The Dickens Village tree--
The glass Bird menagerie tree
The fresh tree where only 3-6 tinsel strings may be applied
The Disney tree
and the prodigal grandson's tree
There will be 4 lighted reindeer outside
3 large wooden nutcrackers
2 train sets
and one x-mas scam:
phone call
Mother to Eldest daughter, "So your father only gave me so much for presents this year and I have to buy all these people gifts..I don't know how I can afford it all"
Eldest daughter to Mother, "Thats alright Mother you don't have to get me anything"
next phone call
Mother to youngest daughter, "So your father only gave me so much for presents this year and I have to buy all these people gifts..I don't how to afford it all"
Youngest daughter to Mother, "That's alright Mother you don't have to get me anything"
next phone call
Mother to middle daughter, "So your father only gave me so much for presents this year and I have to buy all these people gifts..I don't how to afford it all"
Middle daughter to Mother, "Thats alright Mother you don't have to get me anything"
so Christmas closes in and Mother has purchased nothing, Father scrambles to to buy last minute gifts and I hear mumbling on the phone in the background...something about a swiss bank account...
HAPPY BEGINNING OF THE HOLIDAYS!!
12.10.2007
Holy Crap its Xmas
12.08.2007
Mother Grinch
In gypsy like stealthiness she answers the door, grab the box from the post man, and quickly tucks it behind the bird menagerie Christmas tree waiting for the moment when she is alone in the house, not a creature is stirring not even the crack cat's stuffed mouse and than....
She opens the package
She takes the candy she knows we like
and hides it away
than she leaves the candy we don't like
knowing it will stay
than she tosses out the name tags
claiming none were ever found
carefully peels away the wrapping paper
without making a sound
keeps what she likes
puts the rest back inside
thinking she is clever
she claims it just arrived
along with a swiss bank account..we think she runs a gift shop somewhere in Provence.
Blondes get a detailed packing list from friends and family now!!
12.06.2007
Blonde Moment 138
Blondes hate fees attached to their moments!!
God is Free Y'all!!
My offices are next to the business office of the pastor of a newly formed ministry. The Pastors have no regard for the signs regarding parking, they are arrogant and rude and when you go to there website the only thing they preach is trying to convert more people.
There is no talk of helping communities, or the hungry or the poor...Nope Its just convert, convert, convert...
Oh yah!!! Did I tell you the offices are located in the higher end district in Austin while the church is on the East side smack in the middle of the lower income district.
Why can't they keep their offices with the church..hhhmmmmmm
Half these people who go to this church struggle everyday to put food on the table but these Pastors con the very grocery money out of their hands based on the bible and God's needs. I also tried to find who they serve in the community. Nobody, nothing, Nada...no hunger, no homeless, no charities do they affiliate themselves with what-so-ever.
They say on their website they are a cosmopolitan bible community..
What the hell is that?
They are about as country as country gets..Cosmopolitan on the East side of town..I don't think so...
There is no God in their office except for the one that lives on the dollar bill..
Save your money..God doesn't need it!!! and if you want to spend it..Give directly to the homeless ,the animal shelter, orphanages. Stop giving money in in the name of God..
Give your prayers, give your love but for God's sake stop giving these people money.
Blondes hate con artists that prey on faith!!!
12.05.2007
Celebrity Cellulite
How would you like to be followed around and have your picture taken at the most unglamorous times in your life to reveal your cellulite and saggy stuff.
Even more fun..how about having your photos plastered over the internet so people who are bored can find entertainment and amusement at your less than lovely predicament.
...and how disgusting do I feel that I am looking at your photos going "Oh..My..God, that is bad!!"? Actually not very at all and I will tell you why.
As shallow as it is that I feel better about my body looking at others with worse flaws than me..I also came to the conclusion that the photos had other things that made me a little envious. If our focus is redirected to things that really matter in life we would see an entirely different picture.
In the photos..there is an ocean, a beautiful beach, there are lovers, and children, and friends...all the cellulite clad celebs were playing, holding hands, smiling, laughing and enjoying their life...
and the only one who seemed to be bothered by the cellulite and the sags and flab are the hate mongers who posted the comments.
Blondes rather be flawed on the outside than the inside!
11.30.2007
Bill the Cow
difficult to make
Even when times were tough
and everyone hard to take
No acts of kindness
could make him fit in
It did not matter
how nice he had been
Because he was different
they refused to be kind
and to his good nature
they remained blind
Bill always understood
why they carried this thought
It was not hatred for him
only the way they were taught
He had no choice
but change their mind
it takes courage
but that's hard to find
Bill never gave up
no matter the pain
through his fight
equality he would gain
Bill the cow would say:
think what you teach
into tiny ears
for they grow up
and carry on those fears
you are my sister
and you my brother
we really arent that different
Please,lets love each other
You don't have to be blonde to be kind!! Peace y'all
I’m Feeling Fat
The other night my Dad was telling me to tale Marcus to a movie, or go out, or do something. Couldn't figure out why until we came home a bit too early...dear God!!
We were locked out of the house, had to keep ringing the doorbell and finally my Dad comes to the door in a towel...
"Uh"
"Oh, my Gah...Dad?!!"
"Dad?!!"
"What.. you were supposed to be away!!"
"Eww..Were going away"
In the car:
Laughing hysterically...
"Yeah it's funny to you; you're separated by a generation, this is going to haunt me"
"No, if you want to be haunted, unlock the chest in their closet"
"Oh my God!!"
"Uh, NO!!"
"I am so grossed out, and you, you are tainted for life, you will need some kind of therapy?!! I know I do"
hysterical laughing
more hysterical laughing
" Do you think its safe to go home now?"
"no, give them more time"
"oh my God, gross"
more laughing
"We should be so lucky..that after more than 40 years of marriage..They still get their groove on"
"Shut up"
" O.K...shutting up...hot wings or BBQ?"
"Chinese"
"Good idea, it takes longer"
Blondes shouldn't knock on the door so long!
11.24.2007
Blonde Beauty Tip #8
First ice up your lip until its blue and you can feel nothing..than take a needle and prick your lip a couple of time just underneath the lip where scabbing can't be seen....it will swell and stay for at least two or three days depending on how deep you pricked.
For those who grow weak kneed at the site of blood...I suggest don't look in a mirror. be strong ladies for what is beauty without pain...feel good about yourself that you did not succumb to plastic surgery, you are a beauty warrior who lifts the head high as you head out plumped up and debt free.
If you can wax a bikini line you. you can do this.
Blondes have no boundaries when it comes to beauty!!
11.23.2007
Blonde moment 65
do I need to go on..I finally got out but damn it
Blondes dont have it easy!!
11.21.2007
Ode to my Alcohol
The Fish bowl at Hula Hut
The Pear Mojito at P F Changs
The Fruit infused Saki at Kenichi
The Pinot Noir at Jeffrey’s
The Dirty Martini at Cedar Door
The Vodka Gimlet at Four Seasons
I do adore the warm fuzzy
I get from you
But ever do I stumble
over the greatness of you
Please Don't Drink and Drive this Holiday Season!!
Blondie rule of Prayer
You’re not supposed to ask for things;
Ask for what is right not what you want;
God works in mysterious ways;
Ask not what you Christ can do for you…
Blah, blah, blah…..
It’s like buying a shiny new Cadillac. I don’t know why I relate God and a caddy; I’m thinking it’s from growing up in the south and seeing all the preachers driving their Cadillac while asking the congregation to give more funds..
Why do you need more funds? Can’t you do God’s work in an Oldsmobile?
Anyhoo,
Here you have this new car with a warranty and the fine print and it’s not until you start seeing all the disclaimers that you think to yourself or at least I do, I should have bought the used Junker with the simple disclaimer:
AS IS
NO WARRANTY
WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET
I like simple terms and conditions that let me know if it breaks I’m responsible for fixing it. If I prayed to God to fix my car..I would never be able to get anywhere in life.
Blondes never are stranded on the side of the road long!!
11.15.2007
I'm Goin Cowboys!!
I have been a Redskin fan all my life. I was born in D.C. and lived in Virginia most of my young life and so there... I'm a Redskin fan but lately I'm thinking I might go Cowboys for one big reason....A GUY....not just any guy but a bonafide gentleman guy who made me laugh when I was crying over getting old...
and while I will always love my Redskins and wish them well they never told me how beautiful I am, make me laugh, or make me feel better about myself when I am feeling down..I doubt the Cowboys will do that for me either but I know this guy will and I rather hang out with him on the Cowboy's side of the stadium than stand alone on the Redskin's side.
damn you Joe Gibbs...can't you do anything?!!
Blondes don't need to know football to be a fan!!
Update: Nov 28. 2007
After the fall of Redskin Taylor...I cannot leave my team at this time plus I really don't like the Cowboys and this guy has since dwindled from my light