Blonde wisdom for the male masses!!
Blondes may not be delicate little flowers but our egos are!
I have been blue about my looks. And the only reason I am blue is because of Dallas. I have heard one too many times how hot the Ex is. I am sure she is, so why slum with me?
My darling men,
Never!
Never!
Never!!
Never!
Never!
Never!!
Never, tell a blonde how hot another girl is, unless you back it up with...but your hotter.
I live in this wonderful fantasy world, where I think I am the hottest thing out there, and trying to convince me there is something better is only going to make my little blonde bangs, blow up into a little tantrum, telling you to...
"Go get her!"
If you don't think I am the bomb blond shell, then move on.
I realize their are hotter chicks than me, but there shouldn't be any to my man. And if he does see something hotter, she better be a fantasy girl, movie star, or penthouse playmate.
And since Dallas has told me on numerous occasion that his Ex is so hot, I think he should get her back or at least get someone just as hot. Apparently, there is a girl in Houston better than me, too.
When I talk about my Ex's, I throw in things like they are bad in bed, or have nose hair growing out of one nostril. I am sure men would get their feelings hurt if I bragged about how much money the Ex had or that they were awesomely hung. but I don't. When you begin a relationship comparing yourself to someone that you don't think you can ever fill their shoes, you get insecure about yourself and that is never going to bring a positive outcome to a relationship.
I think Dallas should go after exactly what he wants, after all, he is a terrific guy, and terrific guys deserve everything they want.
I still want Dallas guy and it sucks to have to find a replacement when I don't want to, but I don't want to make him miserable, or myself, because I have it in my head that I am not the perfect blonde.
Of course today, to make myself feel better, I have been playing with hair and make up and generally trying to get my game back on. I have been running around in my underwear telling myself, I am hot.
Someone out there is going to think I am the hottest thing he has ever been with, and that's the man I want.
Blondes have self esteem exercises to do!!
2.10.2009
2.07.2009
Burying the Blog with Big Girls
After Big Sis caught wind of my recent post, I caught flack for sharing BigDaddy's past time.
I refuse to delete on basis of literary integrity but I am not above a compromise so I am popping a quick post on top of it.
I recently caught site of Jessica Simpson's new figure. She is a big girl and while I don't have a problem with big curves, I do have a problem with her being a size 12 and thinking she can wear clothes meant for a size 2. She needs to take que from women who know how to wear big well.
African American women know how to wear big well. They know what style and fashion works well for them and more importantly they are confident about their size. White girls have no clue. Jessica looks like she should be the poster child for pretty trailer trash chicks. Take off the small girl clothes and go get some Big Mamma clothes.
I think Queen Latifa is one of the prettiest women out there and she wears here size well. I also love the fact that rather than losing weight for the sake of size, she promotes losing weight to be healthy. I realize everyone is built differently and I embrace all sizes as long as its a healthy size and you wear fashion well. I do exclude obesity from my argument...there is no excuse for out right hugeness and a blatant disrespect for the bod.
Jessica, you have to options: lose weight and keep your small size clothes; or lose the small size mentality and choose to live big in clothes that fit your new bod.
Blondes want every Blonde to look good!!
Enough Drama
Its time to make Momo laugh so I am going to embarrass her with a tid bit about BigDaddy.
I was up all last night trying to tweak BigDaddy's internet connection for faster streamlining of his videos. I would like to say he was streaming reruns of M.A.S.H. , for Momo's sake, but he wasn't. He was having trouble with his YouPorn and he asked me, his not so innocent, not so young daughter to fix the buffering time.
Big Daddy loves his porn and in his older gentile age, he is not shy about it.
I want him to have a happy homecoming and so I was busy working on it last night for him. I don't know exactly what video he was interested in but I am fairly certain I do not want to know.
Growing up, I used to peak at his Variations books. They were filled with erotic stories and after reading a page or two, my face would go red and I would laugh and carefully put the book back in the top left hand drawer under the sink counter.
Later on in his porn pursuit, he began amassing a large video collection in his closet. When Boo was in the house and old enough to be curious, that was his way of learning about the sexual side of life.
Than BigDaddy got cable and the Playboy channels kept his interest but he was always dissappointed with the soft side of that cable channel. When I installed the internet for him and Momo, Big Daddy discovered internet porn, and knowing I was a hacker, he would ask me for the codes and sites to watch for free. I gladly gave it to him.
Now with YouPorn, BigDaddy watches free as a bird and is now a seasoned and fearless master of porn, treading the masses of internet amatuer sites, when Momo goes to bed.
When Boo came home last night to see BigDaddy, he asked me what I was doing. Being from a family that is open and honest about everything, I told him exactly what I was up to. Boo is a bit more reserved than the rest of us but he is still young and has the good sense to be embarrassed abut things so I waited for his rolled eyed reaction but he didn't bat an eye.
He just grinned and said, "Guys love their Porn."
And we love BigDaddy.
BigDaddy is coming home next week and will be faced with the fact that he can't do many things but watching his porn won't be one of them.
The Blonde fixed his buffer!!
I was up all last night trying to tweak BigDaddy's internet connection for faster streamlining of his videos. I would like to say he was streaming reruns of M.A.S.H. , for Momo's sake, but he wasn't. He was having trouble with his YouPorn and he asked me, his not so innocent, not so young daughter to fix the buffering time.
Big Daddy loves his porn and in his older gentile age, he is not shy about it.
I want him to have a happy homecoming and so I was busy working on it last night for him. I don't know exactly what video he was interested in but I am fairly certain I do not want to know.
Growing up, I used to peak at his Variations books. They were filled with erotic stories and after reading a page or two, my face would go red and I would laugh and carefully put the book back in the top left hand drawer under the sink counter.
Later on in his porn pursuit, he began amassing a large video collection in his closet. When Boo was in the house and old enough to be curious, that was his way of learning about the sexual side of life.
Than BigDaddy got cable and the Playboy channels kept his interest but he was always dissappointed with the soft side of that cable channel. When I installed the internet for him and Momo, Big Daddy discovered internet porn, and knowing I was a hacker, he would ask me for the codes and sites to watch for free. I gladly gave it to him.
Now with YouPorn, BigDaddy watches free as a bird and is now a seasoned and fearless master of porn, treading the masses of internet amatuer sites, when Momo goes to bed.
When Boo came home last night to see BigDaddy, he asked me what I was doing. Being from a family that is open and honest about everything, I told him exactly what I was up to. Boo is a bit more reserved than the rest of us but he is still young and has the good sense to be embarrassed abut things so I waited for his rolled eyed reaction but he didn't bat an eye.
He just grinned and said, "Guys love their Porn."
And we love BigDaddy.
BigDaddy is coming home next week and will be faced with the fact that he can't do many things but watching his porn won't be one of them.
The Blonde fixed his buffer!!
Oh Lord
Here comes the family!
You know the real pain in knowing someone is ill, is in the family dynamics that accompanies this knowledge. All of the sudden everyone goes into crisis mode. When slapped in the face with someone's life span coming to a close, we can't help but look at the bruise of our own mortality in the mirror and the rationalities we have been making for our own lives.
Holy Cow!!
Here comes everyone trying to resolve everything.
Dear family,
Chill out.
Don't be coming here with a heap of remorse about anything you have ever done. For Christ sakes we all know each other way too well to ever hold each others issues as personal attack against one another.
We are an emotional family.
We have issues.
We have complaints.
We have arguments.
That is who we are.
But we also love each other so much that it hurts us when one of us is hurting.
I don't want anyone hurting so I am going to spare you the emotional turmoil that you like to whip up in drama time by asking you to ask yourself one simple little, itty, bitty question.
Do you love your family?
Yes!!
Yes you do!!
That is all you need to ask yourself.
That is all you need to know to resolve past issues that are old plays and need not to find a new stage.
All this ridiculousness of thinking we didn't do enough to show our love is ridiculous. I know my family and yes, we are all, the biggest pain in the rears since the elephant began walking this earth, but we love each other for better or worse and there isn't anyone in our family that doesn't know that.
So when you come here, enjoy the fighting, the nit picking, the teasing, the laughing, the joking, the crying and most importantly enjoy the big glorious dysfunctional orgy that is our family.
Blondes can't wait for the fun to begin!!
You know the real pain in knowing someone is ill, is in the family dynamics that accompanies this knowledge. All of the sudden everyone goes into crisis mode. When slapped in the face with someone's life span coming to a close, we can't help but look at the bruise of our own mortality in the mirror and the rationalities we have been making for our own lives.
Holy Cow!!
Here comes everyone trying to resolve everything.
Dear family,
Chill out.
Don't be coming here with a heap of remorse about anything you have ever done. For Christ sakes we all know each other way too well to ever hold each others issues as personal attack against one another.
We are an emotional family.
We have issues.
We have complaints.
We have arguments.
That is who we are.
But we also love each other so much that it hurts us when one of us is hurting.
I don't want anyone hurting so I am going to spare you the emotional turmoil that you like to whip up in drama time by asking you to ask yourself one simple little, itty, bitty question.
Do you love your family?
Yes!!
Yes you do!!
That is all you need to ask yourself.
That is all you need to know to resolve past issues that are old plays and need not to find a new stage.
All this ridiculousness of thinking we didn't do enough to show our love is ridiculous. I know my family and yes, we are all, the biggest pain in the rears since the elephant began walking this earth, but we love each other for better or worse and there isn't anyone in our family that doesn't know that.
So when you come here, enjoy the fighting, the nit picking, the teasing, the laughing, the joking, the crying and most importantly enjoy the big glorious dysfunctional orgy that is our family.
Blondes can't wait for the fun to begin!!
2.06.2009
Big Blue Eyes
Did you know if you cry all day that you can make your eyes look like they have been beaten in by a rabid boxing kangaroo?
My eyes are so swollen and dark from rubbing them all day that I look like one of the Olsen twins on a cocaine binge.
Today, my number one goal is to get through it without crying. If I rub my eye sockets anymore, my eyeballs are going to pop out of my head and roll down the street to get away from my emotional wreck of a head.
I am going to fail miserably because I know I have to go with Momo and Boo to see Big Daddy today but my goal is to get to through the hospital's sliding doors before weeping like a willow.
The Blonde isn't seeing clearly!!!
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