Merry Kwanzaa Eve

Hallazazuza from the Blonde!!

Do You Hear What I Hear?

I hear little crickets everywhere...

Cricket

Cricket

I need to get my phone ringing again before I start singing their song.

The Blonde is lonely!!

Money Doesn't Buy You Happiness

Money can't buy you time.

Money can't stop a car crash from killing your loved one.

Money can't find you love.

Money can't do a lot of things but it can do a lot of things too!!

It could spare a lot of heartache.

I don't know why fate has it in for me.

If it just could tell me what I did wrong; I would fix it.

This life isn't worth the time and effort I put into it.


The Blonde is really at her wits end.

Turkey or Terror?

Umm...turkey please!

It was a rhetorical question and also a trick question.

On Thanksgiving its almost impossible to have a turkey dinner in peace.

The threat of having a happy holiday is sanctioned only with small family troops in arms, ready to blast a bullet of guilt in your ear if you F____ up the dinner in any way.

Can I get a "WAY"!

Blast!

Damn!

Missed!

Holiday perfection comes with an emotional cost. I wish that lucky blast hit me.

Unfortunately, I am still alive and about to drown my dread in eggnog!

Anyhoo,

I will suffer through turkey death day with flying colors because I have the triple threat eggnog and football to immerse my thoughts.

For the rest of you, find a vice like drugs, alcohol, or rock and roll.

Who cares what the vice is, just find it before the other holiday creeps in and grabs your soul while the turkey tryptophan has you numb.

Why do you think the fat guy is wearing red?

The Devil wears red too!!!

Black Friday is evil and the red suited guy is on the side of the Devil!

He Won't save us!!

He is not our savior!

He is the mascot of capitalistic greed and he dragged Baby Jesus into it!!

Stop the holiday doom!!!

Boycott the Black Friday Bastards and that Red Gluttonous Guy who perpetuates it.

Greed does not deserve a holiday.

Boycott!!!

Christmas is no longer in the hands of the Lord.

Its a commercialized evil that will segregate those who have from those who have not.

Capitalism is not a socialism.

Its communism with the poor's permission!


The Blonde is ready to fight terrorism in her own country!!!

What If?

“For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, 'It might have been'.” John Greenleaf Whittier quoted.

Do you know why?

Because he knew, like I know, that what might have been would never have been. Whittier's writing is based on the belief that fate has a plan and as much as we would love to defeat it...it is what it is.

What if I didn't do this?

What if I did that?

What if I just said this instead of that?

What if we did or didn't do many things. Would that have changed our destiny and change 'what might have been'?

This is why those words are so sad.

I am in the middle of watching 'Angels and Demons' but I want to pick this up later tonight...

The Blonde only can guess what will be!

Frogs Don't Have Butts

I was just thinking of my first best friend, Skeevy. My sister said he stuck firecrackers up frogs butts and blew them up. It just occurred to me this very moment that frogs don't have butts!!

And a frog's pooper is way too small to accommodate a firecracker.

Hmmm....

Anyhoo,

I am slow to catch up on things. It wasn't until after my 20th birthday that someone finally explained that a dog in heat did not mean a horny male dog.

Last year I learned that Thanksgiving is not always on the 21st like I thought and that Easter is not the first Sunday in April.

Hhmm...

Anyhoo,

This Thanksgiving, I am thankful for Emancipet for fixing the feral and to the family with a fabulous farm like setting that just adopted him.

Now back to studying!

The Blonde is pooped!

Delete, Delete, Delete

I am way too sappy these days. I write something on the blog and then I delete it.

I am afraid I am losing my funny, that or I am just becoming incredibly boring.

Boring, on one hand would be great.

Boring would mean I settled down with someone and living a great life and no one wants to hear someone rant about a great life.

Its too boring!!

I am hoping for a little more boring in my life. I actually have been practicing all week. I promised to wait for someone and so I keeping my promise, at least until I realize it was just an easy way of getting rid of me, and although it is causing a severe lack of dating horror stories, it is helping to keep my grades up.

But not to worry my bloggies, I have so many stories, memories, and tidbits of dating information stashed in notebooks and diaries that I could keep this blog up for another two years, while I take a romantic holiday.

Hold on y'all, this is going to be a bumpy ride on memory lane!!

And hey, if this new guy doesn't work out, It will just be back to business for the Blonde!

The Blonde is not looking for new blog entries!!

I Am Losing My Blonde

I went to the vet to get some sedatives for my feral kitty. He refuses to have anything to do with the cage, no matter how expensive the salmon is.

He is a boy, I peaked under his tail which is a good thing because its only $29 to fix him. Shots are extra. I am waiting on Emancipet to give me the go ahead to bring him in and make him an adoptable catizen.

I am not going to give up on him. I think he would make someone a really great pet.

Hint, Hint!!

Anybody?!

Beuler?!

Someone adopt the kitty pleezzzz!!!

I would keep him but I am dangerously close to becoming Edie from 'Grey Gardens' and I refuse to be anything of the sort.

I am already a horrible bore these days. I study and study and study. I rarely go out unless its for a bottle of wine or cat food.

Oh My Gahh!!

I am Edie!!!

My handsome prince better get his horse in giddy up mode and help turn me back into the fabulous blonde I once was.

No pumpkin necessary!!

The Blonde will not go baldly into the night!!

You Can't Swing On Grapevines

but the Mattel 'doll set' couple sitting behind me most certainly tried at the Grove Wine Bar.

I was planning just to sit in the hostess area and wait for my date to arrive but the bartender recognized me from a restaurant I used to go to and asked me what wine I would like. Naturally, I sat down to his hospitality and ordered a little french number.

While I was seated at the bar and staring blankly at the wall, a highly skilled trait of a blonde, the Barbie part of the Mattel couple approached me. She was as plastic as you can get without actually being a doll. She lifted her hand with elbow firmly planted against her body and in a robotic motion waited for me to shake her hand. She blinked a few times and then spoke without someone pulling her strings. It was really quite amazing. I wonder if I can get one for my niece and ship it to her in time for the holidays.

I just need to find a really big box with air holes.

Anyhoo!

In plastic doll speak, she told me she liked my hat. I thanked her and hoped she was on her way to the ladies room to refill the candy in her nose but she just stood there staring at me. Then an awkward moment later, she repeated the hat comment and walked back to her table.


The next minute later, Barbies' Ken comes up to the bar and asks me if someone the seat next to me is taken. I said no but I am waiting for someone.

Ken sat down anyway. I guess plastic ears don;t hear as well as real ones.

It was an innocent enough conversation but after Ken's Barbie tried to prime me, I knew what Ken was up to. I never liked playing Barbie and I thought Ken was gay and I am no Skipper.

I don't swing that way!!
I don't care if you have a pink corvette,

or penthouse

or boat with a blender!!

I just stared at the sports channel focusing on speeding up the clock so my date would arrive now. When he finally arrived ( its seemed like forever) just a minute later, I was super happy, to say the least.

We moved to the dining area with a wall safely dividing us from the Mattel group.

All I could think about is how I would never want to share the man I love with anyone.



The Blonde likes a solo act!!

Do Not Smoosh Bugs

...on your dates leg!!


I had a date in good ole San Antone last night. A pretty night called for margaritas and some
tex-mex on the deck, under a large tree, at this pretty little restaurant on the north end of the city.

Seeing as its almost November and being smack in the middle of fall, it did not occur to me that the last remaining mosquito this season would land on my thigh.

It also did not occur to me that my date would take his hand and smack the mosquito so hard that it would smoosh and stick to my leg. It all happened so fast. I only saw the aftermath when my date lifted his hand.


I am at a restaurant!

I will not scream!

I will not panic

Get it off, get it offf, GET IT OFF!!!

With a quick swipe of the napkin, it was gone but the grossness of the event lingered on throughout dinner. I used half my martini to disinfect my leg and the other half to blur my memory of a dead smooshed bloody thing all over my thigh.

After 3 jalopena and pomegrante martinis, not as bad as you think, I was laughing and almost completely over the bug attack and thinking I might not get some weird new string of swine virus from it when a giant moth landed on the table.

That was all I needed to end the outdoor festivities! Other than that the date went well.


The Blonde doesn't get bugged much!!

Waiter, The Check ...Quickly Please

I went out last night with someone who looked about 10 years older and 4 inches shorter than his pictures revealed online. The profile also forgot to mention in the 'about me' section, about him being an old fashion bigot. He actually used the 'N' word three freaking times.
I told him he need to quickly stop with it right there. I should have just left but I am a glutton for punishment and I really wanted my petit filet and King crab legs. Sullivan's is super cheesy but there food is always good.

So I stay and it gets worse.

Oh yes it does!!

It gets fabulously worse.

Old Tex fessed up that he drank a 24 oz can of Coors ( redneck pronunciation: cuurs) driving from Houston to Austin. He had several glasses of wine before I got to the restaurant. He plowed down 4 more glasses of wine at dinner, getting a little nastier and a little more honest about his true nature, which is a natural jerk.

He starts telling me how the twenty somethings will hit on him because he has a house on the lake and big Mercedes Benz. He slurrs some sentences on why he hates pretentious people that have a problem with the 'F' bomb.

Etc...

Etc...

Etc...

As I nudge the waiters to help me round up things at this dinner, he lifts his head from a stuper and tells me he needs to pick up his friends at the airport. I kept asking, "Are you sure you don't want to switch to water or tea. I can make sure its green and not black tea." Ok, I really didn't say the last part but seriously, who says the 'N' word anymore, other than one of my favorite comedians Kat Williams.

I didn't want this dude on the road smashing into an inoccent car. He just kept telling me that he was getting drunker...but he kept drinking.

By the time this disaster ended he could barely walk properly. I left him abruptly on the curb and as I walked by the valets I said, "Grandpa is drunk again."

I just thought to myself the cops at the airport will help him out if he can't drive.


The Blonde is done with dinner dates!

I Am Still Here

I just have been super busy studying, writing essays for school, and looking for new beaus on a new internet dating site I joined for 30 days. So far, its going very well. Time will tell if I am dealing with more habitual daters but I am feeling positive about it.

I had a great date with my first date. He is a cutey and I had a ball. He is 4 years younger than me, so it looks like I might be wanting to exercise my cougar skills but considering this is about as young as I will go, its not truly a wild at endeavor.

I have drinks tonight with someone and I am working the phone for a few out of towners. I do love to travel, only this time I am hitting mostly the west coast.

Sorry its only a quick note for you but I have to get ready for tonight.

The Blonde is Back to her pursuits!!!