Have you any wool or anything that would make the world believe you have something to give?
No sir, no sir...
and now I believe I have little to give.
With each passing of my resume, I have any doubt I have anything to give.
I do not belong here.
I do not belong there.
I do not belong anywhere!!
I am a Dr. Suess tale without the happy ending.
I grab for this.
I grab for that.
I grab for whatever will keep me afloat.
No tree.
No turtle.
No bread buttered on the right or wrong side.
My eggs are green and my ham unbaked.
The Grinch has taken everything!
I am a Dr Suess story without a happy ending.
I am the black sheep.
Nothing for the dame.
Nothing for her little boy.
But...
In the end...
I am the elephant that clings to a little voice of hope!
The Blonde is looking for a shade less darker!!!
8.10.2009
8.08.2009
The Present that Broke the Families Back
I swear you have never seen such a site. A grown family yelling at each other over who gets to deal with the dead bird one of the cat's brought into the garage.
Its your cat!
How do I know my cat killed the bird?
Maybe it died of natural causes thus you get the bird!
Boo get the bird!
Why do I have to get the bird?
Because your the male and dead animal extraction is a blue job!
That's sexist and on that basis, I am not getting the bird!
Big Daddy, get the bird, pleeeeze!!!!
I am not getting the bird.
Mother!! you get the bird.
I think its the bat that bit you.
It doesn't have any legs and its wings are funny. It could be the bat.
Fine. You get the bat and put it in a baggie and take it in for an exam.
No. Its a bird. Its your cat and she brought it to you as a birthday gift.
So, you get the bird!!
Boo...get the damn bird!!
I am not getting the f--ing bird!!
Watch your mouth and get the bird for me!!!!!!
NO!!!!!!
I pay for your car, get the damn bird!!!!
I do not pick up dead things!!
I gave you my last bit of cash..GET THE BIRD GAH DAMMIT!!!
No one asked you to give me your last bit of cash!!
Fine, give it back and get the bird!!!
No!!!
Somebody is getting that bird and its not me!!
Call someone!
You call someone!!!
This isn't funny...get the bird!!
Why couldn't you get the bird?!
Its not my cat!
How do I know it wasn't Gustav, and he is your cat!!
Because he doesn't catch birds. Its your cat that dragged it in.
You have no proof of which cat killed the bird!!!
You blame my cat's on everything!!!!
Maybe the neighbor's cat did it!!
Fine...call a neighbor then!!!
Can we do that?!
You aren't calling anyone.
Someone get the damn bird out before I have to!!!!
Staring
Silence
Staring at each other still
Gah X@#dam--f#@$XX)ing$&@#mother f---&#@#% FINE!!!!!
I will do it my-f@#$&$#@-ing self!!!!
I extracted the bird and laid it to rest behind the neighbors yard.
After all, the bird should R.I.P. and clearly it can't be done near our home.
Now, no one is talking to anyone and we have all locked our selves in our rooms.
The Blonde is finally at peace!!
Its your cat!
How do I know my cat killed the bird?
Maybe it died of natural causes thus you get the bird!
Boo get the bird!
Why do I have to get the bird?
Because your the male and dead animal extraction is a blue job!
That's sexist and on that basis, I am not getting the bird!
Big Daddy, get the bird, pleeeeze!!!!
I am not getting the bird.
Mother!! you get the bird.
I think its the bat that bit you.
It doesn't have any legs and its wings are funny. It could be the bat.
Fine. You get the bat and put it in a baggie and take it in for an exam.
No. Its a bird. Its your cat and she brought it to you as a birthday gift.
So, you get the bird!!
Boo...get the damn bird!!
I am not getting the f--ing bird!!
Watch your mouth and get the bird for me!!!!!!
NO!!!!!!
I pay for your car, get the damn bird!!!!
I do not pick up dead things!!
I gave you my last bit of cash..GET THE BIRD GAH DAMMIT!!!
No one asked you to give me your last bit of cash!!
Fine, give it back and get the bird!!!
No!!!
Somebody is getting that bird and its not me!!
Call someone!
You call someone!!!
This isn't funny...get the bird!!
Why couldn't you get the bird?!
Its not my cat!
How do I know it wasn't Gustav, and he is your cat!!
Because he doesn't catch birds. Its your cat that dragged it in.
You have no proof of which cat killed the bird!!!
You blame my cat's on everything!!!!
Maybe the neighbor's cat did it!!
Fine...call a neighbor then!!!
Can we do that?!
You aren't calling anyone.
Someone get the damn bird out before I have to!!!!
Staring
Silence
Staring at each other still
Gah X@#dam--f#@$XX)ing$&@#mother f---&#@#% FINE!!!!!
I will do it my-f@#$&$#@-ing self!!!!
I extracted the bird and laid it to rest behind the neighbors yard.
After all, the bird should R.I.P. and clearly it can't be done near our home.
Now, no one is talking to anyone and we have all locked our selves in our rooms.
The Blonde is finally at peace!!
8.07.2009
They Say Its Your Birthday
Happy Birthday to ya!!
Yah! Yah! Yah!
The Blonde is turning one less older today. I have received a plethora of cards from department stores wishing me a happy one and to celebrate my special day, they have included discounts on my purchases.
Little do they know, discounts only work if they include a check for my birthday, like Gramms used to send. I couldn't purchase a fly for bait these days.
I just returned from a glorious time in Napa. It was such a magical place where every day is a celebration of friends and family around a table of fabulous food and wine. I felt like I was in the musical Brigadoon. A place that is hidden away under the early morning fog, only to lift and reveal skies of such blue you can't help but keep your head in the clouds.
But Brigadoon is far from me now and I am back home to live the reality of things in the moment. Like the tax man visiting my home to make sure I am not running a business; having to dig through the want ads for freelance work that actually pays for this months unexpected auto failures; my trade account just hit the negative; and I am another year closer to being old.
I would be thoroughly depressed if it weren't for the fact, I still look great, my weight is not climbing the stairs with my age, I have a cute kanuck wanting to see me again, and I have my family birthday gathering with ice cream cake.
The Blonde is quite happy!!
8.06.2009
Napa, Napa, Napa
May I just say, I happily slurred my words through every glorious lunch and dinner.
The Blonde will be backa!!
7.30.2009
Why Its a Blonde Life
There is nothing else to blame the realities of my life on other than it being a blonde's life.
A blonde's life does not care that I had a fabulous time in Canada; it does not care that I might have, possibly met the 'one'; nor does it care that I need fresh water to bathe and have my morning coffee, and brush my teeth.
A blonde's life wants to make sure I appreciate everything that I am temporarily given and that I should not take anything for granted.
After living a fabulous weekend and creating in my head how that weekend should play out in the years to come, I was slammed with the reality of my life here at home.
The main water line to the house broke and Boo (also blonde) and I tried to help Big Daddy by spending 6 hours digging and replacing the broken pipe.
Here is where the double blonde whammy comes in.
We fixed the wrong pipe!
Actually we hit the good pipe with a pick ax and had to replace it only to discover the leak came from another pipe just beneath it.
We also used the wrong joints to fix the pipe. Apparently, there is a little something, something called water pressure and the rubber clampy things we tried to use, aren't enough to create a solid seal and our work was burst into water flames the minute we turned on the aqua flow.
Needless to say we brought in a professional to repair our damage and the original leak.
Seeing as my body is not used to hard manual labor, it rejected any good sleep I might have needed and opted for a restless one, with stiff muscles and joint pain, instead.
This morning I went to turn my head and I heard a crack and a crunch.
I thought to myself, that's not good.
And it wasn't.
I now have to keep my head cocked to a 33 degree angle to the right and if I dare try to turn my head to the left, my knees buckle.
Here is the fun part.
Oh, yes...it gets better!!
I am supposed to leave for a 'Clouds in the Sky' kind of Napa dream filled holiday this Saturday.
Its also the beginning of the month, which means its a whole new endeavor to make my monthly credit payments and I will have to work cock-eyed and to the right if anything is to get done.
I wonder if the universe is telling me to just give up and accept my sad little happy life, or if it might just one allow me to have the only dream I have ever had since I was little, and a chance to expand my world to be incredible.
I would tell you what my dream is, but you can guess, besides I don't need anything else to jinx me up.
The Blonde is living under unusual circumstances
A blonde's life does not care that I had a fabulous time in Canada; it does not care that I might have, possibly met the 'one'; nor does it care that I need fresh water to bathe and have my morning coffee, and brush my teeth.
A blonde's life wants to make sure I appreciate everything that I am temporarily given and that I should not take anything for granted.
After living a fabulous weekend and creating in my head how that weekend should play out in the years to come, I was slammed with the reality of my life here at home.
The main water line to the house broke and Boo (also blonde) and I tried to help Big Daddy by spending 6 hours digging and replacing the broken pipe.
Here is where the double blonde whammy comes in.
We fixed the wrong pipe!
Actually we hit the good pipe with a pick ax and had to replace it only to discover the leak came from another pipe just beneath it.
We also used the wrong joints to fix the pipe. Apparently, there is a little something, something called water pressure and the rubber clampy things we tried to use, aren't enough to create a solid seal and our work was burst into water flames the minute we turned on the aqua flow.
Needless to say we brought in a professional to repair our damage and the original leak.
Seeing as my body is not used to hard manual labor, it rejected any good sleep I might have needed and opted for a restless one, with stiff muscles and joint pain, instead.
This morning I went to turn my head and I heard a crack and a crunch.
I thought to myself, that's not good.
And it wasn't.
I now have to keep my head cocked to a 33 degree angle to the right and if I dare try to turn my head to the left, my knees buckle.
Here is the fun part.
Oh, yes...it gets better!!
I am supposed to leave for a 'Clouds in the Sky' kind of Napa dream filled holiday this Saturday.
Its also the beginning of the month, which means its a whole new endeavor to make my monthly credit payments and I will have to work cock-eyed and to the right if anything is to get done.
I wonder if the universe is telling me to just give up and accept my sad little happy life, or if it might just one allow me to have the only dream I have ever had since I was little, and a chance to expand my world to be incredible.
I would tell you what my dream is, but you can guess, besides I don't need anything else to jinx me up.
The Blonde is living under unusual circumstances
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