The Gods That Speak

...is just my inner voice oozing out of my cerebral cortex without me knowing it until I digest it!

I make every excuse in the book to not meet new people. I make sure to destroy any hope of a new relationship.

And you know how I know?

I am self aware.

Now, today, the car situation...I am not psychotic enough to cause damage to inanimate objects just to get out of a date..that was not even a fluke; it happened a few days before I met the bar style dates.

I just failed to get it fixed and perhaps that was my subconscious waiting to use it as an excuse.

I really would make a great psychologist if it weren't for the fact I hate people who are so unaware that they need a shrink.

I am actually more happy when things do not work out than when they do.

I really wish I could fix myself enough to not fuck things up for myself when I real meet a guy.


Damage does as damage is.

I am hurt and will never let anyone have the chance to hurt me again.

This I can not fix.

I thought I was OK.

I really did.

But I find a way to piss away any guy I meet, away.

Maybe one day...someone will be smart and sneak up on me really slowly and allow me to scratch like a feline for awhile before I settle into a comfort zone that might allow me to love....

but that guy is not one coming off the internet.

That guy, the one guy, will come out of no where.....

The Blonde will not have to look for it!

The Gods Are Speaking

...Loud and clear, they are!!

I was supposed to meet up for a date last night and somehow got involved with teen angst. I rather take in a run away and make sure the problemo with the parental units is worked out in a calm and mature way than allow her to shack up with girlfriends who will be counter productive in getting her back home.

Needless to say, all is fine and she is back home and I missed out on a date I was not too keen on in any way.

Than today, I was going boating with another date, one again not keen on. I do not like meeting up with someone I barely know surrounded by his friends. Its always an awkward situation where you feel you are being judged or summed up by strangers.

Well, my car battery is dead. The Blonde forgot to turn off her headlights the night before.

Its a large battery for a jaguar and a little battery from a Honda is just not going to do the trick. I need to hit Sears and get a battery charger and let it sit in the wall for a few hours.

No boat ride for me today!!

But their is a hug plus to this event.

The jaguar sat at the mechanics for 4 weeks while he figured out what the rattling in my car was. I picked it because after four weeks and no estimate, I figure screw it.

He said I needed a new suspension. Well, turn out I do not.

When I lifted the hood to look for the positive to charge the electric system in order to open the trunk where the battery is located, I found the reason for all the clanking in my car. The radiator fsn in the front has a frame and that frame is moving about when I hit a bump.

All I need is need ot due is tighten it back to the frame and VOILA!!

No more clanking in my car and all for the sweet amount of priceless.

I don;t what the Gods are calling me out on this weekend but considering my dates have been hindered..

I am going with that scenario.

I have my interview next week for a job at my prized Whole Foods and a cool new pad to call home.

All in all, its been a good thing.

The Blond is popping a beer and heading to the pool...alone!


Selling Out

This weekend, I am going to post videos of Pavarotti singing duos with pop stars but before you see those..I will post 3 videos of him before he sold out...

and after you watch it...

I want you to ask yourself just one question..

Do you think...

he was happiest before or after he sold out for the money?

The Blonde asks rhetorical questions!!!

But for now..this is strictly just for me and its the exception to the rule..

You can never sell out playing aside Queen!!!

Nessun Dorma

This is pure passion..before he sold out!

The Blonde will fall to her knees every time!

Hard Headed Woman

The Blonde is looking for the same hard headed man!


Full Moon Brings Strays

Strange evening tonight. I blame the moon.

I will tell you later...

I am in the midst of a romance film and quite frankly a little tired from playing mediator...

I am great with misunderstood and eclectic teens and so they acclimate to me but having to deal with their parents is down right exhausting.

The best thing anyone can do in a situation is step back

Re situate

Let emotions lie....

Its a full moon and it does funny things!!

The Blonde smiles at knowing the morning will bring new light!!!

Dating For Dummies

I have a date tomorrow and I got it the old fashion way. I plopped my ass down on a bar stool ordered a drink and waited for a hit.

Within 3 minutes, I had a gentleman walk up to me and ask me to join him and his friends. I declined on the sit in with strangers. Its always awkward and I somehow got a swinger vibe from the couple he was hanging with.

I said I would give him my number and so he pulled out his antique iPhone...and I thought uh...really? Dude? Get a new phone...

But as I thought that, I decided I was being unfair. I don't like men to judge me for my crappy jaguar and trust me they have in the past, so as not to be a hypocrite..I signed up for a meet up on Friday.

I am fairly certain he will not pan out but its company and something to do...and as I have said earlier in my posts...before I crack I need to get amongst peeps again.

I do have to say the one thing that kind of irritated me was he thought I was 29. And for a 50 plus gent to hit on someone he thought was 29...

I don;t know but it irritates.

I told him I am way over that mark and you could see the instant his face changed...

He was disappointed..and I thought ...why?

Why would you be let down that an age appropriate chick who looks like she is 29 be a disappointment?

I guess I am taking on the date just to fuck with him.

As a matter of fact, that is exactly why I am going on this date.

A 50 plus man with a 10 year old iPhone has the balls to think he deserves a sexy 30 year old?


I am going to have fun with this one...

Stay tuned!!

Next week, I will find a new bar and a new student.

The Blonde will be posting grades!!

Google This

I run my blog through blogger but that is about to end now that Google has hijacked my account and forces me to sign in-not with my domain email- but a g-mail account.

It took me two hours to get my blog back!

Google apps is the worst!

I am getting really tired of the nerd wars the status quo is getting tangled up in.

Google can't stand they were knocked off the throne by Zuckerberg.

In a desperate attempt to catch up and find better ways of harvesting information, they have a created nightmare in privacy issues for Google kingdom.

I personally am dropping my g-mail accounts, moving over to Mozilla Firefox and knock the search engine back to Alta Vista.

I think I might start playing around with MySpace Again..

the people are the crazy eclectic types I like to jib with.

The Blonde says Yahoo!!

Google You R a Giant Cunt

In your vain attempt to out best Mark Zuckerdouche, you actually made me like him.

What the F----!!!!!

You may not be selling information but you are damn sure harvesting it.

You have my cell number...so what...

I have had more stalkers than you can count on your tiny techno douchebag heads and it can be changed in a blink of an eye!!!

My blog is finding a new home because I don't sleep with pussies who take it up the ass to be in bed with you!!!

Your pathetic attempt to harvest and compete with FB cost me 2 hours of my life just to log in to my blog...

You, GOOGLE, just became the creepy dude Matt Damon played in the 'Talented Mr Ripley'


You just made me like Mark Freaking Zuckerberg!!!

As for you Blogger....

I had high hopes plugging a 'Pop and Son' team but you are sleeping with the devil

It hurts that I ditched Myspace for this albatross....

If you can't tell...



Falling Apart?

For all you jerks who say women fall apart after 40....

The Blonde says Kiss My Ass!!!

Art of War

Did you know one of the rules in the book "Art of War' by Sun Tzu says "do Nothing, if you do not know what to do."

Simple as it seems, it is not.

To lie low until the right moment, the right attack, the right opportunity comes...

Most of us can not do that.

We panic.

We think if we sit and do nothing than nothing will be accomplished.

We busy our selves with things to make us feel that we are progressing but in essence, all we are really doing, is hindering our progress.

Hiding behind the facade of doing...

What do we do?

What is the purpose?

What is the goal?

For many years I have been doing nothing and yet I am progressing.

I hid out in the comfort of home, behind books and grades, and shunning myself from the world.

Outside the world was telling me I must do something

and so I tried to do

and I accomplished nothing

I wasted funds, time, and my worth on useless endeavors.

We have a path and along that path are battles we must face

There is no shame in stepping off the path and refraining from doing something just to do anything

Do nothing until you know what to do

Go after nothing until you know what it is you want

That is how you win a war with least resistance and no collateral damage

The Blonde is ready!

Truman Capote

wrote from his head and did not bother with typos or corrections.

He, unlike me, had an editor to clean up his words.

Emily Dickensen was never published during her life time. As a matter of fact, many told her she was a terrible poet.

It was not until her sister, upon Emily's death-took her writings to the very man who tore Emily's writing apart when she was alive-edited her work and made it suitable for publishing.

If you read Emily's hand written untouched work...you will get a better sense of her world according to her.

I write from my sub-conscious and not always does it come out the way I plan but I leave it unedited. I am also unpublished and if they ever edit me...

I want you to know the real me.

This blog is me..all the good, bad, drunk, sober, happy, sad, everything...

The Blonde wants you to know the reality!!!


Lessons We Learn

I dated a guy a few years back from Dallas. I thought he was the one but it did not turn out that way..

No bigger shocker there!

But the lesson I learned was not about men. It had nothing to do with learning about my love life.

It was another kind of education he gave me.

He had a plane and not a fancy jet plane that would have made me miss the lesson I was to learn about my destiny. It was a little plane that flew not far in the clouds but just below where you could see the land.

Now, lessons are sometimes not discovered at the moment they are given. Sometimes the lesson takes a few years to be discovered.

But if your self aware and you look at every bad and good in your life and apply it to the future...there is meaning behind all those you have met, dated, loved, lost, or broke.

The plane ride we took was to New Mexico from way of Big D. We flew over the great land of Texas into New Mexico. And on that 6 hour flight I saw not a pretty place.

I saw the cattle farms where we get our beef. Hundreds of cows in a desolate and dirt world. I thought cattle farms are to have 1 acre per cow but for the large cattle corporations, those rules do not apply.

They sat there waiting for slaughter in a cruel and hideous world.

We as a society have become immune to whom and what we share this world with.

You pick up your beef in a grocery store without thought to how that animal was treated.

Did you know back in the mining days they would take a horse down in the tunnels and learned they would not go back down the next day. SO they took these horses down into the tunnels and left them there for 20 years working without ever seeing sunlight. They were finally let go into the fields when they went blind.

Imagine being someone sent down into a mine for 20 years and your only crime was that you could pull the weight of a mining cart.

I not only want this job at Whole Foods, I need it. I need to believe in a company that believes in a better world.

I need to be around people who see the same atrocities that I do and want to feel they are a part of change.

Wish me luck. I have an interview next week with Whole Foods and I need this.

The Blonde needs a place to apply her education!



Open your music mind man...

There is so much more than the limits on Pandora and Sirius...

The Blonde is here to help you!!!

Don't String Me Along

I am seasoned and inducted into the Hall of Fame of Best Date Ever!

Are you an idiot?

I know every dating nuance there is known to man.

When a man hits heavy and hard with living together before meeting me..I know that fizzles out quicker than the bubbles on a warm soda popped open and then refrigerated.

You left me with a fare to no where because the fantasy picture you painted in your head was tainted by reality?

I have been calling you without reciprocation on your part all of the sudden...

And as if you think I have a learning disability, you bragged about dates you had for the weekend?

Now correct me if I am wrong...but I think its not very gentlemanly to have a girl fork over money for a ticket and you continue to date on weekends.

At least hold off on the cattle drive until the chick comes...

to your city and than if it is a no go...

By all means

go for the gusto


I have not met you...why would I care?

The minute you spilled the beans on issues with your Mother...I knew...

find another plan girlfriend

and I have!!!

The Blonde hasn't been a newbie since she was 17!!!


Sorry About the Dittos

I have no idea why I have multiple dittos of blogs...its been corrected but

The Blonde should log out after posting!

I'm Losing It

No seriously, I have got to get out and mix among life again.

I have a trip in the beginning of April to the east coast and hopefully things will work and I can stay awhile. I need Manhattan right now. I need it loud and busy and full of things to do.

Austin has become a 6 mile radius of life for me. I rarely go out and if I do, it just to the store.
I barely no my friends any more.

Basically I have been pouting because my life has not gone right for awhile. After being laid off my job in December right before x-mas was harsh and the reality moving out of my parent's abode delayed has sunk me to submarine life.

I realize moving is only going to happen if someone offers a room-mate situation. Going to school and the jobs available while I go to school can't afford the rent that is being charged these days...in any town.

I am hovering and lingering over the mistakes I made about my past and realize you can;t change any of it. The problem is, those mistakes have effected my present for a long time and may have altered a great future..

IF I let it...

but I won;t. I am going to get up one more time and try all over again.

A change of scenery and getting away from all the reminders-even if its temporary-is very much needed.

The Blonde needs to gather up!!


I Didn't Forget I am not In Love Anymore

...so don't you ever send me a picture of you again.

How dare?

On what planet do you live on that its OK to burn me and my life to ashes and than think I would ever want you back?


Because I am still struggling with surviving after all you took...

I know you know that

And I know that is why you think I might want you back..

News Flash...

I don't

I do mind poverty but I am not alone...

I am not the only one struggling...

Money was never what I was about...

I like it, I want it, but I would never love a man for it...

You forgot why I loved you...

Or did you ever know why I loved you...

its confusing for you old gents...


Remember me

and this....

I would rather walk on coals through a gallows of hell gleaming ear to ear knowing you will never


have the luxury of seeing me again!!

The Blonde will now bow and curtain close!!

Twitter Dee Twitter Dumb

Did you know there are apps to automatically delete followers who are not following you?

What kind of asshole would use this app?

I follow the ones I do because they are some of the most clever, most brilliant, incredible thought producing humans I have ever had the distinct pleasure of reading.

Why would I miss anything they say to follow a thousand people just to have a thousand follow me?

If all you care about is numbers, than you do not care about what people say...and you might as well be a candidate for the Republican race.

Twitter is about the voice of an individual and when its dilluted by these apps, you hurt the very soul of Twitters goal.

Follow those on twitter because they speak to you.

Not because they are a number...

Find your nitch on Twitter.

The Blonde's twitter list is raunchy, crazy, wonderful outcasts...

And they get in the club without ever having to wait in line with bullshit twats!



I am in the midst of the SXSW epidemic going on in Austin.

And what am I doing?



Home alone!!!

In the comfort of a cushy chair on the veranda with smokes, wine, and a wide screen playing music through my Bose surround sound.

Why on earth would I battle lines for a warm beer or sticky drink along side stinky, sloppy people?

6th St is a massacre of crazy and I rather not partake!

SXSW is set up mostly to piss you off. You may have a badge but the venues are small and you have to fight to get in...why bother with the $600 price tag for all that?

If your young and its Spring Break and Mexico is off limits due to the drug cartel..SXSW is for you..

but if your a true aficionado...stay home and crank the surround sound...and wait for the crowd to go back from whence they came

The Blonde is NW for the duration!


No Need to Speak

The Blonde has music!

Never Let Me Go

The Blonde bows her head to the incredible and undeniable Florence and the Machine!!!

Just One More from Johnny Lang

"Dying To Live"
You know I've heard it said there's beauty in distortion
By some people who withdraw to find their head
And they say that there is humor in misfortune
No, I wonder if they'll laugh when I am dead...

Why am I fighting to live
If I'm just living to fight?
Why am I trying to see...
When there ain't nothing in sight?
Why am I trying to give
When no one gives me a try?
Why am I dying to live
If I'm just living to die...

You know some people say that values are subjective
But they're just speaking words...
That someone else has said...
And so they live and fight and kill with no objective
Sometimes it's hard to tell the living from the dead

Why am I fighting to live
If I'm just living to fight?
Why am I trying to see...
When there ain't nothing in sight?
Why am I trying to give
When no one gives me a try?
Why am I dying to live
If I'm just living to die...

Mmmm...You know I used to weave
my words into confusion
And so I hope you'll understand me
when I'm through
You know I used to live my life as an illusion
But reality will make my dream come true

So I'll keep fighting to live
Till there's no reason to fight
And I'll keep trying to see
Until the end is in sight
You know I'm trying to give
So come on
Give me a try
You know I'm dying to live
Until I'm ready to die
I'm ready to die

The Blonde is humbled by the music!


Heart is heavy
Soul is thirsty
Body's achin'
I am desperately in need of restoration
I am ready for you to take me higher
The only thing that I can do is keep on praying
On my own I just can't get it right
It doesn't matter how hard I try
But with you I've become a much stronger man
Getting on my knees puts me back on my feet again
Load is heavy
Too much accumulation
These possessions that I have amount to nothing at all
I am willing to hand over every one of them
'Cause they won't profit me anything in the end
/Repeat chorus/
Never again: will I wander without you alone in the wilderness
Never again: Will I offer to you anything less than my very best!
Never again: Never again Now that I understand

The Blonde is not the Only one feeling down sometimes!!

Be Thankful!!

The Blonde thanks God everyday...even if she thinks there is nothing to be thankful for...

because in the end...no one died...and for that I am blessed!!!


Smile Hard

and don't share your pain or tears.

That is the hard lesson of being single.

Every new date is someone who does not wish to hear anything other than how your presence will make them happier.

And so if you are angry at the world..

Or angry at yourself for failing at something...

Keep it to you yourself.

Cry in your pillow and in the morning wake up pretending all is alright...

Because being single does not lend itself to a shoulder to cry on....

Unless you count your cat and they don't like a heavy head on their shoulder.

So suck it up Blondie

No one really cares what you are going through!


Political Opinion

We all have one. The cable news has more to fill a an entire sanitation truck and still over flow.

I won't get political. I have a son in Afghanistan and so anyone who does not have a family member in the war...needs to shut the FUCK up...


Just shut the fuck up!!!

Also, if you never took a birth control pill...
than shut the FUCK UP!


etc, etc, etc....


If you are worthy of being president than speak up...




The Blonde hears crickets!

East Coast Hop

I have to say eharmony and its personality test have not chosen anyone I would not have chosen for myself on match.

Many were ones that did not physically appeal to me and logistically, Eharmony is a nightmare. I could not find one person in my general locale to date.

I did drive a few times to Houston to see someone but that gets old really quick. And the fact he has 3 divorces behind his belt and he is a bit too old.

The men I am attracted to all live in New York so that is where I am going.

I will see Raine for an evening and then pass myself onto the new guy for the weekend.

I have never been to Greenwich and it will be a fun get-a-way...and who knows?

Its funny. I totally have a thing for cute Jewish guys. Its my Achilles heel.

Curly hair, funny, smart, and perfectly sized in body and height.

I have been in Austin for 20 years and not once did I date an Austinite. I don't get them. They certainly don't get me.

And Augusto does not count since he is originally from Boston and Equidor.

In order to get a jump on my love life before I die alone, I must make drastic changes and be fearless.

Either way, the blog will start back with dating stories--its about time, don't you think? Lets hope they don't end up as a horror story.

The Blonde is making a giant leap!!


Gaining Momentum

especially my emotions.

I guess I was feeling the pangs of Boo landing in Afghanistan this week. I can only pray and hope and know he will be safe.

I on the other hand have to keep going with life here and that means sifting through a bit of sadness and figuring out how to get my groove again.

I am working on it.

I am planning for school and even a temporary move to the east coast for the summer.

I know things will be fine. I just need to stop hiding out in my room.

So, I am meeting old friends in New York.

Making new ones in Connecticut.

I am still looking for work but hopefully something will turn up.

Meanwhile, I can;t say I won;t get down some times but at least I know...

The Blonde always gets back up!


Where is my Spirit?

You wake up and today is like any other day. It would never occur to you that a few blocks away from you someone has lost their spirit. Not their heart, not their soul but their spirit.

And you being 4 blocks away would never think that this would have anything to do with you but what if you caught it in a drift of wind?

OK, that would be crazy. A spirit does not float off into the wind. As a matter of fact a spirit is grounded inside each and every one of us and the only way to get it out is to beat it out of us

And a beaten and broken spirit has no chance of flying anywhere.

But where does it go?

Its beat, broken but not lost…not gone…
Beat and broken
The first place it will not want to be is where it was beat and broken

So not me
But my spirit belongs to no other so it is not hiding in anyone else
so my spirit is not in me and not in another
it does not float or fly
for a broken spirit has no wings nor desire to be free
does it drag behind me?
In my shadow?
In my memory?
In the old me?
Does my cat hold it for me?
Can a cat hold a spirit?
Maybe that is why she is so fat.
A spirit like mine is a heavy one to hold.

When was the last time I used it?
When was the last time I believed in me?

It was the day I found the pink house.
The day I signed the papers.
It was mine.
I did it all on my own.

And then the sharks came one by one until it was gone.

In the end it was me….I could not defend myself against the sharks and I lost everything.

I was weak

I did not defend myself

I still have no idea how to defend myself but I know how to guard myself

I have a wall

that has kept me a prisoner.

There is no gate holding me other than my own head

SO let's chop it off!!!

The Blonde has nothing to loose!!

Broken Spirit

I hate when they say they broke a horse, as if it is something to brag about.

Breaking anything is nothing to be proud of.

I have had my share of broken hearts and I have worked out all of them.

I got over them and laugh at it.


I have just realized that I have been hiding from life...

I thought my spirit was wounded but could ride it out.

Turns out..my spirit is broken.

I have not been healing or mending.

I have been hiding and dying.

I have been broken for a long time and hiding it very well from myself.


Now I know...

I see me and my brokenness


what do I do

to fix me?

Can the Blonde be fixed?

Love Should Be Guided by Fate

I have learned my lesson.

Love is nothing you can create out of thin air. You can not meet someone and pick and choose what works for you and decide this is enough to love them.

Family love is easy. It comes with birth. It comes without strings.

Finding love outside that is...

a gift.

Passion comes quick and fades just as fast.

The gift of love in equal parts between two people is a natural occurrence and yet to be replicated or cloned.

Love comes with a spark and grows without any work.

It is what it is.

Let fate decide for me.

I will not be roped into empty promises and painted pictures of what might be.

Pictures are not backed by substance.

Promises are made but hardly ever kept.

Men are strangers and until they build a three dimensional world for me...

I am not falling for their card tricks.

The Blonde is on cruise control!