What has it been?
Five years and counting that my Mother tries to murder someone during the holidays.
This time, I was too wise for her attempts and foiled her plans to give my 'German' medicinal powder to help my with allergies.
But she is not one to give up so quickly.
If she can;t murder me, she will go after the unsuspecting victim.
My Father.
My Father is deadly allergic to nuts.
And what does Mother do?
Claim she did not have cinnamon available and so she grounded up cinnamon sticks in the same grinder that she grounded nuts in a few months prior.
She innocently baked the cookies and said, "Here dear. I made you cookies. The ones you love."
My Dad bit into one and his throat seized up.
I think my Mother is testing out her murder attempts on the family.
Not enough to kill us but enough to know she can get away with it in the event she really wants to off someone.
Who she is aiming for is any one's guess.
So during the holidays...watch the offerings from my Mother.
Happy and safe Holidays from the Blonde!!
12.21.2011
What A Freaking Crazy Christmas Card
If I sent a letter with my Christmas cards it would be a first. Not only for the letter but for sending out cards.
The last time I sent out a Christmas card was when I hand painted Santa with his pants down mooning the recipient.
It was a great card and its a Hallmark to my Aunt. I have not sent out a card since she died. Its the only thing I can do to show her how special she was to our family.
And to let her know, that every year...we still think about her just as much as if she were alive.
I believe in science and I believe her atoms burst apart the moment she exhaled her last breath sending all those beautiful atoms across the universe to be received by new birth.
My Aunt's beautiful atoms grace the bodies of new life..whether that be a bug, a bird, a baby...she lives on!
Good and kindness live on because of her!
The Blonde bows at the ever greatness of life's circle!
The last time I sent out a Christmas card was when I hand painted Santa with his pants down mooning the recipient.
It was a great card and its a Hallmark to my Aunt. I have not sent out a card since she died. Its the only thing I can do to show her how special she was to our family.
And to let her know, that every year...we still think about her just as much as if she were alive.
I believe in science and I believe her atoms burst apart the moment she exhaled her last breath sending all those beautiful atoms across the universe to be received by new birth.
My Aunt's beautiful atoms grace the bodies of new life..whether that be a bug, a bird, a baby...she lives on!
Good and kindness live on because of her!
The Blonde bows at the ever greatness of life's circle!
12.19.2011
Merry Bloody Christmas
Holy cow!!! The drama that is unfolding this season is beyond any soap opera writer's wet dream.
I have to give you it in tidbits or you will explode by the thought of it all.
OK...
Sister's best friend's husband tried to kill himself.
They thought the mixture of pain killers caused a suicidal tendency.
NO!!
The freak was having an affair with a married woman.
He found out she was having an affair with another man.
He left a note in his girlfriend's husband's car tattle tailing that she was sleeping with him and another man
Seriously, what a douche!!!
are you still with me...
Anyhoo...
The suicidal douche did not bother to leave a note for his wife..my sister's best friend.
Not only is she a best friend, she is our family and you don;t fuck with our family.
When the douche gets out of the psych ward which will be delayed so our sister can get her shit moved out..
will come home to nothing more than a stocking full of coal.
The Blonde is cherry red with happy!!
I have to give you it in tidbits or you will explode by the thought of it all.
OK...
Sister's best friend's husband tried to kill himself.
They thought the mixture of pain killers caused a suicidal tendency.
NO!!
The freak was having an affair with a married woman.
He found out she was having an affair with another man.
He left a note in his girlfriend's husband's car tattle tailing that she was sleeping with him and another man
Seriously, what a douche!!!
are you still with me...
Anyhoo...
The suicidal douche did not bother to leave a note for his wife..my sister's best friend.
Not only is she a best friend, she is our family and you don;t fuck with our family.
When the douche gets out of the psych ward which will be delayed so our sister can get her shit moved out..
will come home to nothing more than a stocking full of coal.
The Blonde is cherry red with happy!!
12.02.2011
Perception and Reality
should not be on such a narrow line.
We all walk a tight rope...
The performer and the spectator
I can see it now
I am on the wire
I step out
onto the high wire
I balance
I bend my knees
I crouch
I swing my arms
I flip
and
I land
on the wire
and
I
do
not
fall!!
And so many of you thought I would fall
and even more of you
were wishing I did...
Wish and think all you like about me
but in the end
you will still be wrong
The Blonde has had a hard and long life!!
We all walk a tight rope...
The performer and the spectator
I can see it now
I am on the wire
I step out
onto the high wire
I balance
I bend my knees
I crouch
I swing my arms
I flip
and
I land
on the wire
and
I
do
not
fall!!
And so many of you thought I would fall
and even more of you
were wishing I did...
Wish and think all you like about me
but in the end
you will still be wrong
The Blonde has had a hard and long life!!
American Military Rule!!!
Be Bad
but
not angry
Be mean
but not hurtful
Be proud
but not arrogant
Be brave
but be afraid
Be all you can be
but bring it all baok home...
The Blonde Kant but Mill!
Holidays Ake Me Want to Die
The Holidays!
The Blonde is bringing the best of suicidal jingles for your holiday pleasure!!!!
11.29.2011
Oedipus
Oedipus means 'swollen foot' and not 'to see'...
Oedipus had a screwy Mother who believed in prophecy and when an oracle told her her kid would kill her baby Daddy and marry her...
She did what any normal baby Mamma would do after reading the horoscope in the local news rag...
She and her husband pierced the babies feet and bound them together before handing over the bundle of curse over to a Sheppard who was to take the baby to the top of the cliff and leave it there to die of exposure..which is a nice term for starve, dehydrate, and freeze or burn to death.
But
and a big but...
The Shepard, ditched the dirty deed and handed the baby over to the royal family of the hood next door.
I am sure they paid better for adoption than the Thebes paid for the disposal but whatever..
Anywhoo..
to make a long Greek tragedy short...
Someone told Oedipus of his fate and he left his parents to save their lives.
Unfortunately they were not his real parents and so he left his safety zone
and low and behold
karma guided him directly into killing his real Daddy on the way out of town..
What are the odds of that happening without Apollo?
Anyhoo
He stops to play some casinos and he ends up cracking the Sphinx jeopardy game and this lushes Jocasta is all about the new guy and they marry
Jocasta and Odi-puss have daughters and rule the kingdom and have a great life and
SMACK!!!
Someone has to pee on their parade
Why they waited so long to avenge the death of the King...'Creon"?
not to mention names, Creon!
but seriously...was your promotion due, Creon?!!
Creon is to blame for the whole debacle if you ask me.
Creon got Odi all in a ruckus over the truth and when Odi finally digged the whole deep enough to uncover it
the hole was to be a grave for his Mother/ Wife after she hung herslef buy her own hair..that's commitment to suicide..seriously.
He stabs his eyes out with some gold chatchkis--tacky --and I personally thought he did it to afford him some grace and pity..
Ain't know one going to be mean to a blind dude even if he did kill his Daddy, marry his Mother, and bore a bunch of daughters...
The end of Odi's life is unclear but I am pretty sure his brother-in-law took pity on him and kept Odi well fed in a tower somewhere.
The Blonde is done with another semester!
Oedipus had a screwy Mother who believed in prophecy and when an oracle told her her kid would kill her baby Daddy and marry her...
She did what any normal baby Mamma would do after reading the horoscope in the local news rag...
She and her husband pierced the babies feet and bound them together before handing over the bundle of curse over to a Sheppard who was to take the baby to the top of the cliff and leave it there to die of exposure..which is a nice term for starve, dehydrate, and freeze or burn to death.
But
and a big but...
The Shepard, ditched the dirty deed and handed the baby over to the royal family of the hood next door.
I am sure they paid better for adoption than the Thebes paid for the disposal but whatever..
Anywhoo..
to make a long Greek tragedy short...
Someone told Oedipus of his fate and he left his parents to save their lives.
Unfortunately they were not his real parents and so he left his safety zone
and low and behold
karma guided him directly into killing his real Daddy on the way out of town..
What are the odds of that happening without Apollo?
Anyhoo
He stops to play some casinos and he ends up cracking the Sphinx jeopardy game and this lushes Jocasta is all about the new guy and they marry
Jocasta and Odi-puss have daughters and rule the kingdom and have a great life and
SMACK!!!
Someone has to pee on their parade
Why they waited so long to avenge the death of the King...'Creon"?
not to mention names, Creon!
but seriously...was your promotion due, Creon?!!
Creon is to blame for the whole debacle if you ask me.
Creon got Odi all in a ruckus over the truth and when Odi finally digged the whole deep enough to uncover it
the hole was to be a grave for his Mother/ Wife after she hung herslef buy her own hair..that's commitment to suicide..seriously.
He stabs his eyes out with some gold chatchkis--tacky --and I personally thought he did it to afford him some grace and pity..
Ain't know one going to be mean to a blind dude even if he did kill his Daddy, marry his Mother, and bore a bunch of daughters...
The end of Odi's life is unclear but I am pretty sure his brother-in-law took pity on him and kept Odi well fed in a tower somewhere.
The Blonde is done with another semester!
Hamlet
and Oedipus have one thing in common...they are both tragically possessed by a victim complex.
Seriously, I want to knock Hamlet in the head and tell him to snap out of it but Horatio cock blocks me.
If Hamlet is crazy, it would be much easier to believe if Horatio and the two knights never saw dead Hamlet's Daddy smogging up the sky way with a truth of his murder.
The ghost is validated after Hamlet throws an impromptu play for the King- who murdered his papa and the Queen- which is his Mother who married the murderous King way before the body of Hamlet's beloved Father was cold..an issue Hamlet has a hard time trying to kick
many literature pros's have tried to link incestuous lust and behavior on the part of the King and Queen but they must be breathing down Freud's crazy train exhaust because if you read the play...
and you are privy to royalty and the wealthy's proclivity to keeping wealth in the family, they often do marry cousins and what nits..
Gross in this day but hardly unacceptable in the day of Shakespeare.
He was not introducing anything new to the wealthy, they did not patron his shows, but the poor sods who came in droves to his theater and bringing their ignorant mind, ate it up with such valour and disgust to make it more than it really was..
and then Freud and his f--ed up little mind just dug it out of the dusty library and made something of it to make his career..
Do not quote me and I am super tired and have not edited this...
The Blonde is letting the poison sword of tongue lay unedited tonight..in other words of tongue and pen..nothing different
Seriously, I want to knock Hamlet in the head and tell him to snap out of it but Horatio cock blocks me.
If Hamlet is crazy, it would be much easier to believe if Horatio and the two knights never saw dead Hamlet's Daddy smogging up the sky way with a truth of his murder.
The ghost is validated after Hamlet throws an impromptu play for the King- who murdered his papa and the Queen- which is his Mother who married the murderous King way before the body of Hamlet's beloved Father was cold..an issue Hamlet has a hard time trying to kick
many literature pros's have tried to link incestuous lust and behavior on the part of the King and Queen but they must be breathing down Freud's crazy train exhaust because if you read the play...
and you are privy to royalty and the wealthy's proclivity to keeping wealth in the family, they often do marry cousins and what nits..
Gross in this day but hardly unacceptable in the day of Shakespeare.
He was not introducing anything new to the wealthy, they did not patron his shows, but the poor sods who came in droves to his theater and bringing their ignorant mind, ate it up with such valour and disgust to make it more than it really was..
and then Freud and his f--ed up little mind just dug it out of the dusty library and made something of it to make his career..
Do not quote me and I am super tired and have not edited this...
The Blonde is letting the poison sword of tongue lay unedited tonight..in other words of tongue and pen..nothing different
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