Say Hello to My Little Friend

Say hello to aderal.

After turmoil over the fact I have so much to accomplish and not an ounce of sense in my brain, I reached for a little medicinal help. And although I was up all night long...

I am done!


I finished all 4 essays for my anthropology class.

I finished my essay for government.

And I finished my essay for mass communications.

And with any luck my resume will impress someone.

The only thing left to do is bag the hope of any future togetherness with Hubbell or anyone else for that matter.

The Blonde is retiring solo!

Brain Lock

I have a hard time concentrating lately. My mind wanders to thinking about how my life was supposed to be and what my life has actually been.

On the eve before I leave for my New York trip, I have to finish 4 essays for anthropology and find it an utter bore. I have to write an essay on the intrusion of political figures lives and I am benevolent. I have to write an essay on a BBC program that featured to journalists who report on the war in the middle east and I am inspired. I have to study for french class and have trouble with retaining what I learned from the last class. And I have to continue plugging away at the job market without losing hope.

On top of it all, I am lonely. I haven't had a relationship in a long time and it is wearing on me like a wet sweater. I am all mangled up inside.

I can't concentrate on all the above mentioned because I am too busy thinking of how my life is passing me by and all the hopes and dreams I had about love and marriage are slowly diminishing. One day I am going to look in the mirror and be this sad and single creature who eats ice cream in bed wrapped up in a light blue snuggy with the cats kneeding my hair into a rastafarian, dreadlock motif.

All of my cognitive abilities are full throttle in the direction of dealing with rejection that I can't bare to spend one synapsis on the rest of my life at the moment.

I am not a freak.

I am not the elephant man.

I am more than a side attraction.

I am

I am

I am in the circus cage of unrequited love

with my face pressed against the iron bars

while the fat lady sings to the object of my affection.

The Blonde needs the key!

Sleepless In Seattle

has been running on television all weekend and I have been watching it all weekend. Its one of those movies that you can watch over and over and still reach for the hanky box.

My favorite part is how Sam talks about his wife and how great he had it at least for awhile. I think we all have had it great for awhile somewhere in our past. And its those memories that make us long for a partner to make us feel like that again.

Today its grey and cold and thoughts of having someone next to my side fills my head. The best I can do is with my bed hogging cats and the romantic movie marathon on the E channel.

In a few days I will be headed to New York to see yet another internet date - turned friend. I love New York and visiting makes me happy even if no one will be waiting for me at the top of the Empire States building on Valentine's Day.

That is the problem with internet date - turn friends. You spend a great time with them but when its over you have to ask yourself, "If we are so great together, why aren't we together?"

I go back and forth on this thought and for now....

I am beginning to feel like Kate from 'The Way We Were'. All my men have become Hubbell and I have to watch them ride off in the car with the betty brunette they chose over me.

Maybe its not the greatest idea to spend time with someone that passed you over but than I think, it is far better to spend time, with at least someone, than to be alone with a flatulent cat and a tub of sugar free cool whip in front of the tele tube thinking about being the simple and lovely girl my Hubbell is seeing.

The Blonde doesn't want to roll over!

Love Sucks

Just have Sex!!!

That's all anyone wants anymore anyway!

The Blonde!!!

Biting the Big Apple

Who am I kidding?

I can't look for love.

It is too hard freaking hard.

I give up!

I am utterly without game anymore. I need some serious ego stroking. I am going to New York to do just that. It helps that Raine is super sweet and knows exactly when I can use some friendly nuzzle time.

I guess I was all wrapped up in finding the man of my dreams that I forgot I have quality men of my reality ready to lend me a hug any time I need.

I don't care how long the fat lady sings!

I am over Love!

I just need to find a way to get over the idea of love than just moping around. I need to just fill my days with familiar faces, fun places and some serious shoe shopping!

The Blonde needs to feed her soul!