Delineation of the Truth

A dude in a mock turtle neck and mustache with classic GQ hair.
Definitely vintage: early 90's I would say.

Its a good thing I am the Sultan of mischievous Google searches. I surfed for info on this gent before diving head first with my cellular integer. I only need a few clues to get my private dick web dog on the scent.

He sends a photo with headline 'Dreamy Photo'.

Who does that?!

Superciliousness with extra cheese on top!!


Here is the exert from the email(photo not included to protect the foolish, for they know not what they are):

Dreamy Photo

IMAGINE PHOTO HERE ( picture Magnum PI without the curl)

Here is the pic. I hope you have just the right spot for it on your refrigerator. Let me know what you think and we can go from there.

'Magnum' portrays himself as refined man who likes Baccarat...I am not a fan but whatever. He also portrays himself 20 years younger based on his vintage photag. I found his real photo on the corporate website. The mustache has since been long gone, by the looks of it.

He is looking for the woman to impress his friends, not really for himself. He happens to be an 'Entrepreneur of the Year' and moving up in the ranks. I commend him for this aspect, only. He wants a 'classy' girl that can host parties and make people comfortable and doesn't mind the attention she receives. Because she is so beautiful she commands that much attention.

Playmate Catering Service at your disposal?!


I am not a big fan of hosting political or corporate affairs. I did it. You have to be charming and witty to a million dull people for a zillion hours and than your so tired by the time you get home, you fall asleep in your gown.


I will do it only for charity these days. At least some good will come from all the nonsense.

Any...hoo!! Sorry a bit ADD today..

Any time I hear the word classy or see a long list of wants that pertain to how other people will perceive the woman, I can tell the sir is not from the upper crust nor has he eloquently evolved into his position in life as a wealthy man who supposedly agrees with the finer things in life and can respect a woman on a deeper level of commitment than to be the trophy to impress all.

Sophisticated, refined, cultured, well bred, modest means but well-liked..these are the words that are whispered among each other in the haute monde.

Not, Classy!!

Classy is a blue collar who wants the hostess not the waitress.

Blondes got your number way before dialing it!!

Is it sexual harassment?

Is it considered a professional rule break when someone slides their finger over the top of your hand expecting you to write your phone number down on a post-it note.
I have to give him credit, he was very suave and confident about getting his cryptic message across to me. He did it right in front of the other board members.
Made me think this was not his first rodeo ride on a bull named 'Affair'.

How this all came about:

The other week I was shown a photo of the villa the Married, and his wife, occupied over the summer holiday.

As I view the photo I simply say,"Damn, I am marrying for money!!"

We laughed!!

Joke over, right?!


Apparently from that little comment came a slew of stares and tight passes through the hall, eventually graduating to the finger slide atop my hand. He is the Big Guy and owns half the deals on the table. I guess he felt he had the right to poach.

I really must be careful what I say to dudes that probably do not get their fair share of 'spoons and dips' in the bedroom by the significant other.

Here is the crazy thing. Because I did not return the favor with a penned digits on the post it. He failed to join the meeting yesterday. You don't think he is embarassed, do you?

Nahj, maybe I am just being arrogant to think my rejection kept him away this time!


5 days

6 hours

31 minutes until gone!!

Blondes don't like messy business deals!

Road Kill

The probelmo with Westlake is the amount of road kill I see. I am so sick of seeing a mooshed animal on the road.

Yesterday a fox

Today an armadillo

The other day a bambi


and over, again!!

I especially hate it when I see it on the back roads up to my house where your supposed to drive 30 mpg's. Unless the animal is a suicide, I think drivers can take a little more time paying attention to their surroundings.

I notice the bigger the SUV or truck, the more disconnected the driver is to the universe around them. I see the drivers on the phone not paying attention. I remember, one time, a total biatch ran right over a squirrel in front of me. She didn't bat an eye or even tap her breaks. Just ran over the damn things like it was dirt.

I really wanted to pummel the el coonte'!!

Maybe its a Texas thing. Or maybe its a United States thang. Riding inside our country wide SUVs disconnected from the universe around us. How far have we fallen down the political totem pole that other countries are looking to China for help?

I wish I could just one day not see road kill or hear about another one of our soldiers dying!!

Blondes drive with the top down!!



6 Days

4 hours

52 minutes

until the end of employment

Now 51 minutes...

Blondes don't always have a back up plan!!


Boredom to Stardom

I believe if my blog won't make me famous maybe my new emicons will!!


buck teeth

:): >----

Happy naked lady

:)8 >----

Enhanced happy naked lady

:0 : >---
happy ending naked lady

: 0 8 >------
happy ending enhanced naked lady

: ( 3----
sad naked boy with pencil peepee

The Blonde needs to find better use of her time!!!


No Camera Man

The problemo with going on holiday alone is no camera man. I didn't have anyone to take pictures of me surfing the big blue.

I opted for the cheesy photo next to my board but since I forgot Boo and Jesus borrowed my camera for their excursion to the Wisconsin Air Show, I was left with my pathetic phone camera and I left my goods in the locker when I went surfing and I was too lazy to go get it just for a good photo op. So I yanked an older op from my pics.


I rented a scooter to get around and so once the driver dropped me at the Ayres Hotel, I didn't go very far. I spent most my days surfing and walking the beach
alone and content.

I mingled with the local flavors that were cute but not my sort of dish. I spent time in the java huts and eating raw vegetarian.

I wanted to blend.

I had a lot of guys talking to me, not thrilled with all the homeless and hopeless incurable surfer dudes without a day job rushing me all at once.

But the Daddy-Os were cool!

I had too many fruit smoothies because I wasn't into dining alone..actually that was my big meal of the day when I would have them blend up a seaweed extraction thingy majingy right before hitting the waves.




I didn't get much of a tan because I had a full suit on and I made sure not to get a farmers tan just on my face so sun protection became the theme of the day. Constantly missing waves to re-apply. The good waves were either way early morn or late afternoon and I spent the sunny time eating and typing away on my script at the juice hut.

I had to cut the trip short do to the now early departure of my position at work .
All in all, a fab time albeit the towel next to me was un occupado. I really needed a suntan lotion dude for all my general needs on the turf.



laughing at my arse every time I took a major spill.

Getting others to stop laughing after I had a major spill



Blonde Bettys need a little love and protection!!

I hate the Bus

Technically I wasn’t thrown under the bus. I stood in front of the bus and then the two co-workers drove a Mac truck into the back of the bus thus running me over with the bus.


I guess I will take some responsibility for positioning myself in front of said bus.


It still does not diminish the fact that I was run over by the beast of mediocrity and the burden of negativity when they slammed into the bus!!
Co-conspirators, I say!!

I am watching my back until its safely planted on the beach next to some gorgeous Greek God lovingly spreading sun tan lotion, with the protection of SPF 30, to protect me from being burned.

Wish I had SPF for the office!!

Thank God my final day is official now and I have already booked my trip to the French Riviera where I will bask in the sun and forget that I ever was surrounded by four walls, 2 fluorescent lights, 1 plant, and the solid void of white noise.

Blondes always look for the best way out!!


What Co-workers?!

Wax On

wax off

Wax on

Wax off...

After spending an exceptionally narly weekend waxing my board and playing on the surf in Cali..this Blonde Betty could care less about what happened last week at work.

But give me tomorrow and you will have the dish and the cake too!!

Blondes are riding way to high today!!!


Float Like a butterfly

sting like a bee...

not every Muslim is out to get you and me!!

and I think the Rapture is silly!!!




Fundamentalists and Extremists have a lot to learn!!

The Blonde just wants positive change!!

Et Tu Brute?

I am out of the blogger sphere today nursing knife wounds in my back.

On tomorrows show:

Coworkers..Beast and Burden!!!!!!

Blondes will go out in a Blaze of Glory!!


Take a Moment


An error does not become truth by reason of multiplied propagation, nor does truth become error because nobody sees it

Mahatma Gandhi



I will not let fools bother me today at work


Blondes will breathe zen more times!!

Ante Up

My queer cat Goose is now into ants. The nap sack fondling feline has resorted to snorting ants from a tree and then eating them. He sits under the tree they crawl upon, until he has finished the very last one.

After snorting ants he retires to the garage where his beloved nap sack sits in a basket and he makes sweet love to it for about half and hour, and then he falls asleep for the day.

Goose is actually a prize winning maine coon cat so we give him a break from being weird considering all the inbreeding in his family and the fact I bought him from a drunk for $5. I left him at my parents about 4 years ago and I no longer claim ownership. I am hoping to do the same with the rest of the lot.


My diabolical plan to leave everyone of my furry little begotten beasts at my parents house is working. I have systematically integrated them into the daily routine of retired old foke, except for Lela.

My Father hates little Miss Lela Pelina.

Miss Lela was caught on a highway after I shut down two lanes of traffic to chase and catch her. She was a tough get.For being born from pauper cats she is actually quite intelligent.


She is a chatter box. She loves to talk way too much!!

You can barely shut her up sometimes. Especially when she complains her food was not delivered in a timely fashion or when she disapproves of the flavor of the can.

She will snub the meal.

Then she will snub you.

Then she will cry all night outside your window because she is hungry.

If you don't let her in she gets increasingly louder through the night. A double paned thermo nuclear window couldn't shush her screeching meow!

Moving on...

Sophie is the Twinkie eating trailer trash beauty weighing in at a delectable 26 lbs.
She is quite wily for one her size. She has to be, to get past the gates and doors of the exteriors and wiggle her behind to the end of the hall where well groomed guest rooms await her for a daily nap. She mixes up the room as to hide from my Father.

We pay the maid off to keep quiet. I am not above understanding my Father's dismay about the whole affair especially when Miss Sophie has a penchant for scooting her bum across the wool carpet, which is the reason for paying off the maid. Someone has to clean the skid print.

Its sooo gross!!

But hysterically funny when you catch her!!

Sophie has to be an indoor kitty in the summertime heat, especially in Texas.
If you put her outside she will explode!

and were moving on...

Peppy La Pew. My most fave feline of all because he is species confused and hops like a bunny. I think its because I found him in a shoe box in a trash can and he was probably depleted of air.
He loves to lay in bed and kneed my hair and if you pet him for awhile his tongue will drift out of his mouth and dangle.

To this day I would like to pummel the culprit that thought throwing a baby kitten away in the trash was OK.!!


I just hope my Father doesn't decide to give them to Goodwill while I am in the midst
of gallivanting around the country at the end of this summer!!

Blondes would hate to lose her friends while away!!


I am not Dear freaking Abby

but I know when to toss in the towel when it comes to dating and I am fairly certain everyone else has an idea too. No one is that blind not even a Blonde. If you
catch yourself complaining about another person's head games..its because they are playing head games!!

No ifs..

No ands...

No buts...

Head games are easy to catch and once you catch it if you choose to continue playing along you are no longer a victim, you are a willing participant in the game.

So ask yourself, and you can use Dr. Phil's voice in your head when asking, what is so fun about the game that you can't jump off the sidelines and end it?

If you don't want to listen to me...

Maybe this is the time you should pull out your Sun Tzu's 'Art of War' and blow the twenty years of dust its been accumulating since you were first inspired to read it...

I believe that would have been after you watched the movie 'Wall Street'. Read the
first paragraph of Chapter One entitled Winning Whole.

Here, I made it easy for you. Read the following:

To win whole means to win with your resources and your objective intact.
Any other result means you have at least partly failed at your mission. When
you fight, you fight for something of value, and should you destroy yourself
or that something of value while fighting to obtain it, then you have lost
your real purpose for fighting

Now ask yourself what do you win in the end?

All warfare is based on deception and when you use jealousy tactics to further your campaign and she uses sexual manipulation maneuvers to gain tactical advantage over you, in essence you have already destroyed the thing that is most valuable..trust and respect and honor for each other.

This is not love, this is war!!

Even a dumb Blonde that doesn't have the skinny on Dubai knows that!!

So why fight for something that has no value in the end?

Before Heaven and Earth, there was
something undefined yet complete,
formless, alone, constant, everywhere
and untiring, the mother of all things.
I know not its name so I name it “the
Way of life.” I should prevail to call it
great, for it is in constant flow, becoming
remote yet returning in a circle.
Therefore the Way is great; Heaven is
great; Earth is great; and a wise Blonde is
also great.
In the universe, these are the four great
Man takes his law from the Earth; the
Earth takes its law from Heaven; Heaven
takes its law from the Way; the law of
the Way being what it is.

You have made the Blonde very tired!!

Wrong Guy, Wrong Boat

just wrong, wrong , wrong....

and that is all I have to say about this weekend.

The Blonde did not navigate well!!!


Blonde Moment 380

I was almost blinded by a Nilla wafer crumb!!

Don't ask!!

Single File...

Single Row...

For Singles!!

The stools along the bar or not for married men. Get your committed arse over to the table section of the bar. I don't mind you being in the bar but don't be at the bar. Don't be wasting my time talking to me about your wife or your children. I am not your therapist.

Don't waste my time or the stool. Don't ask for me to stroke your ego when I am paying for my own drinks.

Don't sit by me. I could be flirting and conversing with single cuties down the row and they could move closer to me and purchase me a libation which you won't because that would be wrong, right?

Do not sit by temptation.

Do not ask for me to make you feel attractive so you can go home and shag your wife.

Do not sit near me.

Also if your a single dude hanging with a married dude, you must default to the outskirts of the bar as well. Nothing worse than a married man poking his biz in the single style of his mate. Married men do not get to live vicariously through their solo friend's mojo or Johnson.

One more thing...

Don't sit by me!!

Blondes don't want reserved seating!!


Maximum Effort

I went in search today for the perfect little Maxi (floor length summer dress) and designer flip flops for my summer trip to the South of France.

I finally found two of the most perfect dresses at Neiman's Last Call.


I love getting a $450 dress for $120. Even better getting two at that price!! The great thing about the new maxi dress is that it is floor length which will aid in hiding my white collar legs from the crowd at Grov tonight.

A summer tan can not be properly maintained just on weekends and I am faded out by the flouresents by the end of the week...

Im a cracker :(

A bumpy white Saltine!

Barely toasted!

But the loss of tan, lack of boating, and the many, many margaritas that were not consumed to win a bet with my Father has finally paid off!!

I faced the challenge and I won. As of the end of this week I can proudly say I kept an office job for one year and proved to El Pappa, for once and for all, that I am honestly happier being a poor writer over that of a successful business woman.

I can see him shaking his head in disgust as he views my decision as a total lack of responsibility and when am I going to grow up..blah, blah, blah...

Pay up Daddy, you lost the bet and I will need the money for New York!!

I am taking a big bite out of the apple and making a sweet, sweet life with love, literature, and the pursuit of fabulous dresses at Filene's basement!!

Blondes know where their priority lies!!


The is Match Over!!

Not that I am keeping score but as I was shutting down my profile I couldn't help but reflect on my numbers

30 Days
177 winks
394 emails
143 I didn't read
64 returned


8 men transferred to my regular email
6 have my phone number
4 didn't make it
3 became friends
2 are still a possibility

and the rest is history...

at least for finding love on the internet...

I think next time, if after all this trouble I am alone, I will pluck the plant from the old fashion root and find him in a bar or join a gym and run the treadmill in my spandex. Its just as much work but with the benefit of staying tone.

So for my holiday away from dating I am going to finish the articles my publishers keep screaming about, lay by the pool, scour the internet for a 3 month sublet in NYC
and plan for my August get-away!!




if the stars are aligned properly

in the sky

one of those felly's with my celly

will become beau bonded!!

Blondes are romantically inclined on holiday!!

Blonde Moment 379

If you don't hear from me for awhile it will be because of my new digs in Guantanamo Bay.

I made the mistake of trolling for some freelance work when I stumbled upon a 'European' fashion designer about to launch a new collection in Houston and Dallas.

So I send her my pics and stats and I get an email back:

I am also a political activist. I need to know you don't have a problem with me being anti-Bush!

Umm...OK..designers are weird, so whatever.

I am not a fan of the past administration either.

Excellent. Let me tell you...

She sends me an email with her site's link which happens to be anti-Bush, war criminal hate monger web spewed stuff. There is no fashion I can find on her site and I am thinking to myself:

Where are the clothes?

Uh Oh!!


Just great!!

I am now on a VIP list with backstage passes through Homeland Security because of this lying wench.

Politics and religion are not my bag, baby. Prada, Gucci, Chanel...they are the bags I carry!!

I am traveling this summer. I don't need the headache of being flagged for special searches. I can't get my conditioner in 3.5 oz bottles.


Blondes hate having their luggage swiped by security!!


Kiss and Tell

I tried to fit back to back dates last night but I should have known it wasn’t going to end well. Karma is always around the corner lurking behind my Blonde shadow, waiting to jump out and break a key in my ignition to teach me a lesson in looking for love.

The problem is having too much fun on the first date that you lose track of time and can’t make the second date. Then justifying the cancellation of the ladder date because he was logistically wrong. I could never commit to anyone in South Austin no matter how fine he was.

And as much as I loved hanging with the first guy, I don’t see him quite right either because of his nightly lifestyle. I just can’t fall for sofa time with someone that is into the club scene and has no desire to settle down anytime soon.

I find downtown clubs a bit incestuous and I am convinced if you slept with one you slept with them all and how safe can that be knowing there is a 1-5 chance you might catch something.


I am more along the lines of dinner parties and small gatherings in my home with my boyfriend instead of going to some chaotic nightclub where the sole purpose of those flashing lights and extra liquor a bartender pours into a girls drink lends hand to confusion on a tipsy mind and eventually lands some of those girls into a strangers bed in the wee hours of the morning.

Not my style!!

Plus my downtown guy,while logistically alright, and great fun didn’t kiss the way I like.

It was like trying to land a hummingbird on my lip
All this fluttering.

His head did fancier moves than Mohamed Ali's foot work.

You can’t kiss right!

Let me try again?



No. When did I become the Dali Lama of kissing?

Why do I have to enlighten you on the ways of tongue and lip mojo if I am not going to be with you?

I am not a kissing guru. How do I know there aren’t tons of women who love to be kissed with the motions of a flapping bat?

Who am I to judge?

Blondes just know what they like!!


Not Another Blonde Moment!!!

Miss USA 2008

Miss USA 2007

Brunettie Betties sat on a wall
Brunettie Betties had a great fall...

and the Blonde had fun chuckling at it all.

Importance of Being Earnest...

or at least the importance of using proper table manners as a way to get the date off to a good solid start.

I happened to be in Chicago this weekend for a writers workshop at Second City. While I was there I wanted to play around downtown. Shopping and running around the beach are not occasions where a play date is absolutely necessary but for dinner, I require company.

Its far too depressing to think I would have to eat alone, ordering room service while I am trying to enjoy a new city.

Alas, I chose poorly and was stuck with a bafoon. I was sitting literally across from a neo-paleontological humanoid who wouldn't use manners even if I cracked his cromagnum sized brain with a cave stick.

Apparently, driving a Maserati gives this phleeb a license to put his foot on the bench of the booth, be a bit arrogant to others, and talk about double D's being his preferred size but that I would do.


DO, what you freak?!!

Check pleez!!!

He was insulted that I couldn't understand his words through the half chomped bites of steak in his mouth.



Aren't you listening to me?!

No, I actually tuned you out after the part about Barbie dolls and the fact that I am now mesmerized by the part of potato that left your mouth at warp speed and lodged itself in between the crevices on the stem of your water goblet.

I am sorry but if you have failed to master the simple task of proper eating habits. I can just assume, if we found ourselves in some sort of shared living arrangement, you would find it with in your comfort zone to speak to me whilst on the lu or try to grab my arse in public.

We don't do that!!


Nor do we talk with our mouths full!!

..and if you thought I was finished...

OH NO!!!

You would think that it wasn't necessary to specify in your conversation that smoking Mary Jane while driving me back to the Westin would be another no-no!!

But apparently, again, quite in the comfort zone of this guy!!

In a moment of this type of desperation, a stinky mini-van taxi would have felt like a Bentley.

Disgusted and maybe somewhat stoned, I found a new fondness for room-service. Run a hot tub, order a bottle of wine, put on the stereo, listen to Billy Holiday sing you the blues all the while smiling because you just made it to he-- and back without a scratch.

Thank Gah!!

Blondes don't befriend beasts of burdens!!


Politics and Port-a-Potties

both stink.....

I slept with all the candidates after each one promised to be the best lay I ever had.




Hillary sucked at oral

John had no rhythm


Barack didn't know what to do with his hands

No way I am getting an orgasm out of any of these guys. The only way for this Blonde to achieve a political climax is to put fresh batteries in a vibrator and call it a day!!

So why on earth would I want to end my evening talking about a bunch of bad lays.

I have more important issues to deal with in this country, such as getting a bill passed that port-a-potties at live music venues should be required to have hand sanitizer!!

Blondes wash their hands of the whole affair!!!


Another Blonde's Moment

Bad Blonde Joke

Impossibly Possum

My pets have a pet.

Those freak felines brought a possum home and have been hiding it in the garage.

They have been feeding it leftovers.

On one hand I applaud their humanity, on the other hand, it is not at all pleasant a notion to find a rabid beast lurking near the food bowl.

I don't care how cute it is!!

Looking at me with those beady eyes!

Cats are not supposed to have pets!

I don't care what you do with him but he cannot stay here.

You can't have a pet!

Tell it to stop looking at me like that!

Stop it!!

Blondes are not animal control!!!

Lactose Intolerant Darling...

I don't do 'cheesy hotels'!!

May I ask what would compel an older, not so fabulous looking to ask me to pay half my way?

Are you kidding?

I am an old fashion kinda girl and I believe the man should pay, especially when they are almost twice my age!!

I don't mind paying half my way to neutral ground. You bring your surf board and I will bring mine. But do not expect me to pay to come to your suburbia in the middle of nowhere and put me up in a Holiday Inn. Just because you present yourself as a sugar daddy and find women that try to take advantage of you doesn't mean you can take it out on me. I am not interested in your kind of distorted values.

A HOJOS's in suburbia?!!!

and for me to pay half?!

You are seriously loco dude.

But when you brag about spoiling a girl but rather take her shopping than pay for a plane ticket, and all you can talk about is how hot she must be and that double D's would be terrific and how good the sexual connection should be...


Oh, she should also be independent because you aren't looking to take care of the trophy.....

Blah, Blah, disgusting blah....

Go back to Sugardaddy.com and stay of my Match!!

Blondes hate cheap bologna!!!!


Bra, braaa, braaahhh

You have no idea how cold it gets in the office until you forget to where a bra to work.

The Blonde is freezing and greeting clients in a whole new way!!!

Carma, Carma, Carma

is a biatch!!!

I have no idea why I deserved to be punished yesterday. I don't believe I have blown off enough men to warrant the amount of karma that came after me in form of epic car problemos.

I went to the Mean-Eyed Cat for a little R&R and to meet up with a handsome new thing.
I parked the car, left the top down, rolled the windows up, and pulled the key out of the ignition.


That looks like only half a key!!

Where is the rest of my key?!

Look in my ignition!!


Go back inside, call Boo and Jesus to extract my key and make the world better while I totally ignore the issue and continue with my thing.

Boo and Jesus failed to extract the key and they took off to have Pho on Guadalupe. Being the ever so responsible Blonde that I am, I decided to deal with the car after my date. Why ruin a perfectly good evening on car trouble? Plus my date had a 1969 SS Camaro.

And y'all know how I love machismo in my cars.

Big Engine!!



Oh Yea!!!

Uh, Uh...where was I ...OH yes, yes..my car!!

My rag-top now needed a flat bed tow of which had to wait until the AM. I show up in the morning to see construction boot soles all over the back seat of my car. I guess the day labors thought they would get lucky. After all, I did leave half the key in the ignition.

I had the car towed to the house because apparently SAAB is on a national backorder of parts for five weeks and nothing can be done until that time. I did try eight locksmiths who all refuse to work on SAABs because of the microchip key or something.


I wash and condition the seats to get the thieving little feet marks off my car seat and I go inside to shower not worrying that the 98 degree heat and sunny disposition of the day could possibly rain.

I take a little nap.

I wake up to rain.




I run outside and I am completely soaked by the time I get to my baby that is completely soaked too.




I hang a tarp over the car until Boo comes over to manually pull the top up.

Top is up.

Rain stops.

I go pout on the porch not sure whether I want to cry or laugh.

Zanax would be awesome about now.

Pity party over.

Fine, I will drive the jag

Get in the jag

The Jag is dead...need to pop the trunk to recharge!!

Can't pop the trunk.

Dead battery and the valet key wont open it from the outside. Original key is safe and sound in my storage unit. Somewhere in the storage unit.




Being the responsible thing that I am and its July 4th weekend. I will be purchasing a motorcycle until car problems are mysteriously solved on their own.

Do I want a red or yellow crotch rocket?


Blondes aren't the only thing that are high maintenance!!