The Blonde loves to play ski bunny!!
1.16.2011
1.07.2011
New Year, New Ground 2011
Its the New year and a whole slew of new men to accomplish.
But I am looking for a particular man this time and the run of the mill man won't do.
I want the right age, the right look, the right lifestyle. 'Right' meaning that someone who will compliment me, be compatible with my lifestyle.
I am not going for men over a certain age. Quite frankly, men aren't holding up like Paul Newman did.
Seriously, look at the Baldwin band, Brad Pitt looks haggard from Jolie fatigue, and Johnyy Depp brings a whole new NO to face lifts.
Honestly, its gut galore on anyone over 50. No wonder women start looking at the wallet. The pudgier the wallet, the more slender the man may appear.
I guess its like the man version of getting boob implants. Women know their ass is spreading a little each year so to offset the poundage, they get bigger breasts to stay in proportion.
Men's guts get bigger every year and to offset there belly pudge, an even pudgier bank role will make their buddha glory seem slimmer.
I am also shaking off my skirt hem, the plethora of non-commital long distance booty calls I have cherished in the past. I have a law degree to obtain and due to a few out of town visits, my GPA grossed only a 3 .0 for the semester.
I can't have that.
So this spring semester, I am bringing on a mileage curfew. Only those willing to set up shop in Austin and visit me in Austin, will be granted face time and with any luck...new booty time with a committed minded soul.
The Blonde has limited hunting ground this year!!
But I am looking for a particular man this time and the run of the mill man won't do.
I want the right age, the right look, the right lifestyle. 'Right' meaning that someone who will compliment me, be compatible with my lifestyle.
I am not going for men over a certain age. Quite frankly, men aren't holding up like Paul Newman did.
Seriously, look at the Baldwin band, Brad Pitt looks haggard from Jolie fatigue, and Johnyy Depp brings a whole new NO to face lifts.
Honestly, its gut galore on anyone over 50. No wonder women start looking at the wallet. The pudgier the wallet, the more slender the man may appear.
I guess its like the man version of getting boob implants. Women know their ass is spreading a little each year so to offset the poundage, they get bigger breasts to stay in proportion.
Men's guts get bigger every year and to offset there belly pudge, an even pudgier bank role will make their buddha glory seem slimmer.
I am also shaking off my skirt hem, the plethora of non-commital long distance booty calls I have cherished in the past. I have a law degree to obtain and due to a few out of town visits, my GPA grossed only a 3 .0 for the semester.
I can't have that.
So this spring semester, I am bringing on a mileage curfew. Only those willing to set up shop in Austin and visit me in Austin, will be granted face time and with any luck...new booty time with a committed minded soul.
The Blonde has limited hunting ground this year!!
12.31.2010
HAPPY F$#@&**N NEW YEARS!!
Party until your panties drop but don't take that drink on the road.
The life you save might be a Blondes.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
12.19.2010
The Pretty Cookies
...are not for me!!
Nope!
Treated like the unwanted stepchild left over from a second marriage, I was told to eat only the horribly disfigured mutant cookies.
It would be one thing if the cookies were for guests or for presents but nope, they are just there to look pretty in the cookie jar.
Eventually the cookie jar will disappear as my Mother systematically tries to hide the pretty cookies still assuming we fall for her holiday scams.
When asked where the pretty cookies went...she will simply say that they are for freinds and she needs to pack them and mail them.
Of course the undisclosed location is for their safety...right!!
The pretty cookies will never get mailed.
They will however show up in cars and bedrooms as little crumbs of there former cookie self.
I am so used to the Christmas scam that I didn't even blink an eye when I asked for a gingerbread house which disappeared right after she gave me a laundry list of fake people she is giving them too.
I have know idea where the ginger houses disappeared too but seeing as they will be difficult for Mo' to consume the entire gingerbread hood before spring....
...the ant trail will eventually clue me in after the turn of the New Year!!
The Blonde is keeping with tradition!!
Nope!
Treated like the unwanted stepchild left over from a second marriage, I was told to eat only the horribly disfigured mutant cookies.
It would be one thing if the cookies were for guests or for presents but nope, they are just there to look pretty in the cookie jar.
Eventually the cookie jar will disappear as my Mother systematically tries to hide the pretty cookies still assuming we fall for her holiday scams.
When asked where the pretty cookies went...she will simply say that they are for freinds and she needs to pack them and mail them.
Of course the undisclosed location is for their safety...right!!
The pretty cookies will never get mailed.
They will however show up in cars and bedrooms as little crumbs of there former cookie self.
I am so used to the Christmas scam that I didn't even blink an eye when I asked for a gingerbread house which disappeared right after she gave me a laundry list of fake people she is giving them too.
I have know idea where the ginger houses disappeared too but seeing as they will be difficult for Mo' to consume the entire gingerbread hood before spring....
...the ant trail will eventually clue me in after the turn of the New Year!!
The Blonde is keeping with tradition!!
12.15.2010
What Flatulence!!
I went to Neiman Marcus to pick out some christmas favors and low and behold did to my wandering nose appear?
Making my eyes water up as if they caught winter wonderdust?
Someone ripped a huge one in between the glass entry way of the store letting the sun bake in and heat the odor to a remarkably potent stench.
Open the second glass doors and the waft of perfume mixed with the fartabulous that almost brought me to my knees!!
What the F?
For fart that is..
What kind of jack arse does this sort of thing?
I can only think of one and duh, wouldn;t you know..it would be someone I went out with.
We went to the Celtics / Lakers game and in the elevator crammed full of body heat, he rips a silencer.
I knew it was him even if his face stayed plain as day. After all, he was my date.
Who else would be such a putz?
Anyhoo,
I left Neimans unable to take the vibrant mix of holiday arse spirits.
The Blonde hopes this season you keep your hot air to yourself!!!
Making my eyes water up as if they caught winter wonderdust?
Someone ripped a huge one in between the glass entry way of the store letting the sun bake in and heat the odor to a remarkably potent stench.
Open the second glass doors and the waft of perfume mixed with the fartabulous that almost brought me to my knees!!
What the F?
For fart that is..
What kind of jack arse does this sort of thing?
I can only think of one and duh, wouldn;t you know..it would be someone I went out with.
We went to the Celtics / Lakers game and in the elevator crammed full of body heat, he rips a silencer.
I knew it was him even if his face stayed plain as day. After all, he was my date.
Who else would be such a putz?
Anyhoo,
I left Neimans unable to take the vibrant mix of holiday arse spirits.
The Blonde hopes this season you keep your hot air to yourself!!!
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