New York Blast

It was a short trip but well worth the travel time.

The Blonde has a story to tell!!


Internet Dating is Funny

I have to pick on this profile..I just find it too funny not to share!!

The Dude is 51 and not Brad Pitt or John Corbett or even George Clooney hot!!

Are you that special?...a complete woman?

I am so fed up of women who have limitations...who sleep too much, who don't do this or that...who have no concept of what an amazing relationship can be like and who offer so little when wanting so much...I am not sure which is worse, the ones who are just mediocre and don't realize it...or the one's who are knowingly shallow and materialistic...please do not bother me unless you satisfy everything I am looking for below - and expect your man also to be everything you desire....Also, please do not bother if you smoke or have oral issues/limitations....
Relationship I am Seeking
I'm Seeking:


Marriage, Long-Term Relationship

Are you a complete woman? No REALLY? I know they exist as I have had one whom I tragically lost. They love unconditionally, make love with passion, imagination and WITHOUT limit (ie they love everything normal), prefer to be awake than asleep, kiss amazingly, live enthusiastically and plan positively. They are totally unselfish, unaffected, unpretentious and live to please. They also expect the same from their man. Please do not go any further if you do not fully associate with the foregoing or think I am looking for a lot. So, if you are interested, I'm very young-looking, sporty - all sorts, fit, speak seven languages, accomplished musician, have a doctorate, don't smoke or drink, (never have), wicked sense of humour, strong, passionate and affectionate (extremely). I'm great fun, attentive, unpretentious, easy going and I'm looking for a serious relationship, nothing else. I'm used to being with an intelligent, naturally beautiful (I'm aesthetically driven - looks do matter), internationally educated, (much) younger, elegant, sporty, sensual and affectionate girl, who has immense poise and character and a stunning physique (natural or enhanced). A woman who stands out in her own right, or could/should. Someone who thrives on being in a strong and exceptional relationship in which each partner's emotional, physical, sexual, intellectual, family, social and other needs are not only met but exceeded. Preferably someone who wants a family at some point, probably 23-37 but I am flexible. Interested? Compatible? Sure? Really? Are you an amazing lover, friend, wife and mother in the making and just needing the right guy? Then please let me know. But remember. I am no one's sugardaddie, I am someone's future equal, partner or husband.

The Blonde loves irony!

Male Order Catalog

The great thing about internet dating is the turn around time to receive a new guy in an email!!

You just flip through the profiles like you would the pages of a catalog, place your item in the basket by way of a favorite button and voila; you have men in your size and color.

The one I ordered this time is a much better fit than my last order. This one comes with a yacht in Newport Beach, a condo in mid-west Manhattan, dark hair, made in Spain, with french accents. This order comes without fake promises, the too soon 'I love you' but don't mean it routine, and no sob story about some girl who committed suicide because of him.

I have no doubt after wearing the last guy for a bit, he was a very bad fit. Now that he is returned, and I have a new credit on my attitude, I am ordering a replacement.

A quick note on refilling your order for a new guy.

Be careful!!

After your order arrives and its not exactly as promised on the profile, you may feel cheated and discouraged about ordering a new man.

But just remember all of the products we buy that don't deliver what they promise either, like cellulite cream, face lift lotions, and diet pills.

In the end, we learn what does work, what is true, and eventually grow a better consumer and lover because we end up finding satisfaction in the simplest of products.

When ordering a man just remember that less promises is more man.

I personally haven't learned that lesson yet and am in search of the exception to the rule, so just do as I say and not what I do for now.

The Blonde is headed to NY for a fitting!!


The World Don't Stop

I am sitting on the veranda with candle light and listening to the rain with Mary Chapin Carpenter playing on my stereo in the background.

I have pulled Black Betty out for the night. For those of you who don't know Black Betty, allow me to introduce you; she is my guitar and I play her when no one is listening, mainly because I don;t know how to play it correctly.

Tonight, I am only fuzzy with sips of wine and I am at peace. I am enjoying my alone time and many epiphanies have rolled across my mind like the foam of the ocean waves that used to kiss my feet on the beach just before they roll back into the abyss.

It has been a long time since I have seen the ocean and felt its power rush over me but I remember it. With the stroke of my hand in the glass jar that holds the sand that last touched me, waves of memories and epiphanies cross my mind.

But, I still have many questions!

The Blonde mind never ends!


Phone Purge Day

Today is the day I purge my phone from all the dates I can't remember, dates I wish I didn't remember, and one jerk, whose emails will be posted on my wall of shame blog.

I have had only one other person make it to my wall of shame in 2 years so this is a really big award. Give me time to gather up the "I really love you, want to have your baby, and your future husband' emails and post them to 'Blonded by Love'. Give me time to dust off the blog, its been awhile since I was blown off my game by an all promising ninny.

I am sure I am not the only one who falls for this kind of thing. We all have had a few in our past and they never do work out. I am learning that the ones that bring it on way too strong in the beginning have nothing to follow through with in the end.

This was a really good lesson (again) because in the end I have learned that its the ones that take things slow and who are always there for me no matter what.
I have that with someone whom I dismissed way too early on in the relationship because it wasn't moving as fast as the Blonde likes it. I think I will get out of the passing lane and move over to the right and take my time getting to where I want to be.

The Blonde has cleared her memory!!


Climbing On Top

I am not a dominatrix but I play one on the internet, or at least I used to for fun.

Just another hilarious story hidden away in my unpublished book of "Real Blonde Moments: The Unedited Version".

I think now that I have some down time since my kanuk is AWOL, my grant money is on the slide, and school doesn't start for another two weeks, that this is the time to find an agent. Like I have always said, "I am a Paul Harvey rest of the story, waiting to happen."

The Blonde likes rock bottom!!


Drama Queens and Circus Freaks

I am not the elephant man!

I am not an animal!!

But I totally feel like a circus freak!

Since my asthma attack in front of the kanuck, I have not heard hide nor hair from him, other than to tell me how freaked it made him and he needs time...in an email reply.


I think he has had plenty of time to make me feel like a freak!

Dumping me off at the curb of the airport and never bothering to check on me is another pretty good indicator of where this time thing is going and I just don't see time and my kanuck headed in my direction any time soon.

I guess its best to give him the option out without feeling bad, so I did.

I can't sit here and cry in the center ring and hope for a great show. I need to pick my circus freakness up and hop back onto the trapeze and hit the dating arena again.

In time I will realize this had nothing to do with me or my asthma attack and everything to do with someone not ready to commit to what he said he wanted.

In the circus of love there are no safety nets and when you fall, you hit hard.

I have had a few breaks in my time but I am not scared to do it as many times as I need to until I get it right.

And even if swinging from the trapeze and falling wasn't my fault, the break hurts just as much.

In the end, what I have learned about love is that it is a freak of nature in itself and a lot of us are scared to accept it as it is. A grotesque form of emotions that we are afraid to face but want to see- sort of like the elephant man.

As long as their is a cage holding it in and us away from harm, we will look at it. But take away that sense of safety and put that freak boldly in our face and we want to run away or kill it.

I for one am not an animal.

I am not a freak.

I am just a Blonde looking for her other half of the trapeze show.

The Blonde will take the ring!!


Not My Greatest Week

After recovering from a wicked asthma attack, I am back to full breathing. I have been playing tennis and working out at the spa in Houston. My tennis instructor is super hot but still not as cute as the kanuck.

Any guy that can dance naked in an apron and make a killer osso buco while doing it, is tops in my little black book; even if he sent me directly home after wigging out during my little wheezing spell. At this point, I am trying to just understand his point of view. But after the hideousness of trying to get home after being literally dumped off at the airport, its a bit hard at this moment.

I am still a bit miffed!

Even though he was nice enough to pay for all the medial bills, don't you think it would have at least been the gentlemanly thing to do, to keep the phone by his side to make sure I made it home alright?

I felt as if he completely wiped me from his thought the moment I hit the airport curb. I got a text the next morning saying he left his phone behind and didn't bother to check his messages until morning.

I hope things just dissipate and all this horribleness goes away and maybe get back to the way it was, but I wonder, do I really want that? I am already a bit heart torn. I can't imagine down the road, when I have completely given my heart to this kanuck that he decides to dump me off on some curb because I sneezed too hard.

I hate the beginning of dating anyway. You never really know your certain someone well enough to understand their motivations. I always give the benefit of the doubt. Most of the time, it ends up swiping me in the face. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to just skip right to the middle of the relationship where its perfect, passionate, and comfortable all at the same time?

Maybe there is no middle phase for this one. I thought there would be. Maybe I read the signs wrong. I made myself believe he was the one. I really wanted it to be true.

I even convinced myself this was kizmit.

That fate brought him to me, carbon copied right from my wish list.

The perfect guy!

But then fate goes and smacks me down with the wheez, right in front of him!

Is it a test?

Or is it just what it is?

What the h e double ll?


I am sick of thinking about it. I have already burned my neck twice with the curling iron and backed into a bee nest on the veranda, got stung a few times, all because my mind is consumed with figuring out fates odd sense of humor or poor sense of timing.


Today I am turning off the phone and just doing a little more me time. After gym, I am just going to lounge by the pool and pretend everything is fine. Tomorrow, I will pack up, head home for Labor Day weekend and hope a party or two will get me out of my funk.

The Blonde is ready for the weekend!!


A Dog, Some Wine, and the Pantless Chef

Breathe Bitch!!!!

Rough estimate time line...

Arrive 7pm Toronto

8pm Arrive penthouse

Pet dog

Glass of wine


Another glass of wine

9:10pm Chef takes pants off

Blonde really laughing

9:20pm Naked Chef dances with apron

Fuzzy Blonde laughing and wheezing

Fuzzy Blonde wheezing, gasping for air

Blonde is passed out


Blonde wakes up


Goes to bed

9am wheezing begins


Pharmacy no inhaler

Clinic waiting room

10am Ambulance

11am Emergency room

11:30 Blonde breathing

Chef thoroughly freaked out calls travel agency

Afternoon Blonde dumped at airport

Plane is broken

Wait for mechanics

Plane fixed

Miss connection in Chicago



Find hotel stay over night

Blonde cries herself to sleep

Gets up and gets on plane

Next day Noon Arrive in Austin

Margaritas with the Captain

3pm Lunch with Agusto

3:30 swap clothes out and repack

in Houston


Drink wine and forget everything that happened.

The Blonde doesn't know what else to say!!