8.19.2008

Houston We Have a Problem

Boo and Jesus are gone!! My family, my roommates, my confidants; they have left me with little more than food encrusted carpet, tack holes in the wall and a bunch of crazy cats that the shelter won’t take.

I walk by the room and the emptiness of where they sat almost every day bitching at each others attack approach on some online war game. The same game that took up all the bandwidth in the house and I couldn’t get on the internet. Many a missing blog was because of that wretched game. Now I would do anything to hear the blasting and the petty arguments this game inspired almost every night.

I didn't realize I was going through some sort of empty nest syndrome and I used Match dates to deal with it. I knew they were leaving for California and I to New York. I knew this day was coming. It sat in the back of my throat like a hard lump that couldn't be swallowed. I clung to my dates as if they were my baby blanket hoping they were going to satisfy some void that has been left behind; alas, no one quenched my thirst. I guess because I wasn’t thirsty for man. I was merely chasing a rabbit to get away from the fox hole that now has two less foxes in it. I am thirsty now but only because I caught up to my emotional rabbits and its a positive life loving, quenching kind of thirst now.

I did really like one guy on Match. I know because I was an idiot every time I called him, text him, or talked to him and I blonded up more than usual. I am fairly certain its not in the cards now. Oh well, its not the first time this has happened and I am sure it won't be the last time either, at least I hope it won't be! Its the only feeling I know that proves I am still capable of loving someone.
Its sort of like being at a party and you had way too much to drink and your trying to pull off cool but it can't be done and after you knock someones drink over, spill your purse and have to grab the contents off the floor around people's feet; you know its time to bail. You hang your head down and quietly leave, grab a cab and sob all the way home. Eventually I will get over it...I am sure it wasn't really what I made it out to be, anyway. At least that's my story and I am sticking to it.

Of course I am still having a hard time trying not to cry today over Boo and Jesus, and I don’t have anyone to hold me and tell me its alright but it seems my life has always been that way. When I need someone the most, that is when I am alone, probably because desperation doesn’t make for good bedfellows.

For now, I will have to rely on a 1988 Palmer Margaux Red Blend, sad movies,a box of tissue and a turned off cell phone this week.


Blondes are in a continuing eduction program!!

1 comment:

  1. beautifully written ... from the heart.

    ReplyDelete

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