Why Its a Blonde Life

There is nothing else to blame the realities of my life on other than it being a blonde's life.

A blonde's life does not care that I had a fabulous time in Canada; it does not care that I might have, possibly met the 'one'; nor does it care that I need fresh water to bathe and have my morning coffee, and brush my teeth.

A blonde's life wants to make sure I appreciate everything that I am temporarily given and that I should not take anything for granted.

After living a fabulous weekend and creating in my head how that weekend should play out in the years to come, I was slammed with the reality of my life here at home.

The main water line to the house broke and Boo (also blonde) and I tried to help Big Daddy by spending 6 hours digging and replacing the broken pipe.

Here is where the double blonde whammy comes in.

We fixed the wrong pipe!

Actually we hit the good pipe with a pick ax and had to replace it only to discover the leak came from another pipe just beneath it.

We also used the wrong joints to fix the pipe. Apparently, there is a little something, something called water pressure and the rubber clampy things we tried to use, aren't enough to create a solid seal and our work was burst into water flames the minute we turned on the aqua flow.

Needless to say we brought in a professional to repair our damage and the original leak.

Seeing as my body is not used to hard manual labor, it rejected any good sleep I might have needed and opted for a restless one, with stiff muscles and joint pain, instead.

This morning I went to turn my head and I heard a crack and a crunch.

I thought to myself, that's not good.

And it wasn't.

I now have to keep my head cocked to a 33 degree angle to the right and if I dare try to turn my head to the left, my knees buckle.

Here is the fun part.

Oh, yes...it gets better!!

I am supposed to leave for a 'Clouds in the Sky' kind of Napa dream filled holiday this Saturday.

Its also the beginning of the month, which means its a whole new endeavor to make my monthly credit payments and I will have to work cock-eyed and to the right if anything is to get done.

I wonder if the universe is telling me to just give up and accept my sad little happy life, or if it might just one allow me to have the only dream I have ever had since I was little, and a chance to expand my world to be incredible.

I would tell you what my dream is, but you can guess, besides I don't need anything else to jinx me up.

The Blonde is living under unusual circumstances


Crazy as a Bat

I have to briefly interrupt my adventures of Canada for a 'Mother' news flash.

I am not a Doctor although my Mother thinks I am. She was bit by something while outside feeding her fish. The bite grew from a spider to a bat mawling her undetected and all she needed to come up with this scenario is her very inventive mind, a television special on bats, and a hair ball one of the cats tossed up on the driveway.

Only my Mother can take a mosquito bite and turn it into an attack of a very quick and stealth bat that can fly into her hair, bite her head, and get out like a bee.

Her little bite now has claw marks and teeth marks and the poison is spreading throughout her body.

She has a stiff neck, pain in her arm, and she thinks the hairball has remnants of chewed up bat wings, a small head, and an undigested claw.

If she is not dead by morning we are sending her to the hospital for diagnosis...

for the bite

and then...

for her mental health.

If we let this bat bite progress to more theory, my cats will end up in kitty jail while my Mother gets rabies shots for the next 3 months.

This reminds me of the time she thought a broken coke bottle and wire sticking out of cement was an attempt by terrorists to blow up our neighborhood entrance.

Don't ask

The Blonde is holding onto her sanity!

Blonde Moment 791

Even in Canada I have simple little blonde moments. I was staying with my friend in his fab Toronoto loft and saw this sculpture on his fireplace. I thought it was a brilliant art piece. Of course I wanted to go up and touch it. Why I want to touch art, I have no idea but it drives the pinkertons in museums crazy.


I touched it

I screamed

It was rubbery and for a blonde moment

I thought it was real


but dead

or stuffed

or something.

It was a child's rubber play toy!

Toronto Jazz Festival Picture Expose 2009

The Blonde knows Toronto rocks!!


Kanoodling Around Canada

I am romping around Canada and gathering some adventurous tales for yee all.

The Blonde is jazzed!


The Tale of Despereaux

I have wanted to watch this movie for some time.

A swashbuckling mouse that fears nothing. A tiny mouse that thinks he is no less than a giant.

Alas, I was disappointed and enlightened at the same time.

I thought it would be like Shrek but more romantic, more Musketeer, more King Arthur, but it is not.

It isn't about romance at all!

It isn't about swords and swashbuckling.

It is about loss.

It is about blame.

It is about anger.


Above all else, it is about redemption, and forgiveness, and finding a renewed sense of love, and all that is good.

I love fairy tales, fables, and children stories.

In such a world of complex times, these stories teach us the fundamentals of what the world should aspire to be. It reminds us of how we were, before adulthood grasped us by the throat and told us how life is.

Life is what ever you want it to be. It is what ever you dream of. It is about hope and faith and love.

Today, someone jumped to their death from their balcony at the 360 Condos and I wonder?

Had they had a sense of what was worth valuing in life, would they have jumped?

Had they watched Despereaux or King Arthur, that might they had a glimpse of what was truly worth living for?

Did they only think their life was valued by a credit score?

Did they think that no one would love them if they had nothing?

Obama wants change but the Republicans can't afford to allow the democrats to look good, so they thwart his efforts.

Meanwhile, we have creditors that call 9 times a day. I should know because that is how many calls I received and I was only 1 month behind in my payment for a credit card that had only $2k on it.

You can not get blood from a stone, but you can get blood from someone who jumped off their balcony because they were pushed over the edge by creditors.

Had they watched Despereaux or King Arthur, they would not have offered their life for such an unworthy reason.

The Blonde bows only to a noble cause!

Fools Rush In

...where chickens fear to tread.

Once upon a time, a young girl went to a psychic who read her hand. On her hand was written many things, but the most important thing was what was written about love on her palm.

The soothsayer said the girl wouldn't find her true love until later in her life. He continued to read the hand that said when she did find this love, he would be the one and that happily ever after would be her fate. He also said the girl would be a successful writer around the same time.

Well, this girl grew up and began to write and dated many men but they never seemed to work out. She was waiting for the one in the palm of her hand.

Last week, she found him. And now she can begin her life with the love she has waited for all this time.

And with a little help with fate, her writing just might be made into a movie.

The Blonde is getting married!!


Blind Faith

I am usually the one to fall head first into the depths of hope. A glimmer just above the water will have me rushing to take my clothes off and dive right in, and for that, I usually just end up conking my head at the bottom of the shallow wishing well.

But I am a Blonde and true to nature, no matter how many times I bonk my noggin at the bottom of that pool of hope, I will keep plunging, because if I give up, I know I will never get through to the other side. The side with the greener pasture.

I have my hope restored, for the moment; but as quick as it comes, it can easily be taken away. And for no other reason than that was its only purpose. The purpose to make me believe something better will come out of all of this.

I am so desperate to believe in something that I grasp at nothing. I do it every time. I guess there is something to being a dumb blonde.

Dumb enough to believe that with a little faith, everything will be better.

Time will tell.

Wish me luck.

I am speaking of love again.

Love is my crack and I don't want an intervention. I am going to keep grabbing for that high until I blow my heart out.

The Blonde is blinded by love, again!!


On the Rocks

Let's play find the face, fish, and dog, while I try to construct coherent sentences, for my blog, about the fashion show last night.

With a rocking headache that took about five blueberry martinis to achieve, it may be awhile.

The Blonde is shaken, never stirred!!


Leo Horoscope

Lately my horoscope has been dead on. For two days straight it said I need to organize my space to be more productive, as you can see, I do.

Today, my horoscope says:

There is a line up of activities I need to get to, and I will benefit from moving quickly from one to the next.

The cool thing about that is, its fashion week in Austin and I have a schedule of events to attend to promote my bikini line. And since most of the events are back to back from 6-9, I will have to pop in and out of, as many as I can.

Like anyone else worried about their present and future, I grasp onto the universe and want it to tell me what to do because at the moment I have no idea. I am just happy that I can get up every day and keep looking forward. Having my horoscope be in tune with what I am doing somehow makes me feel like I am on the right path and in tough times, its a good thing to know.

The Blonde needs all the guidance she can get!!


Capital One Alarm Clock

Capital One sends me wake up calls on my cell phone. Like clockwork, every morning at 9 am I get a gentle reminder I am almost 45 days late on my credit card. As if I need a reminder that I can not pay. It does motivate me to get out of bed every morning and continue my efforts to look for work, continue sewing my bikinis for my online store, apply to community colleges for a quick degree in something, and place ads for my jewelry and jag on craigslist.

I should feel lucky I don't live in London. If your late on credit there, you have three men in bowler caps and black suits follow you around town like the grim reapers of your financial end.

To make matters a little more interesting, Boo had a job detailing boats for the summer but the drought dried up that opportunity. Lake Travis aqua level is dropping at a rate of 2ft a week. All the ramps are closed and the docks have been pushed out as far as they can go which means the lake will be closed to all boaters with in a week. That means, summer jobs will be cut, marinas will close, and local lake eateries will be very chill for the rest of the heat wave.

Soon I will get a snooze alarm from Capital One for Boo's car payment.

Good times!

Good times!

The Blonde is trying to keep her head above the water!!


My Nothing to Do about Anything List

I want the adult taken out of adult alternative. It sounds like easy listening

I want the senior label USTA gives tennis players over 35 to be bumped up to 55

I break the ends off pretzels and only eat the salty middle

I am so in the red, I have to use Bush's color code system just to get back to black

I read the carb labels on everything.

I don't like to keep underwear past 3 months

I like thin towels for easier twisting

I fail at everything

I try everything

I am super green over Cody Diablos fame and wish fate would step it up for me

My favorite pair of shoes are my DKNY rubber boots I bought for music fests

I am not a fan of flowers as a gift, I prefer a bottle of perfume or trinket

I want and need the beach and its ocean every year for soul inspiration

I try to fall asleep with a smile every night because its the best face lift

I cry a little right before I have to mow the yard...I hate it that much

I am beginning to think life is predestined

The Blonde has a wish list too!!


Rejection, Jection what's your Affection

...with me?


Blondie has nothing funny to say after beating her toes trying to get a trunk show going, and I don't want to be a Debbie Downer to everyone else feeling the economic pinch to the arse.

I have decided I could either shoot myself or grow and sell shroomz. I just need a distributor and a farmer to show me how.

I figure the worse that will happen is; I get caught, get three free square meals, a paid for 10x10 studio with window, and a girlfriend named Flo who makes me call her Daddy.

The Blonde has had worse happen to her!!!!


No Dead Ends

It seems the past two weeks has been an endless tragedy of death in the world of fame. Many names were not noteworthy due to age or the fact Americans don't watch reruns of British sitcom or bollywood movies.

It's mostly age.

I watched a few episodes of 'Pitchman' last night. They were playing them as a tribute to the late and irritatingly loud and lovable Billy Mayes. If you do not know who he is, you are to stupid to read my blog...so run along.

For the rest of you in the status quo know, Billy and his pal Sully, ran a pitch business together, that made them wealthy enough to play around in a private not G5 jet; still a jet.

What side you did not get to see, and the reality show helped me out on the peek-a-boo, is in the lives of inventors that have given their last coin to follow the full potential of the American dream of capitalism.

One man in particular got to me. I am not used to seeing men cry and feel the only time they should is when a loved one dies or their dog. If you cry over the cat, and I have cats, its not something I wish to see.

Anyhoo, back to my guy...

He choked on his words, "You don't give up until the tax man comes and hammers a notice on your door". He wiped his red eyes looked away and that was it. I knew what he meant, his wife knew what he meant, and his five children, had no clue as they danced for the cameras, what he meant.

Happy to say, the teary eyed bloke that gave me an extra boost to continue my new endeavor, grossed over $2 million thanks to his tenacity, the support of his family, and the genius of two guys that started selling sweepers, state to state, and ended up cleaning out the pockets of millions of happy consumers.

Blondes never run out of inspiration!