I Am Finding the Light

...to the dark side of life. Welcome to the Trail of Lights, Austin, TX.

The Blonde always finds a way to brighten things up!!

Facing Demons

You know you its time to stop wallowing in self pity and get out of bed when you start seeing a dead warrior king in a wadded up t-shirt next to you.

The Blonde has an uphill battle!!

The Show Must Go On

Two Blondes attempting a knock, knock joke.

Knock, Knock?

Who's their?

Who?

Who, who?

Who, What?

What?

What?

Is the joke over?

When?

Now?

Now, what?

I don't know.

Blondes laugh in the face of adversity!!

Security Please!

If you read my blog, you will remember how I had the misfortune of losing my wiper just as the sleet began to fall in D-town and I could not drive to Austin until it settled.  I had to park my bum at the Palomar Hotel in Dallas and wait out the storm.  What I failed to mention in that story was the crazy man that had to be removed by security on my behalf.

First let me begin my story by telling you that this hotel rocks. The price I paid through hotels.com is shameful, considering the gift this hut was. My room welcomed me with little hints of nature, tempting my soul into a peaceful venture with a goldfish, I named Lu, to keep me company.

I wanted to see the rest of the Hotel and so I expedited myself to their watering hole next to the lobby. I brought a book as a silent display that I was not in the market for suitors.  I ordered my wine and cocked my head in all directions to see what the designers had dreamed up. The entire hotel is a sanctuary filled with harmonic furniture and and an earth tone pallet of color.

I sunk my nose into my book, and then I hear over the sounds of crickets and birds, a voice that did not belong to my digital Mother Nature but a man...

Ughhh

"What you reading?"

I would have preferred to be a biatch but the soothing sounds and zen like atmosphere had me off my game and...

I was nice! 

I was being polite and conversing with him. He offered to buy me another glass of wine but I refused and said I would prefer to pay for my own since I don't think my boyfriend would care very much for another man purchasing my vino for me. He then asked where was my boyfriend. At that moment, just as the words began to spill from my tongue, I relized I gave this gent the opening he needed to bother me further.

I should have said, "He is in the room, napping."

But, OHHH NOOO!!

I had to be an idiot and tell him my boyfriend was still in Santa Fe.

Great, give them an inch and they take the whole ball field. He kept asking questions and I kept diverting them with a smile and burying my face in my book. I finished my wine and asked for my bill and this jerk kept insisting on paying. I kept saying no, placed my cash in the bartenders hand, and left immediately for my room.

I was annoyed and tired and my precious hotel sanctuary became a battling ground of unwanted advances that I had to duck. The idiot followed me out. I became nervous and went to the front desk and asked for an escort to my room. The guy became a little belligerent saying there was no need for me to do that. 

There was no need for you to follow me out of the bar!!

Clearly there was reason but he didn't see it. I left him to argue with the hotel clerk as I quickly escaped to my room with security by my side. 

Once settled in the room, I began to cry. I was already emotional from undisclosed events in Santa Fe and all I needed was one more thing to go wrong-and it did-and I unleashed my tears before the security had time to close the door. He consoled me and later brought up a glass of wine for me.

I settled in for the night safe and sound with Lu. Lu didn't say much, after all he is a goldfish, but he kept me company at a time when I felt so alone in such an insecure world.

Blondes need a better defense mechanism!!

Another Blonde Moment

brought to you by my  blonde baby sister, Babs.

Baby Sis calls every evening to kill the hour it takes her to get home from work. 

We were chatting about the faciast news channel, you know the one, when in mid sentence she stopped talking.

"Uh, Babs?!"

"Oh, sorry...I just stepped on the brakes and my brain stopped thinking."

Blondes are everywhere...Beware!!

Blondeconomy

Seeing as we are already headed in the direction of a socialist democracy after the purchase of banks and automobile dealers, I say the government should really go for the gusto and by up healthcare.

I went to the Doctor this morning to deal with asthma and ADD. By the time I was finished with an asthma treatment (since I refuse steroid inhalers) and the purchases at my pharma-mob regulated Wallgreens, I was seriously out of pocket.  They even demanded the leftover lint from the dryer. I assured them I was not packing lint, but they made me rabbit ear my pockets anyway.

I am one of those millions who don't have health insurance.  I can't afford insurance any more than I can afford  the ridiculous robbery of the pill pushing bullys on the block.

They are trying to freeze out the over-the-counter inhaler competitors by claiming Primatene mist contains ozone depleting properties. If it does, what the heck is it doing to my lungs?

As for the Adderall, at $660 for a 3 month supply, I will only be able to use two months supply and ear mark the rest to sell to college kids at 20 a pop for mental enhancement during finals to make back some of my funds.

Oh Crap!!

I just missed university finals by one week-its OK, though-I hear high school kids are rocking their cerebellum this week for their final exams. I will just hang out at the local Tasty Freeze down the street and wait for lunch time.  The extra cash from pill peddling will help pay for the hike in my over-the-counter allergy pills that jumped in price by $7 this past year. 

America!!

We are strung up by our ankles, dangling in front of the pharma society as they thwack us with their money hungry bats like we were human pinatas stuffed with cash.

I don't mean to get on my high horse about this, but I have a clearer view sitting up here and I don't want to mess up my Frye boots wallowing in the pharma culture dung that is piling up around us.

The Blonde needs a healthy agenda!!

 

Poison Control

OK...technically, I might have ended up poisoning myself with nicotine. I am hopeful I will survive, but I will be on medical absence until late tomorrow. 

I am certain the MD will call me an idiot and send me home with a prescription for a tattoo that says:

"Warning, Blonde...use Extreme Caution"

The Blonde needs professional help!!

Oh Tenanbaum

Oh, Tenembaum

your slowly killing me...

Oh, Tenembaum

Your sticky sap has left its mark

and I am doomed to death by allergy...

Yeah!!

It's December and I am back in Austin, which means I am beginning my mutation from normal fun loving blond to that hideous creature with half massed eyes and puffy nose with itchy hair and a groggy voice.

To spice up the true flavor of the allergy season, I bought too strong a strength of nicotine patches, to help me lose weight. The CQ 3 step program ('Good Book' not included) has given me nightmares, body aches, and lungs that breath in slump mode. My previous method of keeping the weight off was to skip dinner and have a few glasses of wine and a couple of Nat Sherman Fantasias, but since the weather has turned, it is no longer a pleasing diet plan to me. The patches, I thought, offered an inside solution until spring time, when I may sit on my beloved porch and be the decadent writer I truly love to be. Due to the unexpected side effects, I tried to remove the patch only to receive withdrawals that would usually plague someone with a two pack-a-day habit and uses heroine for night caps.

I would call CQ to complain but since I am too ill to eat, drink, or ever think of smoking again, I realize I have nothing to voice concern about. It seems the patches did work, after all, in a weird masochistic kind of way.

My cats are all to thrilled to have their surrogate slave back, even if it is in sick mode, and they have welcomed me home with the gift of cedar fever. They roll around on the ground and revel in the fallen spores as if they found a garden of catnip; they climb into my bed, sleep on my head, and need my hair until its matted to the pillow. It is out of great love for themselves they do this, ensuring their blonde quazi monstress will not be venturing out past their feeding ground of guilt any time soon, thus securing their future feasts by my hand.

This season, my Santa has an MD behind his name and will stuff my stocking with a plethora of little pills to squash those devil elves that bring stuffy nose, fever, and ache to all the naughty boys and girls on their list.

The Blonde Betty is singing the Holiday blues!!