BTW

What the heck are those little mini hammer and screwdriver thing at the bottom of my blog.



Get off my blog!!!




Blondes don't know how to use tools!!!

Midnight Moves

Did you know steam dances?

Neither did I until I occupied a room, heated through water baseboards, in Aspen.



At night when all was sleeping

not even a mouse was peeping

the water began to dance!!

tap

tap

tap....tap....tap...

tap, tap, tap, tap, tap

tap

tap



tap


Turn off the heat so you can sleep.

It would seem the most simple thing to do.

Alas, turning off the heat
would not stop the dancing of the steam.

tap

tap

tap, tap, tap, tap, tap

tap
tap


My dear readers, for it was not our heat dancing in the night.

Twas the room above us!!

tap!


tap!


tap!


Blondes don't like dancing through their beauty sleep!!

Panic, Panic, Panic

...is a good thing...at least for me...and let's face..I am all I care about.

It is now much easier for me to invest my money. While stocks are plummeting...I can scoop them up like a fine set of pearls I found at the flea market.

Its like putting that fabulously expensive designer dress that I have to have on law-away. I can't wait till the pay-day comes and I can pick it up and go out in style again.

One person's loss is another persons gain, someone said once.

and when the gain is in my favor...

all the better!!




Blondes never panic!!

Entertaining Idea

Leave it to me to find a sale on breast augmentation.

You heard me...a SALE!!!

I you sign up before march 31st you can have both breasts implanted for the price of one!!


All sales final

No return policy

What is my size?!


Blondes shouldn't impulse purchase!!

More than Snowboard Lessons

Aspen has taught me not to skimp on plastic surgery!!

It has taught me to continue using my sunscreen!!

Sun damage is not attractive on anyone--male or female!!

Bad lip injections are just bad!!

At a certain age you need to stop with the faux tan!!


...and this is just from sitting at the Nell...



Blondes don't want to look like a cartoon!!

Only a Blonde

Would be so excited about her trip to Apsen for her very first snowboard lesson that she would dance like a whirling dervish on the edge of her bed and fall, breaking her ankle less than 12 hours away from Aspen time!!


Need I say more?!


The blonde is an idiot!!

Aspenlutely

I'm ... I'm ...leaving!!!

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside my door


But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn
The taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn


'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again



...for Aspen and I am sure I won't let the door hit my arse on the way out of Texas!!


I am going to bring home some souvenirs..so girls let me know what color you like...black, brunette, blonde or red!!!!


The Blonde will be shopping!!

I am still Saabing

I must recant. My Mother is not trying to kill me this week.


I am, however, still trying to diagnose my mysterious illness

I think its a combination of:


Car sickness-from looking at the new interior and playing with all the new buttons.

Wind whipped-I have kept the top down the entire time.

Allergies- everything in the air that hit me in the face while driving.



Basically, I have to get used to the rag-top.




Blondes don't like being dizzy!!

Killer Kraut

Don't tell my Mother your ill or you will find yourself being killed with kindness.

German homeopathic meds come in two forms..alcohol or candy.

Licorice candy in a medicinal looking container good for respiratory ailments. I have yet to witness its benefits.

There is a medicine she gives me for stomach ailments which is basically absynth or grappa that she soaks into a sugar cube. Even with the sugar cube it still tastes like rubbing alcohol


If your illness is a little more serious, she finds her way into the more than a dozen old prescription bottles that she never finished. I think they date back to 1999.

Which brings me to her killing spree...

It wasn't the mexican food that poisoned me..it was my Mother, again!

Only this time no tea!!

She gave me outdated medicine in the middle of the night to help me fight off an infection I got from traveling leaving me with symptoms mimicking the flu.


I have since recovered but still leary of Mom...



Blondes don't need enemies when they have family!!

Poisonous Thoughts

There is no way I am pregnant so...

I must have food poisoning or maybe my Mom is trying to kill me with her tea again.

Anytime I have a stomach ailment, I think I am pregnant, (happens a lot in November when allergy season hits me the worst) even if I haven't been with anyone for a really long time and/or dozens of crimson tides have rolled on by.

I just feels like I have morning sickness. Why can't I think I have the flu..maybe I am not so scared of the flu..that's why!!

Hhmmmm....

There must be a medical term for the condition I have; it has to be listed in some psychology journal of medicine and if not it should be. It is kind of a unique mental ailment, if you ask me.


Anyhoo,

I have felt horrible for days and days and I am pretty sure the culprit was the mexican food at Maudies..they always suck but at least they are consistent.

Come to think of it, I did drink my Mother's tea!!

I think its a mild case of botulism, in which case knowing that botox is made from it makes me think I will end up killing two birds with one stone:

fighting wrinkles from the inside out

and losing weight


Needless to say, I have even found something good in being poisoned!



The blonde likes finding needles in hay stacks!

Pouting over Pony

I am thoroughly disgusted with myself that I want these pony-haired boots.

I want them to go with my crocodile coat that I just bought.

Now I feel bad for the crocodile.

and what about the cow? I have tons of leather from cows!!

Oh my Gah...am I growing a conscience?


Lets see:


If I had the money for the boots..would I buy them?

Yes! but I would feel bad really bad about it.


Oh, my Gah! I think I am growing one of those conscience things.


Nah...it must be the flu.



Blondes try to be subjective !!

When life is the Pits

Make cherries....DUH!!!


I didn't get my cam

My new car is in the shop

and I have food poisoning!!



but if you look at it in a blonde light...



I will get a better camera later and the extra money bought me new clothes now!

The car notified me of repairs needed before the 30 day warranty expired!

and I lost a bunch of weight this week without even trying!


Blondes find the good in everything!!