but I know when to toss in the towel when it comes to dating and I am fairly certain everyone else has an idea too. No one is that blind not even a Blonde. If you
catch yourself complaining about another person's head games..its because they are playing head games!!
No ifs..
No ands...
No buts...
Head games are easy to catch and once you catch it if you choose to continue playing along you are no longer a victim, you are a willing participant in the game.
So ask yourself, and you can use Dr. Phil's voice in your head when asking, what is so fun about the game that you can't jump off the sidelines and end it?
If you don't want to listen to me...
Maybe this is the time you should pull out your Sun Tzu's 'Art of War' and blow the twenty years of dust its been accumulating since you were first inspired to read it...
I believe that would have been after you watched the movie 'Wall Street'. Read the
first paragraph of Chapter One entitled Winning Whole.
Here, I made it easy for you. Read the following:
To win whole means to win with your resources and your objective intact.
Any other result means you have at least partly failed at your mission. When
you fight, you fight for something of value, and should you destroy yourself
or that something of value while fighting to obtain it, then you have lost
your real purpose for fighting
Now ask yourself what do you win in the end?
All warfare is based on deception and when you use jealousy tactics to further your campaign and she uses sexual manipulation maneuvers to gain tactical advantage over you, in essence you have already destroyed the thing that is most valuable..trust and respect and honor for each other.
This is not love, this is war!!
Even a dumb Blonde that doesn't have the skinny on Dubai knows that!!
So why fight for something that has no value in the end?
Before Heaven and Earth, there was
something undefined yet complete,
formless, alone, constant, everywhere
and untiring, the mother of all things.
I know not its name so I name it “the
Way of life.” I should prevail to call it
great, for it is in constant flow, becoming
remote yet returning in a circle.
Therefore the Way is great; Heaven is
great; Earth is great; and a wise Blonde is
also great.
In the universe, these are the four great
things.
Man takes his law from the Earth; the
Earth takes its law from Heaven; Heaven
takes its law from the Way; the law of
the Way being what it is.
You have made the Blonde very tired!!
7.21.2008
Wrong Guy, Wrong Boat
just wrong, wrong , wrong....
and that is all I have to say about this weekend.
The Blonde did not navigate well!!!
and that is all I have to say about this weekend.
The Blonde did not navigate well!!!
7.18.2008
Single File...
Single Row...
For Singles!!
The stools along the bar or not for married men. Get your committed arse over to the table section of the bar. I don't mind you being in the bar but don't be at the bar. Don't be wasting my time talking to me about your wife or your children. I am not your therapist.
Don't waste my time or the stool. Don't ask for me to stroke your ego when I am paying for my own drinks.
Don't sit by me. I could be flirting and conversing with single cuties down the row and they could move closer to me and purchase me a libation which you won't because that would be wrong, right?
Do not sit by temptation.
Do not ask for me to make you feel attractive so you can go home and shag your wife.
Do not sit near me.
Also if your a single dude hanging with a married dude, you must default to the outskirts of the bar as well. Nothing worse than a married man poking his biz in the single style of his mate. Married men do not get to live vicariously through their solo friend's mojo or Johnson.
One more thing...
Don't sit by me!!
Blondes don't want reserved seating!!
For Singles!!
The stools along the bar or not for married men. Get your committed arse over to the table section of the bar. I don't mind you being in the bar but don't be at the bar. Don't be wasting my time talking to me about your wife or your children. I am not your therapist.
Don't waste my time or the stool. Don't ask for me to stroke your ego when I am paying for my own drinks.
Don't sit by me. I could be flirting and conversing with single cuties down the row and they could move closer to me and purchase me a libation which you won't because that would be wrong, right?
Do not sit by temptation.
Do not ask for me to make you feel attractive so you can go home and shag your wife.
Do not sit near me.
Also if your a single dude hanging with a married dude, you must default to the outskirts of the bar as well. Nothing worse than a married man poking his biz in the single style of his mate. Married men do not get to live vicariously through their solo friend's mojo or Johnson.
One more thing...
Don't sit by me!!
Blondes don't want reserved seating!!
7.17.2008
Maximum Effort
I went in search today for the perfect little Maxi (floor length summer dress) and designer flip flops for my summer trip to the South of France.
I finally found two of the most perfect dresses at Neiman's Last Call.
Bonus!!
I love getting a $450 dress for $120. Even better getting two at that price!! The great thing about the new maxi dress is that it is floor length which will aid in hiding my white collar legs from the crowd at Grov tonight.
A summer tan can not be properly maintained just on weekends and I am faded out by the flouresents by the end of the week...
Im a cracker :(
A bumpy white Saltine!
Barely toasted!
But the loss of tan, lack of boating, and the many, many margaritas that were not consumed to win a bet with my Father has finally paid off!!
I faced the challenge and I won. As of the end of this week I can proudly say I kept an office job for one year and proved to El Pappa, for once and for all, that I am honestly happier being a poor writer over that of a successful business woman.
I can see him shaking his head in disgust as he views my decision as a total lack of responsibility and when am I going to grow up..blah, blah, blah...
Pay up Daddy, you lost the bet and I will need the money for New York!!
I am taking a big bite out of the apple and making a sweet, sweet life with love, literature, and the pursuit of fabulous dresses at Filene's basement!!
Blondes know where their priority lies!!
I finally found two of the most perfect dresses at Neiman's Last Call.
Bonus!!
I love getting a $450 dress for $120. Even better getting two at that price!! The great thing about the new maxi dress is that it is floor length which will aid in hiding my white collar legs from the crowd at Grov tonight.
A summer tan can not be properly maintained just on weekends and I am faded out by the flouresents by the end of the week...
Im a cracker :(
A bumpy white Saltine!
Barely toasted!
But the loss of tan, lack of boating, and the many, many margaritas that were not consumed to win a bet with my Father has finally paid off!!
I faced the challenge and I won. As of the end of this week I can proudly say I kept an office job for one year and proved to El Pappa, for once and for all, that I am honestly happier being a poor writer over that of a successful business woman.
I can see him shaking his head in disgust as he views my decision as a total lack of responsibility and when am I going to grow up..blah, blah, blah...
Pay up Daddy, you lost the bet and I will need the money for New York!!
I am taking a big bite out of the apple and making a sweet, sweet life with love, literature, and the pursuit of fabulous dresses at Filene's basement!!
Blondes know where their priority lies!!
7.16.2008
The is Match Over!!
Not that I am keeping score but as I was shutting down my profile I couldn't help but reflect on my numbers
30 Days
3718 views
177 winks
394 emails
143 I didn't read
64 returned
and
8 men transferred to my regular email
6 have my phone number
4 didn't make it
3 became friends
2 are still a possibility
and the rest is history...
at least for finding love on the internet...
I think next time, if after all this trouble I am alone, I will pluck the plant from the old fashion root and find him in a bar or join a gym and run the treadmill in my spandex. Its just as much work but with the benefit of staying tone.
So for my holiday away from dating I am going to finish the articles my publishers keep screaming about, lay by the pool, scour the internet for a 3 month sublet in NYC
and plan for my August get-away!!
and
just
maybe
if the stars are aligned properly
in the sky
one of those felly's with my celly
will become beau bonded!!
Blondes are romantically inclined on holiday!!
30 Days
3718 views
177 winks
394 emails
143 I didn't read
64 returned
and
8 men transferred to my regular email
6 have my phone number
4 didn't make it
3 became friends
2 are still a possibility
and the rest is history...
at least for finding love on the internet...
I think next time, if after all this trouble I am alone, I will pluck the plant from the old fashion root and find him in a bar or join a gym and run the treadmill in my spandex. Its just as much work but with the benefit of staying tone.
So for my holiday away from dating I am going to finish the articles my publishers keep screaming about, lay by the pool, scour the internet for a 3 month sublet in NYC
and plan for my August get-away!!
and
just
maybe
if the stars are aligned properly
in the sky
one of those felly's with my celly
will become beau bonded!!
Blondes are romantically inclined on holiday!!
Blonde Moment 379
If you don't hear from me for awhile it will be because of my new digs in Guantanamo Bay.
I made the mistake of trolling for some freelance work when I stumbled upon a 'European' fashion designer about to launch a new collection in Houston and Dallas.
So I send her my pics and stats and I get an email back:
I am also a political activist. I need to know you don't have a problem with me being anti-Bush!
Umm...OK..designers are weird, so whatever.
I am not a fan of the past administration either.
Excellent. Let me tell you...
She sends me an email with her site's link which happens to be anti-Bush, war criminal hate monger web spewed stuff. There is no fashion I can find on her site and I am thinking to myself:
Where are the clothes?
Uh Oh!!
Great!!
Just great!!
I am now on a VIP list with backstage passes through Homeland Security because of this lying wench.
Politics and religion are not my bag, baby. Prada, Gucci, Chanel...they are the bags I carry!!
I am traveling this summer. I don't need the headache of being flagged for special searches. I can't get my conditioner in 3.5 oz bottles.
Ughhh!!!
Blondes hate having their luggage swiped by security!!
I made the mistake of trolling for some freelance work when I stumbled upon a 'European' fashion designer about to launch a new collection in Houston and Dallas.
So I send her my pics and stats and I get an email back:
I am also a political activist. I need to know you don't have a problem with me being anti-Bush!
Umm...OK..designers are weird, so whatever.
I am not a fan of the past administration either.
Excellent. Let me tell you...
She sends me an email with her site's link which happens to be anti-Bush, war criminal hate monger web spewed stuff. There is no fashion I can find on her site and I am thinking to myself:
Where are the clothes?
Uh Oh!!
Great!!
Just great!!
I am now on a VIP list with backstage passes through Homeland Security because of this lying wench.
Politics and religion are not my bag, baby. Prada, Gucci, Chanel...they are the bags I carry!!
I am traveling this summer. I don't need the headache of being flagged for special searches. I can't get my conditioner in 3.5 oz bottles.
Ughhh!!!
Blondes hate having their luggage swiped by security!!
7.15.2008
Kiss and Tell
I tried to fit back to back dates last night but I should have known it wasn’t going to end well. Karma is always around the corner lurking behind my Blonde shadow, waiting to jump out and break a key in my ignition to teach me a lesson in looking for love.
The problem is having too much fun on the first date that you lose track of time and can’t make the second date. Then justifying the cancellation of the ladder date because he was logistically wrong. I could never commit to anyone in South Austin no matter how fine he was.
And as much as I loved hanging with the first guy, I don’t see him quite right either because of his nightly lifestyle. I just can’t fall for sofa time with someone that is into the club scene and has no desire to settle down anytime soon.
I find downtown clubs a bit incestuous and I am convinced if you slept with one you slept with them all and how safe can that be knowing there is a 1-5 chance you might catch something.
Ick!
I am more along the lines of dinner parties and small gatherings in my home with my boyfriend instead of going to some chaotic nightclub where the sole purpose of those flashing lights and extra liquor a bartender pours into a girls drink lends hand to confusion on a tipsy mind and eventually lands some of those girls into a strangers bed in the wee hours of the morning.
Not my style!!
Plus my downtown guy,while logistically alright, and great fun didn’t kiss the way I like.
It was like trying to land a hummingbird on my lip
All this fluttering.
His head did fancier moves than Mohamed Ali's foot work.
You can’t kiss right!
Let me try again?
No!
Please?
No. When did I become the Dali Lama of kissing?
Why do I have to enlighten you on the ways of tongue and lip mojo if I am not going to be with you?
I am not a kissing guru. How do I know there aren’t tons of women who love to be kissed with the motions of a flapping bat?
Who am I to judge?
Blondes just know what they like!!
The problem is having too much fun on the first date that you lose track of time and can’t make the second date. Then justifying the cancellation of the ladder date because he was logistically wrong. I could never commit to anyone in South Austin no matter how fine he was.
And as much as I loved hanging with the first guy, I don’t see him quite right either because of his nightly lifestyle. I just can’t fall for sofa time with someone that is into the club scene and has no desire to settle down anytime soon.
I find downtown clubs a bit incestuous and I am convinced if you slept with one you slept with them all and how safe can that be knowing there is a 1-5 chance you might catch something.
Ick!
I am more along the lines of dinner parties and small gatherings in my home with my boyfriend instead of going to some chaotic nightclub where the sole purpose of those flashing lights and extra liquor a bartender pours into a girls drink lends hand to confusion on a tipsy mind and eventually lands some of those girls into a strangers bed in the wee hours of the morning.
Not my style!!
Plus my downtown guy,while logistically alright, and great fun didn’t kiss the way I like.
It was like trying to land a hummingbird on my lip
All this fluttering.
His head did fancier moves than Mohamed Ali's foot work.
You can’t kiss right!
Let me try again?
No!
Please?
No. When did I become the Dali Lama of kissing?
Why do I have to enlighten you on the ways of tongue and lip mojo if I am not going to be with you?
I am not a kissing guru. How do I know there aren’t tons of women who love to be kissed with the motions of a flapping bat?
Who am I to judge?
Blondes just know what they like!!
7.14.2008
Not Another Blonde Moment!!!
Miss USA 2008
Miss USA 2007
Brunettie Betties sat on a wall
Brunettie Betties had a great fall...
and the Blonde had fun chuckling at it all.
Importance of Being Earnest...
or at least the importance of using proper table manners as a way to get the date off to a good solid start.
I happened to be in Chicago this weekend for a writers workshop at Second City. While I was there I wanted to play around downtown. Shopping and running around the beach are not occasions where a play date is absolutely necessary but for dinner, I require company.
Its far too depressing to think I would have to eat alone, ordering room service while I am trying to enjoy a new city.
Alas, I chose poorly and was stuck with a bafoon. I was sitting literally across from a neo-paleontological humanoid who wouldn't use manners even if I cracked his cromagnum sized brain with a cave stick.
Apparently, driving a Maserati gives this phleeb a license to put his foot on the bench of the booth, be a bit arrogant to others, and talk about double D's being his preferred size but that I would do.
DO?!
DO, what you freak?!!
Check pleez!!!
He was insulted that I couldn't understand his words through the half chomped bites of steak in his mouth.
Huh?!
Huh?!
Aren't you listening to me?!
No, I actually tuned you out after the part about Barbie dolls and the fact that I am now mesmerized by the part of potato that left your mouth at warp speed and lodged itself in between the crevices on the stem of your water goblet.
I am sorry but if you have failed to master the simple task of proper eating habits. I can just assume, if we found ourselves in some sort of shared living arrangement, you would find it with in your comfort zone to speak to me whilst on the lu or try to grab my arse in public.
We don't do that!!
Nope!!
Nor do we talk with our mouths full!!
..and if you thought I was finished...
OH NO!!!
You would think that it wasn't necessary to specify in your conversation that smoking Mary Jane while driving me back to the Westin would be another no-no!!
But apparently, again, quite in the comfort zone of this guy!!
In a moment of this type of desperation, a stinky mini-van taxi would have felt like a Bentley.
Disgusted and maybe somewhat stoned, I found a new fondness for room-service. Run a hot tub, order a bottle of wine, put on the stereo, listen to Billy Holiday sing you the blues all the while smiling because you just made it to he-- and back without a scratch.
Thank Gah!!
Blondes don't befriend beasts of burdens!!
I happened to be in Chicago this weekend for a writers workshop at Second City. While I was there I wanted to play around downtown. Shopping and running around the beach are not occasions where a play date is absolutely necessary but for dinner, I require company.
Its far too depressing to think I would have to eat alone, ordering room service while I am trying to enjoy a new city.
Alas, I chose poorly and was stuck with a bafoon. I was sitting literally across from a neo-paleontological humanoid who wouldn't use manners even if I cracked his cromagnum sized brain with a cave stick.
Apparently, driving a Maserati gives this phleeb a license to put his foot on the bench of the booth, be a bit arrogant to others, and talk about double D's being his preferred size but that I would do.
DO?!
DO, what you freak?!!
Check pleez!!!
He was insulted that I couldn't understand his words through the half chomped bites of steak in his mouth.
Huh?!
Huh?!
Aren't you listening to me?!
No, I actually tuned you out after the part about Barbie dolls and the fact that I am now mesmerized by the part of potato that left your mouth at warp speed and lodged itself in between the crevices on the stem of your water goblet.
I am sorry but if you have failed to master the simple task of proper eating habits. I can just assume, if we found ourselves in some sort of shared living arrangement, you would find it with in your comfort zone to speak to me whilst on the lu or try to grab my arse in public.
We don't do that!!
Nope!!
Nor do we talk with our mouths full!!
..and if you thought I was finished...
OH NO!!!
You would think that it wasn't necessary to specify in your conversation that smoking Mary Jane while driving me back to the Westin would be another no-no!!
But apparently, again, quite in the comfort zone of this guy!!
In a moment of this type of desperation, a stinky mini-van taxi would have felt like a Bentley.
Disgusted and maybe somewhat stoned, I found a new fondness for room-service. Run a hot tub, order a bottle of wine, put on the stereo, listen to Billy Holiday sing you the blues all the while smiling because you just made it to he-- and back without a scratch.
Thank Gah!!
Blondes don't befriend beasts of burdens!!
7.10.2008
Politics and Port-a-Potties
both stink.....
I slept with all the candidates after each one promised to be the best lay I ever had.
Promises
Promises
Promises
Hillary sucked at oral
John had no rhythm
and
Barack didn't know what to do with his hands
No way I am getting an orgasm out of any of these guys. The only way for this Blonde to achieve a political climax is to put fresh batteries in a vibrator and call it a day!!
So why on earth would I want to end my evening talking about a bunch of bad lays.
I have more important issues to deal with in this country, such as getting a bill passed that port-a-potties at live music venues should be required to have hand sanitizer!!
Blondes wash their hands of the whole affair!!!
I slept with all the candidates after each one promised to be the best lay I ever had.
Promises
Promises
Promises
Hillary sucked at oral
John had no rhythm
and
Barack didn't know what to do with his hands
No way I am getting an orgasm out of any of these guys. The only way for this Blonde to achieve a political climax is to put fresh batteries in a vibrator and call it a day!!
So why on earth would I want to end my evening talking about a bunch of bad lays.
I have more important issues to deal with in this country, such as getting a bill passed that port-a-potties at live music venues should be required to have hand sanitizer!!
Blondes wash their hands of the whole affair!!!
7.08.2008
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)