Alibaba.com

...is the magic genie lantern for the Chinese looking to rub a few dollars off Americans.

It is a bold in your face, screw you website.

I have tried to order wholesale but you do not get wholesale prices.

And shipping becomes ridiculous.

I tried to order sample suits for my kini shop and the one shop quoted me a fair price on samples but told me the fabric in the pictures was not available.

OK, so I pay fro sub-standard kini fabric.

Then they try to charge $200 for 36 kini samples.

Seriously, did I fall off a rice cart in Hong Kong?!

No, I did not.

I f I pay $200 shipping for 36 kinis, what is my shipping going to be on a mass scale...say 1500 kinis?

I don't need calculus to be a genius on this transaction.

And here is the kicker....

They want me to Western Union or wire transfer the money!!

Bold face Bull-YAa!!!

Yeah, Right?!!


Let me just send you a big fat bonus for finding another idiot in the U.S.

Bling!!

It is not that hard to find them. But you missed and found me.

So, you really wasted my time and I hope, at least, I wasted yours.

You douchinese!!!

Find another sucker.

The Blonde's bottle isn't filled with stupid!!!

La Classe Francaise est Faite

...pour maintentant!!

My french class is on break for the spring and while it is only for a week and a half...I feel elated!!

I have studied my little heart out and I am pulling A's and B's on the quizzes and homework. I have 3 exams that if I work hard through spring break, I will get the A's.

So my margarita and alone time on some sandy tropical isle will be replaced with a tropical screen saver and my $4.99 Cabernet from the local Stop and Shop.

Voila, ce n'est pas probleme!!

I just want to say AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I can see why the kiddos are psyched about spring break...

It is an AHHHHHH moment.

And I am just in AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!


The Blonde says its ahhhhhhll gooood!!!

The Quantum of Love

Something I used to blog about all the time has taken a back seat lately but I do have some thoughts to apply to it using algebra.

Take the sum of all his actions and subtract it from the sum of all his words.

If you end up with a positive number, your golden.

If you end up with a negative number, you need to convert that into a division against all the other negative numbers from guys and eventually you will see a losing battle.

I am on an infinity pattern to nowhere with love.

I could add some physics to the equation but that would make things look even more dismal than they already do on Planet Sole.

I have decided to jump ship and float back to reality.

Love sucks, it does not exist, and I am longing for home alone on earth.

I was a thousands leagues under water and drowning in bullshit.

I have bubbled up to the surface and its sandy beaches and margaritas on my own this spring break.

The Blonde is an island!!

I'm Sporting Double Ds

...and not in a good way.

I just scored another D on my french exam. I am two for two on the Ds.

If I were referring to plastic surgery, I would have the prettiest matching pair of double Ds this side of the french quarter.

I have had about all I can take with losing 2 points on my exam for every little missing accent over the e.

Accent grav

Circum flex

Vlah de francais de blah!!!

It isn't that I don't know the rules.

Never two infinitives together!

You can't have aller with a past participle unless your crazy!

'Y' is not a where but a preposition that needs a conjugated verb and in absence of that, place before the infinitive.

How stupid can one be not to understand the rules of french?!

Its so simple!!

Il est facile!!

I think....

Who knows any more.

C'est impossible!

Maybe some English tunes will inspire...

Conductor..a 'D' note please!!

Tutor in the morning, Tutor in the evening...

Tutor at supper time...

la la laaaa

la la

If I can't learn french, I am toast and my law degree is slime!!

F&$#@

la dee da da daaaaaaa!

I would like a life beyond etudier pour francais classe!!!!!


The Blonde is about to F U this course!!

My Car Screams Loser!

I have a 95 jaguar vanden plas that I am not bragging about. The car looks like it got caught in a can opener on the right side and riddled by rubber bullets on the other side.

The trunk paint was fading so I glued a rubber bike matt on to hide the paint fade but it eventually whipped off in the wind and my long haired coon cat used it as a bathing salon one summer leaving fur glued permanently to the trunk hood.

Some days, I can get by not getting upset about the look of this once pretty car but on other days, especially when passing by all the nice new euro cars in the neighborhood, I have to just hold my head up high and act like I don't care just so I wont cry about it.

The one side was completely scraped off by two separate downtown instances involving too small a space and two giant asshole Texas trucks blocking my way.

I hope gas gets to $4 and their giant fuel traps consume mountains of expensive ethanol.

Anyhoo,

I was going to wash it today but what's the point. All I will do is see more of the disaster under the dirt.

Don't get down
Don't get down
Don't get down....

Oops...too late.
Thanks big yellow ferarri for driving by my car.

Made me feel great, not!

The Blonde is trying not to lose it!

Starving to Sell NOAH Vegan

http://us.ebid.net/for-sale/noah-vegan-italian-eco-style-handbag-brown-39041318.htm



Since I am running out of my designer clothes and handbags to sell, I decided to purchase a pallet of NOAH Vegan handbags to sell on my new ebid.net site.

Ebay fees are killing me. When added up, they are taking 20% of every thing I sell.

And when your a tiny store...


Anyhoo,

I am on ebid.net under burlapbikini now.

I hope I do well enough to maybe eat this week.

I really love these handbags. I like being stylish and knowing

the NO Animal Harmed mantra went into these fabulous totes and bags.


The Blonde is looking to save herself and Mother Earth!!

I Don't Play Puppet

...to someone who wants a relationship with no strings attached.

And anyone looking for a long distance relationship, is in fact, only looking for a no strings attached relationship.

I have had my fill of these go no where, try to tug at your heart, bologne affairs.

I have no time.

I have no patience.

I have reached my entertainment value zenith.

I am happy, man-out of the game.

Maybe, I should apply to BYU just to get my 'no man' game on in full gear.

Yeah, right!!

Let's be serious...

I think BYU found an unsuspecting victim to pull their own agenda and they are targeting a key player to pull in media.

Where is Jesse Jackson when you need him?

Everyone gets played; let's hope the key players tugging at the strings of the innocent get to pay their karmic dues soon.

The Blonde will yank hard on her own!!

White Dildo Goes Balistic

I went to school and as usual had to look for parking. I was excited to find one adjacent to my building.

I stopped normally, noticed someone behind me and as a good will gesture, rolled down my window and signaled with my hand for them to go around so they would not have to wait for me to do a uy-ee.

All of the sudden I heard loud forceful yelling.

I look behind me and there, right behind me, is a giant plastic didlo screaming at me to move.

OK....

First, you giant plastic dildo...I have to ask what compelled you to buy a white cruiser bike and white helmet?

Did Mommie not let you play with CHIPs action figures when you were young?

Do you have a secret crush on Eric Estrada?

Then I have to ask myself....

Do you really expect me to listen to your freakness?

Ahhh.. that would be a big 10-NO!!!

I stuck my head out the window to say I was trying to park but this road rage prig was too busy playing psycho dialogue in his head.

He finally went around.

And then, some biatch parked in my place.

At this point, it was too funny, I was too tired to care, and I had bigger things on my plate...

stll, I was gonna say something...

I waited for her to get out of her car.

"I was waiting for that spot. Did you not see my blinker on and the psycho behind me screaming because I stopped in the middle of a campus road for that spot?"

She says, "Oh gosh, no..."

Why I expected her to respect her surroundings will lead into my next story about college idiots.

OK so I say,

"What ever..It's a pretty day and I need to walk off the double douche I just got, anyway."

I go up the street and the giant plastic dildo is following me.

At this point, I don't have time to play and so I simply put my arm out the window with my phone in hand and tell the giant dildo I called the police.

Of course like any real prick without balls, he took off!!!


The Blonde is tired of playing without balls!!

Crashed And Burned

I wrote one absolute brilliant essay for my applications to school, clicked on the save button, said good night to my lap top and closed the lid.

In the morning, when I got up and was refreshed, I was going to proof my essay and send it out to my chosen schools.

I opened the laptop lid.

Turned it on.

The dark blue abyss screen with white cold fonts taunting me.

"Fatal error Blondie, corrupt driver, kiss your essay goodbye."


I wish I had more to say but I don't.


The Blonde is burnt out!!!

Pump Up the Volume

because the noise doesn't bother my focus any mo'.

French is kicking my little hiney and I had to go to extreme measures to battle Napolean.

I had to resort to evil pharmaceuticals!

Everyone knows how I feel about these degenerate behemoth drug pushers. But I was about to fail out of class because the pace, the way its taught----it was leading to utter disaster. I had to do the unthinkable. I had to start pill popping my way through one of Boo's old concerta bottles that has been sitting collecting dust for a few years.

I can understand why.

Holy Speed Freak, Batman.

Get me off this speed train.

I didn't sleep for two days.

I couldn't talk for two days.

I was just this mute worker bee.

I can't imagine what it must feel like to a 5 year old kid.

I had to cut the pill down 4 times before it worked without speed freak side effects.

I was tinkering all night long with little things.

I now know why speed freaks have aluminum foil made into little figures in their homeless shant.

Now that I am back to normal taking baby pieces of the concerta, I finally aced a quiz in french. I was finally able to muffle out the other conversations and concentrate on the one with my partner.

Just as soon as this semester is over; I am off this cerebellum pump juice.


This Blonde is on brain steriods!!

I Have Been my Biggest Failure

I wish it was an epiphany but its not.

I have lived in fear for all my life and its time to shed the burden.

Drop the load.

Leave it all behind and go.

Don't ask where.

Don't plan.

Just get in that packed car and go.

I would like to blame all this on me being an idiot but unfortunately, I am not privy to that title.

But what I am privy to is a verbal certificate that came stamped and on my birth certificate and played like a broken record.

'LIFE ISN'T FAIR'

'LIFE ISN'T FAIR'

'LIFE ISN'T FAIR'

'LIFE ISN'T FAIR'

'LIFE ISN'T FAIR'

'LIFE ISN'T FAIR'

'LIFE ISN'T FAIR'

'LIFE ISN'T FAIR'

'LIFE ISN'T FAIR'

'LIFE ISN'T FAIR'

'LIFE ISN'T FAIR'

'LIFE ISN'T FAIR'

'LIFE ISN'T FAIR'

'LIFE ISN'T FAIR'

'LIFE ISN'T FAIR'

'LIFE ISN'T FAIR'

'LIFE ISN'T FAIR'

Its taken me half a life time to break that record.

The Blonde doesn't see that stamp anymore.!!!

Working It!

I am working, working, working....

and studying, studying, studying...

French is kicking my arse but I will get it. I am putting several hours a day trying to learn this language. Heck, I barely slide with an English tongue.

But Napolean the french teacher will keep me on my toes. Its amazing how much you want to prove yourself to someone who just rolls his eyes at your effort.

Anyhoo, on a happier note....

My online selling is doing awww---ight!! I don't know why I find that a shocker, but I do, sometimes. Maybe, cuz being successful at something has not always been my stronger suit, but I guess a Blonde just has to find her nitch.

Mine happens to be fashion. Designing, creating, shopping and reselling...LOVE IT ALL!!

I am also about to get kicking in high gear on my creativity. I have tons of fabric sitting around going vintage on me. Crazy the cost of notions at Joann Fabrics but so much fun to shop and the killer bags I am about to launch on my Etsy store will be fab.

Interested in an array of goods from me...Check out my ad to the left.

Anyhoo,

On the love side of my life.

Its actually just as shocking and fabulous. I have found my nitch in the love department as well.

A little older but not too much. Handsome and sweet as a button and from out of Texas.

No more Texas men for me. They just don't fit in my style but a cute Doctor from the North fits tighter than a boy scout slip knot.

The Blonde is working her mojo!!