4.27.2015

The Witching Hour

My favorite time of the day...or to the living your night.

This is when I come alive and begin my search for truth.....

The days I used to live...bad, worse but in some ways almost amazing...

and if you believe that, I have some swamp to sell you.

My dead is better than my past life

Oops...I have some freinds visiting me tonight...if you remember from a while ago my Bentley casket was confiscated in Europe...my new freinds have brought it back to me


so voila...


again tomorrow late at night when killing is easiest do I return

4.25.2015

Don't be Like me...Don't Let Life Be Your End




Don't forget to feed my fish...someone will have to when I go.....

Oh yes the undead have a choice to live and die just like you....only I know where my atoms will go

Even a Donkey Knows You Have to Save Yourself


One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.
As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!
MORAL :
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happens.
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less from people but more from yourself.

4.24.2015

Life Seems so Inevitable

Every night we go to bed crying and hoping for a better life. We think about dying until we re actually dead and then all we think of is what could have been.

But what could have been only exists in our fantasy. Life is what life is, right?

We were born under either a lucky star or one that was very unlucky.

The lucky ones have it so easy. 

For the unlucky ones, we cave to internal hate and disgust. We are too old to blame our parents, even though they are to blame for almost everything.

No child was ever born a bad child. No child was ever born lacking self esteem or confidence unless....

They stood alone when ever they were hurt.

And many of us were hurt. I am not alone and neither are you.

I have the freedom to write about this now because nothing shames me any more. Nothing hurts me any more.

But it stills hurts you. I hear the ache in your hearts as you try to fall asleep and all the world is coming down on you.

Where will you live? Where will you find food? Where will you find anyone to love you and take care of you before it is too late?

I would say one day it will be better but you know better than that.

So I will say good night and tomorrow will be another wretched day but keep the faith...at least your not dead like me....if you take a chance you could feel something.

Fight to feel or come to my side....no hunger, no taste, no thirst,no passion....no nothing other than games with people as my little rats





As a Little Girl Did you Ever feel Like this?




Let them all be caged!!!

Feed my fish...that is all I ask!

4.15.2015

The Undead have no sense of timing

nor a sense of reasoning or maybe we do....

what do I care what you humans think. You all are so self centered, it is almost ridiculous until I think that God does play with you like ants...he has the giant magnifying glass and hones in on almost anyone for no reason at all and can crush your world just for fun.

Do you find it funny to love a God that does not love you?

You can't love someone if you do not exist!

All you do to honor him is based on the words written by people who made him up and created his name to control you!

When you die...you die and your carcass disperses into millions of tiny atoms and those atoms will find others and reform and you will be reborn.

This is how our world works...one big bubble of a certain amount of atoms and they die and are born but they never change in number in the whole existence as we know it.

We are a bubble forever more!

I can't go anywhere...my atoms are locked here in some cruel fate. And so are yours!

So is my cat; only my cat knows he has other lives to live and he will come back to my son in one form or another.

Heaven is only a dream my friends and only few get to live it!

Life is best served living here, living now!





4.12.2015

My Cat Died

I knew he was dying. An undead can feel it. I felt it from far away and wanted to see him and my son. God I can't seem to recall the days, the months or the years I have been gone.

I just know I had to be there. Watching silently as a dog broke free from his leash and went after Goose.

I watched from afar as my Mother tried to fend off the beast with bush clipping spears. I watched the owner hold back her 80 lbs white dog, rabid with taste for my dying old cat as the brown dog, free from his leash took to tormenting my son's 20 year old cat that was hoping only for some peace and a little bit of sunlight before his impending death. An attack was never part of the plan.

I watched from afar as my son came to the house. I lingered outside without him knowing I was there. Being dead is being invisible, you can be wherever you want and no one sees you.

The pain of watching him relive another death crushed me and I was unable to comfort him. His heart was broken in two and his tears flooded the fur of his beloved cat as he whispered in his ear that it was OK to go. The cat trying to be so strong and brave trying to raise his head and my son's large hands coddling the delicate and small head of his once viking prince of a cat.

Crushed by forces...both my son and his prized beast....

and what do we get from the stupid woman who let her stupid 8 year old hold a leash of a beast twice her size?!

GUSTAF VALDIMIR BLACK CAT...HAIL THEE!!!!

I thought having an non-beating heart and ice cold veins could never undo me but tonight I have been undone.

Tonight I feel the rage again and tonight, I want to kill.....


Blindead by Blonde has some reckoning to attend too!  And fuck you dog owners...eye for an eye when a cat dies by their jaw!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


4.02.2015

I had Thoughts Today about Dying

It is not like I can not cease to exist; an undead can cease to exist....she just needs to set herself on fire and let every atom of her body evaporate into the circle of energy we call the earth system.

But I am not ready to cease existence. I want very much to stay here and watch over my son.

And while this is my most admirable pursuit and quite frankly the only one; I have some dark ones that I would like to continue to delve into.

These darker pursuits would be the bad men that we all know exist and many of us have had the unfortunate displeasure to run into. I do not mean to go all 'Thelma and Louise' on y'all but I think that story tells it all and offers up some true advice; that one gun shot can snuff out a bad man and stop the heartache for many women.

You can be so perfect and so sweet and that sweetness is resented by men. If you want to be with a good man than you need to be strong and unwilling to yield.

The bitches in this world get everything...the mouse scours the ground for little bits of whatever is left.

Do not be a mouse!!

I was a mouse once and it got me into many bad places where I coward in the corner. Now that I am undead, the fear is no longer with me and I can take my revenge.

I do not suggest you follow pursuit of my final hour but I do want you to live life and be well.

The first rule to gain control of men is knowing that you have the power. You have something they want and porn and hand jobs will not satisfy them. They need you and they want you and the more you make them wait and tease them....the more they will beg.

We were all young once and we inadvertently teased men without knowing how much power that held. Have we lost that now that we are a little older? Of course we have and do you know why?Because someone told you not to be a prick tease because guys don't like that. Guess what gender was spreading that gossip? One guess only, but I bet you do not get it wrong!

Being a prick tease is the very essence of your power over men. Read up on some famous french courtesans and see how much they acquired in their lifetime for being smart and strong and ignoring the rhetoric of men!!!

I will post some writing of the most famous courtesans in the world but for now, the movie 'Cheri' with Michelle Pfeiffer will get your studying started.

I will make sure before I go up in flames that I will rise like a phoenix and create stronger, better, smarter women who will break the men that think they have all the power over us.

Now, I have to go...it is a full moon tonight and I always enjoy killing one bad man in the moonlight.

Death only becomes the virtuous. Ahhh...guess that is why I remain undead!




4.01.2015

Are You Crazy if You Say So?

They say your are not crazy if you say you are. Am I?

I am crazy and saying it does not make me any less crazy.

Of course being dead makes it easier to say.

I guess the right statement is that I was crazy but now I am just undead.

I had a right to be crazy when I was alive. bad things happened to me from early on that just seemed to punish me my entire living life.

Now I can talk about it because nothing phases me anymore.

SO let me share why being undead is better than living.

I was young and made a stupid bet with some teens. They bet me that they could ride over me on their bikes and I would flinch. I was arrogant and said no I won't.

They said if I flinch, I had to get in the car with them. It was two teenage boys and one teenage girl.

Well, I did flinch and so I paid up on the bet. I was 7 and did not really know what the cost was until I got in the car.

To this day I do not remember past the teenage girl holding me down in the back...I draw a complete blank,,,but I do not think it was.....

Well, whatever it was, it was the catalyst to my demise and one I never did recover from.....

Being dead and being able to kill people without remorse must have something to do with that day.

I wasn't the only little girl who got stuck in a car but I was the only little girl who got to leave breathing.


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