Is that a Rocket in my Pocket

or just the new vibrating Gillette Fusion taking care of two things in one shower.

After getting an extremely close shave, pop of the head (pun intended), and give yourself a little something, something!!

The great thing about this technologically advanced shaving device is its ability to hide under the radar as a razor but really one must ask themselves?

Why is it being advertised as a man's razor?

Ladies, put down your pink whatever and pick up a man's shaving tool for the closest shave you will ever enjoy!!


Blondes love two kill two birds with one stone!!

Thank you Austin

...for giving me Bourbon Street in my home town!!!

Thank you, Governor Perry, for the Katrina trash lingering on every corner of 6th.

Thank you for the paint can sniffers, the drug dealers, and the wacked out, looking for a hand out or a fight, depending on what cleaning product they sniffed.

Thank you for putting the homeless shelter right across the street from the liquor store.

Thank you for killing the music scene and replacing it with urban sprawl and crime.

Thank you for allowing me to feel safer in New York City than my own home town.

Thank you for nothing!!!!


Blondes are out of thank you cards!!!

To my Anonymous Comments

...you are no more valid to me than the Klu Klux Klan!!

Take your sheet off and be a man or a woman and own up to your negative comments.

I am not afraid to be bashed, nor beaten, nor dragged in the mud for the truth I believe.
You should aspire to do the same.


So!!!

Stand up!

Be accountable!!

Maybe if you weren't so afraid to speak out, our country would have done the right thing and revolted against greed!!!


Blondes hate hidden agendas!!

I thought McCain was a Good Man

...but Palin and McCain have shown me why I dislike the country folk.

Palin has shown nothing more than her small town mentality at slinging bologne hash to make the click follow her. Anyone who follows someone that doesn't have the class or the intelligence to fight based on their own merits needs to keep their pink flamingos in the back yard.

Did I just see Palin at the Cheesecake Factory?

I am not a fan of Obama either, but realizing he may be n arrogant prick because he quit smoking on the campaign trail makes me feel better about his candidacy than a post traumatic war veteran who went 'Hockey' Mom on me!!


I vote for Canada to take over!!


I do have one Blonde question?

Why do we have a former terrorist allowed to be a professor?!!



The Blonde has yet to register and still wonders why she should!!!

I Am a Gay Man

...in a woman's body.

My catty factor can go from 0 to 12 in a moments notice when trapped in a provincial haven such as the Cheesecake Factory at the Arboretum.

First, let me send an outcry to the inhumanity of serving village sized proportions of food on a single plate for the fat to feed. It was almost torture not to send an outcry to the woman in the sundress getting up from the booth who looked like a walking floral sofa.

Put down the fries and eat broccoli, you cow!!

Next was the Long Island Ice teas ordered by the couple next to me.

Come on!!! Who, without a fake ID orders that crap!!

Moving on to the high school crowed..AKA.. the future rednecks of the world!!

This particular night was a homecoming game. Texan girls decked out in JC Penny satin dresses and armed with little to no manners coming to celebrate something stupid like football and losing their virginity before the next Prom Night.

The very lovely, overly lip-glossed, pudgy chicks from the country high school celebrate by taking up the entire counter of the ladies room to apply more make up and hairspray to kill, not only a few cows across the border, but the the ozone future of our offsprings just to secure their doo's in an effort to bag the football player in the back of some cheesy car; forever surrendering their virtue to an idiot that will be manager of a carpet store in the near future.

As I waited politely for them to take notice that others existed beyond the cattle red rope, it was evident they were in their own little world.

I took it upon myself to give them a lesson in etiquette...subtly.

I delicately reminded them that while its nice to look made up on the outside; that putting red lipstick on a pig didn't take the place of the real beauty that exist from within when showing a bit of decency toward others.

Being gracious enough to see that others exist in this world and need the sink, is a far more lady like thing to do than to apply lip gloss to the point that it looks like they choked on a fried pork chop.


Blondes hate gluttony!!

I Had a Dream

More like a nightmare...

because I was stuck in a cooking class and helped a girl get a rifle into a dance club and then the cops wouldn't listen to me!
Then I ended up in a consignment shop where the sales ladies ignored me because I said I was a Mistress who bed wedded men, to the girl with the rifle, and I really wanted the pretty little pink Burberry scarf and Christian Louboutin spectator pumps that were high on the wall... and they wouldn't let me have them!

and then I woke up!

The Blonde needs to stop dreaming!

Too Far!!

I don't want to drive anywhere. It's all too far when your cars are being brats!!

I have yet to fix the sports suspension my rag top

thud

thud

thud

I have to fix the steering on the sedan

grind

grind

grind

I want to

duck

duck

duck

the mechanics bills

but alas

I don't want my heels to go

clack

clack

clack


I am as stubborn as a child when it comes to taking my cars into the shop. I hate it and want to throw little temper tantrums at the thought of walking into the service department and seeing the grin that accompanies the gentleman behind the counter.

"Well hello, little lady. How can we unload your wallet today?"

I have to spend an entire day researching, on the internet, and diagnosing my autos' problems to guard myself from blonde poachers at the auto shop. This is the time I wouldn't mind having a permanent time man on my hands.

Do you see what I am saying?

Do you see how desperate I am?

A full time man?! (shaking my head)

Now that I have reconciled the situation, Iwill be busy at the auto shop today.


Blondes have to pay for some things!

NBC's Friday Night Lights

This is the only photo I shot, while playing an extra, on the set of "Friday Night Lights":




Look for the Blonde in Episode 8 of the new season!!

My Mother is Trying to Kill Me

...Again!!

Her chosen weapon this time is a mop and her newest concoction for cleaning the floors.

Lavender, which I am highly allergic too (if your remember she gave me lavender tea in the last attempt) is supposedly anti-bacterial. She read a blip in a paper somewhere about this handy 'green clean' and now the house floors are being doused with a healthy dose of lavender oil mixed with some other environment friendly detergent.


My throat is closing up...

My eyes are getting blurry...

I can't breathe...


Blondes need fresh air!!!

Rednecks and Roadkill

are driving me mad!!!

First of all, there are more than one Maudie's around town. You don't have to eat at mine. Find one in your area!!

I don't want rednecks mucking up my good living.

I don't need to hear one more comment from some fat husband with his fat wife say something about me or my fashion choices!!

You who understand little more than dungarees and flip flops need to hide your ignorance and stay in your neck of the woods.

And another thing!!

While you are driving in my part of town, I would appreciate a little common decency when it comes to respecting deer and other animals that cross the road. Is it so hard for you to wait 2 minutes to make sure all the deer have crossed instead of barreling through them, like the pins at your bowling ally, in your obnoxious Ford Excursion.

Keep your beer gutting, gas guzzling, style lacking, country backward thinking, global warming, roadkill accumulating arse holes on your side of town!!!!!

And that goes for the men, too!!!


Blondes want a brake for animals!!

There was a debate Last Night?

When?

Who?

What?


Blondes don't follow!!

Cat-astrophe

OK, so I found crack cat and I have to say the reverse mohawk does look silly. I would be embarrassed, too. I guess some things really should be left to a professional.

Live and learn!

I guess Crack Cat was trying to hide his hairless predicament from his posse and went underneath the poolside decking and couldn't get back out.

We looked for him for 2 days. You think he would be hungry enough to cry multiple times and to everyone who was calling him...but NO.

He wouldn't answer me!

Still holding a chip on his shoulder!!

The other cats were awfully quiet yesterday accept for some chuckling from Sophie but that could have been gas; she scarfed down a twinkie she found in the bottom cabinet where there cat food is kept. When asked if they had seen Crack cat...all of them kept a poker face. Something is up. They may have tried to bury Crack cat alive.

This is still under investigation!

Around midnight, we heard a faint cry and rushed to the pool to find Crack cat stuck under the deck. We had to tear up a couple of planks to free the dumb pratt from his shallow grave.

He refused to look at me and promptly went upstairs to the garage to pee.

Yes folks, my gay crack head cat refused to pee outside of his litter box. He couldn't possibly bring himself to pee on the dirt, underneath the deck, where he got stuck no matter how many days he was holding it. The prima donna couldn't chance peeing on himself and the little bit of fur he has left on his belly.

This morning he still refuses to look at me!

I don't think he will let me remedy the situation with a poochie sweater.

The snickering from the other cats and myself have died down. Now the task of figuring out which one was responsible for trying to bury Crack cat alive, is on way.

Someone is paying for the deck with a tail!


Blondes hate bad haircuts!!