I Am Like Barbara Streisand

I keep saying I am over posting to the blog but something catches my fancy and I must.

Daily Horoscope: February 26, 2010

You're committed to one person -- but it might not be a romantic thing! Your ability to build strong relationships extends to all areas of life, so expect this to last quite a long time for you both.

On the eve of my more pragmatic decision's in love, I thought this horoscope fit perfectly into my agenda.

Although I disagree that romance is not a part of it!

The Blonde will not sing a lonely ballad!

I am Not 3D

You don't have the special glasses and the insight to see beyond me.

Don't try to see past what you are not supposed to.

I am not an Avatar from Ferngully's new CGI film. You will not get any more in depth than what I write on this blog. This blog is only a canvas and only for the part of me that I am willing to share.

It may seem like I share a lot but I share a far lot less than you get.

I am not brave enough to put all of me on here.

I do let you grab at a glimpse of me if you are an avid fan and know that I post many things that are taken down just a few hours later during the early weekend mornings when I can not sleep.

I have very few of you left these days.

It feels almost like the last song of the dance in high school.

The song is almost over. The dance is about to end...

I am going to leave this gymnasium and wonder who I should have danced with...

And would that dance have changed my course....

And than I think...

My course was set long ago and everything leading up to this moment was only a tease and a branch blocking the road until I found my way into the right path.

Into the life I was meant to have.

It was a lovely dance.

But it must end...

Mr DeMille, the Blonde is ready for her close up!

No Study Break

Won't be anytime soon. I am trying to get ahead of my studies for traveling.

I had a fabulous time in D-town but I am keeping it in hush mode since I don't want to jinx any future fabulousness.

I will get back to you in a few!!

The Blonde is seriously busy!

Viva La Francais Etudie

I almost do not know what to do with myself now that I have a break from studies. I just finished my french test and other than screwing up on the exception to the rules of conjugations, I did well.

Hopefully the extra credit for drawing my cat will take care of my conjugation mishap.

Of course that mishap isn't half as stupid as handing over a Jackson yet to another hideous dating site.

Playing around on facebook, I thought the Zoosk ( I guess zooks was taken) app was free so I profiled myself again.

Big mistake.

Its scarier than a myspace dating site.

I should have known better to meet someone for sushi who in the first few minutes of phone conversation gave a life history of drugs, rehab, and divorce from a Tabasco heir.

Every true southerner knows Lousiana Gold is the pepper sauce to go with.

Anyhum,

I am thinking about revisiting some ex's instead of looking for new love. The great thing about them, is that I already know their inner freak. I experienced their flaws and to tell you the truth, I think I can live with most of them....

If I really try!

Let's see...

Who would be on my list:

The most perfect boyfriend, EVER, but married.

The media heir with his prescription pill filled drawers.

The avante garde traveler with bi-coastal pads but no home.

The musician in a band with a slight cocaine problem.

The viagra addicted southern charmer.

For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health...

Its such a big decision.

I might need Bob Barker's spinning wheel for a fun filled decision breaker.

I do have one more option.

A Maryland man with some crazy notion that we might work out.

At least I haven't met him yet. There is still hope.

The Blonde is an educated idiot!

First Date of The Year

Ichiban in Austin isn't the Ichiban in New Orleans but my NOLA dj date was pretty cool except that I think he is a little too fresh out of rehab and divorce for me.

I wish the sushi would have been as fresh.

He also didn't tell me he had a girlfriend in New Orleans until after his phone went off about 7 times. An ex playboy bunny who probably had the sixth sense to know her man was on a date.

Ahhh...you gotta love the date with a frog.

You need them for comparison so you know when a Prince of a man comes along.

I think the little reptile might have been high, too!

So much for rehab.

Its funny, I spent longer to get ready for the date than I actually spent on the date. I would have loved to wash the date down with some saki, while he tried to explain the 'girlfriend' thing, but I don't drink during the week and really just wanted to get home.

I did learn his bunny likes popping pills....

That was a fun little fact.

Anyhoo,

Back to my french studies and the thought of New Orleans with a better flavor!

The Blonde needs last call!

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Lonley Hearts and Downtrodden

The Blonde has a huge reserve of love!!

Is it a case of VD...

or did I contract something today?

Seriously!!

I was happy today. I didn't have a thought of any man in my head.

I put on my old engagement ring, right hand, and just smiled at how pretty it is.

It may seem superficial to admire a sparkly thing but if you knew the story behind it, you would see its not superficial at all. But there are some stories you do not share. I learned that a long time ago and my pretty little ring reminds me of that every time I see it shine and sparkle at me.

I put everything in the past, everything from yesterday back.

Valentine's means so much more to me than Xmas or New Years put together.

Its a holiday that celebrates nothing more than love. It celebrates new love, old love, and the possibility of love. And why, I may seem a bit re-morsed with my Cupids, I do really love it.

Its a celebration of all who have made it through the dark and light and still together.

Its a calling card of hope for those that started to fade on the idea of love.

For nothing more than a few flowers, a bit of chocolate, and a silly card can send a lifetime of sentiment to someone.

On account of Valetine,I was warm and fuzzy and forgetful today.

I forgot my student ID when I went to take my test.

I forgot my scarf when I went home to get my ID.

And I forgot about the last guy I went out with.

Well....

I got my ID

I got my scarf

I got an A on my test

and I went shopping for my loved ones.

I dressed up like I was going for a romantic lunch date and I went to the Godiva kiosk for the chocolate. I have to go back tomorrow because I am not the only one who forgets on Valentine. The salesperson forgot to place one of the boxes in my bag.

Even with one less chocolate sentiment, I was still happy and I called and we worked it out for me to pick up my forgotten box of chocolates in the morning.

I went to the card store and it seemed picked over so I went to my local grocery. There I was on the phone with my newly engaged friend and listening to him brag about his Valentine events.

While I listened intently to him, I looked at the stock of cards and they had little to offer.

I left the grocery emtpy handed, smiling, happy to go to another store and then...

and then...

Out of the blue this SUV. I wouldn't have thought about it other than the gold emblem but as I glimpsed and walked on to my car it made some very awkward moves.

The driver seemed to be in a panic.

I do not see why?

Maybe it might have been someone I went out with a few times and was told he wasn't interested. He had found someone else.

Pehaps she was in the SUV with him.

Perhaps he thought I would try to say hello.

Well, I wouldn't have.

A Blonde can only take so much rejection.

I have my pride.

I would have done exactly what I did when I saw him the minute I walked out of the grocery.

I ignored him and went to my car.

For a minute he did put a huge damper on my day.

To think someone would go through all that trouble to avoid me.

Ouch~~~That really hurt.

And on my Happy Valentine Day.

The Blonde isn't a basket case!

Where Is Cupid?

Cupid Isn't Calling

Sex In The City

Today I sat down to lunch and got caught up in the movie "Sex In The City". I watched the hurdles and triumphs that love creates and endures until finally, in Hollywood fashion, a fairy tale ending closed the film.

Love isn't a fairy tale. I bought into to the Cinderella story like millions of women have but as we grow older and wiser, we put the silly notions of the glass slipper in the back of our closet next to the shoebox of old photos from a time gone by.

I still would like to hope for the fairy tale even when I know it won't be all caviar, castles, and a prince. As long as I get the love part right, I will be happy. Unfortunately the men in my dating arena are past silly Prince Charming antics and look at finding a partner with the same pragmatic style as they do in buying their socks.

I can only speak for myself but I never found love on the internet because love is for the young and fabulously foolish. I started too late. By the time I started to look all the men had already got caught up in a tale that ended unhappily. They pushed their glass loafer further and further into the closet just like everyone else who grows up and doesn't have a free pass to Never, Never Land.

I never got my fairy tale and I hope its not too late.

I personally, am keeping my glass slipper near to my toe.

Someone has the other slipper and if I stop now, who knows who will get my fairy tale.

All I know is love doesn't live in a vacuum and the internet is a terrible succubus of hope for the Cinderella hold outs like me.

Maybe one day I will be walking Central Park in the spring and trip over a dog leash and my handsome Prince will be there to take my hand and we live happily ever after.

And maybe one day, I will push that slipper all the way back in my closet but for now...

The Blonde loves unbelievable romance!

SuperBowl Sunday

So its here

Big Deal...the Saints and the Colts...snore!

I am ditching Dallas.

Driving 4 hours to D-town to watch a football game with an ex-boyfriend and his friends is not an option for me any longer.

I love the commercials but thanks to youtube, I can watch them without the game interrupting.

Besides I have two exams this week and issues with my hair. I am debating just chopping my goldie locks off and going Sharon Stone for awhile but than I think if I want to grow it back out, I will have the same issues with what to do with awkward stages of bang growth.

Its all about finding a new attitude.

I can't start a new style with a closet full of old ill fitted wears.

Instead of chopping off my blonde, I did something far less destructive and far more productive.

I cleaned out my baggage.

I deleted every single last email address, phone number, and correspondence from anyone who came off the web.

I have a clean slate for serendipity to play its part at the grocery store, the park, or any where I will be walking along. Anything that doesn't involve the toxic internet dating arena.

I believe its the only true way to finding something beyond portable and disposable.

The Blonde will be playing off the sidelines!!!

BeautifulPeople.com

After hearing a news clip that beautifulpeople.com dumped 5,000 profiles from their site due to fat gain from the holidays, I had to check it out. I am fairly certain the story just happened to be a well played out publicity stunt but still...I had to look.

In order to look I had to set up a quick profile with my photo which then gets rated by other members. I did see some fugly but overall it was minimal and I have to say, after comparing it to other internet dating sites, they are a better looking group of hotties.

On most Internet dating sites Texas seems to have some of the scariest, I mean to the point of looking like they were the hillbillies in the movie 'Deliverance' and after seeing more than 5 of these freaks, I get so disgusted I start looking in other states. Kansas has some really cute corn fed hotties but unfortunately they live in Kansas, and well let's just say....ewwww!! But on beautifulpeople.com that torture is cut to a minimum and I enjoyed peaking around even if I am not interested in a single one.

Now, I am not planning on joining anymore Internet dating sites. I really do think the men on these sites are just all broken goods along with many of the women. I rather take my money and join an upscale health club and hit on the cutie running next to me on the treadmill. But I do have to admit, after receiving 6 or 7 interest emails from some of the members and everyone of them happens to be super handsome, I might just have to get my super glue, because some of this broken deserves to be fixed at least for a weekend!

The Blonde is just looking!!!

Hubbell Who?

OK...so I am totally over the Hubbell thing. You know, contrary to belief I am not some emotional freak who fell in love with someone over five dates. I was more or less in love with the possibility of being in love and living a fab life.

For all I know the dude might have sucked in bed! Its what I am using to get over my crush!

So to celebrate my new found overness, I have bought the sexiest 5 1/2" heels and a super sexy shoulder baring dress and I am meeting up with my equadorian hottie at Eddie V's tomorrow night.

He may only be a friend but we look so hot together that we are VIP'd wherever we go.

I love my latin hottie and he knows how to treat me like a Princess. Its exactly what I need right now.

I am going to let him devour me with attention for a couple of hours and than tuck myself in bed with a giant smile.

Later in the weekend I am headed to D town for a Superbowl party.

I am back to happy.

I am happy I did not go to New York. I am happy I with my decision to not make friends with dates that failed. A woman needs to value herself and playing the runner up position and dangling on is not only gross but it doesn't make you feel like a winner.

The loser in all of this isn't me!!!

The Blonde doesn't need to collect names!

Time to Renew

My timing is off and apparently not just by way of men. I keep thinking it friday, although its only Thursday. I guess finishing my work early to prepare for my New York trip has my internal clock screwed up.

Unfortunately for Raine, he is not someone who likes to spoil women and I am too spoiled to be treated half heartedly as a friend. If I want a man around, I will date him and be treated like a Princess. Raine likes calling his friends because he can super budget his way into a booty call.

But not with the Blond he can't.

Every time I have visited him, I came home thinking what an ass he is. He rushes me in and than shoves me out the door. Half the day he is emailing other women from online dating services. I swear he had a date on the day I was leaving last time. He was so quick to get rid of me he made me walk with him down the block strolling my Hartman luggage behind and shoved me in a cab with no leg room for the 30 minute ride to the airport.

He also made me miss my plane and expected me to change airports to catch a flight in order to keep me from coming back into the city.

Douche!!

A few months down the time line he emails me to see if I want to come up. After the last time...I never want to go up. I only decided to go this time because I needed to get away and over Hubbell. But in the end, I would feel worse if I went to New York and let Raine get away with not treating me special.

I am tired of letting him slide on certain things I find important just because I am labelled his friend. He has lots of ladies labelled friends.

Its how he gets away with sleeping around and never committing to anyone and sparing his tight pocket from shelling out for , shall we be nice and say, a courtesan?

I don't want to sleep with him and the last time I visited, he made me feel like I should. And now every time I try to go visit him, that feeling of him trying to ease his way into my pants gets my goat and I bail at the last minute.

I f I am not in a committed relationship, I don't sleep with you...bottom line!!

That is the problem with 'friends' that started off as potential boyfriend material. Once you sleep with someone and it no longer works out, you really just have to walk away.

I am a firm believer that you truly can not revert it back into a friend situation without someone being taken advantage of.

Maybe he can but I don't want to.

I don't have to.

If I want to see New York, I will go online and find a new boyfriend that will treat me like a Queen and live the romance of Manhattan like it was meant to be. And any man that treats a woman like a Queen will be rewarded in so many numerous ways.

Get your mind out of the gutter.

OK...two seconds in the gutter and than back to the story!

Done picturing dirty deeds?

Good.

In the end, I just am not interested in keeping old dates around.

The Blonde is spring cleaning her life!!!

No York

I cancelled my trip!

After all New York is for lovers and I don't have one.

UPDATE: Since I decided to cancel the flight I found out that a snow/ice storm is going to hit Ny the day I was supposed to leave. I spared myself some lengthy layover headaches.

The Blonde is grounded!

The Grammys

is my favorite show of the year. I place it way above the hoopla of the Oscars. The Grammys has exciting musical fests to delight the eye and tickle the hair on your arms until it stands straight up.

For the past several years I have watched it alone. I don't understand why peeps don't show as much excitement for the Grammys as they do the Oscars which is just a bunch of boring thank you speeches with a little host humor mixed in.

The Captain ditched my call to watch it together. He has a sound system that probably would have made me feel like I was on X watching it. Instead I had to scavenge through the house for a couple of pairs of bose computer speakers and plug them into my little flat screen. As a women I am not as enthralled with electronic gadgets as the men. I just assume that's a blue thing. But I made do with my pink stereo hook up job.

Pink was amazing with her cirque de soleil number. How she didn't get zapped holding the microphone as water poured all over her is a wonderment in my view.

Beyonce out did herself with that hair swinging number. No seriously, the hair swinging was a bit much but I got over it.

I missed the Elton John and Lady Gaga number. I quickly ran to my computer to watch it on youtube but the video was pulled for violation in the beginning of me watching it. I would ask around if anyone was cool enough to tivo the show but I am abundantly aware that I have no one to call in times of crisis.

Robert Downey Jr who I have had a crush on ever since I can remember looked absolutely handsome as ever.

All in all I was happy with the winning outcome and I smiled from ear to ear for the entire duration of the Grammys. I always do. Its got a special spiritual something in it that makes me serene and happy. Its an experience best shared with others but even watched alone, I still enjoyed it.

Sort of like my life. I enjoy it. I just would enjoy it more if I had someone to share it with full time. It gets lonely looking at a phone that never rings. It gets lonely emailing old flames just to have dialogue with someone. Its even more lonely trying to keep up friendly appearances with someone that had as many excuses as pearls on a Mikimoto strand as to why it didn't work out between us.

Maybe I could get Pink to write a song about it.

So off I go to New York pretending that will make me happy when in retrospect it will only make me feel worse . I don't see the point of keeping in touch once the romance has dwindled and friendship is all that remains? Its like a broken record that I can't quite shut off.

Its like lyrics that get trapped in your head and you can't get it out of your head and you keep singing along to it even when you don't want to anymore.

I think what is really getting to me is that Hubbell was my last shot. I had made the claim last year after the canadian that I was broken. I took one last shot and now all my hopes and dreams have been thorougly shattered.

The Blonde will never be part of duet!

Say Hello to My Little Friend

Say hello to aderal.

After turmoil over the fact I have so much to accomplish and not an ounce of sense in my brain, I reached for a little medicinal help. And although I was up all night long...

I am done!


I finished all 4 essays for my anthropology class.

I finished my essay for government.

And I finished my essay for mass communications.

And with any luck my resume will impress someone.

The only thing left to do is bag the hope of any future togetherness with Hubbell or anyone else for that matter.

The Blonde is retiring solo!

Brain Lock

I have a hard time concentrating lately. My mind wanders to thinking about how my life was supposed to be and what my life has actually been.

On the eve before I leave for my New York trip, I have to finish 4 essays for anthropology and find it an utter bore. I have to write an essay on the intrusion of political figures lives and I am benevolent. I have to write an essay on a BBC program that featured to journalists who report on the war in the middle east and I am inspired. I have to study for french class and have trouble with retaining what I learned from the last class. And I have to continue plugging away at the job market without losing hope.

On top of it all, I am lonely. I haven't had a relationship in a long time and it is wearing on me like a wet sweater. I am all mangled up inside.

I can't concentrate on all the above mentioned because I am too busy thinking of how my life is passing me by and all the hopes and dreams I had about love and marriage are slowly diminishing. One day I am going to look in the mirror and be this sad and single creature who eats ice cream in bed wrapped up in a light blue snuggy with the cats kneeding my hair into a rastafarian, dreadlock motif.

All of my cognitive abilities are full throttle in the direction of dealing with rejection that I can't bare to spend one synapsis on the rest of my life at the moment.

I am not a freak.

I am not the elephant man.

I am more than a side attraction.

I am

I am

I am in the circus cage of unrequited love

with my face pressed against the iron bars

while the fat lady sings to the object of my affection.

The Blonde needs the key!