I dropped my laptop and the C button went flying off into some unknown direction so I am having a hard time dealing with one of my alphabets on the loose.
How am I supposed to type numerous 'c' words, if I have to carefully hit some freaky nub without its grill?!
The Blonde will be back as soon as she finds that little 'c' !!
6.12.2009
6.03.2009
Bad Timing
Now I should know better than to drink a 10 oz carafe of saki and then mosey on over to a comedy club on a Tuesday. I am fairly certain if you are playing a gig during the earlier part of the week, you can't possibly be any good and the fact that my mouth was feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, not caring what anyone thinks if it decided to speak up in the middle of the show, it could have been a cocktail of heckling hell for the stage weary.
The MC was not funny
The first guy was even less funny
and
...the second guy, who was from Austin, was even less funny than the MC and the first guy, making him the head tool of the unfunny cadet club. And he had the audacity to get upset with me for cheering him on. All I said was.....
"Yeah!! Austin!!!
Woo hoo!!!
I am from Austin!!!
Yeah!!!!
Yah!!!
Woo!!!
Alright!!!
Yah!!
Apparently, the Austin comic wasn't a fan of 'Family Guy' and my impersanation of Peter Griffith wasn't funny to the less than fiunny gu. I think little ole me might have messed up his timing for the rest of his set. But in all fairness to the Blonde, if you get thrown because someone cheered for your hometown, you have more problems with your act than just timing. After that, I don;t recall the rest of his routine because I was too busy whispering loudly in Vaughn's ear about how bad the show was.
The third comedian was a chick with a gutter mouth. The only thing funny was the fact she hated Rachel Ray and she agreed with my yelp of Rachel being a 'glorified diner whore' who probably peddled more than just soup to get her own show.
It was all down hill
The comedians were sooooo bad that I wouldn't have been able to keep my mouth shut through any more and before it really got ugly with me entertaining myself with a few more vodka gimlets and a louder heckle job just to entertain myself ...we bailed.
I know it must take some real kahunas to get up on stage and try to juggle a routine that drops to the floor with a thud but comedy is one of those thangs that needs talent.
If ya ain't got it....cha ain't got it!
but Bless ya for trying.
Now get off the stage and get a real job!
The Blonde hates being bad!!
6.02.2009
I Heart Manhattan
...especially the garment district.I was head to toe in fabrics at Moods for half a day looking for organic fabrics for my bikini line. I got so excited about all the other fabrics around that I forgot to even look for burlap and bamboo cloth.
Oh well...gives me a reason to go back!!
I love New York in the spring when the weather is this gorgeous, I am outside enjoying the day. After buying up as much fabric that will fit in my suitcase, Vaughn (my NY go to guy) and I had lunch at an outside eatery in Westside park and talked about all sorts of fabulous things including 'me'. Afterward, we had a quick walk back to his place for a glass of vino and relaxation on the patio of his super digs on the Upper West side.
Now, I am busy wondering what club to swing on into as I play around in the night life of this fabulous jungle.
It is getting a little bit harder to leave each time I come here. I think I wouldn't mind being shipwrecked on this tiny island they call Manhattan. If I ever want off, I can steal a yacht and head for Monte Carlo.
The Blonde loves seaside villages!!
5.28.2009
Blonde Construction
I like working with my hands. It beats sitting on my arse all day in an office.
I rather work in my sweat shop, sewing burlap bikinis and repair decking for Big Daddy to avoid supplementing my writing income by doing white collar labor.
I know I did a decent job on the deck, not because my Dad fills me with praise but because he couldn't find anything to complain about the work. That is a huge compliment in Big Daddy's world.
All in all, its been an excellent day.
I can't take all the credit for the work. Boo did most of the demolition and hammering. I just cut the wood to fit using a 10" miter saw and some finagling with the uncooperative blade. The great thing about a blonde is that I don't know the limits of a tool and so I don't know any better when attempting a curve cut and make it work on a miter.
Don't try this yourself unless you have the arrogence to beat the odds of dropping a few finger tips during a cut.
After a hard days physical labor, I plunged my sample burlap bikini in the aqua blue to test the waters. I didn't hear any complaints about my bikini from Boo, so I take that as a compliment as well.
The Blonde will do what Mexicans say I don't want to do!!
5.26.2009
Blonde Recharge
Sometimes it feels good to just kiss the world goodbye for a few days and live in a cocoon. Some may call this depression. I on the other hand call it my mental spa days.
Now that my brain is rested and my retreat (aka. bed) is made, I know longer wonder why there is a quick ice button next to the cubed and crushed ice. I guess it takes longer to shape ice and quick ice is just what is available to the less picky frosty mouths.
I also remember to use the popcorn button on the nuke oven for unburnt popcorn.
And now that I am rested, I don't lock myself out of the house so many times and I finished unpacking for my trip to New York that I spent the other night getting ready for, before I printed out my itinerary to see that my trip is next week.
I also can remember to use my spell check during email replies.
All in all its beginning to look like a good week.
The Blonde has brain power, again!!
Now that my brain is rested and my retreat (aka. bed) is made, I know longer wonder why there is a quick ice button next to the cubed and crushed ice. I guess it takes longer to shape ice and quick ice is just what is available to the less picky frosty mouths.
I also remember to use the popcorn button on the nuke oven for unburnt popcorn.
And now that I am rested, I don't lock myself out of the house so many times and I finished unpacking for my trip to New York that I spent the other night getting ready for, before I printed out my itinerary to see that my trip is next week.
I also can remember to use my spell check during email replies.
All in all its beginning to look like a good week.
The Blonde has brain power, again!!
5.24.2009
5.23.2009
Fairy Tales and Blondes
I always believed in a blonde fairy tale. I always wanted two children; a boy and a girl. I also wanted a large house and lots of money. Never once did I figure a man, to love and to take care of me, in the original fairy tale.
Well, turns out I got most of my fairy tale; not all of it but enough to make me happy. I got the money and the house, but in much smaller proportions to what I once fantasized as a young girl. But than again I was a little girl and things seemed so much larger back then. And so, maybe I did get exactly what I wanted.
Like any good fairy tale someone must come along and try to take it all away.
And he did.
But unlike normal fairy tales, it wasn't the wicked witch who came to my door. It was a dashing Prince Charming and all his insecurities that whisked me away from my happy life.
My castle is gone, and my little boy, unlike Peter Pan, has grown up and left Never Neverland and I am living in a bedroom the size of a pumpkin trying to sew a life out of the last remnants of my days in a blonde's fairy after tale.
I sometimes cry in my room and talk to my cats. If they start talking back to me and finish sewing my bikinis, than I know I have gone off the deep end and lost all touch with reality.
So far so good.
I started to fantasize about the normal fairy tale with a knight in shining armor and a huge white steed carrying me off to his castle but unfortunately that ship has sunk with the Titanic after the blonde princess turned a certain age. The most I see on the horizon have been castles down sized to small condo, with room only for the children, rides booked up on the steed, child support payments, alimony, a chip on the knight's shoulder about women in general, and little left to give a blonde still looking for her real fairy tale.
I seem to be in a Cinderella nightmare where I can't wake up, working and cleaning for her scraps of left overs.
I don't mind a Prince Charming with children, after all the children were part of my fairy tale, just as long as he still has room in his castle for me.
But until that day, I think I am happiest living my original blonde fairy tale.
I may have to start off again in a tiny room, sewing my fingers to the bone, and talking to my cats, but at least I don't have to deal with someone else's unhappily ever after.
The Blonde will find her happy ever after, eventually!!
Well, turns out I got most of my fairy tale; not all of it but enough to make me happy. I got the money and the house, but in much smaller proportions to what I once fantasized as a young girl. But than again I was a little girl and things seemed so much larger back then. And so, maybe I did get exactly what I wanted.
Like any good fairy tale someone must come along and try to take it all away.
And he did.
But unlike normal fairy tales, it wasn't the wicked witch who came to my door. It was a dashing Prince Charming and all his insecurities that whisked me away from my happy life.
My castle is gone, and my little boy, unlike Peter Pan, has grown up and left Never Neverland and I am living in a bedroom the size of a pumpkin trying to sew a life out of the last remnants of my days in a blonde's fairy after tale.
I sometimes cry in my room and talk to my cats. If they start talking back to me and finish sewing my bikinis, than I know I have gone off the deep end and lost all touch with reality.
So far so good.
I started to fantasize about the normal fairy tale with a knight in shining armor and a huge white steed carrying me off to his castle but unfortunately that ship has sunk with the Titanic after the blonde princess turned a certain age. The most I see on the horizon have been castles down sized to small condo, with room only for the children, rides booked up on the steed, child support payments, alimony, a chip on the knight's shoulder about women in general, and little left to give a blonde still looking for her real fairy tale.
I seem to be in a Cinderella nightmare where I can't wake up, working and cleaning for her scraps of left overs.
I don't mind a Prince Charming with children, after all the children were part of my fairy tale, just as long as he still has room in his castle for me.
But until that day, I think I am happiest living my original blonde fairy tale.
I may have to start off again in a tiny room, sewing my fingers to the bone, and talking to my cats, but at least I don't have to deal with someone else's unhappily ever after.
The Blonde will find her happy ever after, eventually!!
5.19.2009
I Am Officially Brain Dead
Last night, while I was returning emails, I noticed I had become a blithering idiot.
I have been glued to this computer for more than two weeks writing, and working on my online eco friendly store front that has to replace the e-cig fiasco from a few months ago.
On top of that, I was trying to finish sewing a burlap bikini....don't ask!
To rest my weary head I am claiming this week, Blonde in a Bubble. I am shutting down the computer and the phone and just going for walks around the park and working on making bikinis that don't smell like sweaty horse when wet.
The Blondes Mind is gone!!
I have been glued to this computer for more than two weeks writing, and working on my online eco friendly store front that has to replace the e-cig fiasco from a few months ago.
On top of that, I was trying to finish sewing a burlap bikini....don't ask!
To rest my weary head I am claiming this week, Blonde in a Bubble. I am shutting down the computer and the phone and just going for walks around the park and working on making bikinis that don't smell like sweaty horse when wet.
The Blondes Mind is gone!!
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