Mother Grinch

Like the Grinch who tries to steal Christmas from the Who's down in Who-ville by swiftly grabbing packages and stuffing them on his dog drawn sleigh.... so does my Mother’s need to pilfer the holiday goods out of packages sent to the house from friends.

In gypsy like stealthiness she answers the door, grab the box from the post man, and quickly tucks it behind the bird menagerie Christmas tree waiting for the moment when she is alone in the house, not a creature is stirring not even the crack cat's stuffed mouse and than....

She opens the package

She takes the candy she knows we like
and hides it away
than she leaves the candy we don't like
knowing it will stay

than she tosses out the name tags
claiming none were ever found

carefully peels away the wrapping paper
without making a sound

keeps what she likes
puts the rest back inside

thinking she is clever
she claims it just arrived

along with a swiss bank account..we think she runs a gift shop somewhere in Provence.

Blondes get a detailed packing list from friends and family now!!

Blonde Moment 138

I was making my payment to American Express. The payment was supposed to be for $130 and I accidently wrote it for a $1030.00.

Blondes hate fees attached to their moments!!

God is Free Y'all!!

The quickest way to make money these days is to open a ministry and teach the Gospel and charge $9.99 or whatever the going rate for God is these days.

My offices are next to the business office of the pastor of a newly formed ministry. The Pastors have no regard for the signs regarding parking, they are arrogant and rude and when you go to there website the only thing they preach is trying to convert more people.
There is no talk of helping communities, or the hungry or the poor...Nope Its just convert, convert, convert...

Oh yah!!! Did I tell you the offices are located in the higher end district in Austin while the church is on the East side smack in the middle of the lower income district.

Why can't they keep their offices with the church..hhhmmmmmm

Half these people who go to this church struggle everyday to put food on the table but these Pastors con the very grocery money out of their hands based on the bible and God's needs. I also tried to find who they serve in the community. Nobody, nothing, Nada...no hunger, no homeless, no charities do they affiliate themselves with what-so-ever.

They say on their website they are a cosmopolitan bible community..
What the hell is that?
They are about as country as country gets..Cosmopolitan on the East side of town..I don't think so...
There is no God in their office except for the one that lives on the dollar bill..

Save your money..God doesn't need it!!! and if you want to spend it..Give directly to the homeless ,the animal shelter, orphanages. Stop giving money in in the name of God..

Give your prayers, give your love but for God's sake stop giving these people money.


Blondes hate con artists that prey on faith!!!

Celebrity Cellulite

How would you like to be followed around and have your picture taken at the most unglamorous times in your life to reveal your cellulite and saggy stuff.
Even more fun..how about having your photos plastered over the internet so people who are bored can find entertainment and amusement at your less than lovely predicament.

...and how disgusting do I feel that I am looking at your photos going "Oh..My..God, that is bad!!"? Actually not very at all and I will tell you why.

As shallow as it is that I feel better about my body looking at others with worse flaws than me..I also came to the conclusion that the photos had other things that made me a little envious. If our focus is redirected to things that really matter in life we would see an entirely different picture.

In the photos..there is an ocean, a beautiful beach, there are lovers, and children, and friends...all the cellulite clad celebs were playing, holding hands, smiling, laughing and enjoying their life...

and the only one who seemed to be bothered by the cellulite and the sags and flab are the hate mongers who posted the comments.

Blondes rather be flawed on the outside than the inside!

Bill the Cow

Bill the Cow never found a smile
difficult to make
Even when times were tough
and everyone hard to take

No acts of kindness
could make him fit in
It did not matter
how nice he had been

Because he was different
they refused to be kind
and to his good nature
they remained blind

Bill always understood
why they carried this thought
It was not hatred for him
only the way they were taught

He had no choice
but change their mind
it takes courage
but that's hard to find

Bill never gave up
no matter the pain
through his fight
equality he would gain

Bill the cow would say:

think what you teach
into tiny ears
for they grow up
and carry on those fears

you are my sister
and you my brother
we really arent that different
Please,lets love each other

You don't have to be blonde to be kind!! Peace y'all

I’m Feeling Fat

And I know squeezing into a size two pushing the size four category isn't going to get me much sympathy. It's the fact that I can't drop the five pounds in three days like I used too. I could blame age but I refuse to admit I am maturing physically. Because I know it's not mental. My Mom is a great teacher of staying young at heart. My Dad too...as a matter of fact...

The other night my Dad was telling me to tale Marcus to a movie, or go out, or do something. Couldn't figure out why until we came home a bit too early...dear God!!

We were locked out of the house, had to keep ringing the doorbell and finally my Dad comes to the door in a towel...

"Uh"
"Oh, my Gah...Dad?!!"
"Dad?!!"
"What.. you were supposed to be away!!"
"Eww..Were going away"

In the car:
Laughing hysterically...

"Yeah it's funny to you; you're separated by a generation, this is going to haunt me"
"No, if you want to be haunted, unlock the chest in their closet"
"Oh my God!!"
"Uh, NO!!"
"I am so grossed out, and you, you are tainted for life, you will need some kind of therapy?!! I know I do"

hysterical laughing
more hysterical laughing

" Do you think its safe to go home now?"
"no, give them more time"
"oh my God, gross"

more laughing

"We should be so lucky..that after more than 40 years of marriage..They still get their groove on"
"Shut up"
" O.K...shutting up...hot wings or BBQ?"
"Chinese"
"Good idea, it takes longer"

Blondes shouldn't knock on the door so long!

Blonde Beauty Tip #8

When on a budget and can't afford lip injections but want plumpness for that one special affair..here is your tip.

First ice up your lip until its blue and you can feel nothing..than take a needle and prick your lip a couple of time just underneath the lip where scabbing can't be seen....it will swell and stay for at least two or three days depending on how deep you pricked.

For those who grow weak kneed at the site of blood...I suggest don't look in a mirror. be strong ladies for what is beauty without pain...feel good about yourself that you did not succumb to plastic surgery, you are a beauty warrior who lifts the head high as you head out plumped up and debt free.

If you can wax a bikini line you. you can do this.

Blondes have no boundaries when it comes to beauty!!

Blonde moment 65

I locked myself in the car..yes in the car

do I need to go on..I finally got out but damn it

Blondes dont have it easy!!