...begins September 5th through the 12th in NY and in pure Blonde fashion I will be there!!
A new city is like unleashing me in a general store. I am going to sample as much of the yummies in the proverbial glass candy jars as I can. I bought a one way ticket without plans to return to Austin other than to visit. Either Austin has outgrown me or I have outgrown Austin, not that it matters other than I can no longer be happy living here, nor happy with anyone I meet here. I do adore three men and they will remain in my phone, but the rest have already been deleted. I began detaching myself from this town long ago and I really have nothing to hold me here permanently.
When they say you can never go home again--they are right--but home has always been carried with me. I thought it was a physical place at one time in my life but in the end I have learned home really is where your heart is(sorry I couldn't spare you the cliche).
Not having that physical form of home has made me the kind of woman that takes life by the horns and tries to squeeze as much Bull juice as she can out of it. I just need the kind of rider that can hold on as long as I can. Maybe my cowboy is hanging his hat in the Big Apple, and I intend to find him.
If not, I still have an entire world to find what I am looking for!
Now, who needs a saddle?!
Blondes like riding bare back!!
8.23.2008
8.22.2008
Del Friskeys
I was in Houston last week for my birthday bash. My friends took me to Del Friscos, twice. Once was enough. Del Friscos is an over rated steak house with a cruise ship appeal. Its swooping staircase, marble entry, tall ceilings, and massive granite bar with outstanding wine selection (as long as you purchase a bottle) brings in an array of patrons. I much preferred Uncle Tony’s when it was around. It was quiet, unpretentious and the best piano music for a bar this side of the Big Easy.
The first time we sat at the bar, I became fascinated with a very pretty brunette.
I was taken by her choice of fashion. A skintight aqua blue tank with a low dipping front and white hot pants with silver stiletto sandals. Not your usual style of dress for dinner and I quickly concluded that her profession was one of a lateral position.
I could be wrong but I am not!
The gentleman that paid for her company was conveniently located to the back of her. For she was focused on the more handsome men on the other side. At first, her temp for hire boss was pleased with the affirmations he was receiving from the many admirers of his paid girl. But that quickly subsided when he was completely ignored for the duration of drinks. He placed his hands on her shoulders and I actually felt her tighten up and cringe. She knew and I knew what was about to be. She was going to have to pony up the product.
Ickk!!
I followed her to the bathroom, went into the stall next to hers, leaned in and listened closely through the metal divider wall.
Sniff!!
Sniff!!
If I were her, I would want to numb my life as well!!
The second night I was there, a woman had her hand down a gentleman’s (did I just say gentleman--that's funny!) pants giving him a discreet stroking of his Johnson (did I just say discreet—that’s funny, too!). Actually it was a bit discreet until he made a point to let me know he was just taken care of. He actually made a point to lean back in his chair and rearrange his wiggle stick and tuck in his shirt, meanwhile, looking at me.
And if someone looks at me I say hello...it’s the polite thing to do!
“Hi, that looked good. Make sure to tip her well!"
"Was it on the menu?"
"Did you have a coupon?"
"Did your date come free with the suit?”
I think their were responses back from them but I failed to hear any of it. I was focused on the little girl and her family that just passed by us on their way to the dining section.
Blondes can't stomach tacky!!
The first time we sat at the bar, I became fascinated with a very pretty brunette.
I was taken by her choice of fashion. A skintight aqua blue tank with a low dipping front and white hot pants with silver stiletto sandals. Not your usual style of dress for dinner and I quickly concluded that her profession was one of a lateral position.
I could be wrong but I am not!
The gentleman that paid for her company was conveniently located to the back of her. For she was focused on the more handsome men on the other side. At first, her temp for hire boss was pleased with the affirmations he was receiving from the many admirers of his paid girl. But that quickly subsided when he was completely ignored for the duration of drinks. He placed his hands on her shoulders and I actually felt her tighten up and cringe. She knew and I knew what was about to be. She was going to have to pony up the product.
Ickk!!
I followed her to the bathroom, went into the stall next to hers, leaned in and listened closely through the metal divider wall.
Sniff!!
Sniff!!
If I were her, I would want to numb my life as well!!
The second night I was there, a woman had her hand down a gentleman’s (did I just say gentleman--that's funny!) pants giving him a discreet stroking of his Johnson (did I just say discreet—that’s funny, too!). Actually it was a bit discreet until he made a point to let me know he was just taken care of. He actually made a point to lean back in his chair and rearrange his wiggle stick and tuck in his shirt, meanwhile, looking at me.
And if someone looks at me I say hello...it’s the polite thing to do!
“Hi, that looked good. Make sure to tip her well!"
"Was it on the menu?"
"Did you have a coupon?"
"Did your date come free with the suit?”
I think their were responses back from them but I failed to hear any of it. I was focused on the little girl and her family that just passed by us on their way to the dining section.
Blondes can't stomach tacky!!
8.21.2008
Dudz to Spudz
Dear Dudes and Dudettes, or do I mean Duds?
Regarding Bad Dates, not so bad, and/or I don't think a next time date:
Please don't bother trying to be nice...If it didn't work, it didn't work...whatever. I am not losing sleep over it and you don't have to call and act like your still interested to spare my feelings. What is the reasoning behind this? I don't understand it..you go on a couple of dates and find out the person doesn't work for you nor you for them but they try to pretend its something else and stays in touch...until when? until they need you for a booty call...that's when!!
They keep you on the rejected but still hot list. Keeping you on the end of the shoelace until they need to tie one on and call you to rectify their current situation due to there extreme boredom and loneliness,all the time wearing the 'buds for benefits' banner across their chest. I'm sorry but my philanthropic endeavors do not go beyond children and animals--I am way to valuable to give it up to be charitable and you sir are no 'bud' of any girls or guys if you use them for conjugal purposes only!
I prefer the old fashion way..you don't call me and I don't call you and eventually we both get the picture and no one gets insulted--especially me!!
Blondes don't buy into bootie calls!!
Regarding Bad Dates, not so bad, and/or I don't think a next time date:
Please don't bother trying to be nice...If it didn't work, it didn't work...whatever. I am not losing sleep over it and you don't have to call and act like your still interested to spare my feelings. What is the reasoning behind this? I don't understand it..you go on a couple of dates and find out the person doesn't work for you nor you for them but they try to pretend its something else and stays in touch...until when? until they need you for a booty call...that's when!!
They keep you on the rejected but still hot list. Keeping you on the end of the shoelace until they need to tie one on and call you to rectify their current situation due to there extreme boredom and loneliness,all the time wearing the 'buds for benefits' banner across their chest. I'm sorry but my philanthropic endeavors do not go beyond children and animals--I am way to valuable to give it up to be charitable and you sir are no 'bud' of any girls or guys if you use them for conjugal purposes only!
I prefer the old fashion way..you don't call me and I don't call you and eventually we both get the picture and no one gets insulted--especially me!!
Blondes don't buy into bootie calls!!
8.19.2008
Houston We Have a Problem
Boo and Jesus are gone!! My family, my roommates, my confidants; they have left me with little more than food encrusted carpet, tack holes in the wall and a bunch of crazy cats that the shelter won’t take.
I walk by the room and the emptiness of where they sat almost every day bitching at each others attack approach on some online war game. The same game that took up all the bandwidth in the house and I couldn’t get on the internet. Many a missing blog was because of that wretched game. Now I would do anything to hear the blasting and the petty arguments this game inspired almost every night.
I didn't realize I was going through some sort of empty nest syndrome and I used Match dates to deal with it. I knew they were leaving for California and I to New York. I knew this day was coming. It sat in the back of my throat like a hard lump that couldn't be swallowed. I clung to my dates as if they were my baby blanket hoping they were going to satisfy some void that has been left behind; alas, no one quenched my thirst. I guess because I wasn’t thirsty for man. I was merely chasing a rabbit to get away from the fox hole that now has two less foxes in it. I am thirsty now but only because I caught up to my emotional rabbits and its a positive life loving, quenching kind of thirst now.
I did really like one guy on Match. I know because I was an idiot every time I called him, text him, or talked to him and I blonded up more than usual. I am fairly certain its not in the cards now. Oh well, its not the first time this has happened and I am sure it won't be the last time either, at least I hope it won't be! Its the only feeling I know that proves I am still capable of loving someone.
Its sort of like being at a party and you had way too much to drink and your trying to pull off cool but it can't be done and after you knock someones drink over, spill your purse and have to grab the contents off the floor around people's feet; you know its time to bail. You hang your head down and quietly leave, grab a cab and sob all the way home. Eventually I will get over it...I am sure it wasn't really what I made it out to be, anyway. At least that's my story and I am sticking to it.
Of course I am still having a hard time trying not to cry today over Boo and Jesus, and I don’t have anyone to hold me and tell me its alright but it seems my life has always been that way. When I need someone the most, that is when I am alone, probably because desperation doesn’t make for good bedfellows.
For now, I will have to rely on a 1988 Palmer Margaux Red Blend, sad movies,a box of tissue and a turned off cell phone this week.
Blondes are in a continuing eduction program!!
I walk by the room and the emptiness of where they sat almost every day bitching at each others attack approach on some online war game. The same game that took up all the bandwidth in the house and I couldn’t get on the internet. Many a missing blog was because of that wretched game. Now I would do anything to hear the blasting and the petty arguments this game inspired almost every night.
I didn't realize I was going through some sort of empty nest syndrome and I used Match dates to deal with it. I knew they were leaving for California and I to New York. I knew this day was coming. It sat in the back of my throat like a hard lump that couldn't be swallowed. I clung to my dates as if they were my baby blanket hoping they were going to satisfy some void that has been left behind; alas, no one quenched my thirst. I guess because I wasn’t thirsty for man. I was merely chasing a rabbit to get away from the fox hole that now has two less foxes in it. I am thirsty now but only because I caught up to my emotional rabbits and its a positive life loving, quenching kind of thirst now.
I did really like one guy on Match. I know because I was an idiot every time I called him, text him, or talked to him and I blonded up more than usual. I am fairly certain its not in the cards now. Oh well, its not the first time this has happened and I am sure it won't be the last time either, at least I hope it won't be! Its the only feeling I know that proves I am still capable of loving someone.
Its sort of like being at a party and you had way too much to drink and your trying to pull off cool but it can't be done and after you knock someones drink over, spill your purse and have to grab the contents off the floor around people's feet; you know its time to bail. You hang your head down and quietly leave, grab a cab and sob all the way home. Eventually I will get over it...I am sure it wasn't really what I made it out to be, anyway. At least that's my story and I am sticking to it.
Of course I am still having a hard time trying not to cry today over Boo and Jesus, and I don’t have anyone to hold me and tell me its alright but it seems my life has always been that way. When I need someone the most, that is when I am alone, probably because desperation doesn’t make for good bedfellows.
For now, I will have to rely on a 1988 Palmer Margaux Red Blend, sad movies,a box of tissue and a turned off cell phone this week.
Blondes are in a continuing eduction program!!
My Dates...
are dropping off the face of the earth.
Is the rapture here?
Am I not a chosen one?
Hello?
Hello?
I am glad Jewish men like Blondes!!
Is the rapture here?
Am I not a chosen one?
Hello?
Hello?
I am glad Jewish men like Blondes!!
8.18.2008
Single and Married Make Poor Mixers
I was working on an expose about single femmes being with a married man, for a certain cosmo women's rag. I wanted to find a new spin on an old cliché. Something along the lines of justifying it in today’s world. Everything is evolving around us so why shouldn’t the extra marital affair find a new place in society?
Affairs have been around forever and have been secretly accepted in the past because of a woman’s position in a time that offered no financial self preservation unless widowed by a wealthy man. She was forced to either marry or become a courtesan or a spinster. No other choices existed. So why now shouldn’t the affair come out into the open and become widely accepted? Because in a post feminist society there really isn’t any reason a single woman should need or want to be with a married man unless it is a business transaction.
I can almost understand but a single woman hooking up with a married man is only a fool that has hoodwinked herself into thinking there is merit to being the other woman beyond financial compensation. If you do a search of blogs concerned with this issue you will see a newly inducted member of this secret society make a stand on the merits only to be knocked off her pedestal by hundreds of comments made by women who have been there and done that. The t-shirt isn’t flattering at all!
Consider the first justification that I read on blogs about “the other woman”.
Not having to worry about commitment. Darling stop fooling yourself, there are plenty of single man that don’t want commitment so you will have to do better than that!!
OK second justification, still trying to grasp onto that thin blade of grass away from the scarlet letter applique.
Married men are less complicated.
Really?
Waiting for his call because you have to be careful not to disturb the lion’s den and the possibility of being called into derogatory in a messy divorce proceeding and child custody battle less complicated?
Not too mention, being alone on weekends, holidays, and vacations other than those he could fit you in on a business trip. Oh, but you can't order room service because it might show up on the bill.
Blah, Blah, Blah
Hmmm…
Honestly, the only reason I can think of being with a married man is you have something their wife isn’t fulfilling and the married man will go the extra mile, economically speaking, to keep you happy and the bedroom door wide open for him.
For lack of better terminology, you’re a call girl that thinks she has a moral superiority over those more honest about their situation, because you are with one man that says he loves you. If he loved you he wouldn’t be married and bedding down with his wife.
He will promise to leave; he will say things to you that make you think he really wants more than a sexual relationship with you. He is looking for an eager participant in his lies and he preys on those that are easily manipulated. It is an insult to any woman that a married man thinks they can convince you of love.
If perhaps you fell unwittingly to man that hid the fact from you and you fell in love, well than I might have some compassion for your plight but only if you have done the honorable thing to yourself and break the engagement. If he really meant all the things he said about leaving his wife, he will do just that for you. But do you want to start a relationship that was based on deception? Will you be able to trust him when the time comes he tires of you as well?
So where does a story about a single woman being with a married man go? It goes nowhere just like the relationship. In the end you cannot justify being with anyone that belongs to someone else. Their discontent is not your problem but it will become yours if you continue down this path.
Take the noble root and follow the unwritten code of sisterhood. Stay away from a married man for your sake and the sake of the other woman, his wife.
Blondes wish only singles were allowed in!!
Affairs have been around forever and have been secretly accepted in the past because of a woman’s position in a time that offered no financial self preservation unless widowed by a wealthy man. She was forced to either marry or become a courtesan or a spinster. No other choices existed. So why now shouldn’t the affair come out into the open and become widely accepted? Because in a post feminist society there really isn’t any reason a single woman should need or want to be with a married man unless it is a business transaction.
I can almost understand but a single woman hooking up with a married man is only a fool that has hoodwinked herself into thinking there is merit to being the other woman beyond financial compensation. If you do a search of blogs concerned with this issue you will see a newly inducted member of this secret society make a stand on the merits only to be knocked off her pedestal by hundreds of comments made by women who have been there and done that. The t-shirt isn’t flattering at all!
Consider the first justification that I read on blogs about “the other woman”.
Not having to worry about commitment. Darling stop fooling yourself, there are plenty of single man that don’t want commitment so you will have to do better than that!!
OK second justification, still trying to grasp onto that thin blade of grass away from the scarlet letter applique.
Married men are less complicated.
Really?
Waiting for his call because you have to be careful not to disturb the lion’s den and the possibility of being called into derogatory in a messy divorce proceeding and child custody battle less complicated?
Not too mention, being alone on weekends, holidays, and vacations other than those he could fit you in on a business trip. Oh, but you can't order room service because it might show up on the bill.
Blah, Blah, Blah
Hmmm…
Honestly, the only reason I can think of being with a married man is you have something their wife isn’t fulfilling and the married man will go the extra mile, economically speaking, to keep you happy and the bedroom door wide open for him.
For lack of better terminology, you’re a call girl that thinks she has a moral superiority over those more honest about their situation, because you are with one man that says he loves you. If he loved you he wouldn’t be married and bedding down with his wife.
He will promise to leave; he will say things to you that make you think he really wants more than a sexual relationship with you. He is looking for an eager participant in his lies and he preys on those that are easily manipulated. It is an insult to any woman that a married man thinks they can convince you of love.
If perhaps you fell unwittingly to man that hid the fact from you and you fell in love, well than I might have some compassion for your plight but only if you have done the honorable thing to yourself and break the engagement. If he really meant all the things he said about leaving his wife, he will do just that for you. But do you want to start a relationship that was based on deception? Will you be able to trust him when the time comes he tires of you as well?
So where does a story about a single woman being with a married man go? It goes nowhere just like the relationship. In the end you cannot justify being with anyone that belongs to someone else. Their discontent is not your problem but it will become yours if you continue down this path.
Take the noble root and follow the unwritten code of sisterhood. Stay away from a married man for your sake and the sake of the other woman, his wife.
Blondes wish only singles were allowed in!!
Boudoir Bliss
Blondes can get carried away and spend almost the entire morning playing in the powder room.On a day I don’t have anything particular to do and I am a million miles from civilization, like this weekend at my friend’s lakeside hacienda, I will pop a bottle of bubbly and soak in the tub and then preform a little mini spa treatment on myself, then slip into a cute little matching panty set and frolic around the place while listening to Madelaine Peyroux and Billy Holiday.
Unfortunately when spending time in several homes, you forget to pack certain essential items for survival, of which without; I wouldn’t die but I would be very, very unhappy.
First and most important is conditioner. I had travel conditioner but the over zealous guard at the gate on my Chicago trip took it as he was giving me a lecture on the importance of my containers being in a tacky plastic ziploc, instead of my Pucci makeup bag--Commie-- and no more than 3.5 oz. I PERSONALLY ignore any rule I deem utterly ridiculous and usually I skate through fine but on occasion, you get the prick that needs to pull some machismo.
Whatever dude! If I could buy my conditioner in the 3.5 oz. size, I would be happy to accommodate you but it doesn’t and I prefer to accommodate me! Don’t you see my 3 oz cans of crappy hairspray? At least I tried to obey some of the rules. He took my expensive conditioner and let me keep the spray.
"Do you get a commission?"
"What did you say?"
I said, "make sure to condition!"
I can keep the large medicinal items such as face cleanser and saline. He made no sense and was beginning to aggravate me but I just kept smiling all the time thinking to myself, “Its embarrassing when idiots try to show off something they don't have, like intelligence!”
For a blonde, conditioner is medicinal, you dumn pratt!
What did you say?
I said, I guess “That’s that.”
Next on my list of most important of items to complete my happiness is the elusive thin hair towel. I get whiplash just trying to keep the thick beach sized towel wrapped around my tresses. You have to balance the heap of terry exactly in the middle of your head while applying your make up. The sheer weight of the towel gives you neck strain. Then it begins to slowly shift to the left and you cock your head trying to keep it up long enough to finish the other eye. Eventually the towel unwinds and you have to tip your body back over, rewrap, and swing back in a forceful thrust sort of motion to keep the twist tight and then needing a chiropractic adjustment after the whole ordeal.
Eventually it becomes a burden to heavy to bear and I drop the biatch towel to the floor and settle on wet hair dribbling down my back. Long hair is a maintenance program all on its own. Its probably why many women prefer a no fuss short style effort but hair is sexy and I would feel naked without it.
The rest of the list that my bubble brain couldn’t get in the freaking bag when packing:
Micro scrubbie body sponge
Razor
Q-tips
How does anyone live without the proverbial tip after a shower? Mind boggling how good it feels to swab the inner ear. It feels so good, I could go blind doing it too often!!
Blondes have shopping to do!!
Unfortunately when spending time in several homes, you forget to pack certain essential items for survival, of which without; I wouldn’t die but I would be very, very unhappy.
First and most important is conditioner. I had travel conditioner but the over zealous guard at the gate on my Chicago trip took it as he was giving me a lecture on the importance of my containers being in a tacky plastic ziploc, instead of my Pucci makeup bag--Commie-- and no more than 3.5 oz. I PERSONALLY ignore any rule I deem utterly ridiculous and usually I skate through fine but on occasion, you get the prick that needs to pull some machismo.
Whatever dude! If I could buy my conditioner in the 3.5 oz. size, I would be happy to accommodate you but it doesn’t and I prefer to accommodate me! Don’t you see my 3 oz cans of crappy hairspray? At least I tried to obey some of the rules. He took my expensive conditioner and let me keep the spray.
"Do you get a commission?"
"What did you say?"
I said, "make sure to condition!"
I can keep the large medicinal items such as face cleanser and saline. He made no sense and was beginning to aggravate me but I just kept smiling all the time thinking to myself, “Its embarrassing when idiots try to show off something they don't have, like intelligence!”
For a blonde, conditioner is medicinal, you dumn pratt!
What did you say?
I said, I guess “That’s that.”
Next on my list of most important of items to complete my happiness is the elusive thin hair towel. I get whiplash just trying to keep the thick beach sized towel wrapped around my tresses. You have to balance the heap of terry exactly in the middle of your head while applying your make up. The sheer weight of the towel gives you neck strain. Then it begins to slowly shift to the left and you cock your head trying to keep it up long enough to finish the other eye. Eventually the towel unwinds and you have to tip your body back over, rewrap, and swing back in a forceful thrust sort of motion to keep the twist tight and then needing a chiropractic adjustment after the whole ordeal.
Eventually it becomes a burden to heavy to bear and I drop the biatch towel to the floor and settle on wet hair dribbling down my back. Long hair is a maintenance program all on its own. Its probably why many women prefer a no fuss short style effort but hair is sexy and I would feel naked without it.
The rest of the list that my bubble brain couldn’t get in the freaking bag when packing:
Micro scrubbie body sponge
Razor
Q-tips
How does anyone live without the proverbial tip after a shower? Mind boggling how good it feels to swab the inner ear. It feels so good, I could go blind doing it too often!!
Blondes have shopping to do!!
8.15.2008
Blondies Bi!!
I met this guy at a party ...I wasn't sure if he was metrosexual or gay and quite frankly how do you ask a question like that without offending..I was thrown about because had I met him in New York or L.A... I wouldn't have given his attire a second thought but in Texas...you can end up scaring the cows wearing a pink tie and zute suit.
To soften the blow the blow of my question, I asked if he was bi..I retired from fag hag status a couple of years ago, after finishing fashion design, and I have lost my gaydar capabilities..you kind of have to have a gay man around to keep you tuned and ...well....I'm not tuned.
Anyhooo....
I think he had to make a point he was not gay!
Fine your not gay!
He could be bi...further investigation as to the synergy of the relationship would be imperative to offer substantial evidence to the contrary but at this point in time I feel the subject must be redirected to other sources...
Why?
I hurried through the test phase (first date) and ended up with results with little data to fill in the blanks and quite frankly..
You can't have a meaningful love affair with blanks!!
More importantly, I don't compete against men!
Blondes are one sided on certain things!!
To soften the blow the blow of my question, I asked if he was bi..I retired from fag hag status a couple of years ago, after finishing fashion design, and I have lost my gaydar capabilities..you kind of have to have a gay man around to keep you tuned and ...well....I'm not tuned.
Anyhooo....
I think he had to make a point he was not gay!
Fine your not gay!
He could be bi...further investigation as to the synergy of the relationship would be imperative to offer substantial evidence to the contrary but at this point in time I feel the subject must be redirected to other sources...
Why?
I hurried through the test phase (first date) and ended up with results with little data to fill in the blanks and quite frankly..
You can't have a meaningful love affair with blanks!!
More importantly, I don't compete against men!
Blondes are one sided on certain things!!
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