuck to the screw.
The other end had the buckle!!
Blonde Moment 301
When getting a 'to go' cup of coffee, I always forget to push back the lid part that covers the sipping hole. After several attempts of looking like a blind fool trying to figure out why the coffee wasn't pouring into my mouth, a kind gentleman said...
"You might want to flip the cover back, makes it easier to drink"
Blondes can't hide their blind spots!!
9.29.2008
700 Billion Dollars
...should include a little something, something for the Blonde!!
I may not be able to cure the economy but after the party, you will be too hungover and too satisfied to care!!
AirForce One with a Bush Bobblehead saying,
"This way to the party" ...$190 million
Constitutional Sized Margarita machines ...$40 million
Congressional Wiggle Jello Shots..$10 million
Bipartisan DJ's ...$25 million
Giant Strobe Light from NASA ...$435 million
Not remembering where we left the economy...priceless!!
Blondes don't like to bail!!
I may not be able to cure the economy but after the party, you will be too hungover and too satisfied to care!!
AirForce One with a Bush Bobblehead saying,
"This way to the party" ...$190 million
Constitutional Sized Margarita machines ...$40 million
Congressional Wiggle Jello Shots..$10 million
Bipartisan DJ's ...$25 million
Giant Strobe Light from NASA ...$435 million
Not remembering where we left the economy...priceless!!
Blondes don't like to bail!!
9.28.2008
I am not Dead
I am just not posting at the moment. Give me a day to download my new material..
I am a Gay Man in a Woman's Body
Texas Needs Babysitters, Seriously
..and I totally had a wicked Blonde Moment
all yours to read if you stick with me through this writing crisis!!!
Blondes hate being blocked in!!!
I am a Gay Man in a Woman's Body
Texas Needs Babysitters, Seriously
..and I totally had a wicked Blonde Moment
all yours to read if you stick with me through this writing crisis!!!
Blondes hate being blocked in!!!
9.25.2008
No Pay
Craigslist really needs to add a 'No Pay' sub-category to their site.
I know there must be a huge slew of folks wanting to spend their gas money driving to and fro from a job that offers absolutely no benefit except for a pat on the back and all the junk food you can scarf down to help you ruin a girlish figure.
I worked for free on several indie shorts, and in the spirit of paying back the favor, I should offer free advertising on my blog. But really, didn't I already provide them a favor?! We're even!
Unless your an actor or actress, or are an integral part of a lighting crew, or man a camera, or building references; playing PA on a film has no real pay out. You won't work yourself up the corporate ladder making sure the lunch is set.
I could be wrong? The head of MGM just might like the way you slather mayo on his BLT, in one smooth stroke, enough to think you would be an asset in his business development office as a schmoozer.
The jobs that are offered for free aren't ones that warrant any respect nor any tutelage other than what you can gather on your own by standing around and listening from a distance of 20ft. away. Being a lowly PA does not warrant being up close and personal with the director, no matter how unfamous he is or will remain to be.
I learned that even on little sets that produce little movies with little budgets, big heads exist!!
If you really want to learn how films are done, take some classes in film or better yet, hire an excellent crew, who know what they are doing, and just become a Director!
As far as being a PA...from what I know, taking out the trash doesn't do anything for anyone's career unless they are a janitor!!
Blondes are worth every dime!!
I know there must be a huge slew of folks wanting to spend their gas money driving to and fro from a job that offers absolutely no benefit except for a pat on the back and all the junk food you can scarf down to help you ruin a girlish figure.
I worked for free on several indie shorts, and in the spirit of paying back the favor, I should offer free advertising on my blog. But really, didn't I already provide them a favor?! We're even!
Unless your an actor or actress, or are an integral part of a lighting crew, or man a camera, or building references; playing PA on a film has no real pay out. You won't work yourself up the corporate ladder making sure the lunch is set.
I could be wrong? The head of MGM just might like the way you slather mayo on his BLT, in one smooth stroke, enough to think you would be an asset in his business development office as a schmoozer.
The jobs that are offered for free aren't ones that warrant any respect nor any tutelage other than what you can gather on your own by standing around and listening from a distance of 20ft. away. Being a lowly PA does not warrant being up close and personal with the director, no matter how unfamous he is or will remain to be.
I learned that even on little sets that produce little movies with little budgets, big heads exist!!
If you really want to learn how films are done, take some classes in film or better yet, hire an excellent crew, who know what they are doing, and just become a Director!
As far as being a PA...from what I know, taking out the trash doesn't do anything for anyone's career unless they are a janitor!!
Blondes are worth every dime!!
9.24.2008
Dear Parents
...of children under the age of 8.
Please understand that restaurants are not daycares with drinks. Your children do not need to be running around, screaming and playing tag while you blissfully filter out the noise you are so used to hearing on a daily basis.
I and every other customer do not have this ability to ignore high pitched screeches from little girls as big brother pulls on their ponytail as they dash around our tables. Nor do we laugh when they knock into the table and spill our frozen margaritas making everything sticky.
I am not a babysitter nor a bathroom attendant in a dacyare pottie. I would appreciate you accompany your little ones to the lue. I realize its extremely fun to bat the toilet paper until it comes off the role, my cats love it too!! That is the very reason cats aren't allowed in restaurants; you can't control them. Their manners are atrocious. You can't teach a cat to be polite and act accordingly without them thwacking you with a claw and laughing hysterically at you.
On the other hand, parents can be taught!! Some parents need to learn that society is made up of everyone and being respectful of others is the first lesson in teaching proper social etiquette to their children.
If you want a night out with your family, shouldn't the family be together, at the same table, all sitting down, enjoying each other?!
Blondes just want a little social change!!
Please understand that restaurants are not daycares with drinks. Your children do not need to be running around, screaming and playing tag while you blissfully filter out the noise you are so used to hearing on a daily basis.
I and every other customer do not have this ability to ignore high pitched screeches from little girls as big brother pulls on their ponytail as they dash around our tables. Nor do we laugh when they knock into the table and spill our frozen margaritas making everything sticky.
I am not a babysitter nor a bathroom attendant in a dacyare pottie. I would appreciate you accompany your little ones to the lue. I realize its extremely fun to bat the toilet paper until it comes off the role, my cats love it too!! That is the very reason cats aren't allowed in restaurants; you can't control them. Their manners are atrocious. You can't teach a cat to be polite and act accordingly without them thwacking you with a claw and laughing hysterically at you.
On the other hand, parents can be taught!! Some parents need to learn that society is made up of everyone and being respectful of others is the first lesson in teaching proper social etiquette to their children.
If you want a night out with your family, shouldn't the family be together, at the same table, all sitting down, enjoying each other?!
Blondes just want a little social change!!
9.22.2008
PA is not for Pennsylvania
I am back in Austin working as a PA on an Indie Short.
I didn't realize that standing around all day trying to be quiet would be so exhausting!!
The Blonde will be back after a brief intermission!!
I didn't realize that standing around all day trying to be quiet would be so exhausting!!
The Blonde will be back after a brief intermission!!
9.18.2008
Continental to the Rescue
Thank Gah!! Continental is offering no advance purchase specials to victims of Ike.
I have just became a victim.
After dealing with savage conditions like a broken wine opener and the fact I forgot underwear, I am forced to hand wash, on a nightly basis, the one pair of panties I wore down here and the bikini I always pack, in case of emergency. I was not in panic mode because I thought in a day or two, I could replenish with a stop to the VS.
I just learned that Victoria Secret is still closed and will not reopen for another week. Sure, food is available, even gas but nail salons and lingerie stores apparently are not a priority. Are we not civilized here?
I can live without electricity, a broken wine opener, even without air condition, but living without putting on a fresh pair of cotton boy shorts with matching bra is mandatory!!
I need to find humanity and a fresh pair!!
Thanks to my fly boys at Continental, all hope is not lost.
I am flying out on the 'no advance notice' $129, over 500 miles ( $69 under 500), that Continental is offering to Houstonians until the 19th(must be used by the Oct 1st) in search of cute cupcake endowed panties and bra!!
Blondes need sanitary conditions!!
Go Back to India
My efforts to physically partake in the animal rescue has been thwarted.
No one is allowed on Galveston Island without official business. As a volunteer, I am not offically worthy!!
People were in line on the parkway for two hours before reaching a peace officer that bluntly told them to return from whence they came. They were not allowed in to see what has happened to their homes and their belongings. Its totally understandable their anger and frustration in this regard. The peace officer was also frustrated and in one instance he through a racial out lash at an Indian man in a minivan who was a little unruly.
Hey, we all have have had to deal with an unruly Indian man at one time or another whenever we have a credit dispute and our credit card company directs us overseas to deal with it but that doesn't make anyone want to throw disrespect their way.
Your a civil servant trying to keep the peace. If you can't handle being civilized in the midst of chaos, you don't deserve your badge!!
After dealing with a day long affair of bad juju in the air, it was time to blow off some steam at a local pub in the Woodlands.
After a few much needed Pinots, it was time for me to use the ladies lue. Imagine my frustration when I saw the sign pointing to a bookcase.
While I was waiting under the sign for some magical door to reveal itself, another patron came by and swung open the bookcase.
Poof!!
Magic!!
I feel like an idiot!!
Duh!!
When I got back to my table there was a slue of peace officers obviously looking for someone. They headed to the restrooms and stood under the same sign as I did, looking just as puzzled as I did.
All I could think about is how ironic the situation was.
The Indian dude followed the signs only to be frustrated not to find a way in too!!
Blondes aren't the only ones that are dumb!!
No one is allowed on Galveston Island without official business. As a volunteer, I am not offically worthy!!
People were in line on the parkway for two hours before reaching a peace officer that bluntly told them to return from whence they came. They were not allowed in to see what has happened to their homes and their belongings. Its totally understandable their anger and frustration in this regard. The peace officer was also frustrated and in one instance he through a racial out lash at an Indian man in a minivan who was a little unruly.
Hey, we all have have had to deal with an unruly Indian man at one time or another whenever we have a credit dispute and our credit card company directs us overseas to deal with it but that doesn't make anyone want to throw disrespect their way.
Your a civil servant trying to keep the peace. If you can't handle being civilized in the midst of chaos, you don't deserve your badge!!
After dealing with a day long affair of bad juju in the air, it was time to blow off some steam at a local pub in the Woodlands.
After a few much needed Pinots, it was time for me to use the ladies lue. Imagine my frustration when I saw the sign pointing to a bookcase.
While I was waiting under the sign for some magical door to reveal itself, another patron came by and swung open the bookcase.
Poof!!
Magic!!
I feel like an idiot!!
Duh!!
When I got back to my table there was a slue of peace officers obviously looking for someone. They headed to the restrooms and stood under the same sign as I did, looking just as puzzled as I did.
All I could think about is how ironic the situation was.
The Indian dude followed the signs only to be frustrated not to find a way in too!!
Blondes aren't the only ones that are dumb!!
9.17.2008
Helping the Cows Come Home
...and every other animal that has been displaced by the storm is on my agenda today but they do not need more volunteers, they do however need donations. Even a $5 donation will help.
Over a thousand horses and cows have drowned but there are at least 15,000 still needing help.
As far as helping animals over humans?
Its no contest for me this time especially after seeing the behavior of people who feel they are owed a generator so they can have air conditioning to watch their daytime television!!
You can live without television and air conditioning for a few days!!
At least you have a house!!
Help out someone that doesn't gripe the world owes them something because they got left behind in the storm!!
Habitat for Horses
Houston SPCA
Blondes are donating to the Redneck Education Fund!!
Double Ikes!!
The mounties and the gates are guarding the gas pumps trying to keep people in line, literally and figuratively. There was one woman who blocked the pump because she refused to pay for premium..unfortunately premium was all that was left. I don't know what happened to that situation because my focus quickly moved to the grocery store.
I looked in the carts of shoppers and my mouth was barely able to remain quiet.
Is it really that important to rush out of your house to grab four cases of soda?
What?
Are you afraid you giant Houstonian arse might widdle away without its daily recommended 250 grams of sugar carbs?
The obese population of Houston ( #4 on the city of fatties list) loves their fast food and no natural disaster is going to stop them from woofing down on a double bacon flamed broiled whopper while their cars burn the very gas everyone is waiting in line for, waiting in the drive thru.
Can you say Super Size Me, Stupid!!
The Blonde knows better than that!!
9.16.2008
Ikes!!
I just hit Houston and this is what I found after traversing empty gas stations and broken branches starting 30 miles outside the Harris County line. I am just thankful that my babies made the trip safely and I was able to tuck them away until I need them after a hard days work!!
Blondes need to be prepared for the worst!!
9.15.2008
Will Call
One of my ex's from Texas needed me tonight.
He escaped the storm, coming to Austin, with a girl before the Ike hit. The girl left him alone, sick and with the hotel tab while she bailed on him for someone else!!
What kind of girl does that to one of my nice ex boyfriends?!
He has the flu, his animals are in an Austin shelter, and she left him without a car!!
I am not going to ask questions and I am not going to make snap judgments.
So, I took a minute to think about it..
She's a jerk and I hope karma kicks her bum while hanging on her other beau's boat this week on Lake Travis.
I have to take my wounded ex home to Houston tomorrow because of his animals not being kosher with rental cars, but to make light of a bad situation, I have planned a few rendezvous with some potential boyfriend material in Houston while I am there.
I am also loading my car with tons of bottled water for the water logged Galvestonians!!
Its amazing how well I handle a crisis.
Being charitable is good for a Blonde!!
He escaped the storm, coming to Austin, with a girl before the Ike hit. The girl left him alone, sick and with the hotel tab while she bailed on him for someone else!!
What kind of girl does that to one of my nice ex boyfriends?!
He has the flu, his animals are in an Austin shelter, and she left him without a car!!
I am not going to ask questions and I am not going to make snap judgments.
So, I took a minute to think about it..
She's a jerk and I hope karma kicks her bum while hanging on her other beau's boat this week on Lake Travis.
I have to take my wounded ex home to Houston tomorrow because of his animals not being kosher with rental cars, but to make light of a bad situation, I have planned a few rendezvous with some potential boyfriend material in Houston while I am there.
I am also loading my car with tons of bottled water for the water logged Galvestonians!!
Its amazing how well I handle a crisis.
Being charitable is good for a Blonde!!
9.14.2008
Declawing Women
Seriously girls, you don't have to dig your claws in the back of a man that deeply to keep him. As a matter of fact, it doesn't mean you will get to keep him.
I swear the way some women behave, you would think there aren't enough men in the world to go around.
There are plenty, so loosen up!!
Seriously!!
I went out with the Captain and had to fend for a ride home on my own because he ran into a past fling that bogarted the entire evening and wasn't letting go. I had a fine time under the full moon on the deck of the club entertaining myself with my camera and photo ops with the patrons lacking good fashion sense.
Still I couldn't help but think how ridiculous this feline was. She was trying to get rid of me in such a 'caring' manner' telling me how tired I was and how I wanted to go home.
Actually, I did want to go home especially after she showed up!! Three is a crowd when one is insecure!!
She also was caring enough to try and hook me up with one of the gents at the billiard tables.
The Captain was drunk and I could see she was frustrated that I wasn't taking the hints so I excused myself and went home for his and my sake but only after she started kicking it up when she thought he was suggesting we stay in a hotel room together.
No menage toi!!
No menage toi!!
Duh!!
I was not planning on staying with him in an hotel room but I was going to end the evening with my friend whom I began the night with.
I think I have had enough of the Captain and his kitties. Let him pluck the claws out of his back by himself. His women are tiring and silly to a Blonde like me!!
Blondes date humanely!!
I swear the way some women behave, you would think there aren't enough men in the world to go around.
There are plenty, so loosen up!!
Seriously!!
I went out with the Captain and had to fend for a ride home on my own because he ran into a past fling that bogarted the entire evening and wasn't letting go. I had a fine time under the full moon on the deck of the club entertaining myself with my camera and photo ops with the patrons lacking good fashion sense.
Still I couldn't help but think how ridiculous this feline was. She was trying to get rid of me in such a 'caring' manner' telling me how tired I was and how I wanted to go home.
Actually, I did want to go home especially after she showed up!! Three is a crowd when one is insecure!!
She also was caring enough to try and hook me up with one of the gents at the billiard tables.
The Captain was drunk and I could see she was frustrated that I wasn't taking the hints so I excused myself and went home for his and my sake but only after she started kicking it up when she thought he was suggesting we stay in a hotel room together.
No menage toi!!
No menage toi!!
Duh!!
I was not planning on staying with him in an hotel room but I was going to end the evening with my friend whom I began the night with.
I think I have had enough of the Captain and his kitties. Let him pluck the claws out of his back by himself. His women are tiring and silly to a Blonde like me!!
Blondes date humanely!!
9.13.2008
Hurricane Party
Not a drop of rain here in Austin but the wind is kicking a bit and the sky is gloomy.
I love it. I remember hurricane parties on the beach in N.C.. We would stay up all night waxing our boards in the candlelight and drink tequila until we couldn't stand. We would talk of the waves we would catch in the morning and play kiss in the dark.
Of course we never had to go through a class 2 hurricane (would that be orange or green in George W numbers?) but we did party through some real gusts and of course we made a drinking game out of it. Every time the candles blew out, you drank!!
It was a grand ole time for a bunch of college girls that didn't own anything that would have been missed if damaged or drowned in the 'cane. Other than our boards and our boyfriends we were safe from any collateral damage.
Speaking of collateral damage. We have a small disaster forming in Austin. Beside the winds blowing in, so have three of my Houston men. Seems the storm had them evacuate to their lake houses in the Hill country.
All of them!!
This weekend!!
I am whipping up excuses and rearranging schedules with as much fury as Ike.
I will keep you posted through the eye of my men!!
Blondes hate getting caught in a storm!!
I love it. I remember hurricane parties on the beach in N.C.. We would stay up all night waxing our boards in the candlelight and drink tequila until we couldn't stand. We would talk of the waves we would catch in the morning and play kiss in the dark.
Of course we never had to go through a class 2 hurricane (would that be orange or green in George W numbers?) but we did party through some real gusts and of course we made a drinking game out of it. Every time the candles blew out, you drank!!
It was a grand ole time for a bunch of college girls that didn't own anything that would have been missed if damaged or drowned in the 'cane. Other than our boards and our boyfriends we were safe from any collateral damage.
Speaking of collateral damage. We have a small disaster forming in Austin. Beside the winds blowing in, so have three of my Houston men. Seems the storm had them evacuate to their lake houses in the Hill country.
All of them!!
This weekend!!
I am whipping up excuses and rearranging schedules with as much fury as Ike.
I will keep you posted through the eye of my men!!
Blondes hate getting caught in a storm!!
9.12.2008
I Walk the Line
Oh, I walked more than my share of the line alright.
I walked my toes off in New York City and I ran my bum off in Central Park. Each time walking and running twice as far to get back to my original destination because I got lost most of the time. I would use the subway, go in the wrong direction, and have to walk back and start over.
And what did I get for all my walking and running?
2 pounds!!!
2 freaking pounds added to my body!!
The same thing happened to me in Heidelberg, Germany!!
I walked up the northern part of the Königstuhl hillside three times for three different men and I gained three pounds. They too have a train system, but my bubbled up blonde brain couldn't grasp the german language enough to read the signs correctly and not accidentally end up on the other side of communism.
You think walking up and down Manhattan, schlepping shopping bags, and my gigantic hobo would have widdled my body down to wafe like status, especially when I was careful to starve myself to death for the fashion shows. Not that I am ever going to be thin enough to be blown down by air but I wouldn't mind being thin enough for a strong wind to shove me to the ground.
I blame men!
I would have stuck to the stravation plan, and come back the size of a snap pea,
if it were not for men.
They took me to fabulous places, with fabulous food, and wonderful wines!!
What are they thinking?!
Men?!
Blondes can't live without them!!
I walked my toes off in New York City and I ran my bum off in Central Park. Each time walking and running twice as far to get back to my original destination because I got lost most of the time. I would use the subway, go in the wrong direction, and have to walk back and start over.
And what did I get for all my walking and running?
2 pounds!!!
2 freaking pounds added to my body!!
The same thing happened to me in Heidelberg, Germany!!
I walked up the northern part of the Königstuhl hillside three times for three different men and I gained three pounds. They too have a train system, but my bubbled up blonde brain couldn't grasp the german language enough to read the signs correctly and not accidentally end up on the other side of communism.
You think walking up and down Manhattan, schlepping shopping bags, and my gigantic hobo would have widdled my body down to wafe like status, especially when I was careful to starve myself to death for the fashion shows. Not that I am ever going to be thin enough to be blown down by air but I wouldn't mind being thin enough for a strong wind to shove me to the ground.
I blame men!
I would have stuck to the stravation plan, and come back the size of a snap pea,
if it were not for men.
They took me to fabulous places, with fabulous food, and wonderful wines!!
What are they thinking?!
Men?!
Blondes can't live without them!!
9.10.2008
9.09.2008
I Miss My Cats!!
I miss my gender species confused, rabbit hopping, tongue dangling, petting needing Peppy.
I miss Sophie and feeding her the filling of a twinkie and watching her eyes go half massed as if she just had a hit of crack.
I miss Lela and her long conversation in cat speak that I will never understand but listen intently all the same.
I miss Maverick and watching football with him in the leather chair.
I miss Goose even though he hates me and my other cats.
I miss Boo and Jesus and all the saints in my army of social misfits.
I miss blasting mp3's in my car and valeting at the mall.
I miss margaritas and the Captain making me laugh about Asian spas.
I miss my jag that leaks, my Saab that shakes, and my bike that needs new tires.
I miss sailing in the summer night wind.
I miss home.
I miss work.
I miss belonging somewhere.
I just wish I knew 'where' was.
The Blonde has bitten off a little more of the Apple than she can chew!!
I miss Sophie and feeding her the filling of a twinkie and watching her eyes go half massed as if she just had a hit of crack.
I miss Lela and her long conversation in cat speak that I will never understand but listen intently all the same.
I miss Maverick and watching football with him in the leather chair.
I miss Goose even though he hates me and my other cats.
I miss Boo and Jesus and all the saints in my army of social misfits.
I miss blasting mp3's in my car and valeting at the mall.
I miss margaritas and the Captain making me laugh about Asian spas.
I miss my jag that leaks, my Saab that shakes, and my bike that needs new tires.
I miss sailing in the summer night wind.
I miss home.
I miss work.
I miss belonging somewhere.
I just wish I knew 'where' was.
The Blonde has bitten off a little more of the Apple than she can chew!!
New York Fashion Week in a Day
A day is all it took for me to see what everything was about.
I definitely will hire a car for the events next year. Having to a hail a cab in a crowd of other arms waiving them down forced me to move several blocks away to find one of my own. In my wrap around stillettos it became a bit of a bore to feel my feet scream at me for the umpteenth time.
Do you see what your doing to us?
Do you?
Do you see these blisters?!
We have pounded the pavement for your writing career?
We don't even read!!
You don't appreciate us. You don't care about us. You just care about you and all your weight is wearing us down.
Take us to the spa or we are shutting down, right now!!!
My feet shut down. I literally could not walk another inch and so I stood outside the Promenade tent in a massive wave of other arms, waiting the tide to turn my way and cast a yellow chariot in my direction to surf me and my precious feet home.
In appreciation of my feet, I took them to a spa and spent a little extra extra something for a happy ending.
A paraffin wax treatment and French manicure!!
Blondes like twinkle toes!!
I definitely will hire a car for the events next year. Having to a hail a cab in a crowd of other arms waiving them down forced me to move several blocks away to find one of my own. In my wrap around stillettos it became a bit of a bore to feel my feet scream at me for the umpteenth time.
Do you see what your doing to us?
Do you?
Do you see these blisters?!
We have pounded the pavement for your writing career?
We don't even read!!
You don't appreciate us. You don't care about us. You just care about you and all your weight is wearing us down.
Take us to the spa or we are shutting down, right now!!!
My feet shut down. I literally could not walk another inch and so I stood outside the Promenade tent in a massive wave of other arms, waiting the tide to turn my way and cast a yellow chariot in my direction to surf me and my precious feet home.
In appreciation of my feet, I took them to a spa and spent a little extra extra something for a happy ending.
A paraffin wax treatment and French manicure!!
Blondes like twinkle toes!!
9.08.2008
Needless to Say
This will be my preferred mode of transit today. I am dressed in a Diesel dress with 3" heels and my Fendi bag for the shows today.
Texas
taxi
Texas
taxi
Blondes think home is calling!!
9.06.2008
HomeSick
...maybe a little yesterday. I was a bit tired of walking, afraid I might be running out of money, and wondering how do you go to fashion week in heels and designer dress without hiring a car service.
I am certainly not wearing a Luca Luca or anything else expensive, for that matter, down in the basement of the grubby subway. I don't mean to be rude but I am a bit
of a germaphobe and when confronted with suspect environments my brain bubbles up double time with thoughts like:
How many men went to the lue and didn't wash their hands. Women even if they don't wash at least have tissue paper between their girly part and their hand.
A man's hand...right on it!!
So I am touching a pole in the subway that has been touched by a thousand men who touch their wiggle stick...
Ergo, I am touching a thousand wiggle sticks!!
The Blonde needs a raincoat for hands!!
I am certainly not wearing a Luca Luca or anything else expensive, for that matter, down in the basement of the grubby subway. I don't mean to be rude but I am a bit
of a germaphobe and when confronted with suspect environments my brain bubbles up double time with thoughts like:
How many men went to the lue and didn't wash their hands. Women even if they don't wash at least have tissue paper between their girly part and their hand.
A man's hand...right on it!!
So I am touching a pole in the subway that has been touched by a thousand men who touch their wiggle stick...
Ergo, I am touching a thousand wiggle sticks!!
The Blonde needs a raincoat for hands!!
9.05.2008
Under-Dressed, Moi?!
Oh, No, No...Yes!!
It was a plethora of fun summer dresses at the U.S. Open. These just happened to be walking in front of me. I was sporting my armadillo brown summer dress with Ralph Lauren sandals, a brown leather paisley hobo, and matching driver's cap.
I did notice the more fashionistas were sitting in the lower decks. Things got a bit more comfortable in clothing the higher I got in the promenades. I felt so detached from the game being incredibly high in the deck, being alone wasn't fun, and so I left before Federer started to play.
I went cruising the shops. I was wanting for the little cable knit sweater dress ($375) in the Ralph Lauren store, a new racket from the Wilson store, and finally a pair of cool tennis sneaks at the Nike shop. Unfortunately nothing was purchased. This trip has cost more and paid less than I thought and one must conserve their finances for more important endeavors like daily incidentals for the next week.
I am supposed to go to the Luca Luca show on Tuesday but quite frankly, I don't want to go anymore.
I don't have anything to wear!
I couldn't fit my designer hobo bags in my suitcase, I brought all the completely wrong pairs of shoes, my hair needs trimming, my nails are a horrible wreck, and I have blisters all over my once pretty little toes from walking around town in new sandals.
I am having a fashion meltdown, people!!!
I really, really wanted that sweater dress!!
Blondes prefer buying to shopping!!!
Lucky 7's
Just a photo I took as I crossed over the wooden planks to the Open.
Blondes like playing with pictures!!
9.04.2008
The Subway is Grey
New things need to be very black and white for this Blonde, especially when it comes to directions. If it were not for the step-by-step guide dictated to me over and over again plus writing it down multiple times, I would have failed miserably in my first attempt to use the subway system. I held onto those scribbled pieces of paper ( kept one in my back pocket, one in my handbag, and one in my hand) like they held the only code to stop a nuclear missile strike on mankind.
I chose Federer and Mueller as two excellent reasons to break my subway cherry. I go down the stairs at 56th and 3rd and pop my debit card in the machine choosing only a $7 pass (good for 4 swipes—it says rides but as long you stay behind the twirly gate, you can ride as much as you want—so its by swipes).
Next I went through the twirly gate spotting a couple that was going to the Open as well. How did I know? She had a strapless plaid J Crew dress with gold flips and he was sporting a white ball cap and Ray-ban aviators. I knew where they were headed and I was going to use them as my secret tour guide to the event.
UH OH
They were steering away from the directions on my note card and I had strict instructions to follow my notes, not strangers that look like they might be going to the Open, and so as much as I wanted to follow them like I was a lemur baby clinging to my pack, I stayed firmly planted on my side of the track.
I am glad I didn’t stray!!
I maneuvered the trains like I was a pro, well a football pro with the game book in his hands.
Speaking of football, I am logging out to watch my Skins play the Giants…
Stop laughing!!
Blondes don't bail when times are tough!!!
9.03.2008
Austin, your High!!
Thanks y'all for acclimating me to the high cost of living.
Because of you I haven't felt the slighest pinch in my Gucci pocketbook. Groceries, take out, restaurants, department stores, and even specialty boutiques. I am paying the equivalent or less for the same caliber and sometimes even better, and I am in New York for crike sakes!!
Blondes like training sessions!
Because of you I haven't felt the slighest pinch in my Gucci pocketbook. Groceries, take out, restaurants, department stores, and even specialty boutiques. I am paying the equivalent or less for the same caliber and sometimes even better, and I am in New York for crike sakes!!
Blondes like training sessions!
Subway is for Sandwiches
...not for tooling this Blonde around the city. Even though I have studied the subway map and am certain I will have absolutely no problem using it. I don't plan on using it until an emergency situation.
I spent an entire summer in Hong Kong without having to use the train, I think I can handle New York without the trains, for the next several weeks. Besides, I am still enjoying the streets and what they have to offer me in way of little boutiques and bistros.
I recently relocated from 52nd to 85th on the east side near Lexington and its a whole new world to discover. I have already picked out several places for quick and quiet lunches and will run in the park cutting across to do a little 'Whole Food' shopping at Time Water Center tomorrow.
I am disappointed in the recycling I haven't seen. Come on New York...get a little greener!!
Blondes love greenery!!
I spent an entire summer in Hong Kong without having to use the train, I think I can handle New York without the trains, for the next several weeks. Besides, I am still enjoying the streets and what they have to offer me in way of little boutiques and bistros.
I recently relocated from 52nd to 85th on the east side near Lexington and its a whole new world to discover. I have already picked out several places for quick and quiet lunches and will run in the park cutting across to do a little 'Whole Food' shopping at Time Water Center tomorrow.
I am disappointed in the recycling I haven't seen. Come on New York...get a little greener!!
Blondes love greenery!!
9.02.2008
Loving the Scenery in New York
...and still icksnay on the ubsway!!!
Blondes like changing view points!!
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