I Practiced Twirling

Tonight, like most nights, I sat on the porch thinking of what I really want to get out of life. I had a few pieces of cut bamboo next to me and I picked one up and began to twirl it, thinking how I could use it in one of my bikini designs.

The funny thing is, as I twirled the bamboo, thinking of all the possibilities it had in my designs, I totally forgot that I was twirling it on the tip of my fingers and it began to play like a feather just barely wisping upon the tips of my dancing digits; the moment I was conscious of my actions the bamboo dropped like a stiff stick.

I kept playing with the bamboo and my thoughts, and I learned, the more I concentrated on things in my head, the more the bamboo stick would dance, barely touching; floating and twirling right above my finger tips as if it were a surreal action portraying my life at that one moment.

Everything I have ever wanted was always a finger tip away and every time I thought it was in my grasp, the dream fell away.

I had an epiphany:

Until I focus on what I really want, that bamboo stick will always fall!

The Blonde is finding her balance!!

Eveything Gets Better With Time

Everything is falling apart these days from my left turning car, to my keyboard missing the 'c' key, to losing my domain; but I am adapting well.

I went to visit my storage unit last week and when I opened the large metal door to expose the contents of stacked boxes, antiques and furniture; the scent of my old house wafted through the air and I felt a bit of nostalgia warming up my soul.

I think of all the people who have lost their homes to devastating floods, hurricanes and fire and I realize how lucky I am to still possess the very essence of my life stacked safely away in a 10 by 20 with not an inch to spare for even the tiniest of Tiffany boxes.

We have all lost something in this economy, but we shouldn't lose our hope that eventually everything does get better. It may take longer than expected, but we can't let that bring us down.

I am plugging away at my newest endeavor, Burlap Bikini-Eco friendly swimwear and cover ups made from recycled materials and remnants that would otherwise be discarded, sort of like a blonde that lives at home.

Hopefully something will come of it but if not, I no longer sweat the small stuff and neither should you. Meanwhile I have margaritas and the hope that my cats will be able to work a sewing machine when the orders start coming in.

Blondes don't lose sight of the big picture!!

I Lost My Letter

I dropped my laptop and the C button went flying off into some unknown direction so I am having a hard time dealing with one of my alphabets on the loose.

How am I supposed to type numerous 'c' words, if I have to carefully hit some freaky nub without its grill?!

The Blonde will be back as soon as she finds that little 'c' !!

Bad Timing

Now I should know better than to drink a 10 oz carafe of saki and then mosey on over to a comedy club on a Tuesday. I am fairly certain if you are playing a gig during the earlier part of the week, you can't possibly be any good and the fact that my mouth was feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, not caring what anyone thinks if it decided to speak up in the middle of the show, it could have been a cocktail of heckling hell for the stage weary.

The MC was not funny

The first guy was even less funny

and

...the second guy, who was from Austin, was even less funny than the MC and the first guy, making him the head tool of the unfunny cadet club. And he had the audacity to get upset with me for cheering him on. All I said was.....

"Yeah!! Austin!!!

Woo hoo!!!

I am from Austin!!!

Yeah!!!!



Yah!!!




Woo!!!





Alright!!!




Yah!!

Apparently, the Austin comic wasn't a fan of 'Family Guy' and my impersanation of Peter Griffith wasn't funny to the less than fiunny gu. I think little ole me might have messed up his timing for the rest of his set. But in all fairness to the Blonde, if you get thrown because someone cheered for your hometown, you have more problems with your act than just timing. After that, I don;t recall the rest of his routine because I was too busy whispering loudly in Vaughn's ear about how bad the show was.

The third comedian was a chick with a gutter mouth. The only thing funny was the fact she hated Rachel Ray and she agreed with my yelp of Rachel being a 'glorified diner whore' who probably peddled more than just soup to get her own show.


It was all down hill


The comedians were sooooo bad that I wouldn't have been able to keep my mouth shut through any more and before it really got ugly with me entertaining myself with a few more vodka gimlets and a louder heckle job just to entertain myself ...we bailed.

I know it must take some real kahunas to get up on stage and try to juggle a routine that drops to the floor with a thud but comedy is one of those thangs that needs talent.

If ya ain't got it....cha ain't got it!

but Bless ya for trying.


Now get off the stage and get a real job!



The Blonde hates being bad!!

I Heart Manhattan

...especially the garment district.

I was head to toe in fabrics at Moods for half a day looking for organic fabrics for my bikini line. I got so excited about all the other fabrics around that I forgot to even look for burlap and bamboo cloth.

Oh well...gives me a reason to go back!!

I love New York in the spring when the weather is this gorgeous, I am outside enjoying the day. After buying up as much fabric that will fit in my suitcase, Vaughn (my NY go to guy) and I had lunch at an outside eatery in Westside park and talked about all sorts of fabulous things including 'me'. Afterward, we had a quick walk back to his place for a glass of vino and relaxation on the patio of his super digs on the Upper West side.

Now, I am busy wondering what club to swing on into as I play around in the night life of this fabulous jungle.


It is getting a little bit harder to leave each time I come here. I think I wouldn't mind being shipwrecked on this tiny island they call Manhattan. If I ever want off, I can steal a yacht and head for Monte Carlo.



The Blonde loves seaside villages!!

Blonde Construction

I like working with my hands. It beats sitting on my arse all day in an office.

I rather work in my sweat shop, sewing burlap bikinis and repair decking for Big Daddy to avoid supplementing my writing income by doing white collar labor.

I know I did a decent job on the deck, not because my Dad fills me with praise but because he couldn't find anything to complain about the work. That is a huge compliment in Big Daddy's world.

All in all, its been an excellent day.

I can't take all the credit for the work. Boo did most of the demolition and hammering. I just cut the wood to fit using a 10" miter saw and some finagling with the uncooperative blade. The great thing about a blonde is that I don't know the limits of a tool and so I don't know any better when attempting a curve cut and make it work on a miter.

Don't try this yourself unless you have the arrogence to beat the odds of dropping a few finger tips during a cut.

After a hard days physical labor, I plunged my sample burlap bikini in the aqua blue to test the waters. I didn't hear any complaints about my bikini from Boo, so I take that as a compliment as well.

The Blonde will do what Mexicans say I don't want to do!!

Blonde Recharge

Sometimes it feels good to just kiss the world goodbye for a few days and live in a cocoon. Some may call this depression. I on the other hand call it my mental spa days.

Now that my brain is rested and my retreat (aka. bed) is made, I know longer wonder why there is a quick ice button next to the cubed and crushed ice. I guess it takes longer to shape ice and quick ice is just what is available to the less picky frosty mouths.

I also remember to use the popcorn button on the nuke oven for unburnt popcorn.

And now that I am rested, I don't lock myself out of the house so many times and I finished unpacking for my trip to New York that I spent the other night getting ready for, before I printed out my itinerary to see that my trip is next week.

I also can remember to use my spell check during email replies.

All in all its beginning to look like a good week.


The Blonde has brain power, again!!

This Memorial Day

Don't forget why we celebrate!

Fairy Tales and Blondes

I always believed in a blonde fairy tale. I always wanted two children; a boy and a girl. I also wanted a large house and lots of money. Never once did I figure a man, to love and to take care of me, in the original fairy tale.

Well, turns out I got most of my fairy tale; not all of it but enough to make me happy. I got the money and the house, but in much smaller proportions to what I once fantasized as a young girl. But than again I was a little girl and things seemed so much larger back then. And so, maybe I did get exactly what I wanted.

Like any good fairy tale someone must come along and try to take it all away.

And he did.

But unlike normal fairy tales, it wasn't the wicked witch who came to my door. It was a dashing Prince Charming and all his insecurities that whisked me away from my happy life.

My castle is gone, and my little boy, unlike Peter Pan, has grown up and left Never Neverland and I am living in a bedroom the size of a pumpkin trying to sew a life out of the last remnants of my days in a blonde's fairy after tale.

I sometimes cry in my room and talk to my cats. If they start talking back to me and finish sewing my bikinis, than I know I have gone off the deep end and lost all touch with reality.

So far so good.

I started to fantasize about the normal fairy tale with a knight in shining armor and a huge white steed carrying me off to his castle but unfortunately that ship has sunk with the Titanic after the blonde princess turned a certain age. The most I see on the horizon have been castles down sized to small condo, with room only for the children, rides booked up on the steed, child support payments, alimony, a chip on the knight's shoulder about women in general, and little left to give a blonde still looking for her real fairy tale.

I seem to be in a Cinderella nightmare where I can't wake up, working and cleaning for her scraps of left overs.

I don't mind a Prince Charming with children, after all the children were part of my fairy tale, just as long as he still has room in his castle for me.

But until that day, I think I am happiest living my original blonde fairy tale.

I may have to start off again in a tiny room, sewing my fingers to the bone, and talking to my cats, but at least I don't have to deal with someone else's unhappily ever after.

The Blonde will find her happy ever after, eventually!!

I Am Officially Brain Dead

Last night, while I was returning emails, I noticed I had become a blithering idiot.

I have been glued to this computer for more than two weeks writing, and working on my online eco friendly store front that has to replace the e-cig fiasco from a few months ago.

On top of that, I was trying to finish sewing a burlap bikini....don't ask!

To rest my weary head I am claiming this week, Blonde in a Bubble. I am shutting down the computer and the phone and just going for walks around the park and working on making bikinis that don't smell like sweaty horse when wet.

The Blondes Mind is gone!!

A 'Cell' Phone?

Why would I want to be confined to a cell?

There are certain times when I need 'me' time and the cell phone is just another distraction that I don't want to have to deal with.

I, actually enjoy playing with myself sometimes.



OK... you can have 10 seconds to picture what you are picturing.

10

8

2

1

OK, back to 'get real' now.

Seriously, what is with the addiction of the cell phone. Do you really need to be within twenty seconds reach of text messages, downloaded emails, and the vintage voice call?

I am not about to play Pavlov's dog to a bunch of ring tones alerting me of the multitude of different messages accumulated on my phone.

Maybe if I got a treat every time it rang, I would be more responsive.

If I knew something shiny and expensive was going to be plopped into my blonde behavioral feast bowl every time I heard the un-symphonic notes of a generic ringtone, I might be more inclined to answer.


I know we can't turn the world around us off, but once in a while, it feels good to tune it out.

The Blonde will be back to beck and calls!!!

Bravo, N Y Housewives!!

...for showing the world what it looks like when too much money and menopause congregate in the same arena.

I have to give kudos to the casting director for this show. You know, whomever, sat around and looked for women with egos and issues the size of a monsoon but still have qualities that make them likable couldn't have been an easy task. The extra kick to spice up the show with the beauty bobble head was totally a man's two cents, but good sense it was. The show became more of a feature for Animal Planet than Bravo, especially when the claws and daggers of the insecure housewives came out to protect the threat of their nest totally built on carefully intertwined twigs of neuroses.


Forget the Gucci baggage, these housewives are carrying a Louis Vuitton steamer trunk to carry their weight of crazy. Still, you have to give them credit, they would still come under weight requirements set by the FAA simply by dumping any sense of decency and decorum during their reunion show.

I have finished my last season with the New York femi-neophytes but only to get sucked right back into another one with the entrance of the Jersey Housewives. I swear I am going to pull the plug on my dirty little affair with Bravo and get help for my voyeuristic endeavors...

Just as soon as I see the table tipping fight.

The Blonde hates to mingle with wives!!!