Eva had this incredible chestnut, curly hair and liked to bite the bottom of her lip using her ring finger to push it up to get a good grip,
Eze had thin blonde hair that whisped around the face and a smirk that could scare anyone away.
Their Daddy was working for the mob. Low level, because he was never allowed to have more than a 3 class Merc.
He was peddling under-age girl sex videos in states that were right wing Christian.
I know this because Eza thought it was funny when she found the video stash in the spare tire well of the Merc.
I hate her Father.
He changed the trajectory of my life with that one moment in the beach condo - putting his hand up my pants at 15 with Ev in the bed next to me, pretending to be asleep. I guess that is why I did not stick up for Ev and Ez when certain people knocked on my door.
But, they had already flown the coop.
Ev and Ez had an island they could go to. My Uncle gave it to them after their parents tragically died in a car accident.
to be continued....
New story of cousins. Always one crazy batch in the family.
If you thought I was horrible, think again.
There is always that one black sheep in the family. The one that is super sensitive and can't handle the injustice, and needs an outlet to discuss things. That is me and that is why I got sent to the looney bin more than once as a child.
Apparently, I have not learned my lesson, and a severe slap on the hand has made me retreat from social and go back to posting on my diary in the digital darkness.
An outlet away from friends and family. An outlet where the deep and dark get real. An outlet I can be safe and protected.
Just so you know, I will take liberties with this story, much like my series on the BlinDeaDbyBlonde. It has to be more fantasy than reality if I want to keep this diary.
But in the end there is always some truth in my stories.
So let's begin:
Eva and Eze were fraternal twins. Eva was the eldest by 4 minutes. And Eze came out lifeless and remained that way for 1 minute and 47 seconds.
I always wondered what the 1 minute and 47 seconds with no life did to him, and why Eva protected him so. What was discussed in the womb, we will never know.
But those two always had a secret -way beyond any of us could understand.
I am going to tell the story in bits. Most of it is hand written from when I was young, and need time to go through the diaries.
I never stopped writing in a diary. I did however, grow much smarter in the security of them after the whole club pool incident with my very first diary.
I still have that 'Hello Kitty' diary with half the pages torn out and the rest of the pages to remain blank for the rest of eternity.
P.S, There will be hidden messages if you can catch them to try and decipher what is real and what is fantasy.
Jesus Christ my new apple phone is riddled with sound notifications from every fucking social media channel, yet still won't ring when the one important person in my life calls.
I know I can turn off notifications, but it is just as easy to unsubscribe, delete all social media accounts and apps.
I am not on the spectrum but definitely have the ADD qualities that make me want to smash my cell phone after too much interaction with social media.
I won't smash my $1500 phone, but it felt really good to bust up my $129 Google Home because I know it is spying after looking at my history.
No one asked you a question Goggle nor asked you to save it!!
Hey fucking Google, do what you promised. Don't listen into conversation that you are not included in!
What I like about blindedbyblonde is, it is mine and I own it and can say and do whatever the fuck I want on it. Ff friends want to read my crazy, it is all here.
Safely tucked away from everything.
My secret diary published to the world.
Did I ever tell you the time I was 12 or so and someone took my diary out of my gym bag at the poo and tore out the pages to distribute around to anyone willing to read?
Some parents got a hold of it, and if you read my previous posts - you will no it was not kind.
And when I got home, my parents were not mad at the vandals, they were mad at me for writing those things about them in my very private, personal diary. Their response to me was simply this:
"We will forgive you, but we will never forget."
What I love about "Killing Eve", is her child like innocence against her cold blooded killer 'get it done' while holding an inquisitive look as to why the people she kills look at life in such a stupid way.
My favorite are the assassinations of arrogant women:
The bitch with the piano and the nanny scene, and the frightened bunny with shaking hands that tried to scare the hiccups out of Eve before she loses her last breath to a garden hose.
Brilliant writing and acting.
I digress. Or do I? I came from the same sample of home life that could have made me a killer, yet I have no killer instinct in me.
I would like to think myself this way, but I am too busy saving stupid fucking frogs at the moment!.
anyhoo....back to the blondes diary:
Asking God why he hated me so much was never answered. If he did, I probably would not have tried so many times to kill myself.
I just wanted to know why he hated me so much. Why he gave me these parents. What did I do wrong?
Like they say, you really never want to die, you just want someone to answer you when you ask why this life?
Honestly, still asking God, "What the fuck did I do to deserve this fucking life?" Because I really want to fucking know!!!
And please don't be one of those assholes who plays the cancer kid card on me and how better my life was until you can explain to me how dying of cancer with loving parents next to your bed is better than being beat by a belt, mentally abused, scared to death every time they came home every mother fucking day was better than dying of cancer.
And then years later, as a teen acting out, those abusive parents tell all their neighbors and relatives how horrible and terrible she is to who parents that just want the best for her?
Yeah, some parents suck, and you are fucked if born into an abusive one! RUN!! RUN!!! Better than wanting to kill yourself!
Let's work this conundrum out.
This is not about having shitty parents, which I did - actually just one. who made my Dad's life and mine a living hell!
But, this is about feeling God dropped you in the wrong hands.
Did you cry yourself to sleep at 6 years old with stuffed animals around you bed?
Did you beg God to take your life and wake up every hour to make sure your stuffed animas did not fall out of the bed. And make sure if they did, tuck them back in really tight and close.
Was your head shaped differently than your siblings?
What made you stand out as the one she would pick on?
Did she use you as a punching bag while loving her other children?
Did she hate you?
And did she stop her cruelty after you left?
Did she continue to be a cunt because you always....because you, you....you always .....
You know how to finish that question Mom...you just won't bring yourself to.
I wish I had that mean spiritedness you and your other daughters have, but I don't and why I keep getting hurt.
I need this diary as much as I need to get away from you.
I was never your child, I was born to the wrong mother.
If you stop posting on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, etc...how long will it take someone to notice you are gone? And out of those that notice, how long will it take them to call anyone they know to see if you are OK?
In my social world, not a fucking one. They do not know me well enough to understand the grief I have lived. They stopped listening to me a long time ago.
I am not status quo, I don't ask you to look at endless pics of me hiking, kayaking, biking, showing off my Botox face, that misses the mark against my aging neck skin and body, nor happy with my hubbie pic even deep down I want to dick punch him.
Oh yes, I get to say, "DICK PUNCH" on my domain.
Twitter and Facebook would have knocked me off, but they will be gone soon. They are dinosaurs, they just do not know it yet.
And Hey! bravo to the the psychos who blocked my 911 post but keep third world countries happy with their recruitments for the cartel.
Makes it seem silly my post was blocked for a simple dick pick from the 80, but cartels are free to reign on Facebook under the motto of "just doing business".....
They think I need 30 days to reconsider?
Scary, they are deciding for me.
Have you read "1984" or "Animal Farm"?
Pick up and read a George Orwell book.
Apple and Facebook have made our lives very much Orwellian!
They are Fleebs!
As a single woman, of course I would hate married people.
Let's put some context to it.
Back in high school or college, or even in your young 20s, you have to admit you were never as confident alone as when you were surrounded by your best friend.
It is a powerful combination knowing someone always has you back, no matter how awful you or they are.
The Clintons and the Trumps come to mind.
But it happens on a small scale too, from rednecks to country clubbers.
Married people have more credibility than single women. Not single men, they are exempt from this bushtit.
Why does it still exist, because women are the meaner species. They have claws even when they seem like pussy cats.
I know first hand. I had my Mother teach me how horrible a woman who has a man behind her, powering her confidence, while always scared that power could be lost at any time, drive them to do anything that would get in their way from keeping that power. Even hurting her own daughter if she thought her a threat.
What fucked up Mother sees her own daughter as threat?
And now that grown up daughter has to figure out how to stop pushing herself down and move ahead.
I think that is why I am so disgusted with Facebook and the lies they promote.
The world is an ugly place and you don't get to make it look pretty.
As long as everyone looks like they live a beach party, it is OK. Anyone pushing others to feel real emotion and real life is squashed by their own friends.
They only want pretty sunsets, cute animal picks, and the dream that the world is perfect in this digital frame they have built for themselves.
But I know differently, I know the truth away from Facebook, the things they do not share, the things that are dark and grow outside that pretty little digital façade.
The darkness, the demons, the loneliness...
The perverse photos sent to men that your husband takes, the massive amounts of Botox you subject your face to all in the hopes your husband will stop with the young women he is becoming less and less careful of hiding.
Yet, these married people will always have the benefit over the doubt, while women like Rose McGowan will never have it.
Damaged goods, is damaged good and easy to dismiss and if you married easier to destroy.
Don't be an ass and FOMO into the stocks this idiot are playing you with.
By the way, let me spare you a pre-recorded "Live Webinar" by Clay who tries to sell you on a $25k up-front package using his little girl to belittle you, which really only attracts low self-esteem people willing to give up this money instead of buying a couple of books and learning themselves.
But hey, he was a football player, so he is well-versed in being a dick to the unpopular and has made it a great opportunity to make money for himself .
He is not an idiot - just a fucking bully-raised, bully-forever!
I would like to say I am flabbergasted at how stupid people really are, but, there really are this stupid.
Clay bought investment property not on making $600 a day n day trade which 40% will go to capital gains. he made it buy shilling his outrageously priced "Day Trade University".
He is no better than Trump University. Not accredited and a waste of fucking MONEY!
Have you seen Lucifer on Netflix?
Who absolutely loves it? I bet the hard-core bible thumpers are turning in their pew right now!
Eve turns out to be a lesbian and marries a demon.
All hail the Devil is about to become God.
This new season rocks!
To Fucking Facebook
I bet you will be busy this weekend, distinguishing between those that want to share their moment in time of that day and the anger they still feel, against those who still promote it as a success for their cause.
And the fact your antiquated algos fail, and your proletarians have no sense of anything outside of the script you feed them, I have no doubt many will fall between the cracks of your community censorship guidelines. You know who else has community guidelines? China.
I can't help but think how differently people view Covid. Many lost their lives, and families suffered.
But for me, it was elation and karma coming alive to punish all those that pushed me down.
Where I came from, how I was raised, I did not have the confidence to stick up for myself and I was pushed down beyond belief way into adulthood.
They say after a certain age it is on you to get up, but that is bullshit when you were dealt a shitty fucking hand from birth.
Eventually you do get up, but not after being knocked down a thousand times and finally saying fuck this.
But than you take that 'fuck you' attitude a little too far for the status quo and you get banned and blocked from shit.
I have several twitter accounts, and on one I was so pissed off by Elon Musk and his bullshit when it came to crypto and fucking people, I tweeted a snarky comment that someone should dick punch him. I got banned from twitter.
And not willing to apologize so that account is in limbo, like an epitaph that has no ending date.
Covid hurt every company that I hated working for. That is a bonus for me and no one I cared about died from it. But than again, I only care about one person in this world.
So yes, Covid was super awesome for me. I got to watch everyone who treated me like a piece of shit get wrekt.
Delta variant, I don't need back up. We got the fuckers the first time.
Unfortunately, I lost it a long time a go to a woman hater, who did everything he could to put me down monetarily. He won in that aspect because it has taken me years to recover.
Herb Albert Prick was his name as I recall. A savvy old man that had more charm than money, and did not understand the rules of keeping a younger woman happy.
He really thought that I owed him. And he took as much as he could.
After he took my house, and came back to rob me of the rings and bullshit promises, he sent me a picture of him in an email.
All I recall is my reply telling him the next time I see his photo, that it better be in the obituary column.
I have not heard from him since, and glad of that. Although, I do hold out hope to see that obituary one day.