Keeping cats off your furniture and your fresh laundry is like asking the pope to keep priests off the pulpit boys.
I have always found a water pistol my best friend when it came to teaching my babies that claws on Mummy’s new Italian leather sofa was a big No-No and could end up in having their fur and tails stripped from their bodies as punishment for such a crime.
Of course threats don't work with cats because they don't care what you want. They care what they want!
Now having joined ranks with a cool group of rag top owners a new problem has emerged. Miss Sophie and her 18 pounds of Twinkie defying acrobats has put a cat butt divot in my convertible top; and this we absolutely can not have!!
For Gah sakes she is puckering the top in. I think I have to kill her. I can’t give her away no one will have her. She eats the equivalent of three times her morbidly obese kitty cat poundage in canned food and she isn’t picky to her plate. She will eat as fast as she can and than move over to the other cat’s plates. Unleash her in an all you can eat buffet and she would bankrupt the eatery.
I thought keeping the top soaked with water would deter my little trailer park beauty feline queen…nope…I walk out to see a mash of white and pink fur all over my freshly washed top.
Seeing as I can’t be there to squirt her with my water pistol every time she warps my world, I have decided to take her to the spa and have her fur waxed off, tail chopped, and stomach sucked in to solve the problem. I don’t know, maybe to really teach her its not nice to ruin Mummy’s things, I will get her lips injected and put her in a beauty pageant in Beaumont.
I think she might actually have a chance of winning.
Blondes think beauty pageants are a crime!!
6.11.2008
Falling for my Boss
It has been an incredible week of blondeness and I was hoping it was over but unfortunately we still have until Friday.
We had an investors meeting this morning and I was sitting at my desk which is opposite the glass windows of the conference room. We have maybe one or two meetings a month and rarely this many people, but its a new project.
Anyhoo,
Being that I was bored at work and super surfed the internet highway all week, I changed my mouse to the left side of my desk to use the other hand, just because. The cable was stretched from top left of the desk to lower right attached to the pc tower. I was kicking my feet under the desk as I was moping around Myspace for new music and didn't realize the mouse cable had wrapped itself around the heel of my shoe.
Needless to say, I tried to get up for coffee and I tripped...
In slow motion!
My arms spread with eagle like wings trying to catch my balance.
My leg up in the air shaking violently to get the cord out from the heel...
Boom!!
Right
in
front
of
everyone!!
I, not so elegantly picked myself up, shook my head, dusted my pants, and before I could stop my mouth from connecting to my brain, I yelped.
"Fu--k!!"
I am fairly certain we had a room full of lip readers because when I finally did make eye contact with a few of them, there jaws had dropped half way down their big round bellies and they looked away quicker than a rabbit being chased by a snake.
C'est La Via!!
Blondes hate falling for ugly rich dudes!!
We had an investors meeting this morning and I was sitting at my desk which is opposite the glass windows of the conference room. We have maybe one or two meetings a month and rarely this many people, but its a new project.
Anyhoo,
Being that I was bored at work and super surfed the internet highway all week, I changed my mouse to the left side of my desk to use the other hand, just because. The cable was stretched from top left of the desk to lower right attached to the pc tower. I was kicking my feet under the desk as I was moping around Myspace for new music and didn't realize the mouse cable had wrapped itself around the heel of my shoe.
Needless to say, I tried to get up for coffee and I tripped...
In slow motion!
My arms spread with eagle like wings trying to catch my balance.
My leg up in the air shaking violently to get the cord out from the heel...
Boom!!
Right
in
front
of
everyone!!
I, not so elegantly picked myself up, shook my head, dusted my pants, and before I could stop my mouth from connecting to my brain, I yelped.
"Fu--k!!"
I am fairly certain we had a room full of lip readers because when I finally did make eye contact with a few of them, there jaws had dropped half way down their big round bellies and they looked away quicker than a rabbit being chased by a snake.
C'est La Via!!
Blondes hate falling for ugly rich dudes!!
Two Bits
makes a mean casserole?
She doesn't look old enough to be in the kitchen alone. I am speaking of the girl with the flower in her hair when you sign in at Match.com. She can't possibly be older than 14. Who are they advertising to, pedophiles? Of course after seeing some of those that winked at me....
Hhmmmmm
Another thing, I am sure I am not the only one who has noticed the ads for match.com as you log on to your Myspace account. Who are they supposedly looking at? It's too stupid.
Its guys sitting in front of there computer...
looking in the webcam
not talking
not typing
not doing anything but grinning and moving their stupid head around being stupid.
GEEZ!!
A retarded goat could come up with better advertising.
I must give Match.com credit for one thing. Making their ads as creepy as most of the peeps on their site is pure genius. Really lets you know who is out there...can you have one with a wedding ring and maybe a wife cooking eggs in the background of the ad. Or how about showing them scratching their leg underneath the home arrest device on their ankle.
My Match score card to date:
Non-membership profile up for 1 week
521 views I can't see
34 emails that I can't retrieve
27 winks with only 5 were cute
and one guy I like.
Match does open doors, I will give them that, you just have to be careful which one you walk through. I heard it said somewhere that dating is just breaking up until you find the right one. I kind of like that statement.
Besides what other option do you have? Its not like your frenemies are writing your phone number with a sharpie on the mens bathroom walls anymore.
Its a new world with new ways to find love!!
Blondes are happy with her odds!!
She doesn't look old enough to be in the kitchen alone. I am speaking of the girl with the flower in her hair when you sign in at Match.com. She can't possibly be older than 14. Who are they advertising to, pedophiles? Of course after seeing some of those that winked at me....
Hhmmmmm
Another thing, I am sure I am not the only one who has noticed the ads for match.com as you log on to your Myspace account. Who are they supposedly looking at? It's too stupid.
Its guys sitting in front of there computer...
looking in the webcam
not talking
not typing
not doing anything but grinning and moving their stupid head around being stupid.
GEEZ!!
A retarded goat could come up with better advertising.
I must give Match.com credit for one thing. Making their ads as creepy as most of the peeps on their site is pure genius. Really lets you know who is out there...can you have one with a wedding ring and maybe a wife cooking eggs in the background of the ad. Or how about showing them scratching their leg underneath the home arrest device on their ankle.
My Match score card to date:
Non-membership profile up for 1 week
521 views I can't see
34 emails that I can't retrieve
27 winks with only 5 were cute
and one guy I like.
Match does open doors, I will give them that, you just have to be careful which one you walk through. I heard it said somewhere that dating is just breaking up until you find the right one. I kind of like that statement.
Besides what other option do you have? Its not like your frenemies are writing your phone number with a sharpie on the mens bathroom walls anymore.
Its a new world with new ways to find love!!
Blondes are happy with her odds!!
6.10.2008
Body Parts
I needed a part for my Jaguar. After 6 auto part stores telling me the piece would have to be special ordered, I was getting very frustrated because I needed the part now. The guy at the sixth store asked me, "Does the Jaguar dealership not have one in stock?"
"Huh?!"
"The Jaguar dealership sells parts?!!"
So I tucked my blonde tail in between my legs and went to the dealership.
Hhmmmm
Now I wonder where can I get my hands on SAAB parts.
Blonde really need to work on thought process!!
"Huh?!"
"The Jaguar dealership sells parts?!!"
So I tucked my blonde tail in between my legs and went to the dealership.
Hhmmmm
Now I wonder where can I get my hands on SAAB parts.
Blonde really need to work on thought process!!
Big Toys
...go hand in hand with big boys!!
Range Rovers are cool but a gigantic Excursion with a lift kit is sooo much cooler!!
I like Range Rovers...I know lots of non-descript boringly successful people who drive them. I have actually been on a date with some of them.
All I can shout out is...
THERE IS NOTHING BETTER than a really fun guy who is confident enough with himself that he not only doesn't feel it necessary to follow the status quo but he can roll over them like they were pebbles in the street!!
I like being in a truck that can squash a Hummer like it was a bug on a windshield!!
I can't imagine anything more fun than pulling up to the front of Jeffreys and having to hop out in my little Bebe dress and heels making a grand entrance with this beast.
Getting on this thing and riding it...
Mmmmm, Mmmmm, Mmmmm
and the truck rides just as well!!
Anyhoo,
Blondies like great big dates!!
Range Rovers are cool but a gigantic Excursion with a lift kit is sooo much cooler!!
I like Range Rovers...I know lots of non-descript boringly successful people who drive them. I have actually been on a date with some of them.
All I can shout out is...
THERE IS NOTHING BETTER than a really fun guy who is confident enough with himself that he not only doesn't feel it necessary to follow the status quo but he can roll over them like they were pebbles in the street!!
I like being in a truck that can squash a Hummer like it was a bug on a windshield!!
I can't imagine anything more fun than pulling up to the front of Jeffreys and having to hop out in my little Bebe dress and heels making a grand entrance with this beast.
Getting on this thing and riding it...
Mmmmm, Mmmmm, Mmmmm
and the truck rides just as well!!
Anyhoo,
Blondies like great big dates!!
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