Well.... I am trying to get it back.... and keep it on through the allergy season. I need to get away from here for a short holiday so I can feel like my fabulous self again.
My skin is sensitive and I don't want to wear thongs anymore. I can't stand pantie lines but the thought of lace wedging up my little crack is just not appealing to me right now. My skin is sensitive and it wants cottony softness right now.
Ode to the little cotton pantie
bikini style
soft and white
not too clingy
just right
you don't rub me
the wrong way
and don't crawl up my bum
and try to stay
your not as pretty
as my other lace
but you have style
and a subtle grace
pretty things
only get you so far
its the comfort you give
that makes the pantie you are
Blondes prefer substance over looks any day.....but its seasonal!!
1.15.2008
1.14.2008
Cedar Fever Blues!!
Everybody likes to think the blonde is always on her game, when it concerns looks, duh...
even the blonde.
Everybody thinks the blonde is out gallivanting around the weekend like it was her own personal holiday, even the blonde.
Everybody thinks the blonde is the life of the party and always center of attention, even the blonde!!
but not this weekend
OH No..Cedar Fever is here
and its not a pretty picture that I am about to paint, so if you must look away...please do..
Let's start with Saturday morning at 7 a.m. and the blonde is up...why?
Because she can't stand IT (cedar fever) anymore!!
Scratch your eyes out
run fingers through kitty slobbered matted hair
take the tissue that you stuck up your nostrils to stop the leak while you sleep
wipe the crust that forms from dried up hydrocortisone cream off you eyes
pop your pills
squirt your nose
trip over the snot rags on the floor
get into the shower
sting your eyes with soap..
get water up your nose..almost drown
towel off
rub eyes really, really hard with towel
go back to bed!!
Get up
Watch the Packers play an awesome game
pop more pills
clear the floor of snot rags
it slathers the lotion on its eyes
go back to bed!!
look at phone
return no phone calls
pop more pills
rub eyeballs out of your head
go back to bed!!
Blondes don't always have more fun!!
even the blonde.
Everybody thinks the blonde is out gallivanting around the weekend like it was her own personal holiday, even the blonde.
Everybody thinks the blonde is the life of the party and always center of attention, even the blonde!!
but not this weekend
OH No..Cedar Fever is here
and its not a pretty picture that I am about to paint, so if you must look away...please do..
Let's start with Saturday morning at 7 a.m. and the blonde is up...why?
Because she can't stand IT (cedar fever) anymore!!
Scratch your eyes out
run fingers through kitty slobbered matted hair
take the tissue that you stuck up your nostrils to stop the leak while you sleep
wipe the crust that forms from dried up hydrocortisone cream off you eyes
pop your pills
squirt your nose
trip over the snot rags on the floor
get into the shower
sting your eyes with soap..
get water up your nose..almost drown
towel off
rub eyes really, really hard with towel
go back to bed!!
Get up
Watch the Packers play an awesome game
pop more pills
clear the floor of snot rags
it slathers the lotion on its eyes
go back to bed!!
look at phone
return no phone calls
pop more pills
rub eyeballs out of your head
go back to bed!!
Blondes don't always have more fun!!
Crack Cat's Fetish
In keeping with last week's theme of fetishes. I thought I would share Crack Cat's fetish with you...
Crack Cat has this obsession with my hair. On the rare occasion he decides to stay in, usually when its very, very cold outside and all his crack cat peeps are in shelters, he sleeps in my room.
He waits until I fall asleep and than he slowly crawls up to my neck and stretches out his arms to grab a big chunk of my hair. Then he starts sniffing my hair. Not too long after that he is purring quietly, eyes half massed, and his tongue dangling out.
I wouldn't mind so much that he loves my hair but in his excitement he starts slobbering in my hair, he starts doing this kneeding action with his paws causing his little crack claws to dig into my head.
"Ouch..Crack Cat!"
he stops
I fall asleep
I wake up
"Ouch...knock it off..Crack Cat!!"
I adjust the pillow
dangle a little of my hair for him
I fall asleep
I wake up
he is sucking the ends of my hair..loudly
purring
sucking
kneeding
"CRACK CAT!!!"
startled, he jumps off the bed
I fall asleep
I wake up
Crack Cat nestled himself into my back and fell asleep
I fall asleep
we are finally asleep...
Blondes can't sacrifice their beauty sleep for a fetish!
Crack Cat has this obsession with my hair. On the rare occasion he decides to stay in, usually when its very, very cold outside and all his crack cat peeps are in shelters, he sleeps in my room.
He waits until I fall asleep and than he slowly crawls up to my neck and stretches out his arms to grab a big chunk of my hair. Then he starts sniffing my hair. Not too long after that he is purring quietly, eyes half massed, and his tongue dangling out.
I wouldn't mind so much that he loves my hair but in his excitement he starts slobbering in my hair, he starts doing this kneeding action with his paws causing his little crack claws to dig into my head.
"Ouch..Crack Cat!"
he stops
I fall asleep
I wake up
"Ouch...knock it off..Crack Cat!!"
I adjust the pillow
dangle a little of my hair for him
I fall asleep
I wake up
he is sucking the ends of my hair..loudly
purring
sucking
kneeding
"CRACK CAT!!!"
startled, he jumps off the bed
I fall asleep
I wake up
Crack Cat nestled himself into my back and fell asleep
I fall asleep
we are finally asleep...
Blondes can't sacrifice their beauty sleep for a fetish!
1.11.2008
I am not Worthy
I am a bad, bad submissive.
Actually, I am not at all, but I played one last week on the internet. I thought I actually did very well considering I know nothing about the SMDM orDMSM..or whatever the acronym is for that particular lifestyle.
Personally I don't get how you hurt someone with a paper clip..unless you unfold it and poke them to the point of annoyance and they slap the crap out of you.
What does it matter how many tools you can come up with to hurt nipples. It isn't that hard, I did it by accident in a blonde rationalization that you will remove more dead skin off your body using a scrubbie instead of a loofah..
Nipples are very, very sensitive...
anyhoo...
I have a new social experiment blog:
Actually, I am not at all, but I played one last week on the internet. I thought I actually did very well considering I know nothing about the SMDM orDMSM..or whatever the acronym is for that particular lifestyle.
Personally I don't get how you hurt someone with a paper clip..unless you unfold it and poke them to the point of annoyance and they slap the crap out of you.
What does it matter how many tools you can come up with to hurt nipples. It isn't that hard, I did it by accident in a blonde rationalization that you will remove more dead skin off your body using a scrubbie instead of a loofah..
Nipples are very, very sensitive...
anyhoo...
I have a new social experiment blog:
Creeps, Freaks and Conversations:
The sex life of Craigslist
http://craigslistcreeps.blogspot.com
The sex life of Craigslist
http://craigslistcreeps.blogspot.com
I just find these people absolutely fascinating..never in my blonde bubble could I ever think this dirty!
Blondes never judge but we do wonder "What the heck are some people thinking?"!!
Blondes never judge but we do wonder "What the heck are some people thinking?"!!
1.10.2008
Murderous Mum
My Mother tried to kill me last night...
I was nice enough to go over there to help them take out the Christmas tree even though I have told them a thousand times, "I am severely allergic to dead and drying out trees."
My face and eyes burns and I cannot breathe...
..but I go..I help
I vacuum...I can't breathe
Mother burns 40 year old perfume to hide smell of tree
I have a reaction to the perfume
I really can't breathe and Im feeling sick
Mother finds and makes me organic tea
I had a reaction to the tea
The organic tea had no label..she did not know what kind it was.
I am on the floor at this time still not breathing..
My Father, "What did you give her?"
Mother, "Tea!"
Father, "Show me the tea!"
Mother, "I can't find it"
Me gasping, " She hid it so the cops won't find it. She... is trying to kill me"
Father,"Find the bag"
Me still gasping, "It so k Dad..they can do an autopsy find the poison in my system...
...When I'm DEAD!"
Why is my Mother laughing...she IS trying to kill me?
I finally drag myself to the little room and lie down and rest..I am feeling better
Mother comes in, "How are you feeling?
"I will be fine Mother", barely breathing again.
Mother, "Can I make you some tea?"
Blondes need to watch blonde Mothers carefully!!
I was nice enough to go over there to help them take out the Christmas tree even though I have told them a thousand times, "I am severely allergic to dead and drying out trees."
My face and eyes burns and I cannot breathe...
..but I go..I help
I vacuum...I can't breathe
Mother burns 40 year old perfume to hide smell of tree
I have a reaction to the perfume
I really can't breathe and Im feeling sick
Mother finds and makes me organic tea
I had a reaction to the tea
The organic tea had no label..she did not know what kind it was.
I am on the floor at this time still not breathing..
My Father, "What did you give her?"
Mother, "Tea!"
Father, "Show me the tea!"
Mother, "I can't find it"
Me gasping, " She hid it so the cops won't find it. She... is trying to kill me"
Father,"Find the bag"
Me still gasping, "It so k Dad..they can do an autopsy find the poison in my system...
...When I'm DEAD!"
Why is my Mother laughing...she IS trying to kill me?
I finally drag myself to the little room and lie down and rest..I am feeling better
Mother comes in, "How are you feeling?
"I will be fine Mother", barely breathing again.
Mother, "Can I make you some tea?"
Blondes need to watch blonde Mothers carefully!!
1.09.2008
Freak of the the Entire Craigslist Universe
ANR/ABR...Weekdays/Days...Discrete...
Reply to: pers-533387285@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-09, 9:34AM CST
Seeking a ANR/ABR with a local DFW area Woman...
Attached/Single and wanting a Relationship...
Maybe wanting to Induce Lactation and needing a partner...
Pre/Post Delivery and breastfeeding, and needing a Suckler for Pleasure...
I'm Available weekdays/days to chat/meet/suckle...
Open to Age, Race, Marital Status, Breast Size.
Must be D/D Free as I am.
I'm Very Orally Tallented...
Love to Please/Pleasure a Woman Alot!
Lets Chat and see what happens...
1.08.2008
Does Snot have Calories
no...seriously..does it?... and don't get grossed out..I can't imagine snot being worse than come, or is it cum? They kind of remind me of the same thing and I don't like swallowing either one.
I know its bad...but you have to think if you live in a high allergy city like Austin, some drip is inevitable, sort of like that of a blow job..inevitably something is gonna end up going down your throat. ....Ick....
I know studies have come up with a caloric count in a teaspoon of men's ejaculation...by the way it is 7 calories. Who needs to know this stuff?!!
Who is studying this stuff?
and more importantly...
am I gonna get fat from having allergies?!
Its a legitimate question for a blonde!!
I know its bad...but you have to think if you live in a high allergy city like Austin, some drip is inevitable, sort of like that of a blow job..inevitably something is gonna end up going down your throat. ....Ick....
I know studies have come up with a caloric count in a teaspoon of men's ejaculation...by the way it is 7 calories. Who needs to know this stuff?!!
Who is studying this stuff?
and more importantly...
am I gonna get fat from having allergies?!
Its a legitimate question for a blonde!!
1.07.2008
A Working Girl?!
I was enjoying my football game at a nearby pub, alone..yes alone. I am in Texas, you can't find anyone to enjoy a Redskin game with you unless they are playing the Cowboys.
Anyhoo,
My gentleman friend..who is quite a bit older decided to come sit with me for a beer before his almost ex-girlfriend came back from whatever small town in Texas she was in.
While he went to make a phone call, some older gentleman stopped by to sit at the empty table. They seemed unsure and so I said I didn't bite..which technically could be confused as an opening line to flirting but more importantly it was more of a way to tell them politely to sit the heck down so I could watch my game.
after much dileberating..too much if you ask me..its just a table..
They sat down..thank God!!
My friend came back, thank God!!
Skins up by one, Thank God!!
The guy kept looking at my friend and than he leans into me and asks,
"Are you a working girl?"
What the F.....!!!
I was stunned, mortified, shocked and of course I spoke out against this outrage....
"NO! I am NOT!!"
"But I do accept gifts."
Blondes should demand an apology not accept gifts!
Anyhoo,
My gentleman friend..who is quite a bit older decided to come sit with me for a beer before his almost ex-girlfriend came back from whatever small town in Texas she was in.
While he went to make a phone call, some older gentleman stopped by to sit at the empty table. They seemed unsure and so I said I didn't bite..which technically could be confused as an opening line to flirting but more importantly it was more of a way to tell them politely to sit the heck down so I could watch my game.
after much dileberating..too much if you ask me..its just a table..
They sat down..thank God!!
My friend came back, thank God!!
Skins up by one, Thank God!!
The guy kept looking at my friend and than he leans into me and asks,
"Are you a working girl?"
What the F.....!!!
I was stunned, mortified, shocked and of course I spoke out against this outrage....
"NO! I am NOT!!"
"But I do accept gifts."
Blondes should demand an apology not accept gifts!
1.03.2008
Silk Stockings...
...are an absolute must if you are to wear garters. I know this because I made the mistake of wearing non-silk stockings with a stretch lace garter today. I could not keep the garter from stretching down around the middle of my bum requiring frequent visits behind closed elevator doors and bathroom stalls, and my shoes kept slipping off every 5 or 6 steps because the slickness of the polyester grossness of the stocking. Thank God this building doesn't have surveillance in every corridor. I must looked like some lunatic who ducks into corners to get off on some kind of bad foot and stocking fetish.
Synthetic materials are made of melted plastic and thus slick and non-breathable and for certain very important areas of the body--it is crucial our fabric breaths. Its also very, very important that fabrics not cause embarrassing spastic episodes in the stair well of the office complex!!
I don't know why I thought I could get away with buying lingerie from Frederic's of Hollywood and turn it into more than just novelty underwear...
Blondes shouldn't bargain shop!!
Synthetic materials are made of melted plastic and thus slick and non-breathable and for certain very important areas of the body--it is crucial our fabric breaths. Its also very, very important that fabrics not cause embarrassing spastic episodes in the stair well of the office complex!!
I don't know why I thought I could get away with buying lingerie from Frederic's of Hollywood and turn it into more than just novelty underwear...
Blondes shouldn't bargain shop!!
1.02.2008
Weekly Craigslist Creepiness!!
PLASTIC SURGERY ANYONE ? - 50
Reply to: pers-525494180@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-01, 9:56PM CST
WAS YOUR NEW YEAS RESOLUTION TO GET SOMETHING FOR YOU? BOOBS? LIPS? BUTT? WHAT IS YOUR PLEASURE ? I AM DECICATED TO HELP YOU GET WHAT YOU NEED. SEND A PIC
Craigslist Weekly Winner 2008
Short Term Celibate Psycho Needs Affection
Reply to: pers-526121555@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-02, 1:35PM CST
Or would that be affliction?
No matter. For the short time we will not be intimate, it really
won't make a difference. I just need you to take my money
and not listen to me.
Reply to: pers-526121555@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-02, 1:35PM CST
Or would that be affliction?
No matter. For the short time we will not be intimate, it really
won't make a difference. I just need you to take my money
and not listen to me.
Last Blonde Moment of 2007
Dialing the wrong number
On my way to one guys house I called the other to wish him a Happy New Year and to tell him that I will be spending the evening with my parents. He said i it sounded like I was in the car..
"oh, well, umm....I'm on my way to get hairspray."
I was actually on my way to meet another guy.
I don't want to hurt anyones feelings and so I lied.
Oh, sue me...like you haven't told fibs to spare feelings?
I decide to call guy #2 and play a litle joke, telling him I couldn't make it for our New Years date, that plans had changed last minute and I was truly sorry. I thought it was quite funny and I waited for his response....
brief pause and...
"Via, this is Guy #1, you dialed me"
"oh" "Ummm...I was just calling...ummm.. a friend that invited me out to tell him that I'm going with my Mom and Dad tonight"
"Via, stop stumblin, its Ok"
"d#@$^%, SH%#$#@" I thought in my head. I am a blonde there is plenty of room.
"Ok..well Happy New Years...call you tomorrow"
Wouldn't be too bad if guy #1 wasn't the photographer that just took nudes of me!!
Blondes need to be more careful when dialing!!
On my way to one guys house I called the other to wish him a Happy New Year and to tell him that I will be spending the evening with my parents. He said i it sounded like I was in the car..
"oh, well, umm....I'm on my way to get hairspray."
I was actually on my way to meet another guy.
I don't want to hurt anyones feelings and so I lied.
Oh, sue me...like you haven't told fibs to spare feelings?
I decide to call guy #2 and play a litle joke, telling him I couldn't make it for our New Years date, that plans had changed last minute and I was truly sorry. I thought it was quite funny and I waited for his response....
brief pause and...
"Via, this is Guy #1, you dialed me"
"oh" "Ummm...I was just calling...ummm.. a friend that invited me out to tell him that I'm going with my Mom and Dad tonight"
"Via, stop stumblin, its Ok"
"d#@$^%, SH%#$#@" I thought in my head. I am a blonde there is plenty of room.
"Ok..well Happy New Years...call you tomorrow"
Wouldn't be too bad if guy #1 wasn't the photographer that just took nudes of me!!
Blondes need to be more careful when dialing!!
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