I am not going to reflect on the movie but rather my experience watching the film. I have been waiting for it to come from netflix for over a month. When I finally got it in the mail, I was excited and wanted to watch it on the big screen in the living room without interruption, so I waited for my parents to hit rehab and then I got my diet coke, a bowl of popcorn and I popped the movie in the dvd player.
Unfortunately for me, my parents didn't go shopping or head out to lunch afterward and came home early, in the middle of my flick.
This is how you watch a movie when my Mother is around.
"What are you watching?"
"Slumdog, Mom"
"Oh, I heard about this movie, what is happening now?"
Its half way through Mom, you can watch it later."
"Oh, ok"
She leaves and a few minutes comes back.
"What are they doing to the boy?"
"They get more money for a blind beggar boy."
"Oh, oh, no...I can't watch this...I am leaving."
"Good, you messing up my movie anyway."
"Fine, I am leaving...What are they doing now?"
"Mom, do you mind?"
"Oh, oh of course, I will be quiet.
Why is the he being interogated?
Why is he on a game show?
How does it end?""
"I don't know Mother, I haven't seen it before. YOU CAN WATCH IT LATER. JUST BE QUIET"
"Well, you don't have to get rude about it. I am going"
"GOOD, GO!!"
"Is that his brother?"
"MOM!!!!GO!!!!"
After finally getting her out, I watched what was left of Slumdog. I can only tell you half of the film since I was dealing with my Mother, the blonde wonder blunder, for the other half.
The Blonde has her own game show!
4.09.2009
4.05.2009
44 Day
"44 no less, no more"
That is the official quote from Testes (official name: Esthus) the fish that came out of the water and spoke to Dallas and his friends one night. 15 years later on the same day, the statue of Dauie showed up mysteriously one night on Dallas' bed.
Ever since then, Dallas and his friends would take Dauie out on the town to celebrate 44 day.
Since Dallas was in town this weekend and could not be with his friends, I was the host of this auspicious occasion, even if I still don't know what the heck it means, spreading cheer and 'Happy 44 Day' to unsuspecting strangers that walked by us at the Mean Eyed Cat, a local bar that celebrates Johnny Cash.
Most of the folks that passed by just gave us queer looks and thought to themselves, their smoking the ganja...just keep walking. But a few stopped and asked what 44 Day was all about, mostly the ones that really were smokin the leaf, and thought they found a kindred spirit in my friend, and Dallas was completely pleased to be able to explain his day to anyone willing to ask.
I just sat smiling and shaking my head as if to say, " Its alright, he isn't dangerous, I just have to have him tucked into his padded room before midnight."
So Happy 44 day has passed and a few more folks have been inducted into the cult. I am fairly confident that it won't take the nation by storm considering you would have to believe in a talking fish. But for one day, I felt a bit more connected to people and that is something worth believing in, especially for a scoffinheimer like me.
I don't have to believe in a talking fish to believe in my friends.
The Blonde believes its all in good fun!!
4.02.2009
Mam, Stay in the Car!
Yesterday, I drove my Father to the pool store to buy a new hose that I would have to help install later that night, but that story is for the next post.
Anyhoo,
As we were leaving a huge, gas guzzling, suburban was driving at a snails pace in front of me. I politely, beeped my horn and made a gesture of two hands holding a fake wheel in effort to ask the woman to pay attention and drive.
She stopped her mammoth mobile in the middle of the street, blocking everyone- most importantly blocking me- to get out of her car to show me she had a medical issue with her leg. She limped two steps and screamed, " I just came from a Doctor in Minneapolis for my leg!!"'
Did I mention she was on her cell phone?!!!
Obviously, she was trying to extort sympathy from someone who doesn't give a flip. My Dad just had heart surgery, should I have yanked him out of the car to show her, he doesn't have time to waste his life away on a self absorbed woman hopped up on pain meds and obviously to incapacitate to drive.
All I did was beep- its my Dad's Honda-it beeps a duck's quacks. I hardly think that calls for someone to get out of their car and scream at me.
Then she quickly hobbled back into her car and drove to the end of the shopping center's drive where you are supposed to merge into traffic if you are turning left--I took traffic lessons online last week; I am an authority now--There is a yield sign and solid line for the merge but...
NOoooo.......
She stopped at the yield sign and put on her left blinker to wait for traffic to stop because she wanted to turn into the far right left lane immediately, which I can't understand since the only left turn you will find is 5 miles up the road.
Obviously this woman was on some sort of drug that dragged her common sense and ability to focus and drive properly, she is just as much a danger to others on the road as a drunk driver.
If you can't drive, don't drive!!!!
Blondes think everyone should steer clear!!!
Anyhoo,
As we were leaving a huge, gas guzzling, suburban was driving at a snails pace in front of me. I politely, beeped my horn and made a gesture of two hands holding a fake wheel in effort to ask the woman to pay attention and drive.
She stopped her mammoth mobile in the middle of the street, blocking everyone- most importantly blocking me- to get out of her car to show me she had a medical issue with her leg. She limped two steps and screamed, " I just came from a Doctor in Minneapolis for my leg!!"'
Did I mention she was on her cell phone?!!!
Obviously, she was trying to extort sympathy from someone who doesn't give a flip. My Dad just had heart surgery, should I have yanked him out of the car to show her, he doesn't have time to waste his life away on a self absorbed woman hopped up on pain meds and obviously to incapacitate to drive.
All I did was beep- its my Dad's Honda-it beeps a duck's quacks. I hardly think that calls for someone to get out of their car and scream at me.
Then she quickly hobbled back into her car and drove to the end of the shopping center's drive where you are supposed to merge into traffic if you are turning left--I took traffic lessons online last week; I am an authority now--There is a yield sign and solid line for the merge but...
NOoooo.......
She stopped at the yield sign and put on her left blinker to wait for traffic to stop because she wanted to turn into the far right left lane immediately, which I can't understand since the only left turn you will find is 5 miles up the road.
Obviously this woman was on some sort of drug that dragged her common sense and ability to focus and drive properly, she is just as much a danger to others on the road as a drunk driver.
If you can't drive, don't drive!!!!
Blondes think everyone should steer clear!!!
3.30.2009
Being With Oneness
Living with your elderly parents can have its onederful moments.
One is always cold and the other is always hot.
One turns the heat up to a boiler room and the other turns down the temp to sub zero.
One likes wool blankets and the other likes feather duvets.
One runs around half naked during the day and goes full Boticelli late at night in her art room.
One drops his pants to retuck his shirt in the foyer.
One barks orders at his wife and the other barks orders at me.
One like to be neat and the other likes chaotic clutter.
One steers the car and the other is a backseat driver.
One stays up late and the other rises early.
One swipes my bath towels for the laundry and the other swipes my toilet paper when she runs out.
One messes up the kitchen and the other one bitches about cleaning it.
One can't live with out the other and the other can't live without him.
Its as symbiotic as love gets after 50 years of being together and I have the distinct privilege of seeing it first hand.
Hopefully,
The Blonde will have the same one day!!!
One is always cold and the other is always hot.
One turns the heat up to a boiler room and the other turns down the temp to sub zero.
One likes wool blankets and the other likes feather duvets.
One runs around half naked during the day and goes full Boticelli late at night in her art room.
One drops his pants to retuck his shirt in the foyer.
One barks orders at his wife and the other barks orders at me.
One like to be neat and the other likes chaotic clutter.
One steers the car and the other is a backseat driver.
One stays up late and the other rises early.
One swipes my bath towels for the laundry and the other swipes my toilet paper when she runs out.
One messes up the kitchen and the other one bitches about cleaning it.
One can't live with out the other and the other can't live without him.
Its as symbiotic as love gets after 50 years of being together and I have the distinct privilege of seeing it first hand.
Hopefully,
The Blonde will have the same one day!!!
3.27.2009
No Right Turn
I have a 1995 jaguar vanden plas, She is black, sleek, gorgeous and can't make right turns on account of the steering rack is shot all to heck and back. If you do make a right turn it can not be sharp and you have to straighten the wheel immediately before the steering fluid has a chance to leak out completely.
I have found a way to get around town without having to make right hand turns, which I think for Blonde, is quite an extraordinary feet. My preferred gas stations are all on the left hand side of the road. My grocery stores, dry cleaner and drug store are all left hand turns with large spaces to circle to the left to get back on the road.
I even plan my weekend evenings out and what bars and restaurants to attend based on my ability to travel left way. Even the valets dowtown know my cars plight and work around the left for me. they also know a jackson will hit their palm if i don;t hear screeching from an empty steering pump.
Its almost like writing a book without the letter E. The book Gadsby ( not to be confused with the 'Great Gatsby') is a 50,000 word novel written by Ernest Vincent Wright, without once using the the letter 'E'.
I am calculating my mileage and I think I can drive for at least another 2,000 miles without turning right, because quite frankly that is how long it will take to find a replacement steering rack under $2 grand.
I could give up my car and buy a new one but quite frankly I love her. She rides like glass and no one would put up with her idiosyncrasies the way I do. We are both a bit high maintenance and have worked out our differences. The other day, just to be nice, she actually lighted the stereo and clock for me out of the blue.
She hasn't done that since last year.
And when I wash her, she actually allows me to play the CD player for a few days before going on the fritz.
She has 129,000 miles on her but she is a Tuesday car. A Tuesday car is the one that will always be true to you. If you look on the inside of the door and you will see the code that can be looked up on the web to see what day it was built. Never buy a Monday car, because the workers are hungover from the weekend, and never, never buy a car built on Friday, because the workers at the plant have already checked out mentally way before they punch the time sheet.
Since I am Blonde and go for style more than function, I have to be careful when picking out my cars but I am not.
My Triumph was definitely a Friday car and she was in love with my mechanic, she spent more time with him than me. The Range Rover was a bit dodgy being a Thursday car, it hated red lights and would kill its engine in disgust ay every one.
My Saab convertible is a Wendesday car. She is unhappy that fat Sophie uses her canvas top as a hammock and now refuses to go down without a bit of a shove. I don't drive her because Boo took her off to college to impress the other girls.
God just puts these cars somewhere with a sale sign in the window and I fall in love at first sight. It has been that way for all my cars and I always hold on to them longer than I should.
But what can I say.
The Blonde is a romantic at heart!!
3.26.2009
Blonde Momment 473
I was running late to meet the Captain for margs.
I got in my car, started it up, and pulled out of the driveway.
All of the sudden, I saw smoke surrounding my car.
Great, just frecking great!!
My engine blew!!
As a tallied around to the corner to go back into the driveway, I noticed the smoke was all over the road!
It was precipitation; also known as dew, fog, vapors, and the smokey stuff that ruins a blonde's hairstyle!!
Fine!!!
I admit, I am not perfect, while alive.
But, I am still holding out for the saint dooh-hickey award thingy from the pope when I croak.
The Blonde was in a fog!!!
But only briefly!!
I got in my car, started it up, and pulled out of the driveway.
All of the sudden, I saw smoke surrounding my car.
Great, just frecking great!!
My engine blew!!
As a tallied around to the corner to go back into the driveway, I noticed the smoke was all over the road!
It was precipitation; also known as dew, fog, vapors, and the smokey stuff that ruins a blonde's hairstyle!!
Fine!!!
I admit, I am not perfect, while alive.
But, I am still holding out for the saint dooh-hickey award thingy from the pope when I croak.
The Blonde was in a fog!!!
But only briefly!!
3.24.2009
I Am Offically Reformed
but unofficially, after 6 hours of driver's rehab online, I am going back to my old habits. I guess I don't feel my minor law infractions warrant a full sobriety from speeding. I rarely go over 4, 5, OK...maybe 10 in the city....but I only hit 15 over signage on the highway during really long trips. But in my defense, this is Texas, there is a lot of ugly country and roadkill to speed through on my way to a city landscape.
I missed 4 questions on the video part because I didn't bother to watch the videos and the trick questions got me. I missed only two on the written part, but again I didn't bother to read that either.
I already know the law.
How else would I know when to dart my eyes around looking for the boys in blue before I break one?
Duh!!
I will have to say, I am amazed how the test actually validated me as a considerate and more than decent driver. I passed my driving rehab with flying colors.
Where is my key chain?!!
And now that I know I am a reborn again and a better driver than everyone else, I want to host intervention parties for the zillions of people that refuse to admit they suck at road courtesy which by the way, made up for a third of the entire test.
Here is a little test to see if you need driver's anonymous:
Do you stop at the on ramp because you can't accelerate and navigate, at the same time, to get on the highway?
Do you play secret traffic cop driving the speed limit in the left left lane and not allowing others to pass?
Do you put the cell phone to your ear before shifting in reverse out of your parking space?
Don't even think about saying, "NO" you liar!!
I am no saint, but the Pope should think about making me one after this test!!
I'm kidding!
I cant be a saint until I am dead!!
And considering how bad most of the drivers I share the road with are....that title could come quicker than I want!!
(Excuse me while I knock on wood)
I will admit to one unsaintly act on the road"
I cut very inconsiderate drivers off! But only after they really, really, really deserved it.
Had they taken the time to check in their rear view mirror and realize tailgating is a polite form of saying get the @#$%@#$!! out of the left lane, you $#@$$%#&&*# , I would never need to pull my pedal punch. But as the christians say, "There is a devil, at ever corner, waiting to tempt you into sin."
I just didn't realize it meant, literally, every street corner!
Blondes don't like being driven crazy on the road!!
I missed 4 questions on the video part because I didn't bother to watch the videos and the trick questions got me. I missed only two on the written part, but again I didn't bother to read that either.
I already know the law.
How else would I know when to dart my eyes around looking for the boys in blue before I break one?
Duh!!
I will have to say, I am amazed how the test actually validated me as a considerate and more than decent driver. I passed my driving rehab with flying colors.
Where is my key chain?!!
And now that I know I am a reborn again and a better driver than everyone else, I want to host intervention parties for the zillions of people that refuse to admit they suck at road courtesy which by the way, made up for a third of the entire test.
Here is a little test to see if you need driver's anonymous:
Do you stop at the on ramp because you can't accelerate and navigate, at the same time, to get on the highway?
Do you play secret traffic cop driving the speed limit in the left left lane and not allowing others to pass?
Do you put the cell phone to your ear before shifting in reverse out of your parking space?
Don't even think about saying, "NO" you liar!!
I am no saint, but the Pope should think about making me one after this test!!
I'm kidding!
I cant be a saint until I am dead!!
And considering how bad most of the drivers I share the road with are....that title could come quicker than I want!!
(Excuse me while I knock on wood)
I will admit to one unsaintly act on the road"
I cut very inconsiderate drivers off! But only after they really, really, really deserved it.
Had they taken the time to check in their rear view mirror and realize tailgating is a polite form of saying get the @#$%@#$!! out of the left lane, you $#@$$%#&&*# , I would never need to pull my pedal punch. But as the christians say, "There is a devil, at ever corner, waiting to tempt you into sin."
I just didn't realize it meant, literally, every street corner!
Blondes don't like being driven crazy on the road!!
3.21.2009
Defensive Driving Online
I was snagged by a totally unfair speeding trap last year and ever since, I have been procrastinating to take my defensive driving course. But alas, my time has run out and I have to take my proverbial spanking before I take a beating in court for failure to deliver my certificate of authenticity as a reformed driver.
I might be in for some rocky road when navigating the test considering I make judgment calls to the law, when I feel it is not in my best interest to obey them. For instance, I believe its moronic to stay for an entire red light when I am the only car in sight, so after I have made a complete stop, evaluate safety conditions, and see no copper in sight , I go through the light. Afterward, I make peace with myself, justifying my decision based on the eco-friendly mindset that an idling car at 2 AM, when the atmosphere, in my time zone, is more susceptible to poisonous and unnecessary exhaust.
Anything I can do to help the planet, is in all our best interest.
I wonder if i can argue that in court, if I ever get caught?
Driving with a perfect license gets you kudos with no one but if you slide a bit on the law and get caught, you are rewarded with a 10% discount on your insurance when faxing them the safety course certificate minus the infraction ticket. Lets face it, no one takes the course unless they are forced into it.
At least I will be able to drink and drive my way through this long road to redemption.
The Blonde is in for a long haul!!
I might be in for some rocky road when navigating the test considering I make judgment calls to the law, when I feel it is not in my best interest to obey them. For instance, I believe its moronic to stay for an entire red light when I am the only car in sight, so after I have made a complete stop, evaluate safety conditions, and see no copper in sight , I go through the light. Afterward, I make peace with myself, justifying my decision based on the eco-friendly mindset that an idling car at 2 AM, when the atmosphere, in my time zone, is more susceptible to poisonous and unnecessary exhaust.
Anything I can do to help the planet, is in all our best interest.
I wonder if i can argue that in court, if I ever get caught?
Driving with a perfect license gets you kudos with no one but if you slide a bit on the law and get caught, you are rewarded with a 10% discount on your insurance when faxing them the safety course certificate minus the infraction ticket. Lets face it, no one takes the course unless they are forced into it.
At least I will be able to drink and drive my way through this long road to redemption.
The Blonde is in for a long haul!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)