It seems the past two weeks has been an endless tragedy of death in the world of fame. Many names were not noteworthy due to age or the fact Americans don't watch reruns of British sitcom or bollywood movies.
It's mostly age.
I watched a few episodes of 'Pitchman' last night. They were playing them as a tribute to the late and irritatingly loud and lovable Billy Mayes. If you do not know who he is, you are to stupid to read my blog...so run along.
For the rest of you in the status quo know, Billy and his pal Sully, ran a pitch business together, that made them wealthy enough to play around in a private not G5 jet; still a jet.
What side you did not get to see, and the reality show helped me out on the peek-a-boo, is in the lives of inventors that have given their last coin to follow the full potential of the American dream of capitalism.
One man in particular got to me. I am not used to seeing men cry and feel the only time they should is when a loved one dies or their dog. If you cry over the cat, and I have cats, its not something I wish to see.
Anyhoo, back to my guy...
He choked on his words, "You don't give up until the tax man comes and hammers a notice on your door". He wiped his red eyes looked away and that was it. I knew what he meant, his wife knew what he meant, and his five children, had no clue as they danced for the cameras, what he meant.
Happy to say, the teary eyed bloke that gave me an extra boost to continue my new endeavor, grossed over $2 million thanks to his tenacity, the support of his family, and the genius of two guys that started selling sweepers, state to state, and ended up cleaning out the pockets of millions of happy consumers.
Blondes never run out of inspiration!
7.02.2009
6.29.2009
PETA Would Be Proud
PETA would be proud
When I was 7, I walked in on my Father going to the bathroom, or as we like to call it, his personal library. He was sitting on the toilet and from that one instance, seeing him sitting, I deduced in my impressionable blonde mind that at a certain age men’s wankers fall off and they have to go to the bathroom just like girls. The funny thing is, I don’t ever recall ever seeing a man stand up to pee either. I guess it was ingrained somewhere in my psyche, must have been a boy who taught me about the dangly thing.
I recall this one moment, because I had another such walk in just recently. I needed a beach towel which are stowed away in my parent’s boudoir. The door was ajar and without suspect I opened it, looked up for a brief second, saw my Father sitting on his thrown with a book in his lap- after all, it was his library.
Thank Gah for the book!
I quickly retreated backwards with eyes shut and apologized profusely.
Than I retreated down the hall to the kitchen where I began to shake off the incidence. Just then a huge yelp from an unsuspecting Boo cried out. “Grandpa, shut the door!”
As he walked down the hall, his trail of disgust kept going, “Oh Gah, Oh Geez, Oh the horror. My eyes, my eyes.”
“Walk in on Big Daddy?”
“Ughhh, he didn’t shut the door.”
“Yep, me too. Beach towel. You?”
“Toilet paper. Ughh”
We had a good laugh about it only because once Big Daddy hits the library; the glorious odor that comes from his ‘reading’ leaves you staying a distance away from the entire bedroom wing. I never did get that beach towel and Boo hustled Big Daddy's woman in for the paper.
Now it seems, some rats have taken to my storage unit and have converted it to their own private library. I noticed their ‘reading’ all over the sheets that cover my antique chairs. I have discussed the problem before with the management but all they want to do is place rat traps and poison in my unit to rid me of their problem. Unfortunately, I rather see dried droppings than dead carcasses of rodents left behind by torture.
Imagine them dying in my space, near my things.
Never!!!
I rather sit in Big Daddy’s library after he read the entirety of ‘The Blah Story’, which is a 13 million-word book by Nigel Tomm!!
Ughh!!!
So, instead of killing the walking typhoid fur balls, I have decided it is in my best interest and the rats, to move.
Ughh!!
The Blonde hates animal control!
When I was 7, I walked in on my Father going to the bathroom, or as we like to call it, his personal library. He was sitting on the toilet and from that one instance, seeing him sitting, I deduced in my impressionable blonde mind that at a certain age men’s wankers fall off and they have to go to the bathroom just like girls. The funny thing is, I don’t ever recall ever seeing a man stand up to pee either. I guess it was ingrained somewhere in my psyche, must have been a boy who taught me about the dangly thing.
I recall this one moment, because I had another such walk in just recently. I needed a beach towel which are stowed away in my parent’s boudoir. The door was ajar and without suspect I opened it, looked up for a brief second, saw my Father sitting on his thrown with a book in his lap- after all, it was his library.
Thank Gah for the book!
I quickly retreated backwards with eyes shut and apologized profusely.
Than I retreated down the hall to the kitchen where I began to shake off the incidence. Just then a huge yelp from an unsuspecting Boo cried out. “Grandpa, shut the door!”
As he walked down the hall, his trail of disgust kept going, “Oh Gah, Oh Geez, Oh the horror. My eyes, my eyes.”
“Walk in on Big Daddy?”
“Ughhh, he didn’t shut the door.”
“Yep, me too. Beach towel. You?”
“Toilet paper. Ughh”
We had a good laugh about it only because once Big Daddy hits the library; the glorious odor that comes from his ‘reading’ leaves you staying a distance away from the entire bedroom wing. I never did get that beach towel and Boo hustled Big Daddy's woman in for the paper.
Now it seems, some rats have taken to my storage unit and have converted it to their own private library. I noticed their ‘reading’ all over the sheets that cover my antique chairs. I have discussed the problem before with the management but all they want to do is place rat traps and poison in my unit to rid me of their problem. Unfortunately, I rather see dried droppings than dead carcasses of rodents left behind by torture.
Imagine them dying in my space, near my things.
Never!!!
I rather sit in Big Daddy’s library after he read the entirety of ‘The Blah Story’, which is a 13 million-word book by Nigel Tomm!!
Ughh!!!
So, instead of killing the walking typhoid fur balls, I have decided it is in my best interest and the rats, to move.
Ughh!!
The Blonde hates animal control!
6.25.2009
Money Talks, Everyone Else Walks
I am listening to ACDC, whom I can never seem to get enough of, on nights like this; nights that make me think I should just chuck it all and be a vagabond on the beach or take a long walk on a short pier.
Money does talk, it talks louder than anything else in the world. For those of us who have lost it, for what ever reason- does it even matter why? It is a bit more difficult than never having money at all.
My friends, and even some men I know, seem to think being broke is contagious, or they think I am after them for something, and so they politely space themselves from me. It is alright, considering I can not afford to accompany them on the trips they take, the charity dinners they attend, nor the art exhibits from which they buy for their house, that I know longer have, anyway.
It seems to save face on both ends.
I am slowly becoming invisible but not in a bad way. I am just working in my cocoon to come out as a butterfly again. Spread my wings of fabulosity and see what life holds for me after I recover from this little stint in a financially dormant life.
One thing is for certain...men will be at the bottom of my list of hobbies... and friends--who needs the old ones when I can make new ones in exotic lands that I will most certainly be flying to.
And maybe, my wings will take me to a land that values the person more than their fame and fortune.
The Blonde has no room for baggage on her pretty little wings!!
I dedicate this to Farrah Fawcett!!!
Money does talk, it talks louder than anything else in the world. For those of us who have lost it, for what ever reason- does it even matter why? It is a bit more difficult than never having money at all.
My friends, and even some men I know, seem to think being broke is contagious, or they think I am after them for something, and so they politely space themselves from me. It is alright, considering I can not afford to accompany them on the trips they take, the charity dinners they attend, nor the art exhibits from which they buy for their house, that I know longer have, anyway.
It seems to save face on both ends.
I am slowly becoming invisible but not in a bad way. I am just working in my cocoon to come out as a butterfly again. Spread my wings of fabulosity and see what life holds for me after I recover from this little stint in a financially dormant life.
One thing is for certain...men will be at the bottom of my list of hobbies... and friends--who needs the old ones when I can make new ones in exotic lands that I will most certainly be flying to.
And maybe, my wings will take me to a land that values the person more than their fame and fortune.
The Blonde has no room for baggage on her pretty little wings!!
I dedicate this to Farrah Fawcett!!!
I Have a Drinking Problem
...and the first step to reovery is admitting it. Its a problem that seems to fill the nooks and corners of desk tops and sewing areas with mounds of coffee cups, ice tea glasses, little wine glasses, and Fresca can...after Fresca can. At any given moment, I will drink simultaneously from several glasses strategically placed around my little bikini manufacturing room (aka. my bedroom suite). I constantly forget where I placed my glass or forget I already made myself a cup of tea and I will whip up, in the blender, a sugar free iced coffee.
It doesn't matter what the beverage, I just seem to be thirsty all the time. Perhaps its more that I am over compensating for my oral fixation and lack of a fag between my lips since I have had to cut down on my smoking due to a bank account on thin ice, my Nat Shermans being in the Louis Vuitton price range of smokes, and the government extorting funds from me that should be punishable under the RICO act.
At a time when I am afraid I may not make it to the next month and be able to pay bills, drinking during the day feeds my need for a vice while I worry about whether or not my little ecokini company can sustain my very small existence and grow into a future with a much larger lifestyle.
The Blonde makes a toast to better times!!!
It doesn't matter what the beverage, I just seem to be thirsty all the time. Perhaps its more that I am over compensating for my oral fixation and lack of a fag between my lips since I have had to cut down on my smoking due to a bank account on thin ice, my Nat Shermans being in the Louis Vuitton price range of smokes, and the government extorting funds from me that should be punishable under the RICO act.
At a time when I am afraid I may not make it to the next month and be able to pay bills, drinking during the day feeds my need for a vice while I worry about whether or not my little ecokini company can sustain my very small existence and grow into a future with a much larger lifestyle.
The Blonde makes a toast to better times!!!
Star Trek Movie
Since when did I develop a hyena's hunch on my back that needs to be accommodated by the bucket molded, seating in movie theaters?
I went to the new theater to see Star Trek, finally, and the seat had my head jetted half a foot in front of my shoulders. Why do they curve a chair that way? If they put the head rest in line with my shoulders, I wouldn't have the the inclination to recline the chair just so my head could sit up straight.
My back was sinking in the cavernous hole in the middle, where I should have had some lumbar support, , and the extra foot room for my feet in the chair in front of me was walled in by more plastic.
Do designers of theater seating really have a hatred for anyone who would prefer to sit up straight? Do they not understand the difference between reclining and slouching?
I would prefer if my head leaned back so I could try and focus on the too many close ups on the too small of a screen, that they cut to fit 16 screenings in one theater building.
Whatever happened to the big screen?
I dated guys with bigger screens in their theater rooms!!
On the other hand, the new theater had popcorn that was poly-saturated fat free cardboard, spinning greasy dogs, and no Reese's pieces!!!!
It sucked!!!!
Anyhoo,
If I go to movie again, it will be my 10 am movie on Sunday, at the old theater that smells like dirty socks, has reclining seats, self buttering popcorn, dirty water hot dogs, and a super large screen just for me.
PS. Star trek was perfectly fab, see it again!!!
Can't wait for GI Joe!!
Blondes like their own show!!!
I went to the new theater to see Star Trek, finally, and the seat had my head jetted half a foot in front of my shoulders. Why do they curve a chair that way? If they put the head rest in line with my shoulders, I wouldn't have the the inclination to recline the chair just so my head could sit up straight.
My back was sinking in the cavernous hole in the middle, where I should have had some lumbar support, , and the extra foot room for my feet in the chair in front of me was walled in by more plastic.
Do designers of theater seating really have a hatred for anyone who would prefer to sit up straight? Do they not understand the difference between reclining and slouching?
I would prefer if my head leaned back so I could try and focus on the too many close ups on the too small of a screen, that they cut to fit 16 screenings in one theater building.
Whatever happened to the big screen?
I dated guys with bigger screens in their theater rooms!!
On the other hand, the new theater had popcorn that was poly-saturated fat free cardboard, spinning greasy dogs, and no Reese's pieces!!!!
It sucked!!!!
Anyhoo,
If I go to movie again, it will be my 10 am movie on Sunday, at the old theater that smells like dirty socks, has reclining seats, self buttering popcorn, dirty water hot dogs, and a super large screen just for me.
PS. Star trek was perfectly fab, see it again!!!
Can't wait for GI Joe!!
Blondes like their own show!!!
6.24.2009
Parking Meters
University of Texas didn't go for my meter painting idea.Hhmmm.....
Maybe I can talk Austin in letting me do the meters around the capital like little Texas flags.
The Blonde needs change for the meters!!
6.18.2009
Bugging PETA
Since el President did a smack down on a fly during a speech at the white house, and it found its way onto Youtube, PETA is sending a letter in respect to killing the fly more humanely.
I personally don't care how a bug is killed, just as long as someone else does it and I don't have to hear it, or see it.
Last night, I sat up in bed watching Bravo TV and a water roach crawled up on my bed and around my leg!!!
Needless, to say I did not get to sleep the entire night. I left my light on and when I heard a bug sound I would jump 3 feet out of bed.
Considering where I live, a bug should not be anywhere near the inside of the house. The house I owned, downtown in a groovy little neighborhood by the university, was a 1930 bungalow and I
always had a problem with the water roach that seeks out refuge inside the vintage cottages, before the summer heat arrived The antiquity of the homes made it very inviting for many of Mother Nature's creatures to earn squatting rights if you were a raccoon, squirrel, or bug. Now that I have upgraded my digs to the hills and sleep in a mcmansion, I should be protected from such invaders.
We have gates on our community for just this reason!
We don't like uninvited guests.
When they fly, it will scare the bigeebees out of me. I dart and run in panic, as if being sprayed with bullets. These 2" terroists have armor while I go unprotected.
I know PETA wants us to be humane but they have no idea the mental anguish I go through when they taunt me in the dark.
I say water board the little buggers.
The Blonde can not be friend to all creatures!!
I personally don't care how a bug is killed, just as long as someone else does it and I don't have to hear it, or see it.
Last night, I sat up in bed watching Bravo TV and a water roach crawled up on my bed and around my leg!!!
Needless, to say I did not get to sleep the entire night. I left my light on and when I heard a bug sound I would jump 3 feet out of bed.
Considering where I live, a bug should not be anywhere near the inside of the house. The house I owned, downtown in a groovy little neighborhood by the university, was a 1930 bungalow and I
always had a problem with the water roach that seeks out refuge inside the vintage cottages, before the summer heat arrived The antiquity of the homes made it very inviting for many of Mother Nature's creatures to earn squatting rights if you were a raccoon, squirrel, or bug. Now that I have upgraded my digs to the hills and sleep in a mcmansion, I should be protected from such invaders.
We have gates on our community for just this reason!
We don't like uninvited guests.
When they fly, it will scare the bigeebees out of me. I dart and run in panic, as if being sprayed with bullets. These 2" terroists have armor while I go unprotected.
I know PETA wants us to be humane but they have no idea the mental anguish I go through when they taunt me in the dark.
I say water board the little buggers.
The Blonde can not be friend to all creatures!!
6.16.2009
I Practiced Twirling
Tonight, like most nights, I sat on the porch thinking of what I really want to get out of life. I had a few pieces of cut bamboo next to me and I picked one up and began to twirl it, thinking how I could use it in one of my bikini designs.
The funny thing is, as I twirled the bamboo, thinking of all the possibilities it had in my designs, I totally forgot that I was twirling it on the tip of my fingers and it began to play like a feather just barely wisping upon the tips of my dancing digits; the moment I was conscious of my actions the bamboo dropped like a stiff stick.
I kept playing with the bamboo and my thoughts, and I learned, the more I concentrated on things in my head, the more the bamboo stick would dance, barely touching; floating and twirling right above my finger tips as if it were a surreal action portraying my life at that one moment.
Everything I have ever wanted was always a finger tip away and every time I thought it was in my grasp, the dream fell away.
I had an epiphany:
Until I focus on what I really want, that bamboo stick will always fall!
The Blonde is finding her balance!!
The funny thing is, as I twirled the bamboo, thinking of all the possibilities it had in my designs, I totally forgot that I was twirling it on the tip of my fingers and it began to play like a feather just barely wisping upon the tips of my dancing digits; the moment I was conscious of my actions the bamboo dropped like a stiff stick.
I kept playing with the bamboo and my thoughts, and I learned, the more I concentrated on things in my head, the more the bamboo stick would dance, barely touching; floating and twirling right above my finger tips as if it were a surreal action portraying my life at that one moment.
Everything I have ever wanted was always a finger tip away and every time I thought it was in my grasp, the dream fell away.
I had an epiphany:
Until I focus on what I really want, that bamboo stick will always fall!
The Blonde is finding her balance!!
Eveything Gets Better With Time
Everything is falling apart these days from my left turning car, to my keyboard missing the 'c' key, to losing my domain; but I am adapting well.
I went to visit my storage unit last week and when I opened the large metal door to expose the contents of stacked boxes, antiques and furniture; the scent of my old house wafted through the air and I felt a bit of nostalgia warming up my soul.
I think of all the people who have lost their homes to devastating floods, hurricanes and fire and I realize how lucky I am to still possess the very essence of my life stacked safely away in a 10 by 20 with not an inch to spare for even the tiniest of Tiffany boxes.
We have all lost something in this economy, but we shouldn't lose our hope that eventually everything does get better. It may take longer than expected, but we can't let that bring us down.
I am plugging away at my newest endeavor, Burlap Bikini-Eco friendly swimwear and cover ups made from recycled materials and remnants that would otherwise be discarded, sort of like a blonde that lives at home.
Hopefully something will come of it but if not, I no longer sweat the small stuff and neither should you. Meanwhile I have margaritas and the hope that my cats will be able to work a sewing machine when the orders start coming in.
Blondes don't lose sight of the big picture!!
6.12.2009
I Lost My Letter
I dropped my laptop and the C button went flying off into some unknown direction so I am having a hard time dealing with one of my alphabets on the loose.
How am I supposed to type numerous 'c' words, if I have to carefully hit some freaky nub without its grill?!
The Blonde will be back as soon as she finds that little 'c' !!
How am I supposed to type numerous 'c' words, if I have to carefully hit some freaky nub without its grill?!
The Blonde will be back as soon as she finds that little 'c' !!
6.03.2009
Bad Timing
Now I should know better than to drink a 10 oz carafe of saki and then mosey on over to a comedy club on a Tuesday. I am fairly certain if you are playing a gig during the earlier part of the week, you can't possibly be any good and the fact that my mouth was feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, not caring what anyone thinks if it decided to speak up in the middle of the show, it could have been a cocktail of heckling hell for the stage weary.
The MC was not funny
The first guy was even less funny
and
...the second guy, who was from Austin, was even less funny than the MC and the first guy, making him the head tool of the unfunny cadet club. And he had the audacity to get upset with me for cheering him on. All I said was.....
"Yeah!! Austin!!!
Woo hoo!!!
I am from Austin!!!
Yeah!!!!
Yah!!!
Woo!!!
Alright!!!
Yah!!
Apparently, the Austin comic wasn't a fan of 'Family Guy' and my impersanation of Peter Griffith wasn't funny to the less than fiunny gu. I think little ole me might have messed up his timing for the rest of his set. But in all fairness to the Blonde, if you get thrown because someone cheered for your hometown, you have more problems with your act than just timing. After that, I don;t recall the rest of his routine because I was too busy whispering loudly in Vaughn's ear about how bad the show was.
The third comedian was a chick with a gutter mouth. The only thing funny was the fact she hated Rachel Ray and she agreed with my yelp of Rachel being a 'glorified diner whore' who probably peddled more than just soup to get her own show.
It was all down hill
The comedians were sooooo bad that I wouldn't have been able to keep my mouth shut through any more and before it really got ugly with me entertaining myself with a few more vodka gimlets and a louder heckle job just to entertain myself ...we bailed.
I know it must take some real kahunas to get up on stage and try to juggle a routine that drops to the floor with a thud but comedy is one of those thangs that needs talent.
If ya ain't got it....cha ain't got it!
but Bless ya for trying.
Now get off the stage and get a real job!
The Blonde hates being bad!!
6.02.2009
I Heart Manhattan
...especially the garment district.I was head to toe in fabrics at Moods for half a day looking for organic fabrics for my bikini line. I got so excited about all the other fabrics around that I forgot to even look for burlap and bamboo cloth.
Oh well...gives me a reason to go back!!
I love New York in the spring when the weather is this gorgeous, I am outside enjoying the day. After buying up as much fabric that will fit in my suitcase, Vaughn (my NY go to guy) and I had lunch at an outside eatery in Westside park and talked about all sorts of fabulous things including 'me'. Afterward, we had a quick walk back to his place for a glass of vino and relaxation on the patio of his super digs on the Upper West side.
Now, I am busy wondering what club to swing on into as I play around in the night life of this fabulous jungle.
It is getting a little bit harder to leave each time I come here. I think I wouldn't mind being shipwrecked on this tiny island they call Manhattan. If I ever want off, I can steal a yacht and head for Monte Carlo.
The Blonde loves seaside villages!!
5.28.2009
Blonde Construction
I like working with my hands. It beats sitting on my arse all day in an office.
I rather work in my sweat shop, sewing burlap bikinis and repair decking for Big Daddy to avoid supplementing my writing income by doing white collar labor.
I know I did a decent job on the deck, not because my Dad fills me with praise but because he couldn't find anything to complain about the work. That is a huge compliment in Big Daddy's world.
All in all, its been an excellent day.
I can't take all the credit for the work. Boo did most of the demolition and hammering. I just cut the wood to fit using a 10" miter saw and some finagling with the uncooperative blade. The great thing about a blonde is that I don't know the limits of a tool and so I don't know any better when attempting a curve cut and make it work on a miter.
Don't try this yourself unless you have the arrogence to beat the odds of dropping a few finger tips during a cut.
After a hard days physical labor, I plunged my sample burlap bikini in the aqua blue to test the waters. I didn't hear any complaints about my bikini from Boo, so I take that as a compliment as well.
The Blonde will do what Mexicans say I don't want to do!!
5.26.2009
Blonde Recharge
Sometimes it feels good to just kiss the world goodbye for a few days and live in a cocoon. Some may call this depression. I on the other hand call it my mental spa days.
Now that my brain is rested and my retreat (aka. bed) is made, I know longer wonder why there is a quick ice button next to the cubed and crushed ice. I guess it takes longer to shape ice and quick ice is just what is available to the less picky frosty mouths.
I also remember to use the popcorn button on the nuke oven for unburnt popcorn.
And now that I am rested, I don't lock myself out of the house so many times and I finished unpacking for my trip to New York that I spent the other night getting ready for, before I printed out my itinerary to see that my trip is next week.
I also can remember to use my spell check during email replies.
All in all its beginning to look like a good week.
The Blonde has brain power, again!!
Now that my brain is rested and my retreat (aka. bed) is made, I know longer wonder why there is a quick ice button next to the cubed and crushed ice. I guess it takes longer to shape ice and quick ice is just what is available to the less picky frosty mouths.
I also remember to use the popcorn button on the nuke oven for unburnt popcorn.
And now that I am rested, I don't lock myself out of the house so many times and I finished unpacking for my trip to New York that I spent the other night getting ready for, before I printed out my itinerary to see that my trip is next week.
I also can remember to use my spell check during email replies.
All in all its beginning to look like a good week.
The Blonde has brain power, again!!
5.24.2009
5.23.2009
Fairy Tales and Blondes
I always believed in a blonde fairy tale. I always wanted two children; a boy and a girl. I also wanted a large house and lots of money. Never once did I figure a man, to love and to take care of me, in the original fairy tale.
Well, turns out I got most of my fairy tale; not all of it but enough to make me happy. I got the money and the house, but in much smaller proportions to what I once fantasized as a young girl. But than again I was a little girl and things seemed so much larger back then. And so, maybe I did get exactly what I wanted.
Like any good fairy tale someone must come along and try to take it all away.
And he did.
But unlike normal fairy tales, it wasn't the wicked witch who came to my door. It was a dashing Prince Charming and all his insecurities that whisked me away from my happy life.
My castle is gone, and my little boy, unlike Peter Pan, has grown up and left Never Neverland and I am living in a bedroom the size of a pumpkin trying to sew a life out of the last remnants of my days in a blonde's fairy after tale.
I sometimes cry in my room and talk to my cats. If they start talking back to me and finish sewing my bikinis, than I know I have gone off the deep end and lost all touch with reality.
So far so good.
I started to fantasize about the normal fairy tale with a knight in shining armor and a huge white steed carrying me off to his castle but unfortunately that ship has sunk with the Titanic after the blonde princess turned a certain age. The most I see on the horizon have been castles down sized to small condo, with room only for the children, rides booked up on the steed, child support payments, alimony, a chip on the knight's shoulder about women in general, and little left to give a blonde still looking for her real fairy tale.
I seem to be in a Cinderella nightmare where I can't wake up, working and cleaning for her scraps of left overs.
I don't mind a Prince Charming with children, after all the children were part of my fairy tale, just as long as he still has room in his castle for me.
But until that day, I think I am happiest living my original blonde fairy tale.
I may have to start off again in a tiny room, sewing my fingers to the bone, and talking to my cats, but at least I don't have to deal with someone else's unhappily ever after.
The Blonde will find her happy ever after, eventually!!
Well, turns out I got most of my fairy tale; not all of it but enough to make me happy. I got the money and the house, but in much smaller proportions to what I once fantasized as a young girl. But than again I was a little girl and things seemed so much larger back then. And so, maybe I did get exactly what I wanted.
Like any good fairy tale someone must come along and try to take it all away.
And he did.
But unlike normal fairy tales, it wasn't the wicked witch who came to my door. It was a dashing Prince Charming and all his insecurities that whisked me away from my happy life.
My castle is gone, and my little boy, unlike Peter Pan, has grown up and left Never Neverland and I am living in a bedroom the size of a pumpkin trying to sew a life out of the last remnants of my days in a blonde's fairy after tale.
I sometimes cry in my room and talk to my cats. If they start talking back to me and finish sewing my bikinis, than I know I have gone off the deep end and lost all touch with reality.
So far so good.
I started to fantasize about the normal fairy tale with a knight in shining armor and a huge white steed carrying me off to his castle but unfortunately that ship has sunk with the Titanic after the blonde princess turned a certain age. The most I see on the horizon have been castles down sized to small condo, with room only for the children, rides booked up on the steed, child support payments, alimony, a chip on the knight's shoulder about women in general, and little left to give a blonde still looking for her real fairy tale.
I seem to be in a Cinderella nightmare where I can't wake up, working and cleaning for her scraps of left overs.
I don't mind a Prince Charming with children, after all the children were part of my fairy tale, just as long as he still has room in his castle for me.
But until that day, I think I am happiest living my original blonde fairy tale.
I may have to start off again in a tiny room, sewing my fingers to the bone, and talking to my cats, but at least I don't have to deal with someone else's unhappily ever after.
The Blonde will find her happy ever after, eventually!!
5.19.2009
I Am Officially Brain Dead
Last night, while I was returning emails, I noticed I had become a blithering idiot.
I have been glued to this computer for more than two weeks writing, and working on my online eco friendly store front that has to replace the e-cig fiasco from a few months ago.
On top of that, I was trying to finish sewing a burlap bikini....don't ask!
To rest my weary head I am claiming this week, Blonde in a Bubble. I am shutting down the computer and the phone and just going for walks around the park and working on making bikinis that don't smell like sweaty horse when wet.
The Blondes Mind is gone!!
I have been glued to this computer for more than two weeks writing, and working on my online eco friendly store front that has to replace the e-cig fiasco from a few months ago.
On top of that, I was trying to finish sewing a burlap bikini....don't ask!
To rest my weary head I am claiming this week, Blonde in a Bubble. I am shutting down the computer and the phone and just going for walks around the park and working on making bikinis that don't smell like sweaty horse when wet.
The Blondes Mind is gone!!
5.18.2009
A 'Cell' Phone?
Why would I want to be confined to a cell?
There are certain times when I need 'me' time and the cell phone is just another distraction that I don't want to have to deal with.
I, actually enjoy playing with myself sometimes.
OK... you can have 10 seconds to picture what you are picturing.
10
8
2
1
OK, back to 'get real' now.
Seriously, what is with the addiction of the cell phone. Do you really need to be within twenty seconds reach of text messages, downloaded emails, and the vintage voice call?
I am not about to play Pavlov's dog to a bunch of ring tones alerting me of the multitude of different messages accumulated on my phone.
Maybe if I got a treat every time it rang, I would be more responsive.
If I knew something shiny and expensive was going to be plopped into my blonde behavioral feast bowl every time I heard the un-symphonic notes of a generic ringtone, I might be more inclined to answer.
I know we can't turn the world around us off, but once in a while, it feels good to tune it out.
The Blonde will be back to beck and calls!!!
There are certain times when I need 'me' time and the cell phone is just another distraction that I don't want to have to deal with.
I, actually enjoy playing with myself sometimes.
OK... you can have 10 seconds to picture what you are picturing.
10
8
2
1
OK, back to 'get real' now.
Seriously, what is with the addiction of the cell phone. Do you really need to be within twenty seconds reach of text messages, downloaded emails, and the vintage voice call?
I am not about to play Pavlov's dog to a bunch of ring tones alerting me of the multitude of different messages accumulated on my phone.
Maybe if I got a treat every time it rang, I would be more responsive.
If I knew something shiny and expensive was going to be plopped into my blonde behavioral feast bowl every time I heard the un-symphonic notes of a generic ringtone, I might be more inclined to answer.
I know we can't turn the world around us off, but once in a while, it feels good to tune it out.
The Blonde will be back to beck and calls!!!
5.15.2009
Bravo, N Y Housewives!!
...for showing the world what it looks like when too much money and menopause congregate in the same arena.
I have to give kudos to the casting director for this show. You know, whomever, sat around and looked for women with egos and issues the size of a monsoon but still have qualities that make them likable couldn't have been an easy task. The extra kick to spice up the show with the beauty bobble head was totally a man's two cents, but good sense it was. The show became more of a feature for Animal Planet than Bravo, especially when the claws and daggers of the insecure housewives came out to protect the threat of their nest totally built on carefully intertwined twigs of neuroses.
Forget the Gucci baggage, these housewives are carrying a Louis Vuitton steamer trunk to carry their weight of crazy. Still, you have to give them credit, they would still come under weight requirements set by the FAA simply by dumping any sense of decency and decorum during their reunion show.
I have finished my last season with the New York femi-neophytes but only to get sucked right back into another one with the entrance of the Jersey Housewives. I swear I am going to pull the plug on my dirty little affair with Bravo and get help for my voyeuristic endeavors...
Just as soon as I see the table tipping fight.
The Blonde hates to mingle with wives!!!
I have to give kudos to the casting director for this show. You know, whomever, sat around and looked for women with egos and issues the size of a monsoon but still have qualities that make them likable couldn't have been an easy task. The extra kick to spice up the show with the beauty bobble head was totally a man's two cents, but good sense it was. The show became more of a feature for Animal Planet than Bravo, especially when the claws and daggers of the insecure housewives came out to protect the threat of their nest totally built on carefully intertwined twigs of neuroses.
Forget the Gucci baggage, these housewives are carrying a Louis Vuitton steamer trunk to carry their weight of crazy. Still, you have to give them credit, they would still come under weight requirements set by the FAA simply by dumping any sense of decency and decorum during their reunion show.
I have finished my last season with the New York femi-neophytes but only to get sucked right back into another one with the entrance of the Jersey Housewives. I swear I am going to pull the plug on my dirty little affair with Bravo and get help for my voyeuristic endeavors...
Just as soon as I see the table tipping fight.
The Blonde hates to mingle with wives!!!
5.14.2009
Match.com is a Full Time Job
and I don't like to work that hard unless its for a good cause.
I made it to 19 days before I started to drunk reply to my messages. I would pop the cork on a bottle of vino and settle in to screw around with virtual match addicts. There are so many of them that Betty Ford would do well to open up a special wing for their rehabilitation.
I know the Captain is probably reading this and thinking I mean him but he will be relieved to know he isn't in the hot seat...this time!!
I know there are some decent love stories to come out of Match.com, I actually had dinner with a couple last week that met on Match and married, and I have met some killer friends, but I think Cupid would have an easier time piercing the tail of a lightening bug than get me to sift through the cornucopia of copy, intended to charm a pretty girls panties away, just to find one sweet guy.
Besides, I am almost Cougar status.
I need to focus on my career and Bogart as many bucks as I can before my face falls off and I have to glue it back on like Joan Rivers. I wonder how much quan she has to pay out for spooning?
Gah bless anyone looking for the real deal on Match.
I will rub a Buddha belly for you!!
The Blonde will cheer from the sidelines.
I made it to 19 days before I started to drunk reply to my messages. I would pop the cork on a bottle of vino and settle in to screw around with virtual match addicts. There are so many of them that Betty Ford would do well to open up a special wing for their rehabilitation.
I know the Captain is probably reading this and thinking I mean him but he will be relieved to know he isn't in the hot seat...this time!!
I know there are some decent love stories to come out of Match.com, I actually had dinner with a couple last week that met on Match and married, and I have met some killer friends, but I think Cupid would have an easier time piercing the tail of a lightening bug than get me to sift through the cornucopia of copy, intended to charm a pretty girls panties away, just to find one sweet guy.
Besides, I am almost Cougar status.
I need to focus on my career and Bogart as many bucks as I can before my face falls off and I have to glue it back on like Joan Rivers. I wonder how much quan she has to pay out for spooning?
Gah bless anyone looking for the real deal on Match.
I will rub a Buddha belly for you!!
The Blonde will cheer from the sidelines.
5.13.2009
Bob Seger and Silver Bullet Band Leads Me Back
In the moments that I feel I am fighting against a world that has no care for what is really important, I play music to adjust my thoughts.
I am nobody and .eco will go to the Yaley and the Bore, not because they deserve it but because they can have it. Capitalism is far from the Utopian world I envision but most would argue that I only have this vision out of a sense of not having money.
I say to them, " You are right. I don't have it, but I did, and than I woke up."
I have learned that I have something a bit more powerful than money.
I have family.
I have love.
I have music.
I have something, that moves and inspires me every day, way beyond the inspiration that grabbed hold of our most brilliant and brought them and the most powerful country to its knees.
The U.S. is no longer the prom queen, but it doesn't mean it can't dance to the last song of the night and remember what it was like to be young, and naive, and think the world was at its feet.
My hands were steady
My eyes were clear and bright
My walk had purpose
My steps were quick and light
And I held firmly
To what I felt was right
Like a rock
Like a rock, I was strong as I could be
Like a rock, nothin ever got to me
Like a rock, I was something to see
Like a rock
And I stood arrow straight
Unencumbered by the weight
Of all these hustlers and their schemes
I stood proud, I stood tall
High above it all
I still believed in my dreams
Twenty years now
Whered they go?
Twenty years
I dont know
Sit and I wonder sometimes
Where theyve gone
And sometimes late at night
When Im bathed in the firelight
The moon comes callin a ghostly white
And I recall
The Blonde sees a better life!!
I am nobody and .eco will go to the Yaley and the Bore, not because they deserve it but because they can have it. Capitalism is far from the Utopian world I envision but most would argue that I only have this vision out of a sense of not having money.
I say to them, " You are right. I don't have it, but I did, and than I woke up."
I have learned that I have something a bit more powerful than money.
I have family.
I have love.
I have music.
I have something, that moves and inspires me every day, way beyond the inspiration that grabbed hold of our most brilliant and brought them and the most powerful country to its knees.
The U.S. is no longer the prom queen, but it doesn't mean it can't dance to the last song of the night and remember what it was like to be young, and naive, and think the world was at its feet.
My hands were steady
My eyes were clear and bright
My walk had purpose
My steps were quick and light
And I held firmly
To what I felt was right
Like a rock
Like a rock, I was strong as I could be
Like a rock, nothin ever got to me
Like a rock, I was something to see
Like a rock
And I stood arrow straight
Unencumbered by the weight
Of all these hustlers and their schemes
I stood proud, I stood tall
High above it all
I still believed in my dreams
Twenty years now
Whered they go?
Twenty years
I dont know
Sit and I wonder sometimes
Where theyve gone
And sometimes late at night
When Im bathed in the firelight
The moon comes callin a ghostly white
And I recall
The Blonde sees a better life!!
5.12.2009
Blonde Temper Tantrum
I may or may not have had a little tantrum last night of which I blogged about but quickly erased this morning.
Had a certain someone not contact me about a certain idea I was interested in, the point would be mute but after being contacted by that someone and reading up on the press releases and seeing a certain head of spoiled meat having part in that idea; I now have to strategically plan that the idea, I can not participate in, not be given away so easily to a bunch of spoiled brats with no real desire for anything other than more money.
Where is the Dalai Lama when I need him?
He should be the face of the eco domain and not Al Bore (click and learn) who preaches but doesn't practice!
I think doteco should go to a company that believes in giving back, say 10% of the profit to save the planet. How about Tom's Shoes? Have him apply for it. We can all chip in and raise the funds for him.
The Blonde wants a better deal!!
Had a certain someone not contact me about a certain idea I was interested in, the point would be mute but after being contacted by that someone and reading up on the press releases and seeing a certain head of spoiled meat having part in that idea; I now have to strategically plan that the idea, I can not participate in, not be given away so easily to a bunch of spoiled brats with no real desire for anything other than more money.
Where is the Dalai Lama when I need him?
He should be the face of the eco domain and not Al Bore (click and learn) who preaches but doesn't practice!
I think doteco should go to a company that believes in giving back, say 10% of the profit to save the planet. How about Tom's Shoes? Have him apply for it. We can all chip in and raise the funds for him.
The Blonde wants a better deal!!
5.11.2009
Here She Comes Again
walking down the hall
la la la lala
While I try to write
la la lala
she is talking up a storm
la la lala la
la la
la la di da
MOM!!!!!!
One thing about being a boomeranger that works from home is the fact that the parents do not recognize the work as actual employment but rather an opportunity to annoy their daughter with rhetoric not pertaining to said daughter.
I am working!!
Oh, oh, sorry...did you see the new vase I bought.
Mother, I am in the middle of something, please?
But of course dear, I won't bother you again.
Thank you
Just come and look at the vase, its very old. Your Father will die if he knows I bought it.
I will when I am done!
Oh, oh OK
La la lala di da
From the other side of my door, I hear an argument.
What did you buy now, woman?!
Nothing Dear, its just a vase from the store.
mumble, mumble, screaming, yelling, door slam....
pitter patter of blonde footsteps....
la la la uh oh la
my door opens
Did you hear what your Father said? He didn't even see the vase.
Did you look at my vase?
No Mother, I did not, I was trying to finish my work that pays for my car, that I will need, in the event of my mental breakdown, in order to drive myself to the loony bin and finish my work from a padded cell!
Oh, OK, when your done...come look at the vase.
No doubt, The Blonde is back at home!!!
la la la lala
While I try to write
la la lala
she is talking up a storm
la la lala la
la la
la la di da
MOM!!!!!!
One thing about being a boomeranger that works from home is the fact that the parents do not recognize the work as actual employment but rather an opportunity to annoy their daughter with rhetoric not pertaining to said daughter.
I am working!!
Oh, oh, sorry...did you see the new vase I bought.
Mother, I am in the middle of something, please?
But of course dear, I won't bother you again.
Thank you
Just come and look at the vase, its very old. Your Father will die if he knows I bought it.
I will when I am done!
Oh, oh OK
La la lala di da
From the other side of my door, I hear an argument.
What did you buy now, woman?!
Nothing Dear, its just a vase from the store.
mumble, mumble, screaming, yelling, door slam....
pitter patter of blonde footsteps....
la la la uh oh la
my door opens
Did you hear what your Father said? He didn't even see the vase.
Did you look at my vase?
No Mother, I did not, I was trying to finish my work that pays for my car, that I will need, in the event of my mental breakdown, in order to drive myself to the loony bin and finish my work from a padded cell!
Oh, OK, when your done...come look at the vase.
No doubt, The Blonde is back at home!!!
Blonde Summer Beauty tips
Wraps over a bikini is a poor excuse for not toning up the thighs for summer. If your lazy and can't get out of the house for exercise, at least buy some Doctor Scholls to help tone the back of thighs and calves while walking around your casa.
Another easy thing to do, is put down the Pinot Grigio. Ladies, if you watch the NY Housewives series, check out just how damaging white wine is to a figure by oogling the waist and thighs of Ramona. She is an avid gym guru and still can't keep a girlish figure when downing the high sugar content in her daily wine ritual. She may not have plumped out to the size of the Sopranos but she is getting there.
Betheny is too neurotic and her skinny may have something to do with tossing her skinny girl cookies after the show, and Kelly girl, seems to be flying high on diet pills, so take a healthy route to your summer bod and just cut out the sugars and add a little exercise.
If you wait a little longer I will be coming out with my sexercise line of toys like the 'hippety hump me' and the 'resistant desk chair'. No reason you should sit at work all day when you can have an option of tweaking your bum with a chair that forces you to press down on it to keep it from rising up every time you type. The 'hippety hump me' may not be suitable for the office considering it has a special something to keep you riding an orgasm to slimmer thighs but you can bounce your way to happiness while watching the Jersey Housewives coming up this May.
Life for a blonde is all about looking good and feeling good no matter what you do. But what you do should be fun.
Blondes are shaping up for hot weather!!
Another easy thing to do, is put down the Pinot Grigio. Ladies, if you watch the NY Housewives series, check out just how damaging white wine is to a figure by oogling the waist and thighs of Ramona. She is an avid gym guru and still can't keep a girlish figure when downing the high sugar content in her daily wine ritual. She may not have plumped out to the size of the Sopranos but she is getting there.
Betheny is too neurotic and her skinny may have something to do with tossing her skinny girl cookies after the show, and Kelly girl, seems to be flying high on diet pills, so take a healthy route to your summer bod and just cut out the sugars and add a little exercise.
If you wait a little longer I will be coming out with my sexercise line of toys like the 'hippety hump me' and the 'resistant desk chair'. No reason you should sit at work all day when you can have an option of tweaking your bum with a chair that forces you to press down on it to keep it from rising up every time you type. The 'hippety hump me' may not be suitable for the office considering it has a special something to keep you riding an orgasm to slimmer thighs but you can bounce your way to happiness while watching the Jersey Housewives coming up this May.
Life for a blonde is all about looking good and feeling good no matter what you do. But what you do should be fun.
Blondes are shaping up for hot weather!!
5.07.2009
5.06.2009
Biatch Ain't Blonde
I knew Carrie Prejean was not a true blonde!! Her ambition is as clear as her dark roots.Being ignorantly persuaded by a book of fables to outcast anyone isn't a blonde trait but rather a blind one.
Perez Hilton, who is also an opportunistic bleach blonde biatch, is granted my reprieve this one time because he is fighting for a real cause; the equality of a genetically based attribute condemned by church and society as a detriment to marriage and completely bogus.
Gay men and women can't change who they are any more than a zebra could wish his stripes away by rubbing up against a tree.
Do you really think gay children would choose a life that makes them hide who they are? Do you think they would choose to be beaten and ostracized because they were different? Do you think, maybe, Perez' anger is built from a life long torture of unacceptance?
This is the teaching of the bible, not the word of God.
Blondes would never throw a stone!
5.05.2009
Ho Jo's
The Blonde is about as street smart as Bubble boy.
I learned exactly how far from the hood I grew up on a recent trip through some of the seedier towns of Texas.
I went on Hotel.com to purchase a ticket for a hotel in the cattlelac world 6 hours north of bum frack Texas.
Seeing their wasn't a decent hotel I had to choose a motel that I thought would be safe and clean. I chose one with a name I actually heard of; Howard Johnsons. I booked a room after seeing it had a rating of 3.2, a whole point above the others. I did not bother to read the comments which was my first mistake, the second was booking a single queen.
I packed clean sheets and towels and a pair of flip flops. I may be Blonde but I am not on a suicide mission to pick up some disease from improperly cleaned rooms and seeing the prices of the motels, I was certain I would need an extra can of Lysol and rubber mits.
Howard Johnson is far from the hotel I remember as a young girl on our family drives to nowhere to have one of our ice cream treats for suffering hours of my Father's show tunes and military marching music in the car.
I thought Ho Jo's was just a clever shortcut of the name but actually its ghetto tongue for Ho's doing Jo's. When I arrived, I noticed the picture on Hotel.com was older than some of the photos of guys on match.com. The place was run down and next to a stripper club. I was greeted at the desk by a chunky Latino girl who had a grin on her face the entire time I was checking in. I would soon learn later, why.
She asked for my drivers license and passed me a key, telling me since I ordered a queen bed that my room was at the back end of the hotel. I drove back and parked in front of my door hopping the parking hump to get my bumper as close to the door as possibly imaginable.
It was late and I was tired from the 6 hours of drive time. I just wanted to go to sleep. I carefully peeled the sheets of the bed and placed mine down. I moved the ice box in front of the door to protect myself and went to sleep.
Around 2 in the morning, I heard knocking on the doors outside my room and then knocking on mine. I thought someone made a mistake and was looking for someone else. Than, knocking started half an hour later, again going down the line and ending up knocking on mine. This happened about 4 times between the hours of 2 and 4 am. By that time, I am thinking what the F bomb.
I would have called the front desk but that would have entailed me touching the phone and i decided I rather not since I am not sure if Lysol would penetrate the germ fest crawling all over my room. I just stayed tightly tucked into my sheets on the very edge of the bed and slept with my eyes open until 9 am.
I never took the flip flops off my feet since the carpet was sticky and I peed like a squatting monkey never letting anything from the room touch me. I quickly got the heck out of that place.
Later in the morning I met up with Boo and Ferret for a pancake fest at a local diner, they street wisely advised me, after the hysterical laughter and bits of pancake stopped flying out of their mouths, that I booked a room on what is known as hooker row.
What is hooker row?
Its the rooms that hookers rent out. That is why you never book a single queen bed.
But why would I want two doubles, its just me?
Trust us, pay the extra for the second bed.
Ok...and the knocking?
that was dudes looking to score.
Holy Crap, no way!
To make me feel better, Boo said the sweetest thing. He said that I shouldn't worry because I am good enough to be a thousand dollar call girl.
A few minutes more of laughter and flying pancake bits later, it hit me.
I touched the remote control!!!
The Blonde has been hand sanitizing ever since!!!
I learned exactly how far from the hood I grew up on a recent trip through some of the seedier towns of Texas.
I went on Hotel.com to purchase a ticket for a hotel in the cattlelac world 6 hours north of bum frack Texas.
Seeing their wasn't a decent hotel I had to choose a motel that I thought would be safe and clean. I chose one with a name I actually heard of; Howard Johnsons. I booked a room after seeing it had a rating of 3.2, a whole point above the others. I did not bother to read the comments which was my first mistake, the second was booking a single queen.
I packed clean sheets and towels and a pair of flip flops. I may be Blonde but I am not on a suicide mission to pick up some disease from improperly cleaned rooms and seeing the prices of the motels, I was certain I would need an extra can of Lysol and rubber mits.
Howard Johnson is far from the hotel I remember as a young girl on our family drives to nowhere to have one of our ice cream treats for suffering hours of my Father's show tunes and military marching music in the car.
I thought Ho Jo's was just a clever shortcut of the name but actually its ghetto tongue for Ho's doing Jo's. When I arrived, I noticed the picture on Hotel.com was older than some of the photos of guys on match.com. The place was run down and next to a stripper club. I was greeted at the desk by a chunky Latino girl who had a grin on her face the entire time I was checking in. I would soon learn later, why.
She asked for my drivers license and passed me a key, telling me since I ordered a queen bed that my room was at the back end of the hotel. I drove back and parked in front of my door hopping the parking hump to get my bumper as close to the door as possibly imaginable.
It was late and I was tired from the 6 hours of drive time. I just wanted to go to sleep. I carefully peeled the sheets of the bed and placed mine down. I moved the ice box in front of the door to protect myself and went to sleep.
Around 2 in the morning, I heard knocking on the doors outside my room and then knocking on mine. I thought someone made a mistake and was looking for someone else. Than, knocking started half an hour later, again going down the line and ending up knocking on mine. This happened about 4 times between the hours of 2 and 4 am. By that time, I am thinking what the F bomb.
I would have called the front desk but that would have entailed me touching the phone and i decided I rather not since I am not sure if Lysol would penetrate the germ fest crawling all over my room. I just stayed tightly tucked into my sheets on the very edge of the bed and slept with my eyes open until 9 am.
I never took the flip flops off my feet since the carpet was sticky and I peed like a squatting monkey never letting anything from the room touch me. I quickly got the heck out of that place.
Later in the morning I met up with Boo and Ferret for a pancake fest at a local diner, they street wisely advised me, after the hysterical laughter and bits of pancake stopped flying out of their mouths, that I booked a room on what is known as hooker row.
What is hooker row?
Its the rooms that hookers rent out. That is why you never book a single queen bed.
But why would I want two doubles, its just me?
Trust us, pay the extra for the second bed.
Ok...and the knocking?
that was dudes looking to score.
Holy Crap, no way!
To make me feel better, Boo said the sweetest thing. He said that I shouldn't worry because I am good enough to be a thousand dollar call girl.
A few minutes more of laughter and flying pancake bits later, it hit me.
I touched the remote control!!!
The Blonde has been hand sanitizing ever since!!!
5.02.2009
Mine That Bird Winner of 135th Kentucky Derby
My sentimental favorite General Quarters came in 12th and Mr Hot Stuff, which I tanked since he lost his original rider, came in behind Desert Party.
The Blonde didn't have a hat to attend!!
5.01.2009
Blonde Battles Flu
I am still stuck with lung gunk and while I thoroughly enjoyed my yesterday, its put me back in bed today. Since I am not perky enough to write about Big Daddy milking his illness, I am reverting to photos of my outings in Austin for your pleasure until I am completely back to my blondeness again.
The Blonde is resting!!
4.27.2009
Give the Blonde Her Do
I want credit for an idea that I know someone else will take credit for eventually.
A gTLD is a generic top level domain, meaning anything behind the dot like .com, .org, .or .edu.
I want .eco but since I do not have the $185,000 to register the TLD and I don't have the million dollars in escrow to satisfy ICANN's application, I am freely giving up my stellar idea to the masses that read my blog.
All you need to do is go to 'mindsandmachines.com' and work with them to get this going. They will handle all your domain registration needs. They have what it takes to fulfill the application requirements of the commie ICANN.
ICANN is a non-profit monopoly started by the the top 5 internet beasts to regulate the use of anything behind the dot.
There is only 21 dot top levels created but now they have opened up the application to others interested in applying for their mere highway robbery fee and their yearly extortionist fee of 75 grand to keep it up to date and out of hands of opportunistic chinese frauds.
Microsoft and Dell are up in arms saying that its not fair that they have to pay the extortionists fee to keep their name secured but ICANN doesn't care; sort of like the top 3 credit rating companies that don't care if your identity is stolen.
With the onset of global warming and the growing number of eco friendly companies and consultants wanting a better future, .eco is a sure gamble.
I am a betting blonde but lack the chips to play so I am giving my idea away...I just hope it goes to someone worthy and they remember to give the blonde her do...or at least unlimited spa visits for life.
And I know the difference between due and do..I was just remaining true to my Blonde!!
The Blonde is too generous with her thoughts!!
A gTLD is a generic top level domain, meaning anything behind the dot like .com, .org, .or .edu.
I want .eco but since I do not have the $185,000 to register the TLD and I don't have the million dollars in escrow to satisfy ICANN's application, I am freely giving up my stellar idea to the masses that read my blog.
All you need to do is go to 'mindsandmachines.com' and work with them to get this going. They will handle all your domain registration needs. They have what it takes to fulfill the application requirements of the commie ICANN.
ICANN is a non-profit monopoly started by the the top 5 internet beasts to regulate the use of anything behind the dot.
There is only 21 dot top levels created but now they have opened up the application to others interested in applying for their mere highway robbery fee and their yearly extortionist fee of 75 grand to keep it up to date and out of hands of opportunistic chinese frauds.
Microsoft and Dell are up in arms saying that its not fair that they have to pay the extortionists fee to keep their name secured but ICANN doesn't care; sort of like the top 3 credit rating companies that don't care if your identity is stolen.
With the onset of global warming and the growing number of eco friendly companies and consultants wanting a better future, .eco is a sure gamble.
I am a betting blonde but lack the chips to play so I am giving my idea away...I just hope it goes to someone worthy and they remember to give the blonde her do...or at least unlimited spa visits for life.
And I know the difference between due and do..I was just remaining true to my Blonde!!
The Blonde is too generous with her thoughts!!
My Secret Crush
The Sham Wow, Dude!!
Yes!!
How could you not?
Badda bing, badda boom!!
Hey, how you shammin?!!
The Blonde loves a buff man!!
4.26.2009
How to Kill a Blonde, Volume 1
It has become very evident that my Mother could right a book on how to kill someone right under the noses of others.
All you have to do is be sweet, short, and have a funny accent to convince the police it was an accident; All 23 attempted times.
This week I was too ill to get out of bed and my Mother seeing another opportunity to kill me, went at it like a lion goes for a gazelle.
She placed a medicine bottle on my nightstand and said not to worry about the expiration date, the pills are still good. I didn't bother to look and I took the pills.
She would come in and check on me every once in awhile.
"Did you take the pills?"
"Yes, thanks."
"Good, make sure you take two more.", she said with a grin and glare in her eye, which was hidden behind a sweet smile. She refrained from heckling as she closed the door for fear I might figure out what she was up to.
Throughout the week, My mother kept pushing the pills on me like the witch pushed candy on Hansel and Gretel. I was finally moving about, not because of the meds but because a flu runs its course in 5 to 8 days with or without drugs.
When I decided to look at the bottle for no other reason than being bored out of my wit, I saw an expiration date that read 2002. I didn't freak because I don't really believe in exp dates for pills but what did get my goat was the fact that their were over 60 pills in the bottle and the original label had a quantity of 20 capsules.
Hhmm....
These are tablets. I took the tablet out and looked for a pharmaceutical marking.
None.
Apparently, Murdering Mum slipped a bunch of mystery drugs into a bottle of antibiotics years ago and forgot... or did she?!
She pushed those poison pills on me, like a crack dealer at a kindergarten, before I was well enough to wise up and find out what she was up to.
Blondes need to read more!!
All you have to do is be sweet, short, and have a funny accent to convince the police it was an accident; All 23 attempted times.
This week I was too ill to get out of bed and my Mother seeing another opportunity to kill me, went at it like a lion goes for a gazelle.
She placed a medicine bottle on my nightstand and said not to worry about the expiration date, the pills are still good. I didn't bother to look and I took the pills.
She would come in and check on me every once in awhile.
"Did you take the pills?"
"Yes, thanks."
"Good, make sure you take two more.", she said with a grin and glare in her eye, which was hidden behind a sweet smile. She refrained from heckling as she closed the door for fear I might figure out what she was up to.
Throughout the week, My mother kept pushing the pills on me like the witch pushed candy on Hansel and Gretel. I was finally moving about, not because of the meds but because a flu runs its course in 5 to 8 days with or without drugs.
When I decided to look at the bottle for no other reason than being bored out of my wit, I saw an expiration date that read 2002. I didn't freak because I don't really believe in exp dates for pills but what did get my goat was the fact that their were over 60 pills in the bottle and the original label had a quantity of 20 capsules.
Hhmm....
These are tablets. I took the tablet out and looked for a pharmaceutical marking.
None.
Apparently, Murdering Mum slipped a bunch of mystery drugs into a bottle of antibiotics years ago and forgot... or did she?!
She pushed those poison pills on me, like a crack dealer at a kindergarten, before I was well enough to wise up and find out what she was up to.
Blondes need to read more!!
4.24.2009
No Good Blonde Deed
goes unpunished.
My little mishap with a beauty product that left my thigh looking as if Harry Potter tried to stick his wand near my muggle and missed, isn't as bad as it seems and since its above mini-skirt line, I am still good to go on sexy summer clothes. While sporting a bikini, I will just wear a fake tattoo over the bandage and tell everyone I was in a brawl with a motorcycle biatch.
I have been laid up in bed since Monday and not because of the burn on my leg. My Father needed his large lawn cut and since I am here, I was offered the job, without pay or right to turn down of course, so I gladly pouted my way out the door to get it done. Seeing as this was my second time attempting to mow, I can only say the finished work looked like I had strapped a mad cow to the mower and let it roam around the yard.
Afterward, I went inside and took a very long shower and settled in for the night with my Netflix. I woke up the next morning on my death bed and I am still here. My lungs do not like the mold and cedar that falls from the trees and snuggles into the grass and my lungs have shown me how upset they are by acting like a wench with a rare form of murderous PMS disorder.
I ran out of Netlfix movies and have yet to travel to the mailbox to replenish, so I have been stuck on the ramblings of E and BRAVO for the last few days. If you don't think television influences, I am here to say it does a Blonde.
These days, I am all about cutting my hair to pixie lengths since watching Tabatha on Shear Genius; I am already picking out my tramp stamp, I think I want a compass since I heard Thomas Pendelton will have reality tattoo show; and I found out that inmates are looking for love on the internet. Blinded by Blonde will never be blind enough to think Ted Bundy was a hottie. I am passing on the inmate dating scene but I heard Danielle Steel married two inmates and launched her writing career by writing about one of them...Hhmmm...
Anyhoo...
I will be rolling around my bed, bored out of my mind so enjoy the weekend for me and buy a healthy blonde a beer.
The Blonde is a charity case!!
4.22.2009
Blonde Medical Malpractice Insurance
...isn't available, otherwise I would be at the Doctor getting a skin graph for the chemical burn that charred a 1/2 an inch of skin on my thigh. I guess bikini ready, won't happen until the end of this summer season.
Since I don't have medical insurance and skin graphs, I am fairly certain would cost a fortune, I have decided to cure it myself which considering I was attempting a self cure for a scar that lead to this wound, probably isn't the best plan but it is the plan I can afford.
I have chosen to go with herbal remedies offered up on the net which will probably end up causing me to lose my leg thus putting a major stump in my dating path, that I just picked up after a slight hiatus this year, but its a risk I will have to take.
Besides, any guy that dates me is going to have to understand the severity of some blonde moments, especially the moments caused by vanity of staying young and hot (no pun intended)!!
I am going to have a dent, shaped like a thick lightening bolt, in my left thigh because of another beauty fix gone bad.
The Blonde needs some soothing!!
Since I don't have medical insurance and skin graphs, I am fairly certain would cost a fortune, I have decided to cure it myself which considering I was attempting a self cure for a scar that lead to this wound, probably isn't the best plan but it is the plan I can afford.
I have chosen to go with herbal remedies offered up on the net which will probably end up causing me to lose my leg thus putting a major stump in my dating path, that I just picked up after a slight hiatus this year, but its a risk I will have to take.
Besides, any guy that dates me is going to have to understand the severity of some blonde moments, especially the moments caused by vanity of staying young and hot (no pun intended)!!
I am going to have a dent, shaped like a thick lightening bolt, in my left thigh because of another beauty fix gone bad.
The Blonde needs some soothing!!
4.18.2009
Watching Ants Mate
Its Saturday night and I spent 10 minutes staring at two bugs. I couldn't figure out if it was a spider that ate too big a mouthful and couldn't swallow or if it was two ants doing the mamba as foreplay while trying to catch a wiff of my expenisve smoke before finishing their dirty deed.
If it were the latter they are going to have to find a new smoking porch because after paying $11 for my Nat Shermans, Uncle Sam is forcing me to quit smoking. I don't like Uncle Sam, the only time I ever hear from him is when he needs money. I can't keep enabling him. He obviously has a gambling problem and expects me to pick up some of the tab and I just have to say no.
I think Uncle Sam could use an intervention. I think we should all sit him down with a counselor and read our letters of why we refuse to help him unless he helps himself.
The Blonde enables her right to quit!!
If it were the latter they are going to have to find a new smoking porch because after paying $11 for my Nat Shermans, Uncle Sam is forcing me to quit smoking. I don't like Uncle Sam, the only time I ever hear from him is when he needs money. I can't keep enabling him. He obviously has a gambling problem and expects me to pick up some of the tab and I just have to say no.
I think Uncle Sam could use an intervention. I think we should all sit him down with a counselor and read our letters of why we refuse to help him unless he helps himself.
The Blonde enables her right to quit!!
4.17.2009
My Mini Vacate on Blogging
Its unhealthy to always be plugged into the Internet vacuum and so I unplugged this week. I decided to just watch great movies and read a few books.
Earlier this week my character was attacked by a blogger who I find very narrow minded in her view of the world and her posts reflect that....so I made a comment. Basically I said, I am not a bee nor is she, and therefore we can't think like a bee. I and she can only perceive the bee based on our own thoughts of how we view the bee and its world. We can't get in the bees mind so she really shouldn't act as an interpreter for the bee, especially if you think the bee is only a bad element.
This blogger thought my comment was prejudice but than again she isn't thinking like me, she thinks like her...so I proved my point. And to continue my quest for agitation and more proof that she is thinking through a narrow lens of life, I made a few more broad statements of which she used her perception, not mine.
Since she didn't like what I had to say about her work she made personal judgments about me. Instead of defending myself, I decided to make a few jabs to get her goat since the bee left the building. Apparently I tied her goat so tight she unraveled to the point of talking nonsense about me. Which I find funny since she has never met me nor knows anything about me; but her comments about me really says something about her.
When you write for a living you need to be able to defend your work without personally attacking someone who finds your work objectionable, otherwise your work is unworthy. I am certain I won't waste my time reading anything she has to say again. She is the typical narrow mind that doesn't have the intellect to debate a real issue because she sees it only one way and I feel claustrophobic when dealing with this type of mind.
I rather debate a bee.
The Blonde likes to stick to the story!!!
Earlier this week my character was attacked by a blogger who I find very narrow minded in her view of the world and her posts reflect that....so I made a comment. Basically I said, I am not a bee nor is she, and therefore we can't think like a bee. I and she can only perceive the bee based on our own thoughts of how we view the bee and its world. We can't get in the bees mind so she really shouldn't act as an interpreter for the bee, especially if you think the bee is only a bad element.
This blogger thought my comment was prejudice but than again she isn't thinking like me, she thinks like her...so I proved my point. And to continue my quest for agitation and more proof that she is thinking through a narrow lens of life, I made a few more broad statements of which she used her perception, not mine.
Since she didn't like what I had to say about her work she made personal judgments about me. Instead of defending myself, I decided to make a few jabs to get her goat since the bee left the building. Apparently I tied her goat so tight she unraveled to the point of talking nonsense about me. Which I find funny since she has never met me nor knows anything about me; but her comments about me really says something about her.
When you write for a living you need to be able to defend your work without personally attacking someone who finds your work objectionable, otherwise your work is unworthy. I am certain I won't waste my time reading anything she has to say again. She is the typical narrow mind that doesn't have the intellect to debate a real issue because she sees it only one way and I feel claustrophobic when dealing with this type of mind.
I rather debate a bee.
The Blonde likes to stick to the story!!!
4.09.2009
Slumdog Millionaire
I am not going to reflect on the movie but rather my experience watching the film. I have been waiting for it to come from netflix for over a month. When I finally got it in the mail, I was excited and wanted to watch it on the big screen in the living room without interruption, so I waited for my parents to hit rehab and then I got my diet coke, a bowl of popcorn and I popped the movie in the dvd player.
Unfortunately for me, my parents didn't go shopping or head out to lunch afterward and came home early, in the middle of my flick.
This is how you watch a movie when my Mother is around.
"What are you watching?"
"Slumdog, Mom"
"Oh, I heard about this movie, what is happening now?"
Its half way through Mom, you can watch it later."
"Oh, ok"
She leaves and a few minutes comes back.
"What are they doing to the boy?"
"They get more money for a blind beggar boy."
"Oh, oh, no...I can't watch this...I am leaving."
"Good, you messing up my movie anyway."
"Fine, I am leaving...What are they doing now?"
"Mom, do you mind?"
"Oh, oh of course, I will be quiet.
Why is the he being interogated?
Why is he on a game show?
How does it end?""
"I don't know Mother, I haven't seen it before. YOU CAN WATCH IT LATER. JUST BE QUIET"
"Well, you don't have to get rude about it. I am going"
"GOOD, GO!!"
"Is that his brother?"
"MOM!!!!GO!!!!"
After finally getting her out, I watched what was left of Slumdog. I can only tell you half of the film since I was dealing with my Mother, the blonde wonder blunder, for the other half.
The Blonde has her own game show!
Unfortunately for me, my parents didn't go shopping or head out to lunch afterward and came home early, in the middle of my flick.
This is how you watch a movie when my Mother is around.
"What are you watching?"
"Slumdog, Mom"
"Oh, I heard about this movie, what is happening now?"
Its half way through Mom, you can watch it later."
"Oh, ok"
She leaves and a few minutes comes back.
"What are they doing to the boy?"
"They get more money for a blind beggar boy."
"Oh, oh, no...I can't watch this...I am leaving."
"Good, you messing up my movie anyway."
"Fine, I am leaving...What are they doing now?"
"Mom, do you mind?"
"Oh, oh of course, I will be quiet.
Why is the he being interogated?
Why is he on a game show?
How does it end?""
"I don't know Mother, I haven't seen it before. YOU CAN WATCH IT LATER. JUST BE QUIET"
"Well, you don't have to get rude about it. I am going"
"GOOD, GO!!"
"Is that his brother?"
"MOM!!!!GO!!!!"
After finally getting her out, I watched what was left of Slumdog. I can only tell you half of the film since I was dealing with my Mother, the blonde wonder blunder, for the other half.
The Blonde has her own game show!
4.05.2009
44 Day
"44 no less, no more"
That is the official quote from Testes (official name: Esthus) the fish that came out of the water and spoke to Dallas and his friends one night. 15 years later on the same day, the statue of Dauie showed up mysteriously one night on Dallas' bed.
Ever since then, Dallas and his friends would take Dauie out on the town to celebrate 44 day.
Since Dallas was in town this weekend and could not be with his friends, I was the host of this auspicious occasion, even if I still don't know what the heck it means, spreading cheer and 'Happy 44 Day' to unsuspecting strangers that walked by us at the Mean Eyed Cat, a local bar that celebrates Johnny Cash.
Most of the folks that passed by just gave us queer looks and thought to themselves, their smoking the ganja...just keep walking. But a few stopped and asked what 44 Day was all about, mostly the ones that really were smokin the leaf, and thought they found a kindred spirit in my friend, and Dallas was completely pleased to be able to explain his day to anyone willing to ask.
I just sat smiling and shaking my head as if to say, " Its alright, he isn't dangerous, I just have to have him tucked into his padded room before midnight."
So Happy 44 day has passed and a few more folks have been inducted into the cult. I am fairly confident that it won't take the nation by storm considering you would have to believe in a talking fish. But for one day, I felt a bit more connected to people and that is something worth believing in, especially for a scoffinheimer like me.
I don't have to believe in a talking fish to believe in my friends.
The Blonde believes its all in good fun!!
4.02.2009
Mam, Stay in the Car!
Yesterday, I drove my Father to the pool store to buy a new hose that I would have to help install later that night, but that story is for the next post.
Anyhoo,
As we were leaving a huge, gas guzzling, suburban was driving at a snails pace in front of me. I politely, beeped my horn and made a gesture of two hands holding a fake wheel in effort to ask the woman to pay attention and drive.
She stopped her mammoth mobile in the middle of the street, blocking everyone- most importantly blocking me- to get out of her car to show me she had a medical issue with her leg. She limped two steps and screamed, " I just came from a Doctor in Minneapolis for my leg!!"'
Did I mention she was on her cell phone?!!!
Obviously, she was trying to extort sympathy from someone who doesn't give a flip. My Dad just had heart surgery, should I have yanked him out of the car to show her, he doesn't have time to waste his life away on a self absorbed woman hopped up on pain meds and obviously to incapacitate to drive.
All I did was beep- its my Dad's Honda-it beeps a duck's quacks. I hardly think that calls for someone to get out of their car and scream at me.
Then she quickly hobbled back into her car and drove to the end of the shopping center's drive where you are supposed to merge into traffic if you are turning left--I took traffic lessons online last week; I am an authority now--There is a yield sign and solid line for the merge but...
NOoooo.......
She stopped at the yield sign and put on her left blinker to wait for traffic to stop because she wanted to turn into the far right left lane immediately, which I can't understand since the only left turn you will find is 5 miles up the road.
Obviously this woman was on some sort of drug that dragged her common sense and ability to focus and drive properly, she is just as much a danger to others on the road as a drunk driver.
If you can't drive, don't drive!!!!
Blondes think everyone should steer clear!!!
Anyhoo,
As we were leaving a huge, gas guzzling, suburban was driving at a snails pace in front of me. I politely, beeped my horn and made a gesture of two hands holding a fake wheel in effort to ask the woman to pay attention and drive.
She stopped her mammoth mobile in the middle of the street, blocking everyone- most importantly blocking me- to get out of her car to show me she had a medical issue with her leg. She limped two steps and screamed, " I just came from a Doctor in Minneapolis for my leg!!"'
Did I mention she was on her cell phone?!!!
Obviously, she was trying to extort sympathy from someone who doesn't give a flip. My Dad just had heart surgery, should I have yanked him out of the car to show her, he doesn't have time to waste his life away on a self absorbed woman hopped up on pain meds and obviously to incapacitate to drive.
All I did was beep- its my Dad's Honda-it beeps a duck's quacks. I hardly think that calls for someone to get out of their car and scream at me.
Then she quickly hobbled back into her car and drove to the end of the shopping center's drive where you are supposed to merge into traffic if you are turning left--I took traffic lessons online last week; I am an authority now--There is a yield sign and solid line for the merge but...
NOoooo.......
She stopped at the yield sign and put on her left blinker to wait for traffic to stop because she wanted to turn into the far right left lane immediately, which I can't understand since the only left turn you will find is 5 miles up the road.
Obviously this woman was on some sort of drug that dragged her common sense and ability to focus and drive properly, she is just as much a danger to others on the road as a drunk driver.
If you can't drive, don't drive!!!!
Blondes think everyone should steer clear!!!
3.30.2009
Being With Oneness
Living with your elderly parents can have its onederful moments.
One is always cold and the other is always hot.
One turns the heat up to a boiler room and the other turns down the temp to sub zero.
One likes wool blankets and the other likes feather duvets.
One runs around half naked during the day and goes full Boticelli late at night in her art room.
One drops his pants to retuck his shirt in the foyer.
One barks orders at his wife and the other barks orders at me.
One like to be neat and the other likes chaotic clutter.
One steers the car and the other is a backseat driver.
One stays up late and the other rises early.
One swipes my bath towels for the laundry and the other swipes my toilet paper when she runs out.
One messes up the kitchen and the other one bitches about cleaning it.
One can't live with out the other and the other can't live without him.
Its as symbiotic as love gets after 50 years of being together and I have the distinct privilege of seeing it first hand.
Hopefully,
The Blonde will have the same one day!!!
One is always cold and the other is always hot.
One turns the heat up to a boiler room and the other turns down the temp to sub zero.
One likes wool blankets and the other likes feather duvets.
One runs around half naked during the day and goes full Boticelli late at night in her art room.
One drops his pants to retuck his shirt in the foyer.
One barks orders at his wife and the other barks orders at me.
One like to be neat and the other likes chaotic clutter.
One steers the car and the other is a backseat driver.
One stays up late and the other rises early.
One swipes my bath towels for the laundry and the other swipes my toilet paper when she runs out.
One messes up the kitchen and the other one bitches about cleaning it.
One can't live with out the other and the other can't live without him.
Its as symbiotic as love gets after 50 years of being together and I have the distinct privilege of seeing it first hand.
Hopefully,
The Blonde will have the same one day!!!
3.27.2009
No Right Turn
I have a 1995 jaguar vanden plas, She is black, sleek, gorgeous and can't make right turns on account of the steering rack is shot all to heck and back. If you do make a right turn it can not be sharp and you have to straighten the wheel immediately before the steering fluid has a chance to leak out completely.
I have found a way to get around town without having to make right hand turns, which I think for Blonde, is quite an extraordinary feet. My preferred gas stations are all on the left hand side of the road. My grocery stores, dry cleaner and drug store are all left hand turns with large spaces to circle to the left to get back on the road.
I even plan my weekend evenings out and what bars and restaurants to attend based on my ability to travel left way. Even the valets dowtown know my cars plight and work around the left for me. they also know a jackson will hit their palm if i don;t hear screeching from an empty steering pump.
Its almost like writing a book without the letter E. The book Gadsby ( not to be confused with the 'Great Gatsby') is a 50,000 word novel written by Ernest Vincent Wright, without once using the the letter 'E'.
I am calculating my mileage and I think I can drive for at least another 2,000 miles without turning right, because quite frankly that is how long it will take to find a replacement steering rack under $2 grand.
I could give up my car and buy a new one but quite frankly I love her. She rides like glass and no one would put up with her idiosyncrasies the way I do. We are both a bit high maintenance and have worked out our differences. The other day, just to be nice, she actually lighted the stereo and clock for me out of the blue.
She hasn't done that since last year.
And when I wash her, she actually allows me to play the CD player for a few days before going on the fritz.
She has 129,000 miles on her but she is a Tuesday car. A Tuesday car is the one that will always be true to you. If you look on the inside of the door and you will see the code that can be looked up on the web to see what day it was built. Never buy a Monday car, because the workers are hungover from the weekend, and never, never buy a car built on Friday, because the workers at the plant have already checked out mentally way before they punch the time sheet.
Since I am Blonde and go for style more than function, I have to be careful when picking out my cars but I am not.
My Triumph was definitely a Friday car and she was in love with my mechanic, she spent more time with him than me. The Range Rover was a bit dodgy being a Thursday car, it hated red lights and would kill its engine in disgust ay every one.
My Saab convertible is a Wendesday car. She is unhappy that fat Sophie uses her canvas top as a hammock and now refuses to go down without a bit of a shove. I don't drive her because Boo took her off to college to impress the other girls.
God just puts these cars somewhere with a sale sign in the window and I fall in love at first sight. It has been that way for all my cars and I always hold on to them longer than I should.
But what can I say.
The Blonde is a romantic at heart!!
3.26.2009
Blonde Momment 473
I was running late to meet the Captain for margs.
I got in my car, started it up, and pulled out of the driveway.
All of the sudden, I saw smoke surrounding my car.
Great, just frecking great!!
My engine blew!!
As a tallied around to the corner to go back into the driveway, I noticed the smoke was all over the road!
It was precipitation; also known as dew, fog, vapors, and the smokey stuff that ruins a blonde's hairstyle!!
Fine!!!
I admit, I am not perfect, while alive.
But, I am still holding out for the saint dooh-hickey award thingy from the pope when I croak.
The Blonde was in a fog!!!
But only briefly!!
I got in my car, started it up, and pulled out of the driveway.
All of the sudden, I saw smoke surrounding my car.
Great, just frecking great!!
My engine blew!!
As a tallied around to the corner to go back into the driveway, I noticed the smoke was all over the road!
It was precipitation; also known as dew, fog, vapors, and the smokey stuff that ruins a blonde's hairstyle!!
Fine!!!
I admit, I am not perfect, while alive.
But, I am still holding out for the saint dooh-hickey award thingy from the pope when I croak.
The Blonde was in a fog!!!
But only briefly!!
3.24.2009
I Am Offically Reformed
but unofficially, after 6 hours of driver's rehab online, I am going back to my old habits. I guess I don't feel my minor law infractions warrant a full sobriety from speeding. I rarely go over 4, 5, OK...maybe 10 in the city....but I only hit 15 over signage on the highway during really long trips. But in my defense, this is Texas, there is a lot of ugly country and roadkill to speed through on my way to a city landscape.
I missed 4 questions on the video part because I didn't bother to watch the videos and the trick questions got me. I missed only two on the written part, but again I didn't bother to read that either.
I already know the law.
How else would I know when to dart my eyes around looking for the boys in blue before I break one?
Duh!!
I will have to say, I am amazed how the test actually validated me as a considerate and more than decent driver. I passed my driving rehab with flying colors.
Where is my key chain?!!
And now that I know I am a reborn again and a better driver than everyone else, I want to host intervention parties for the zillions of people that refuse to admit they suck at road courtesy which by the way, made up for a third of the entire test.
Here is a little test to see if you need driver's anonymous:
Do you stop at the on ramp because you can't accelerate and navigate, at the same time, to get on the highway?
Do you play secret traffic cop driving the speed limit in the left left lane and not allowing others to pass?
Do you put the cell phone to your ear before shifting in reverse out of your parking space?
Don't even think about saying, "NO" you liar!!
I am no saint, but the Pope should think about making me one after this test!!
I'm kidding!
I cant be a saint until I am dead!!
And considering how bad most of the drivers I share the road with are....that title could come quicker than I want!!
(Excuse me while I knock on wood)
I will admit to one unsaintly act on the road"
I cut very inconsiderate drivers off! But only after they really, really, really deserved it.
Had they taken the time to check in their rear view mirror and realize tailgating is a polite form of saying get the @#$%@#$!! out of the left lane, you $#@$$%#&&*# , I would never need to pull my pedal punch. But as the christians say, "There is a devil, at ever corner, waiting to tempt you into sin."
I just didn't realize it meant, literally, every street corner!
Blondes don't like being driven crazy on the road!!
I missed 4 questions on the video part because I didn't bother to watch the videos and the trick questions got me. I missed only two on the written part, but again I didn't bother to read that either.
I already know the law.
How else would I know when to dart my eyes around looking for the boys in blue before I break one?
Duh!!
I will have to say, I am amazed how the test actually validated me as a considerate and more than decent driver. I passed my driving rehab with flying colors.
Where is my key chain?!!
And now that I know I am a reborn again and a better driver than everyone else, I want to host intervention parties for the zillions of people that refuse to admit they suck at road courtesy which by the way, made up for a third of the entire test.
Here is a little test to see if you need driver's anonymous:
Do you stop at the on ramp because you can't accelerate and navigate, at the same time, to get on the highway?
Do you play secret traffic cop driving the speed limit in the left left lane and not allowing others to pass?
Do you put the cell phone to your ear before shifting in reverse out of your parking space?
Don't even think about saying, "NO" you liar!!
I am no saint, but the Pope should think about making me one after this test!!
I'm kidding!
I cant be a saint until I am dead!!
And considering how bad most of the drivers I share the road with are....that title could come quicker than I want!!
(Excuse me while I knock on wood)
I will admit to one unsaintly act on the road"
I cut very inconsiderate drivers off! But only after they really, really, really deserved it.
Had they taken the time to check in their rear view mirror and realize tailgating is a polite form of saying get the @#$%@#$!! out of the left lane, you $#@$$%#&&*# , I would never need to pull my pedal punch. But as the christians say, "There is a devil, at ever corner, waiting to tempt you into sin."
I just didn't realize it meant, literally, every street corner!
Blondes don't like being driven crazy on the road!!
3.21.2009
Defensive Driving Online
I was snagged by a totally unfair speeding trap last year and ever since, I have been procrastinating to take my defensive driving course. But alas, my time has run out and I have to take my proverbial spanking before I take a beating in court for failure to deliver my certificate of authenticity as a reformed driver.
I might be in for some rocky road when navigating the test considering I make judgment calls to the law, when I feel it is not in my best interest to obey them. For instance, I believe its moronic to stay for an entire red light when I am the only car in sight, so after I have made a complete stop, evaluate safety conditions, and see no copper in sight , I go through the light. Afterward, I make peace with myself, justifying my decision based on the eco-friendly mindset that an idling car at 2 AM, when the atmosphere, in my time zone, is more susceptible to poisonous and unnecessary exhaust.
Anything I can do to help the planet, is in all our best interest.
I wonder if i can argue that in court, if I ever get caught?
Driving with a perfect license gets you kudos with no one but if you slide a bit on the law and get caught, you are rewarded with a 10% discount on your insurance when faxing them the safety course certificate minus the infraction ticket. Lets face it, no one takes the course unless they are forced into it.
At least I will be able to drink and drive my way through this long road to redemption.
The Blonde is in for a long haul!!
I might be in for some rocky road when navigating the test considering I make judgment calls to the law, when I feel it is not in my best interest to obey them. For instance, I believe its moronic to stay for an entire red light when I am the only car in sight, so after I have made a complete stop, evaluate safety conditions, and see no copper in sight , I go through the light. Afterward, I make peace with myself, justifying my decision based on the eco-friendly mindset that an idling car at 2 AM, when the atmosphere, in my time zone, is more susceptible to poisonous and unnecessary exhaust.
Anything I can do to help the planet, is in all our best interest.
I wonder if i can argue that in court, if I ever get caught?
Driving with a perfect license gets you kudos with no one but if you slide a bit on the law and get caught, you are rewarded with a 10% discount on your insurance when faxing them the safety course certificate minus the infraction ticket. Lets face it, no one takes the course unless they are forced into it.
At least I will be able to drink and drive my way through this long road to redemption.
The Blonde is in for a long haul!!
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