I am screaming inside

and no one hears me....

that is as dead as you can get

I am here but not here

how long must I suffer?

Death is not so bad

I have done it several times. I just never expected to wake up.

Life is a series of moments and if you can let the bad ones go than you can live even when your heart stops beating.

What if I could save others?

What if I donated my blood and let people live forever?

As I am working to find a demise of my own, I think about those that wish to live and have reason to do so.

Humans....I used to be one and while I have no empathy toward most of them...a few good ones could use my blood.

But once it is tested, they will not use it toward good.

It is funny how the living cries. I do not cry nor do I have anything left inside.

Life eternity is something everyone wants but do they truly understand the path that they will walk?

This is a path not a path for the weak.

Everything will come in due time to all of you but for me....

I do not have the luxury of that life any more



Quite a Year I can say

I have spent the better half of this year trying to kill myself but it does not seem to be happening.

Now I am tired and bored and pissed.

But nothing anyone normal has not thought.

I have tried everything and so the only last thing I can think of is to go to Burning Man this year in August and turn my car into an art form and set it ablaze while everyone there will have their eyes gazed upon a giant stick figure that burns to the ground leaving only ashes.

I hope the same for me.

Pray that that I become become ashes because this life is not a life..it is a cruel joke that I tried to play out and I have not much more...

I am glad I took out some evil but it persists way beyond my control and I crave the dark and silence that sleep once gave me

The Blonde does not wish to be  a Highlander anymore

I found a song close to what I think I would feel if I still had life in me


I will be in the black jag vanden plas


I walk this world alone

Google plus can try all they want to get me to connect but I am not of your world any more and I do not want to connect.
I hate this world and this undead life.

If I could find a way to die, I will take it.

My mission right now is finding a way to do that.

I live on this horrible plane of existence. I am just looking for a way to die.

I can't drink enough to find a somber point. I can't eat...the food has no taste.

Killing people does not find me satisfaction any more.....

I am in an abyss and I wish someone would cut my fucking head off.

I want to die.

I have tried so manny ways and I keep waking up to this nightmare.

Actually I do not sleep. I keep seeing and living this nightmare.

I would wish someone to take my head but I am afraid that would not kill me and I would be rolling around this earth without a body.

I am going to London tomorrow.  The lack of care for the human world has fed my fortune and so I know longer need my bling coffer....

I have a plane and several homes on the coasts of several continents.

Yeehaaa....who the fuck cares...

I have all of this and nothing

London calls.

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