...are an absolute must if you are to wear garters. I know this because I made the mistake of wearing non-silk stockings with a stretch lace garter today. I could not keep the garter from stretching down around the middle of my bum requiring frequent visits behind closed elevator doors and bathroom stalls, and my shoes kept slipping off every 5 or 6 steps because the slickness of the polyester grossness of the stocking. Thank God this building doesn't have surveillance in every corridor. I must looked like some lunatic who ducks into corners to get off on some kind of bad foot and stocking fetish.
Synthetic materials are made of melted plastic and thus slick and non-breathable and for certain very important areas of the body--it is crucial our fabric breaths. Its also very, very important that fabrics not cause embarrassing spastic episodes in the stair well of the office complex!!
I don't know why I thought I could get away with buying lingerie from Frederic's of Hollywood and turn it into more than just novelty underwear...
Blondes shouldn't bargain shop!!
1.03.2008
1.02.2008
Weekly Craigslist Creepiness!!
PLASTIC SURGERY ANYONE ? - 50
Reply to: pers-525494180@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-01, 9:56PM CST
WAS YOUR NEW YEAS RESOLUTION TO GET SOMETHING FOR YOU? BOOBS? LIPS? BUTT? WHAT IS YOUR PLEASURE ? I AM DECICATED TO HELP YOU GET WHAT YOU NEED. SEND A PIC
Craigslist Weekly Winner 2008
Short Term Celibate Psycho Needs Affection
Reply to: pers-526121555@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-02, 1:35PM CST
Or would that be affliction?
No matter. For the short time we will not be intimate, it really
won't make a difference. I just need you to take my money
and not listen to me.
Reply to: pers-526121555@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-02, 1:35PM CST
Or would that be affliction?
No matter. For the short time we will not be intimate, it really
won't make a difference. I just need you to take my money
and not listen to me.
Last Blonde Moment of 2007
Dialing the wrong number
On my way to one guys house I called the other to wish him a Happy New Year and to tell him that I will be spending the evening with my parents. He said i it sounded like I was in the car..
"oh, well, umm....I'm on my way to get hairspray."
I was actually on my way to meet another guy.
I don't want to hurt anyones feelings and so I lied.
Oh, sue me...like you haven't told fibs to spare feelings?
I decide to call guy #2 and play a litle joke, telling him I couldn't make it for our New Years date, that plans had changed last minute and I was truly sorry. I thought it was quite funny and I waited for his response....
brief pause and...
"Via, this is Guy #1, you dialed me"
"oh" "Ummm...I was just calling...ummm.. a friend that invited me out to tell him that I'm going with my Mom and Dad tonight"
"Via, stop stumblin, its Ok"
"d#@$^%, SH%#$#@" I thought in my head. I am a blonde there is plenty of room.
"Ok..well Happy New Years...call you tomorrow"
Wouldn't be too bad if guy #1 wasn't the photographer that just took nudes of me!!
Blondes need to be more careful when dialing!!
On my way to one guys house I called the other to wish him a Happy New Year and to tell him that I will be spending the evening with my parents. He said i it sounded like I was in the car..
"oh, well, umm....I'm on my way to get hairspray."
I was actually on my way to meet another guy.
I don't want to hurt anyones feelings and so I lied.
Oh, sue me...like you haven't told fibs to spare feelings?
I decide to call guy #2 and play a litle joke, telling him I couldn't make it for our New Years date, that plans had changed last minute and I was truly sorry. I thought it was quite funny and I waited for his response....
brief pause and...
"Via, this is Guy #1, you dialed me"
"oh" "Ummm...I was just calling...ummm.. a friend that invited me out to tell him that I'm going with my Mom and Dad tonight"
"Via, stop stumblin, its Ok"
"d#@$^%, SH%#$#@" I thought in my head. I am a blonde there is plenty of room.
"Ok..well Happy New Years...call you tomorrow"
Wouldn't be too bad if guy #1 wasn't the photographer that just took nudes of me!!
Blondes need to be more careful when dialing!!
12.29.2007
Blonde Moment 201
Sex antidotes work better if you spell 'Pastor' right.
I wrote a joke about being horny and the punchline was misspelled and so the damn thing was interpreted as a desperate sounding board for the sexually challenged.
As much as I love the new found attention (after all, I am a blonde and a Leo)... and I have learned that sex really does sell....
I was just trying to be funny!!
Being horny and being desperate are two very different things...and while I want to thank the guys who were willing to put their penis on the line for me...
I just have to say...
EEWWWW!!
THE FOLLOWING STATEMENT IS SARCASM: if I wanted gross sex with a stranger, I would go to craiglslist and get 'massage man'..at least I would make a $100..THIS IS THE END OF THE SARCASM!!
Blondes need to use Spell check!!
I wrote a joke about being horny and the punchline was misspelled and so the damn thing was interpreted as a desperate sounding board for the sexually challenged.
As much as I love the new found attention (after all, I am a blonde and a Leo)... and I have learned that sex really does sell....
I was just trying to be funny!!
Being horny and being desperate are two very different things...and while I want to thank the guys who were willing to put their penis on the line for me...
I just have to say...
EEWWWW!!
THE FOLLOWING STATEMENT IS SARCASM: if I wanted gross sex with a stranger, I would go to craiglslist and get 'massage man'..at least I would make a $100..THIS IS THE END OF THE SARCASM!!
Blondes need to use Spell check!!
Blue Balls?!
have nothing on my throbbing labia at the moment. Without sounding like a total slut and as if I cared...I need to get laid..magnificently laid!!
It has been three months and I can't even concentrate on reading, let alone writing blogs.
I am certain whoever gets in between my legs will need medical attention after I am done exploiting every inch of their masculinity..
Unfortunately I need that connection.....and as tough as it seems..I will go another 3 dreaded, dry, run out of batteries (for my neck massager) look like every man is a piece of meat--- months if I have too!!
I think after a certain amount of time without IT you get to reclaim virginity anyway!
I went to lunch with someone today and I could barely make conversation..
all I could master in my little blonde bubble at the moment was polite conversation while milling over the following thoughts:
he could be potential..
he is a big guy..
big guys tend to be smaller..
I wonder how football players are hung?
probably small..
wonder how big it is...
wonder how good he is?
damn..he is a big guy
I bet its nice sized
damn..I need my neck massager
after realizing I zoned out, I shook the air out of my head and refocused my attention to the conversation....
I'm sorry Pastor..what were you saying?
Blondes really shouldn't be so bad!!
It has been three months and I can't even concentrate on reading, let alone writing blogs.
I am certain whoever gets in between my legs will need medical attention after I am done exploiting every inch of their masculinity..
Unfortunately I need that connection.....and as tough as it seems..I will go another 3 dreaded, dry, run out of batteries (for my neck massager) look like every man is a piece of meat--- months if I have too!!
I think after a certain amount of time without IT you get to reclaim virginity anyway!
I went to lunch with someone today and I could barely make conversation..
all I could master in my little blonde bubble at the moment was polite conversation while milling over the following thoughts:
he could be potential..
he is a big guy..
big guys tend to be smaller..
I wonder how football players are hung?
probably small..
wonder how big it is...
wonder how good he is?
damn..he is a big guy
I bet its nice sized
damn..I need my neck massager
after realizing I zoned out, I shook the air out of my head and refocused my attention to the conversation....
I'm sorry Pastor..what were you saying?
Blondes really shouldn't be so bad!!
Craigslist Freak of the Week
Seeking woman to eat FROG LEGS with! - m4w - 24
Male seeking woman to eat frog legs with.. yes frog legs.. I have 5 sets of legs, thats 10 individual legs, and 50 little froggie toes...
Should we BBQ them, broil, bake, fry? Make a soup possibly? Oh the ways we could season them!
We can start with frog legs and go from there... tuna steak, king crab, gulf shrimp, bay scallops, seaweed salad, magic mushrooms.... it's all in the fridge....
Must be 420 friendly (because you have to be high to eat all that shit).
Blondes feel really bad for Freaks..for they know not what they are!!
Male seeking woman to eat frog legs with.. yes frog legs.. I have 5 sets of legs, thats 10 individual legs, and 50 little froggie toes...
Should we BBQ them, broil, bake, fry? Make a soup possibly? Oh the ways we could season them!
We can start with frog legs and go from there... tuna steak, king crab, gulf shrimp, bay scallops, seaweed salad, magic mushrooms.... it's all in the fridge....
Must be 420 friendly (because you have to be high to eat all that shit).
Blondes feel really bad for Freaks..for they know not what they are!!
Photo Trading Cards!!
I have this thing..like everyone..we all have at least one quirk..my quirk?!! you ask?
I don't like ugly photos of me hanging around! When I die or go missing and people are digging threw photos of me..do I really need them to see the photos my boyfriend took right after we had sex, or the photo where I just jammed a huge bite of hot dog in my mouth, or the the endless photos of me with a drink in my hand..actually those I keep because it means I'm partying and I always look good partying!!
How about the photo at Christmas open gifts..we are all in our robes, bed head and eye crust..or the endless shots taken of me bending over..thanks Mother!! Seriously!!
However, I do keep the bad photos of my friends and family because they are just too damn funny!!
Via?!!
"What?!"
"What the hell are you doing?!"
"I'm throwing away the photos of me I don't like"
"You can't do that!!"
"I know ..its history..blah, blah.."
"GIVE ME MY PHOTOS BACK"
"NO"
GIVE ME MY DAMN PHOTOS"
"Your Photos?, There My Face!!"
"Get The Hell Out of My Photo Albums"
"Jeez Sis...chill out..I will throw the bad ones of you away if you want..theres a lot!! "
She Grabs the photos from my hand..I needed quick thinking here..
"Alright, Sis..I will trade you the photo where you just vomitted on your boyfriend if you let me keep the one of me with mayonnaise on the corner of my mouth"
"Fine..Here...Now Do you have some where else to go?!"
"I suppose I can go clean out lil' Sis photo albums"
Phone:
Ring, Ring, Ring
"Hey Sis, I was gonna come over"
"Constance called. I already hid the photos of you on the toilet"
"Bitch!! Fine...I will trade you the one where you are peeing on the side of the road for the one of me on the lue"
"Deal"
"Great, be over in a minute"
Phone
"Ring, Ring!!"
"Carol, my dear friend...Want to drink wine and look at old photos?"
Blondes always get double prints before trading!!!
I don't like ugly photos of me hanging around! When I die or go missing and people are digging threw photos of me..do I really need them to see the photos my boyfriend took right after we had sex, or the photo where I just jammed a huge bite of hot dog in my mouth, or the the endless photos of me with a drink in my hand..actually those I keep because it means I'm partying and I always look good partying!!
How about the photo at Christmas open gifts..we are all in our robes, bed head and eye crust..or the endless shots taken of me bending over..thanks Mother!! Seriously!!
However, I do keep the bad photos of my friends and family because they are just too damn funny!!
Via?!!
"What?!"
"What the hell are you doing?!"
"I'm throwing away the photos of me I don't like"
"You can't do that!!"
"I know ..its history..blah, blah.."
"GIVE ME MY PHOTOS BACK"
"NO"
GIVE ME MY DAMN PHOTOS"
"Your Photos?, There My Face!!"
"Get The Hell Out of My Photo Albums"
"Jeez Sis...chill out..I will throw the bad ones of you away if you want..theres a lot!! "
She Grabs the photos from my hand..I needed quick thinking here..
"Alright, Sis..I will trade you the photo where you just vomitted on your boyfriend if you let me keep the one of me with mayonnaise on the corner of my mouth"
"Fine..Here...Now Do you have some where else to go?!"
"I suppose I can go clean out lil' Sis photo albums"
Phone:
Ring, Ring, Ring
"Hey Sis, I was gonna come over"
"Constance called. I already hid the photos of you on the toilet"
"Bitch!! Fine...I will trade you the one where you are peeing on the side of the road for the one of me on the lue"
"Deal"
"Great, be over in a minute"
Phone
"Ring, Ring!!"
"Carol, my dear friend...Want to drink wine and look at old photos?"
Blondes always get double prints before trading!!!
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