I'm ... I'm ...leaving!!!

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside my door

But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn
The taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again

...for Aspen and I am sure I won't let the door hit my arse on the way out of Texas!!

I am going to bring home some souvenirs..so girls let me know what color you like...black, brunette, blonde or red!!!!

The Blonde will be shopping!!


I am still Saabing

I must recant. My Mother is not trying to kill me this week.

I am, however, still trying to diagnose my mysterious illness

I think its a combination of:

Car sickness-from looking at the new interior and playing with all the new buttons.

Wind whipped-I have kept the top down the entire time.

Allergies- everything in the air that hit me in the face while driving.

Basically, I have to get used to the rag-top.

Blondes don't like being dizzy!!


Killer Kraut

Don't tell my Mother your ill or you will find yourself being killed with kindness.

German homeopathic meds come in two forms..alcohol or candy.

Licorice candy in a medicinal looking container good for respiratory ailments. I have yet to witness its benefits.

There is a medicine she gives me for stomach ailments which is basically absynth or grappa that she soaks into a sugar cube. Even with the sugar cube it still tastes like rubbing alcohol

If your illness is a little more serious, she finds her way into the more than a dozen old prescription bottles that she never finished. I think they date back to 1999.

Which brings me to her killing spree...

It wasn't the mexican food that poisoned me..it was my Mother, again!

Only this time no tea!!

She gave me outdated medicine in the middle of the night to help me fight off an infection I got from traveling leaving me with symptoms mimicking the flu.

I have since recovered but still leary of Mom...

Blondes don't need enemies when they have family!!


Poisonous Thoughts

There is no way I am pregnant so...

I must have food poisoning or maybe my Mom is trying to kill me with her tea again.

Anytime I have a stomach ailment, I think I am pregnant, (happens a lot in November when allergy season hits me the worst) even if I haven't been with anyone for a really long time and/or dozens of crimson tides have rolled on by.

I just feels like I have morning sickness. Why can't I think I have the flu..maybe I am not so scared of the flu..that's why!!


There must be a medical term for the condition I have; it has to be listed in some psychology journal of medicine and if not it should be. It is kind of a unique mental ailment, if you ask me.


I have felt horrible for days and days and I am pretty sure the culprit was the mexican food at Maudies..they always suck but at least they are consistent.

Come to think of it, I did drink my Mother's tea!!

I think its a mild case of botulism, in which case knowing that botox is made from it makes me think I will end up killing two birds with one stone:

fighting wrinkles from the inside out

and losing weight

Needless to say, I have even found something good in being poisoned!

The blonde likes finding needles in hay stacks!

Pouting over Pony

I am thoroughly disgusted with myself that I want these pony-haired boots.

I want them to go with my crocodile coat that I just bought.

Now I feel bad for the crocodile.

and what about the cow? I have tons of leather from cows!!

Oh my Gah...am I growing a conscience?

Lets see:

If I had the money for the boots..would I buy them?

Yes! but I would feel bad really bad about it.

Oh, my Gah! I think I am growing one of those conscience things.

Nah...it must be the flu.

Blondes try to be subjective !!

When life is the Pits

Make cherries....DUH!!!

I didn't get my cam

My new car is in the shop

and I have food poisoning!!

but if you look at it in a blonde light...

I will get a better camera later and the extra money bought me new clothes now!

The car notified me of repairs needed before the 30 day warranty expired!

and I lost a bunch of weight this week without even trying!

Blondes find the good in everything!!


True Art speaks to Me

Tacky Women

lets start with me!!!

I rarely use curse words, rarely call people bad names even in a heated argument I always try to resolve the dispute without getting mean or ugly but sometimes I can't contain myself...

...and yesterday was one of those times. It was a beautiful day and I had the top down. I was minding my own business and when traffic came to a halt, I was fine because I was enjoying my new car.

I tried to merge into the next lane so I can turn into a short cut in the neighborhood and I politely put my blinker on and waived a please my hand to the women in the Lexus. She looked at me and sped up just as a went to merge. She did this twice to me....

Oh my Gah..what A biatch!!!

The young man behind me lets me in and I proceed to the shoulder to turn but not before something took a hold of my better manners and my hand gave the woman the bird.

Meanwhile, the same dude started tagging my arse...He pulls up next to me in a violent manner and says..

"What's your problem..that's my Mom"

"Oh Know...I'm sorry..I didn't realize her spawned minion was behind me. Please do tell your Mother I apologize she is a rude and self-centered biatch!!"

He jerks his SUV in front of me and sped off

Was it something I said?!!


Now I have only been forced on maybe 3 or 4 other occasions to use the symbol of 'peace, not' before in my life and each time I feel a bit tacky for doing it but sometimes....

just sometimes...

They deserve it!!!

Blondes like to express their concerns!!


Dam the Cam

I went to pick up my prosumer camcorder and the thing had been pieced out like a stolen Chevy suburban chopped at the border!!!

I decided to take it for less than I originally offered to pay but after sitting here looking at it, I realize I am upset and don't want it anymore. I can't find an original lens which will hurt my resale value and after further examination, I realize more things were taken from the bag.

Let's look at the bright side.....

I have decided I prefer a Sony DCR-VX2100 instead so it sort of works out in my favor to return it plus its a beautiful day so I don't mind having to go back now that I can drop the top on my car!!

Blondes get upset but we recover quickly!!

Amber Alert

My internet fiance disappeared!!

I keep emailing him but to no regard.


I am breaking off the virtual engagement!!

So let me see...

I tell everyone I am moving to New York and no one remains?


It's all fine and dandy for me because I know two things:

1. There is more where they came from

2. Everyone is replaceable


To my shock..even I can be replaced; not by better but by something.

Blondes really will always be FINE!!


Don Suan

I guess it is mating season or maybe the girl swan is preggers..

We made the mistake of driving the ski boat in between the boy swan and his steady chick.

He got aggressive and I think size matters because his neck puffed up to twice the size and then boom!! He comes at our boat and MY head of which I duck.

Of course being a blonde I turned the boat around to get a picture

Camera On

sit on the ski hump

camera and I are ready

taunt the swan to come to you

swan comes at you

Oh Sh--, Oh Sh--

The boat!! The Boat!!

Get us out of Here!!

Oh my Gah..did you see that..did you..he almost killed us!!!

Damn...Go back..I missed the shot!!

...and were taunting...and were taunting...


Blondes really shoudln't play duck, duck goose with a swan!!!


It's my party

and you can't cry if you want to.

Big boys don't cry...

Come on you guys..I am losing all my best friends.

What is wrong with me just adoring you?

Blondes hate the break up scene!!