...wakes up every morning to her geriatric cat and his crap on the outside of his litter box.
I clean and scrub the floor, brush the litter from his fur, and feed him knowing his time to lay down for good is less than a while away.
I then go outside and feed the ghetto cats that came from the street and a builder mart parking lot. They are much more hardier than the glamorous puss known as Goose and will last years longer.
I than make my coffee in the morning and get to the phone and begin work.
In between phone calls and emails I study philosophy, ethics, and literature.
Its a good semester. I like my classes.
I am in the midst of writing a new essay for UT Austin.
Although I got in to all the schools I applied to, I could not-in the end-afford any of them.
And they were a little farther away than I want to be from my son, who is being deployed to Afghanistan in November.
All the while, I was holding out hope of meeting someone to be a shoulder I could lean on but the bullshit has me so depressed, I am beyond tears.
Liars and cynics is all I seem to run into these days and with what is on my plate, I have little patience for any of them.
Its OK, I am stubborn and it will take some time for me to kill this hope of love and commitment. I can't turn it off in a day and I know that.
The hope of love is hard to kill and the fear of my son going off to war is beyond any sadness i could have imagined.
I beg and pray to God that he will come home. He has to come back home. There is no other option.
God has to bring him home safe to me.
I am no Cinderella story and I don't feel I am even a Paul Harvey story, waiting to happen, any more. But I don;t deserve this much heartache.
I never did anything to deserve this life.
This is called depression, and it hits me every once in awhile but it will go away and even when I am sad I know I need to take care of those less fortunate than me; so I take my Jimmy Choo shoe money and feed the Bambis, the possums, the raccoons, and the stray animals that do not need to suffer as long as I am around.
And I get the great pleasure of giving my son anything of the small things I can do for him. I just wish I could have done more and then he might not have had to go off to war.
Its all I have to hold on to...
That is enough to get the Blonde up every day!!
9.06.2011
I Am Doomed
Baha Bahaaaa
The Lone Star Suck
Some things do not change...even if you are undead. It is true today as it was fucking in 2011 when I first wrote this.
And before I undied.
I am doomed to be alone unless I find another way to find a date.
Where am I supposed to drum up viable dating options?
The online dating site is nothing but a plethora of liars, losers, and deadbeats who have nothing better to do during their bored time at work.
I have no choice but to join gym.
I have to find the right gym.
Last one I joined was in Houston and it was in the gay zone of town.
Lesbians had some fun in the steam room while I got completely grossed out.
Texas men suck..no doubt about it...this southern girl can not do the south western bullshit.
I am going to die...
Please, please someone from a real world come save me.
The Blonde needs you!!
I love finding my diary from when I was alive. Makes me feel fucking awesome for being undead!
Men suck but now I can kill them.
The blonde chants Hoorah dead dicks!!!
F#^*&ing Blonde Moments
I totally missed my flight. I thought I was leaving Friday and the flight was Thursday. I did not find out until my friend called from the SLC airport to ask where the hell was I.
"I am packing my bags and getting ready." I replied
"Uh, Your flight was for today Blondie."
"Hole Shiat!! No way!!!"
Crap,
Hold on,
Shit,
Let me call you back
I will try and get another flight...
hang up
"hello Airline, what do I do to catch a later flight?"
"oh no problem, just pay $450 in difference charge."
"Uh yeah..not happening...what else can I do?"
Rebook for later flight times..
Way later...
I CALL EXPEDIA
GET 3RD WORLD COUNTRY SPEAKING GUY
KEEPS BOOKING THE EXPENSIVE TIME FRAME
Dude, I am trying to book cheap flights.
OK..hideously annoyed now.
Hang up
Go on Frontier to find cheap flights
Call back Expedia
Get english first language dude
AWESOME!!
RE-Book the flight for $50 extra
Done
PANIC DIVERTED
next week I am going to SLC..
DO NOT LET ME FORGET!!
As much as I hated Frontier for the Aspen trip...
I am actually grateful they made it up this time!!
Your alright, Frontier.
Just don't bump my ass for an over booked flight!!
The Blonde believes in second chances!!!
"I am packing my bags and getting ready." I replied
"Uh, Your flight was for today Blondie."
"Hole Shiat!! No way!!!"
Crap,
Hold on,
Shit,
Let me call you back
I will try and get another flight...
hang up
"hello Airline, what do I do to catch a later flight?"
"oh no problem, just pay $450 in difference charge."
"Uh yeah..not happening...what else can I do?"
Rebook for later flight times..
Way later...
I CALL EXPEDIA
GET 3RD WORLD COUNTRY SPEAKING GUY
KEEPS BOOKING THE EXPENSIVE TIME FRAME
Dude, I am trying to book cheap flights.
OK..hideously annoyed now.
Hang up
Go on Frontier to find cheap flights
Call back Expedia
Get english first language dude
AWESOME!!
RE-Book the flight for $50 extra
Done
PANIC DIVERTED
next week I am going to SLC..
DO NOT LET ME FORGET!!
As much as I hated Frontier for the Aspen trip...
I am actually grateful they made it up this time!!
Your alright, Frontier.
Just don't bump my ass for an over booked flight!!
The Blonde believes in second chances!!!
9.04.2011
9.03.2011
Credit Clean Up
So I found this killer site that helps you clean up credit faux pas on your own. Its free and fabulous.
Creditinfocenter.com
This site makes me feel so much better about my life crisis. I am now in control of trying to repair credit from my divorce. I read important information about what to do and what not to do.
They even provide legal letters to send to collection agencies that bought old debt and inflated the debt or have no right to the debt since the government paid off the original debt to the original creditor.
Its scarey to think that you are helpless to do anything in regards to bad debt but I now know, thanks to this site, that I am not helpless and I can renew my life and my credit.
You have a right to get a credit report from any of the three major agencies for free.
You have a lot of rights the creditors don't want you to know about.
This site will help you with everything.
I really don't want a co-signor for my new flat. It is important I do this on my own, and now I know I can.
It may take a few months but while i wait to clean up credit I have the financial ability to pay for a new paint job for my car.
I will feel so much better about myself driving a jaguar that does not look like it went through a war zone. I do feel people look down on me because of my car and my live-in situation. I try not to car but i do get down a bit about it.
By fixing my car, cleaning my credit and eventually finding my own place will just be a bonus to my new start in life. I waited so long to get over the fear of trying again, that these are great little steps to build back my confidence.
I feel really great having a job and going to school. I don't need a man. i know this. I can do this on my own.
And that makes me feel super great about me.
The Blonde is almost like new!!
Creditinfocenter.com
This site makes me feel so much better about my life crisis. I am now in control of trying to repair credit from my divorce. I read important information about what to do and what not to do.
They even provide legal letters to send to collection agencies that bought old debt and inflated the debt or have no right to the debt since the government paid off the original debt to the original creditor.
Its scarey to think that you are helpless to do anything in regards to bad debt but I now know, thanks to this site, that I am not helpless and I can renew my life and my credit.
You have a right to get a credit report from any of the three major agencies for free.
You have a lot of rights the creditors don't want you to know about.
This site will help you with everything.
I really don't want a co-signor for my new flat. It is important I do this on my own, and now I know I can.
It may take a few months but while i wait to clean up credit I have the financial ability to pay for a new paint job for my car.
I will feel so much better about myself driving a jaguar that does not look like it went through a war zone. I do feel people look down on me because of my car and my live-in situation. I try not to car but i do get down a bit about it.
By fixing my car, cleaning my credit and eventually finding my own place will just be a bonus to my new start in life. I waited so long to get over the fear of trying again, that these are great little steps to build back my confidence.
I feel really great having a job and going to school. I don't need a man. i know this. I can do this on my own.
And that makes me feel super great about me.
The Blonde is almost like new!!
9.01.2011
REJECTED
So my first attempt at renting an apartment ended up in a flat out rejection.
I have the income but my credit is still wiggy from medical bills and when I had that little trouble called divorce way back when.
I have two more years to wait out the bed credit left behind from divorce and the predatory lending practices when I desperately tried to refinance the house afterward.
I am not paying these fees especially when they should have been paid when the house rolled over to a new owner and the bank paid the old bank off.
If I paid these fees now, the bad credit remains for another 7 years. If I leave the charge offs alone, by federal law they have to be taken off after 7 years.
I have two years before the slate is wiped clean and until then, I will have to snuggy up with a co-signor if I want a flat.
This is just another small bump in the road, although with the accumulated bumps..its starting not to feel like a fun ride in life.
I will look for another place and in the meantime, I have another month of savings.
The Blonde is used to Nos!
I have the income but my credit is still wiggy from medical bills and when I had that little trouble called divorce way back when.
I have two more years to wait out the bed credit left behind from divorce and the predatory lending practices when I desperately tried to refinance the house afterward.
I am not paying these fees especially when they should have been paid when the house rolled over to a new owner and the bank paid the old bank off.
If I paid these fees now, the bad credit remains for another 7 years. If I leave the charge offs alone, by federal law they have to be taken off after 7 years.
I have two years before the slate is wiped clean and until then, I will have to snuggy up with a co-signor if I want a flat.
This is just another small bump in the road, although with the accumulated bumps..its starting not to feel like a fun ride in life.
I will look for another place and in the meantime, I have another month of savings.
The Blonde is used to Nos!
8.31.2011
To Lie or Not to Lie
That is the ethics question of the day!
I am on the cusp of my ethics class and I find the area is very grey. Not something I am used to or even like. I like a clear black and white color of vivid truths.
Today, I applied for an apartment and I am sure if I checked off all the little yes boxes, they would not question it and let me in.
But stupid me, questioned my ethics and I could not in good conscience lie about a little thing like credit.
I come out on the short end of the stick with credit. All my immediate bills are dead on but the lingering divorce credit is not something I can easily clean up.
I am running on fate these days and if its meant to be, than the apartment will be mine with a clear conscience or it wont be mine.
Its not like I found the holy grail of rent control flats in Austin. I just found a superb location and a workable flat; of course I will have to forfeit my deposit in favor of new lighting fixtures, new cabinetry, and definitely will have to upgrade the tile and sink in the luie...
I have a few that are willing to co-sign but I want this on my own terms.
If I don't get it,..my jag is getting a body resurrection.
Of course I went out with Augusto and he immediately told me I should have lied. The first application is a test and I should have just checked all the marks.
He is probably right. After all, he is a lot further along in life than I am and the sad truth is...honesty will kick you in the ass every time.
I am trying to be a better liar but its a little harder than I thought.
I really must learn that its the norm to throw morality out the window to get what you want.
If I keep that in mind...
The Blonde might end up as president!!
I am on the cusp of my ethics class and I find the area is very grey. Not something I am used to or even like. I like a clear black and white color of vivid truths.
Today, I applied for an apartment and I am sure if I checked off all the little yes boxes, they would not question it and let me in.
But stupid me, questioned my ethics and I could not in good conscience lie about a little thing like credit.
I come out on the short end of the stick with credit. All my immediate bills are dead on but the lingering divorce credit is not something I can easily clean up.
I am running on fate these days and if its meant to be, than the apartment will be mine with a clear conscience or it wont be mine.
Its not like I found the holy grail of rent control flats in Austin. I just found a superb location and a workable flat; of course I will have to forfeit my deposit in favor of new lighting fixtures, new cabinetry, and definitely will have to upgrade the tile and sink in the luie...
I have a few that are willing to co-sign but I want this on my own terms.
If I don't get it,..my jag is getting a body resurrection.
Of course I went out with Augusto and he immediately told me I should have lied. The first application is a test and I should have just checked all the marks.
He is probably right. After all, he is a lot further along in life than I am and the sad truth is...honesty will kick you in the ass every time.
I am trying to be a better liar but its a little harder than I thought.
I really must learn that its the norm to throw morality out the window to get what you want.
If I keep that in mind...
The Blonde might end up as president!!
8.26.2011
8.23.2011
I Just Want To Do My Job
Why can't people be nice?
Why can't people, especially women, in lower positions just do their work without trying to build animosity toward others to hide their inferior work ethic?
Every where I work, there is always that one person that just has to make life miserable for everyone.
I became a supervisor which apparently means not supervising; it means taking on the responsibility for the shit that comes about when others do not play a fair game at work.
Its one thing if the job afforded me a new paint job on my car and nice digs in a nice area of town; but this job barely affords me a one bedroom flat in nowhere ville.
Its funny, i thought working from my house, alone, would afford me the ability to do my job and not have to deal with assholes but unfortunately...NO!
Somehow, someone I never met accept through emails has found a way to cost me a days commission because I have to deal with cut and pasting complaints from clients into a spreadsheet for the Director.
I changed my font to a pretty pink and use smiley emicons now when I ask my employees to do something, to make sure it comes across as sweet and not too directive.
I follow up my emails with positive affirmations to the employees which I do not mind doing for those that are worth the emicon.
I find it funny that adults respond to pink cursive and blushing emicons instead of professional directives in black straight fonts.
We have become such a ridiculous society in business, no wonder we are in a recession and our jobs are outsourced to other countries.
Americans are spoiled, lazy, and passive aggressive in their daily work life.
They pass the buck when they fail, they piss the day away on facebook, and when the shit hits the fan because someone didn't follow through, they spend a mountain of time finding a target to use as a smoke screen.
I actually had an employee spend 4 hours sending my emails to management in regards to hurting her feelings.
You know what those emails said?
"Please correct this situation immediately and send the shipment overnight if you have to. I want it done tonight."
Really?
What about my feelings when the client bit off part of my ass when the company failed to deliver 4 times in a row...way before I took the position?
Did I cry to the boss? NO!!
I tried to correct the situation and for that I was penalized.
Eventually, I will figure out how to slack off and not care about duties at work like the rest of the 'gang'...
And if someone wants an apology from me because I demanded they do their job properly...
They better get a coat cause it gets pretty darn cold when hell freezes over!!
Why can't people, especially women, in lower positions just do their work without trying to build animosity toward others to hide their inferior work ethic?
Every where I work, there is always that one person that just has to make life miserable for everyone.
I became a supervisor which apparently means not supervising; it means taking on the responsibility for the shit that comes about when others do not play a fair game at work.
Its one thing if the job afforded me a new paint job on my car and nice digs in a nice area of town; but this job barely affords me a one bedroom flat in nowhere ville.
Its funny, i thought working from my house, alone, would afford me the ability to do my job and not have to deal with assholes but unfortunately...NO!
Somehow, someone I never met accept through emails has found a way to cost me a days commission because I have to deal with cut and pasting complaints from clients into a spreadsheet for the Director.
I changed my font to a pretty pink and use smiley emicons now when I ask my employees to do something, to make sure it comes across as sweet and not too directive.
I follow up my emails with positive affirmations to the employees which I do not mind doing for those that are worth the emicon.
I find it funny that adults respond to pink cursive and blushing emicons instead of professional directives in black straight fonts.
We have become such a ridiculous society in business, no wonder we are in a recession and our jobs are outsourced to other countries.
Americans are spoiled, lazy, and passive aggressive in their daily work life.
They pass the buck when they fail, they piss the day away on facebook, and when the shit hits the fan because someone didn't follow through, they spend a mountain of time finding a target to use as a smoke screen.
I actually had an employee spend 4 hours sending my emails to management in regards to hurting her feelings.
You know what those emails said?
"Please correct this situation immediately and send the shipment overnight if you have to. I want it done tonight."
Really?
What about my feelings when the client bit off part of my ass when the company failed to deliver 4 times in a row...way before I took the position?
Did I cry to the boss? NO!!
I tried to correct the situation and for that I was penalized.
Eventually, I will figure out how to slack off and not care about duties at work like the rest of the 'gang'...
And if someone wants an apology from me because I demanded they do their job properly...
They better get a coat cause it gets pretty darn cold when hell freezes over!!
8.21.2011
Wave Run Fun
So after apartment hunting and getting a little down on the prospects that I may have to keep down grading my digs to afford the lease, I blew off steam playing on the wave runner with Augusto.
I know I said i would walk away from Augusto, the Captain, and Raine...and I did to all of them but Augusto has always been there when I really needed him and unfortunately I am a woman that will always need something from her man.
and he is totally OK with helping me and taking care of me, even when the chips are down.
He is a good friend not a fair weathered one and for that I will let him stick around. Any man that says he will help me secure an apartment if my credit fails me is someone who really cares about me. The fact that he trusts me enough to know I would never abuse his credit and pay my bills on time is something really special to me. Of course, he would be on the lease and that makes him privy to all my antiques if I ever crap on him, with the rent.
We totally laughed about that one.
I can't say that about any of these other guys that wish to be my friend. They are only my friend when they are bored and looking for some fun.
Where are they when I need some serious hugging?
I won't fully commit to Augusto since he is already spoken for and I am not stupid enough to piss my personal love away on a man I can't totally have but for now, I need his love and I need to love on someone.
And on the superficial level, Damn do we look good together in the jeep and on the wave runner?
We laugh and have so much fun...We check out guys and chicks and play jealous but we are super totally cool with each other looking at other prospects.
Its fun and keeps things real and alive.
Its going on 7 years now and one day I hope to have an unattached man for myself that feels like a new date every day...
I know Augusto has trouble at home and is unhappy and if it were not for me his life would be unbearable. I am not always happy with that scenario but he is my best friend and if I help him keep his family together...
than some good is coming from all of this.
Its not an optimal situation but I am slowly looking at reviewing how love is and its not black and white...commitment from the heart is better than out of duty.
Raine could have had the same thing from me but after 7 years and it never progressing past a few days, a couple of months of drunken fun in NY..
What the hell is the point?
Having to work out a deal to get a pair of boots as a gift-even though it was my deal-is not what I call love.
The Blonde makes her the rules!!
I know I said i would walk away from Augusto, the Captain, and Raine...and I did to all of them but Augusto has always been there when I really needed him and unfortunately I am a woman that will always need something from her man.
and he is totally OK with helping me and taking care of me, even when the chips are down.
He is a good friend not a fair weathered one and for that I will let him stick around. Any man that says he will help me secure an apartment if my credit fails me is someone who really cares about me. The fact that he trusts me enough to know I would never abuse his credit and pay my bills on time is something really special to me. Of course, he would be on the lease and that makes him privy to all my antiques if I ever crap on him, with the rent.
We totally laughed about that one.
I can't say that about any of these other guys that wish to be my friend. They are only my friend when they are bored and looking for some fun.
Where are they when I need some serious hugging?
I won't fully commit to Augusto since he is already spoken for and I am not stupid enough to piss my personal love away on a man I can't totally have but for now, I need his love and I need to love on someone.
And on the superficial level, Damn do we look good together in the jeep and on the wave runner?
We laugh and have so much fun...We check out guys and chicks and play jealous but we are super totally cool with each other looking at other prospects.
Its fun and keeps things real and alive.
Its going on 7 years now and one day I hope to have an unattached man for myself that feels like a new date every day...
I know Augusto has trouble at home and is unhappy and if it were not for me his life would be unbearable. I am not always happy with that scenario but he is my best friend and if I help him keep his family together...
than some good is coming from all of this.
Its not an optimal situation but I am slowly looking at reviewing how love is and its not black and white...commitment from the heart is better than out of duty.
Raine could have had the same thing from me but after 7 years and it never progressing past a few days, a couple of months of drunken fun in NY..
What the hell is the point?
Having to work out a deal to get a pair of boots as a gift-even though it was my deal-is not what I call love.
The Blonde makes her the rules!!
Apartment Hunting
Why in the world would rental prices change on a daily basis?
I went apartment hunting yesterday and found that it is worse than shopping for a car. Some of these leasing agents just wreak of sleeze. And they were at nice properties.
Its funny you are quoted the rent and when you agree with the price...then they start adding on the sur charges like valet garbage, upgrade for faux wood floors, upgrade rate for first or second floor rentals.
Its hot in Texas and renting a top floor means extra in air conditioning, not to mention I used to live in a 3 story townhouse and the 3 flight walk up and down never did much to keep me tone, so i do not see any benefit to renting high up.
There is an extra charge to have a view other than the parking lot. To look at trees out your bedroom window...you have to pay more.
If course none of these fees are listed, they just are quoted and those fees and rental rates keep flipping around like a ticker on the stock market floor.
Its enough to make my blonde hair grow tediously gray...
There are application fees, pet deposits, administration fees and an application that is only a few pages short of mortgage.
You need 3 times the income for rent and you have to be credit worthy or additional deposits are incurred.
Geez!!!
The Blonde is not a fan of lease looks!
I went apartment hunting yesterday and found that it is worse than shopping for a car. Some of these leasing agents just wreak of sleeze. And they were at nice properties.
Its funny you are quoted the rent and when you agree with the price...then they start adding on the sur charges like valet garbage, upgrade for faux wood floors, upgrade rate for first or second floor rentals.
Its hot in Texas and renting a top floor means extra in air conditioning, not to mention I used to live in a 3 story townhouse and the 3 flight walk up and down never did much to keep me tone, so i do not see any benefit to renting high up.
There is an extra charge to have a view other than the parking lot. To look at trees out your bedroom window...you have to pay more.
If course none of these fees are listed, they just are quoted and those fees and rental rates keep flipping around like a ticker on the stock market floor.
Its enough to make my blonde hair grow tediously gray...
There are application fees, pet deposits, administration fees and an application that is only a few pages short of mortgage.
You need 3 times the income for rent and you have to be credit worthy or additional deposits are incurred.
Geez!!!
The Blonde is not a fan of lease looks!
8.20.2011
DESPORADO
This song's meaning is not for the public!!!
Some songs don't get you through things..some songs just make great endings...
Some days, the Blonde wishes she never woke up!
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