8.18.2008

Single and Married Make Poor Mixers

I was working on an expose about single femmes being with a married man, for a certain cosmo women's rag. I wanted to find a new spin on an old cliché. Something along the lines of justifying it in today’s world. Everything is evolving around us so why shouldn’t the extra marital affair find a new place in society?

Affairs have been around forever and have been secretly accepted in the past because of a woman’s position in a time that offered no financial self preservation unless widowed by a wealthy man. She was forced to either marry or become a courtesan or a spinster. No other choices existed. So why now shouldn’t the affair come out into the open and become widely accepted? Because in a post feminist society there really isn’t any reason a single woman should need or want to be with a married man unless it is a business transaction.

I can almost understand but a single woman hooking up with a married man is only a fool that has hoodwinked herself into thinking there is merit to being the other woman beyond financial compensation. If you do a search of blogs concerned with this issue you will see a newly inducted member of this secret society make a stand on the merits only to be knocked off her pedestal by hundreds of comments made by women who have been there and done that. The t-shirt isn’t flattering at all!

Consider the first justification that I read on blogs about “the other woman”.

Not having to worry about commitment. Darling stop fooling yourself, there are plenty of single man that don’t want commitment so you will have to do better than that!!

OK second justification, still trying to grasp onto that thin blade of grass away from the scarlet letter applique.

Married men are less complicated.
Really?

Waiting for his call because you have to be careful not to disturb the lion’s den and the possibility of being called into derogatory in a messy divorce proceeding and child custody battle less complicated?

Not too mention, being alone on weekends, holidays, and vacations other than those he could fit you in on a business trip. Oh, but you can't order room service because it might show up on the bill.

Blah, Blah, Blah

Hmmm…

Honestly, the only reason I can think of being with a married man is you have something their wife isn’t fulfilling and the married man will go the extra mile, economically speaking, to keep you happy and the bedroom door wide open for him.
For lack of better terminology, you’re a call girl that thinks she has a moral superiority over those more honest about their situation, because you are with one man that says he loves you. If he loved you he wouldn’t be married and bedding down with his wife.

He will promise to leave; he will say things to you that make you think he really wants more than a sexual relationship with you. He is looking for an eager participant in his lies and he preys on those that are easily manipulated. It is an insult to any woman that a married man thinks they can convince you of love.

If perhaps you fell unwittingly to man that hid the fact from you and you fell in love, well than I might have some compassion for your plight but only if you have done the honorable thing to yourself and break the engagement. If he really meant all the things he said about leaving his wife, he will do just that for you. But do you want to start a relationship that was based on deception? Will you be able to trust him when the time comes he tires of you as well?

So where does a story about a single woman being with a married man go? It goes nowhere just like the relationship. In the end you cannot justify being with anyone that belongs to someone else. Their discontent is not your problem but it will become yours if you continue down this path.

Take the noble root and follow the unwritten code of sisterhood. Stay away from a married man for your sake and the sake of the other woman, his wife.

Blondes wish only singles were allowed in!!

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