I am not the elephant man!
I am not an animal!!
But I totally feel like a circus freak!
Since my asthma attack in front of the kanuck, I have not heard hide nor hair from him, other than to tell me how freaked it made him and he needs time...in an email reply.
I think he has had plenty of time to make me feel like a freak!
Dumping me off at the curb of the airport and never bothering to check on me is another pretty good indicator of where this time thing is going and I just don't see time and my kanuck headed in my direction any time soon.
I guess its best to give him the option out without feeling bad, so I did.
I can't sit here and cry in the center ring and hope for a great show. I need to pick my circus freakness up and hop back onto the trapeze and hit the dating arena again.
In time I will realize this had nothing to do with me or my asthma attack and everything to do with someone not ready to commit to what he said he wanted.
In the circus of love there are no safety nets and when you fall, you hit hard.
I have had a few breaks in my time but I am not scared to do it as many times as I need to until I get it right.
And even if swinging from the trapeze and falling wasn't my fault, the break hurts just as much.
In the end, what I have learned about love is that it is a freak of nature in itself and a lot of us are scared to accept it as it is. A grotesque form of emotions that we are afraid to face but want to see- sort of like the elephant man.
As long as their is a cage holding it in and us away from harm, we will look at it. But take away that sense of safety and put that freak boldly in our face and we want to run away or kill it.
I for one am not an animal.
I am not a freak.
I am just a Blonde looking for her other half of the trapeze show.
The Blonde will take the ring!!