Essential Oils

Oh yes!!

Rub it on!

Rub it in

Yes

Yes, Yes, Yes!!!!

Oh that feels good!!!!!

More!!

Oh, ohhhhh....


I have been rubbing essential oils on me to keep the allergies away and surprisingly enough, they really work.


Peppermint oil rubbed on my neck keeps headaches away.

Chamomile oil rubbed all over my body helps sensitive skin.

Lavender on a cotton puff, gently rubbed on my eyelids stops the itching.


Now all I need is a beach, a man, and a mai tai!!!

Of course, with all this yummy flavored oil on my skin, I could be stuffed, skewered and twisted on a pit and made into a tasty treat to be served up at a private luau for the right guy with the right bungalow!!


Blondes are really slick!!

Slick Willies

Last night I had a date with Bird. I call him Bird because his hair is really fine and sticks out like down on a baby duck. It is really cute the way he tries to pat it down.

Anyhoo,

Bird took me to a pool hall.

Yes, a pool hall!

Surprisingly, it was a lot of fun. I felt like I had played this kind of game before.

Hhmmmm....


How to play pool:

Have a few drinks

bend over

spread your legs

poke your rear up

hold the stick

smoothly stroke the stick

smack the ball

balls go in and out of the hole

do this several times until your tired

then have one more drink

talk for a bit

and then go home.



Blondes like playing with men!!

Private Matters

I know I write about many of my dating escapades and for some gentlemen that might be a worrisome proposition, but they need not be so concerned. I offer the moratorium contract to el finito bonds. I have no intention of burning bridges and racking up a super sized tab of bad karma.

No one wants to be splattered on someone's diaretic (diary-therapy) blog and there are always two truths to the stories and the reality in between. I hate girls that rant about bad relationships, as if they had no participation in the matter. Doesn't it get a bit old to play the helpless victim routine. If someone treats you like a dish rag and are able to identify the situation well enough to write in explicit detail about it, than aren't you a total tool yourself for staying at the table washing up the slop you so clearly can see?!!

I wait at least 3 months before writing about past affairs out of respect for the relationship and to give me time to dissect my part in the plot. No matter how awry it went...in the beginning it was good and whomever I was with will be a faded but never too distant memory and I would like to think it wasn't all a hideous waste of time. I am certainly not going to trash anyone who was there for me. I will tell it like I see it but names, dates, and location are hidden well beneath the radar. I write the lesson in the story not the fault or blame.

Some affairs I never write about. After all, my Mother reads my blog. I can't have her thinking I am not the total lady, that she raised me to be, at all times!

Hi Mom...just kidding...you know I am innocent!!


And the rest of you are reading...

this way...

Keep reading...

Now that were past the relationship disclaimer side of things, lets get into the nitty gritty of what is not covered under the bylaws of the blog:

Dates that fail to deliver their goods as pictured in the catalog!! Don't send a photo representing 20 years your junior or 20 lbs your lighter self and show up looking like Uncle Fester or Bob Barker. The light bulb will go off, and the price isn't right!!

Everything else is fair game!!!


Blondes are explicit!!

The Sweet and Sour of Arm Candy

Would you think it’s a special relationship if the guy said he would dump you if he ever had to beg for a blowjob? I am sure a man would find it special to get an 'on demand' oral, but to a Blonde, this kind of statement sums up the character of the man I was seeing and just how special he thought I was.

Arm Candy is expendable!!

He has told me numerous times to look internally at the fault of our break up and I have come to the conclusion that we were equally to blame for this train wreck. He asked me to move in so quickly that we really never had the time to get to know each other. I found myself in a stranger's house trying to make the best of it. I wrote most of the time, sipping a bottle of wine throughout the day and finding I really had no connection to this guy I just moved in with.

He spent the day downstairs working, napping off his zanax, and asking for command oral performances, whenever I walked in the room.

Arm Candy has no other purpose!!

I was playing a blind man’s sport to catch what mood he might be in anytime during the day and I felt as if I had to walk on eggshells throughout the whole affair. Anytime we had a conversation, he would inevitably misinterpret things I would say, so I became frustrated and I just ended up letting him believe it was all my error just to save the peace.

Arm Candy should not have original thoughts!!

He sent me home from a holiday just because I had the audacity to joke around that I was bored and lonely having to tour the town alone while he napped.

Arm Candy does not have the right to complain!!

He was a very serious man with little humor in him and my free spirited and flaky mouth seemed to irritate him. He had little tolerance for my personality or anything beyond my being pretty.

Arm candy should just sit and look sweet.

I learned a very valuable lesson the hard way. You cannot rush into a relationship and expect an easy transition into a long term commitment without having a full understanding of each other to be able to create a harmonious communion.

I also learned that being Arm Candy is hard to swallow!!

The Blonde will find the yin to her yang eventually!!

Shooting Blanks

By the forces of nature and Mother Nature herself, my creative energy has been zapped. I have stared blankly at this page for more than a hour trying to come up with something witty or profound to say.

I have so much on my mind that I can't think.

There just went another 10 minutes of staring at the blank page.

and another...

and another....


The Blonde needs to unload soon!!