7.14.2008
Not Another Blonde Moment!!!
Miss USA 2008
Miss USA 2007
Brunettie Betties sat on a wall
Brunettie Betties had a great fall...
and the Blonde had fun chuckling at it all.
Importance of Being Earnest...
or at least the importance of using proper table manners as a way to get the date off to a good solid start.
I happened to be in Chicago this weekend for a writers workshop at Second City. While I was there I wanted to play around downtown. Shopping and running around the beach are not occasions where a play date is absolutely necessary but for dinner, I require company.
Its far too depressing to think I would have to eat alone, ordering room service while I am trying to enjoy a new city.
Alas, I chose poorly and was stuck with a bafoon. I was sitting literally across from a neo-paleontological humanoid who wouldn't use manners even if I cracked his cromagnum sized brain with a cave stick.
Apparently, driving a Maserati gives this phleeb a license to put his foot on the bench of the booth, be a bit arrogant to others, and talk about double D's being his preferred size but that I would do.
DO?!
DO, what you freak?!!
Check pleez!!!
He was insulted that I couldn't understand his words through the half chomped bites of steak in his mouth.
Huh?!
Huh?!
Aren't you listening to me?!
No, I actually tuned you out after the part about Barbie dolls and the fact that I am now mesmerized by the part of potato that left your mouth at warp speed and lodged itself in between the crevices on the stem of your water goblet.
I am sorry but if you have failed to master the simple task of proper eating habits. I can just assume, if we found ourselves in some sort of shared living arrangement, you would find it with in your comfort zone to speak to me whilst on the lu or try to grab my arse in public.
We don't do that!!
Nope!!
Nor do we talk with our mouths full!!
..and if you thought I was finished...
OH NO!!!
You would think that it wasn't necessary to specify in your conversation that smoking Mary Jane while driving me back to the Westin would be another no-no!!
But apparently, again, quite in the comfort zone of this guy!!
In a moment of this type of desperation, a stinky mini-van taxi would have felt like a Bentley.
Disgusted and maybe somewhat stoned, I found a new fondness for room-service. Run a hot tub, order a bottle of wine, put on the stereo, listen to Billy Holiday sing you the blues all the while smiling because you just made it to he-- and back without a scratch.
Thank Gah!!
Blondes don't befriend beasts of burdens!!
I happened to be in Chicago this weekend for a writers workshop at Second City. While I was there I wanted to play around downtown. Shopping and running around the beach are not occasions where a play date is absolutely necessary but for dinner, I require company.
Its far too depressing to think I would have to eat alone, ordering room service while I am trying to enjoy a new city.
Alas, I chose poorly and was stuck with a bafoon. I was sitting literally across from a neo-paleontological humanoid who wouldn't use manners even if I cracked his cromagnum sized brain with a cave stick.
Apparently, driving a Maserati gives this phleeb a license to put his foot on the bench of the booth, be a bit arrogant to others, and talk about double D's being his preferred size but that I would do.
DO?!
DO, what you freak?!!
Check pleez!!!
He was insulted that I couldn't understand his words through the half chomped bites of steak in his mouth.
Huh?!
Huh?!
Aren't you listening to me?!
No, I actually tuned you out after the part about Barbie dolls and the fact that I am now mesmerized by the part of potato that left your mouth at warp speed and lodged itself in between the crevices on the stem of your water goblet.
I am sorry but if you have failed to master the simple task of proper eating habits. I can just assume, if we found ourselves in some sort of shared living arrangement, you would find it with in your comfort zone to speak to me whilst on the lu or try to grab my arse in public.
We don't do that!!
Nope!!
Nor do we talk with our mouths full!!
..and if you thought I was finished...
OH NO!!!
You would think that it wasn't necessary to specify in your conversation that smoking Mary Jane while driving me back to the Westin would be another no-no!!
But apparently, again, quite in the comfort zone of this guy!!
In a moment of this type of desperation, a stinky mini-van taxi would have felt like a Bentley.
Disgusted and maybe somewhat stoned, I found a new fondness for room-service. Run a hot tub, order a bottle of wine, put on the stereo, listen to Billy Holiday sing you the blues all the while smiling because you just made it to he-- and back without a scratch.
Thank Gah!!
Blondes don't befriend beasts of burdens!!
7.10.2008
Politics and Port-a-Potties
both stink.....
I slept with all the candidates after each one promised to be the best lay I ever had.
Promises
Promises
Promises
Hillary sucked at oral
John had no rhythm
and
Barack didn't know what to do with his hands
No way I am getting an orgasm out of any of these guys. The only way for this Blonde to achieve a political climax is to put fresh batteries in a vibrator and call it a day!!
So why on earth would I want to end my evening talking about a bunch of bad lays.
I have more important issues to deal with in this country, such as getting a bill passed that port-a-potties at live music venues should be required to have hand sanitizer!!
Blondes wash their hands of the whole affair!!!
I slept with all the candidates after each one promised to be the best lay I ever had.
Promises
Promises
Promises
Hillary sucked at oral
John had no rhythm
and
Barack didn't know what to do with his hands
No way I am getting an orgasm out of any of these guys. The only way for this Blonde to achieve a political climax is to put fresh batteries in a vibrator and call it a day!!
So why on earth would I want to end my evening talking about a bunch of bad lays.
I have more important issues to deal with in this country, such as getting a bill passed that port-a-potties at live music venues should be required to have hand sanitizer!!
Blondes wash their hands of the whole affair!!!
7.08.2008
Impossibly Possum
My pets have a pet.
Those freak felines brought a possum home and have been hiding it in the garage.
They have been feeding it leftovers.
On one hand I applaud their humanity, on the other hand, it is not at all pleasant a notion to find a rabid beast lurking near the food bowl.
I don't care how cute it is!!
Looking at me with those beady eyes!
Cats are not supposed to have pets!
I don't care what you do with him but he cannot stay here.
You can't have a pet!
Tell it to stop looking at me like that!
Stop it!!
Blondes are not animal control!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)