12.31.2018

#2019 assholes!

We made it through another year.

I find it funny, that I survived the past year without the help of yet another self help book.

Have you read "The Subtle Art of not Giving a Fuck"?

\Yeah, well, I read it and can tell you, it is full of old shit that is not news to anyone.

He is clever with prose, I will give Manson that, but his stories are not quite accurate and more to the point of being bullshit he concocted to fit his agenda.

The hippie Suzuki? Really?

The musicians dumped before a record deal> Did he talk to those fuckers?

Dude, love the writing. You are a brilliant storyteller, but a self-help guru? NOT!! AT FUCKING ALL!

For those of us already self-aware, we flip through the mundane and over y used shit.


You can read his shit at markmanson.com...OOP, sorry, the sad fucker is a .net dude.

And no doubt some will call me out on my critique and assume I am jealous, but that just makes me laugh now that I read the book!

markmanson.net

The Blonde finds all self-help books do one thing...help the author make money, and do nothing but distract and annoy the dumb asses who read it!

\

12.08.2018

Unhealthy Relationhips


I use to say, sign me up.

But I have learned the hardest thing to do in one's life is to leave the comfort zone.

This means you leave the ground underneath you, you yank the roots which grounded you, and you turn on the people who thought loved you but understand they only had a vested interest in keeping you down.

But if you can stand the fear, the backlash, and loneliness for a bit...than you will have wings to go any where you want.

I will explain more later...but there is more love than you can imagine beyond that comfort zone.

Especially when your comfort zone was some fucked up shit.





12.05.2018

Light a Candle


When shit creeps in, light a proverbial candle.

This one is my favorite.



The Blonde says, Amen.

Doc Pothead was right about one thing


Oh fuck, I cant't remember.

I do know, I listened to this after it:



The Blonde lives with regrets every day.

Don't Mind Fuck Me


Never try to date a psychiatrist if you have skeletons in the closet.

I have washed most of my life's history away.

Why do I need someone to try and bring it up again?

I think my Dad agrees with me.

After hanging up with the Hack Doctor, I went to the bathroom and switched the light on.

All 4 bulbs from the chandelier blew.

Not just burned out, but actually blew and popped and sparked.

I got it Daddy, no more guys that mind fuck me.

No more bringing up things in the past that will not help my future.


The Blonde hears you loud and clear!


P.S. Thank you...no dark roads for me any more.

Cuffing? Seriously Match?


I have a love/hate relationship with Match.

Mostly hate Match because of the guys but love Match because of the stories I get to write about the guys.

So thank you.
Still not giving you free ads, biatch.

So this time is purely for enjoyment and stories.

So let's get into it:

Right off the bat, met up with married men who lies like an Aubusson rug at Saks.

Smooth as silk, but lit with a match would have a stench.

This guy was not worth a match, his carpet is made of polyester and he melted under all his lies.


Do I feel sorry for his wife? No, it is not like she is my friend. I could care less.

Will I see this dude again?

The question mark was sarcasm.

But if you are in for some really incredible golf clubs...this guy hand makes them out of a small warehouse here in lil' ole Texas.

I have more stories, like the super-stoned psychiatrist with a successful family mental health practice.

Stay tuned!!

The Blonde is back on Match!

12.03.2018

The Interview of Your Life


You got it!

You got that interview that you have worked all your life for.

Your head starts spinning in only one direction....

The presentation.

Not only a presentation, but the presentation that will nail it.

At this moment, you feel like a gambler with the winning hand.

You are placing all bets and calling.

And you have no idea what the other cards are.

At this moment, it is perfect.

Almost, so perfect you don't want the interview, because at this moment life feels too good.

And if that contract does not come through, you lost your life savings on one bet.

Just the fact I got the invited to the table means I did something right in my career.

And I am not leaving the fucking table.

I worked too had to get here.

The Blonde calls!!



Double fist down!

I am posting a lot.


Somethin' is coming....



Calm the fuck down. 

I know what you were thinking! 

Don't get all citizen moron on me and call 911! 

The Blonde is busy with Xmas shit. 

I really hope the gov't figures out how to take guns away from provincial understudies of the world.

Oh, duh...the gov't is mostly made up of provincial understudies. 

The Blonde says, "Yeah we, are fucked"



Date: Have you thought about bigger breasts?



Me: No, have you thought about a bigger dick?

Sincerely,

The Blonde

Do You Kill the Cat Before Christmas? Or wait?


Once upon a time, there was this young tuxedo cat named Lola


She could scale walls and dance on rooftops with very little effort. She took great pride in her fanciful, feline maneuvers.


20 years later ....



The princess of prowling walks across the ledge forgetting her legs don't pirouette like a Bolshoi ballerina any more.


So, on the corner ledge, 3 stories up from the pool. there she sits crying and looking for the screen to magically open up.


Her Mother finds her and ponders leaving her there or calling the fire department.


After a long pause and high pitched mew sounding more urgent than ever, the Mother is rushed to a decision and finds the best course of action is to cut through the window screen and pull in the damsel in distress.


Let it be said....



Lola better be asking Santa Paws for a new 60 x 36 screen with a white aluminum frame, or she will be getting coal in her stocking.



The Blonde is over kitty litter!

Worst Date Ever?

Haa,

Not nearly.


Many dates have wrecked off this Blonde's shore over the past three decades—so many, in fact, that I have built a blog of all the ships that have sailed. So many, that this damsel gets tired of writing about them and comes up with other stories to amuse herself while on this isolated island.

This last one was a psychiatrist with a successful family mental health practice.

His kid is 17, quit school because he does not like it, and Daddy said OK.

Daddy Psychologist is a pot head.  He deals with other people's shit all day, that he has no time to deal with his own kid. His kid is also a pothead. Duh

But I jumped ahead.

We chose a date and time to meet, I called Lyft-because Uber is a dick- and just as I texted him, I am on my way, he asks if we can delay the date because his fucking football game is in over-time.

OK

I get it, this is Texas..I am not a bitch and get the passion. So I say, fuck the restaurant, and will meet you at the bar.

I meet him at the sports bar, and he is loaded to the gills. He had been vaping since 4:20 my friends.

Still cool about the shit, because I wanted to see the Turnpike Troubadours, and it was a sold out show.

I know, fuck you...if you heard the Turnpike Troubadors live, you would put up with a little shit too.



Well, I was cool until Dr. Psych started baa-ing like a sheep really loudly. I think he was trying to shout "YEAH"", but it came out "BAHHH".

At that point, I had to leave.

A shit load of cowboys were looking his way and I didn't need to be in the way.

The Blonde went home with a Lyft.





11.30.2018

You are Fundamentally Failing

We all are.

Because we have grown so complacent and used to being selfish, that we can not see the bigger picture.

I realize this seems hypocritical coming from the dark side of the blonde.

But there is a better me. It is just not shown on this blog.

This blog still believes in killing ugly and stupid babies.

But more later, I have another date to crush.

The Blonde is off to slay another heart!

You Must Go

I have had no interaction with Amazon in the past three months, so I must go.

I have not engaged enough on Facebook, so I must go.

Google tells me I have to go...

To where?

I am here, and will remain here.

Do not go quiet into the night, said some author some time ago. I think I will go with his words.

My blog is not on death's door.

I have been quiet because I am following Sun Tzu's rule about doing nothing when you do not know what to do.

In the past, I applied this rule literally but that pushed me back 10 years. Now I use his readings figuratively, and seem to be moving forward.

Of course what do I know?

This blonde has been in limbo so long, most everyone she knows is dead. Which, sadly but fortunately, actually will work out better for me.

Yes, I used adverbs in the end...get over it!

11.21.2018

My Cell Phone

I have the same number for over 20 years and never have answered call.

What or why do you think that will change?

My cell is not used a phone.

It is my connect. Send me coordinates to a VIP part'e & I am there.

The Blonde never answers a cell, idiots!

Match.com again

The only thing I can say about Match.com is...

Most men have been on it for years.

The men do not get better looking as they age.

Men get stupid and forget to delete old pics when they were young, and just keep adding, until hot turns into not.

Most men are married.

Many men have anger issues because their wives cheated on them and looking to fuck up a woman with aloof behavior.

I paid for 6 months on a birthday whim.

It was better than cutting off my Goldie locks.

Match.com still sucks...but what the hell, it is just as fun as Netflix. And it is the same price
.
The Blonde is happy to waste time on net dicks!

Finally, A Killer Chick I like!!



Can I replace chicks I hate without killing them?

The Blonde is just wondering...

Boss Ass Kissing Blondie Style



My kid and his troop is up for a Bronze Star after shutting down insurgents, but yeah...

I guess it is cool your 12 year old kid left a stupid note with black magic marker on the white board that no one uses in our office.

The Blonde is not sure, but thinks this is enough ass kissing. 

If not, fucking, kill me!

11.16.2018

Fucking Passwords!

I am so sick of using my cell phone to reset passwords.

What fucking bizness is it of your Google to know my cell number?

Track me, sell me like a whore?

Google was always, just another guy that could not fuck the girl they wanted and now they have the power to fuck the girl that still does not want them.

Is the Blonde wrong?

11.14.2018

Chobani My Ass its Healthy

It is a thickened yogurt with locust bean gum. Tis shit is no better than ice cream.

Look at the ingredients, the carb count and what extra protein?

And I love not how Chobani can get away with stating locally sourced milk. I am Texas so you rsource is not local to me asshole!!

 And how did this Turk / Persian get the money to buy a small Kraft plant in upstate New York?

I read the rags to riches bullshit stories on this guy, but he is Persian and to me that means still laundering the shit load of money the U.S. left behind.

How do middle eastern immigrants get these loans for companies and yet Americans struggle to find help with theirs?

The Cato Institute has challenged the justification of the federal government in intervening in credit markets.[25][26] Among other criticisms, Cato argues that "the SBA benefits a relatively tiny number of small businesses at the expense of the vast majority of small business that do not receive government assistance. SBA subsidies also represent a form of corporate welfare for the banking industry." Cato notes that the failure rate of all SBA loans from 2001 to 2010 is 19.4%,[25] contributing to a cost to taxpayers of $6.2 billion in 2011.[27]
In 2005, SBA Inspector General Report 5-15 stated, "One of the most important challenges facing the Small Business Administration and the entire Federal government today is that large businesses are receiving small business procurement awards and agencies are receiving credit for these awards."[28]
In October 2009, the Government Accountability Office released Report 10-108 which stated, "By failing to hold firms accountable, SBA and contracting agencies have sent a message to the contracting community that there is no punishment or consequences for committing fraud."

I call bullshit on Chobani and think their yogurt is a fraud. It is not healthy and dumb-ass Americans need to stop thinking it is better than pure acidophilus  yogurt!

The blonde tires of ignorant dieters!


11.13.2018

Sean Rowe

Fuuuuhhhhhh...he is drop your wet panties on the floor amazing!



So says the Blonde!

8.03.2018

Child Memory



I remember a few.

I remember Randy Hall. 1st grade. Why we were in love or what made me think I was, I have no id
clue to this day.

 I was like 5 or 7?

How old are you in 1st grade?

That is how old I was.

I remember he gave me a copper, four-leaf clover ring.

I brought it home, showed my Mom and bragged about how much Randy loved me.

Mother accused me of stealing the ring and ignored the rest of my love story.

She ordered me to return the ring she accused me of stealing.

Since I did not steal it, I  had no place to take it. So I hid it...in my flesh-pink colored, cubbie at school.

The next day, the ring was gone.

Who cleaned the school back then, I do not know.

I know my ring went from my finger to gone in less than 24 hours because if interference from others.

Do I carry this as baggage? Your damn right I do.

I have several vintage trunks that hold my emotional and mental garbage in a storage unit, that I have had since 2007.

I am getting tired of holding on to the past.

There is an entire house in the storage unit, including linens, fine china and perfectly preserved furniture.

DO you want it?





Freedom or surrender, not sure which one I am choosing at the moment, but will let you know!

The blonde is offering an entire home wrapped up in a bow.

All you have to do is let it go.

Take it, burn it, change it.

The Blonde wants gone!

I don't Do Cookies, Europe!!



When did the Blonde ever give you the impression that she bakes fucking cookies?

Anyone who follows me is safe. I don't do cookies!

I don't track you. I don't follow you. I don't sell you.

I just post my shit.

You can hate me, love me, or want to kill me....


I don't care!!!

My blog started a long fucking time ago. And I can say with confidence, no one ever fucked with you on my watch.

But, if they did....let me know!

I will go dark on their ass and destroy them for you!!

I am particularly fond of killing uneducated, poor, Muslim men that came into Europe and hurt my blondes and brondes!

Give me coordinates:

The Blonde really dislikes men that hold no concept of equality!!

5.07.2018

There was a time

...that I wished you well.

I still wish you happiness, just stay far the fuck away from me or that will change.




the Blonde!

No one hurts me ANY MORE!!!

I believe in the NRA.

I do not believe in assault rifles, but I do believe in owning a small caliber weapon to fit my evening purse.

Anf anyone against women wanting to hold something that gives them power and security; is an ugly duck whose mind,  is fucked enough to believe, that rape, is about beauty!!

The Blonde!!



4.18.2018

Vladimir!

Found you going to my gas station.

Ae you really that stupid?!

Next time I see you, in my part of town; I will start sending pics of our relations to your wife and kids.

And I will start taking down all your friends, as well.

Don't make me the asshole.

Do not come near me. Stay away from me or I promise you, that your friends and family, will see what you never wanted them to see.

The monster that you are!!

Be an arrogant creep, that thinks he can scare me and hurt me and hunt me down-- over and over again just by coming around my world?

Think again!! I am stronger than you know. You built me this way!!

The Blonde!!!



4.17.2018

You still bother me!!


I hate you...you killed me!

Vladimir, you are a super cunt of a man. I am glad to see your wife likes pussy!






This blonde doesn't like anything below the belt these days!

4.15.2018

Coachella

Am I at Coachella?

NO!

Want to know why?

Because SXSW is being a total dick to me.

I will fill you in after the Coachella interlude!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9TUBf6l7FBg



Blonde on Blonde by Bob Dylan

Are you fucking kidding me?

This tour was named after me...



I would have preferred 'Blinded by Blonde'  but who is bitchin?

Not this Blonde!!

4.11.2018

Hackers Just Want You To Play

NEW RANSOMWARE WANTS YOU TO PLAY PLAYERUNKNOWN’S BATTLEGROUNDS



Oh fuck, why should I rewrite something that is already written!

Take it away Blair!!!


Since its debut last year, PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds has been one of our favorite multiplayer battle royale games. But someone may be taking their love for the game a little bit too far with a malware program which encrypts your files. Instead of ransoming your personal info for exorbitant amounts of money, the program asks players to play Battlegrounds.
Via Kotaku and Bleeping Computer, the PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds ransomware was discovered by Malware Hunter Team, and it is real. While the PUBG Ransomeware actually works, it’s being treated as a joke since the programmer included a note that said “Your files is [encrypted] by PUBG Ransomeware! But don’t worry! It is not that hard to unlock it. I don’t want money! Just play PUBG 1Hours.” It doesn’t even take an hour of gameplay to unlock the files. According to the reports, three minutes of gameplay will do the the trick. Also, the programmer included an unlock code, which means there’s really nothing to ransom.
This is perhaps one of the most benign ransomware programs in recent memory, and it’s the only one that makes us smile. It is a little disturbing to see how easily a ransomware program can spread and take control of sensitive files. But the idea of being “forced” to play PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds is the perfect cover for getting out of work.
Can you imagine what will happen if this ransomware catches on? Whole offices could be shut down until we get in a few rounds of Overwatch or Fortnite. Actually, we kind of like that idea.
What do you think about the PUBG Ransomeware? Play a few rounds in our comment section below!

4.10.2018

Men are pissing me off lately


I can barely spend more than two weeks with them before I realize they and I are severely flawed.

So I am going to celebrate people I adore.

It is a very short list:

Now, from this day forward until I change my mind. I will be telling stories of those I respect.

Black and White Hats!!

The blonde is going to tell hacking stories that will freak you out.

If you thought Zuckerberg is a problem, you have no idea what really is going on in your digital world!!

BTW:  U.S. Senators are real idiots and used the whole Facebook - Analytica problem as a pulpit for their own public promotion.


The blonde will get hack to you.


4.05.2018

I don't know what love means

No one ever taught me what it is.

So I made my own version of it.

Honesty, loyalty and willing to die for it.

Sounds more like an ad for the Army, but it is all I know and all I believe.




The Blonde hates the way men think.


Bumble is leftovers from Tinder


Bumble is no better than Tinder.

As a matter of fact, most of the men you see on Bumble are Tinder rejects.

I spent a few weeks with one guy, who tried so hard to put the past behind him that he could not sit still.

All the yoga in the world can not help this person's PTSD.

He has a lot on his plate.

I feel for him, but I am not going to be the transition girl while he works things out.

Every conversation leads to the ex-wife or the ex-girlfriend that cheated on him.

I am not going to be that girl who wants to listen nor engage in this co-dependent nightmare.

I am sorry you were hurt by other women. And I am sorry your anger continues.

But most importantly, I am angry that you feel it necessary to regulate my behavior based on your past relationships.

And you are a total dick for telling me all about the golf tournaments and parties you were invited to or went to and rubbed it in my face after the fact.

 What the fuck is wrong with you angry yoga man?

You don't deserve an alias on my page. You can stay 'angry yoga man' prick!

That is your shit to own. Do not project it on to me.






 I do not like a man that looks at women and grades their potential, as a girlfriend, based on how willing she is to give head at a moments notice or accommodate a karma sutra fucking style that only leaves the man with an orgasm.

Namaste, angry yoga man.

Never regulate the Blonde!!!


P.S. Don't ever put your hand on my head and push me down to give you head unless you want your dick bit off.