8.18.2008

Boudoir Bliss

Blondes can get carried away and spend almost the entire morning playing in the powder room.On a day I don’t have anything particular to do and I am a million miles from civilization, like this weekend at my friend’s lakeside hacienda, I will pop a bottle of bubbly and soak in the tub and then preform a little mini spa treatment on myself, then slip into a cute little matching panty set and frolic around the place while listening to Madelaine Peyroux and Billy Holiday.

Unfortunately when spending time in several homes, you forget to pack certain essential items for survival, of which without; I wouldn’t die but I would be very, very unhappy.

First and most important is conditioner. I had travel conditioner but the over zealous guard at the gate on my Chicago trip took it as he was giving me a lecture on the importance of my containers being in a tacky plastic ziploc, instead of my Pucci makeup bag--Commie-- and no more than 3.5 oz. I PERSONALLY ignore any rule I deem utterly ridiculous and usually I skate through fine but on occasion, you get the prick that needs to pull some machismo.

Whatever dude! If I could buy my conditioner in the 3.5 oz. size, I would be happy to accommodate you but it doesn’t and I prefer to accommodate me! Don’t you see my 3 oz cans of crappy hairspray? At least I tried to obey some of the rules. He took my expensive conditioner and let me keep the spray.

"Do you get a commission?"

"What did you say?"

I said, "make sure to condition!"

I can keep the large medicinal items such as face cleanser and saline. He made no sense and was beginning to aggravate me but I just kept smiling all the time thinking to myself, “Its embarrassing when idiots try to show off something they don't have, like intelligence!”

For a blonde, conditioner is medicinal, you dumn pratt!

What did you say?

I said, I guess “That’s that.”

Next on my list of most important of items to complete my happiness is the elusive thin hair towel. I get whiplash just trying to keep the thick beach sized towel wrapped around my tresses. You have to balance the heap of terry exactly in the middle of your head while applying your make up. The sheer weight of the towel gives you neck strain. Then it begins to slowly shift to the left and you cock your head trying to keep it up long enough to finish the other eye. Eventually the towel unwinds and you have to tip your body back over, rewrap, and swing back in a forceful thrust sort of motion to keep the twist tight and then needing a chiropractic adjustment after the whole ordeal.

Eventually it becomes a burden to heavy to bear and I drop the biatch towel to the floor and settle on wet hair dribbling down my back. Long hair is a maintenance program all on its own. Its probably why many women prefer a no fuss short style effort but hair is sexy and I would feel naked without it.

The rest of the list that my bubble brain couldn’t get in the freaking bag when packing:

Micro scrubbie body sponge
Razor
Q-tips

How does anyone live without the proverbial tip after a shower? Mind boggling how good it feels to swab the inner ear. It feels so good, I could go blind doing it too often!!


Blondes have shopping to do!!

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