Woodstock '99! WHAA UP!!!

HEY YEAH!!! Fuck NO, go fuck yourself! MIC DROP

PENN National stock is bullshit

All the news saying it is a buy is for retailers to bail out the institutions LOSSES before the End of Year! because Dave Portnoy is a bad fuck! I like the guy, love his pizza reviews, but?! Mm mm.....

Let's pay homage to the real villain, not that Dave is a boy scout!

Of course these girls were going to throw themselves at this rich, cute, pigeon toed dude...he is cute and super likeable.... they were hoping for the golden ticket, but instead they got the, "you are not worth more than a fun mutual consented lay" treatment.

And the Mom is angry and upset?

Who the fuck do you think is the one who set her daughters up for this kind of fucking abuse?
Who taught her daughters that showing off their tits on insta and fuck the rich dude would get them more money than actually going to school and use their fucking brains to make something of themselves.

Not to be a hypocrite, I did it too.. hung out with older white rich dudes for travel and fun, but I always knew there was no future.
The dick in Cali? I always knew he looked down at me and he would never be my friend as much as I was his, but to this day... how fuck does a man do what the fuck he did to me and still call himself a man?

Will never, ever speak to him again, and he is second only to one that I can't wait to take a sledge hammer and smash the shit out of their grave stone!

I hate the fucking holidays!

I am so glad I have this little domain to pour out all my emotional crazy. It is my therapy and my piece of mind in a world of hell that I created for myself. But I am over it, anbd leaving this popsicle stand for a brighter future where my Mother is not part of it nor this crumbling piece of 8000 square ft shit hole of a house.

Ahh Adsense, fuck your content policy!

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OK, blah the fucking blah, you sad fucking perverts looking for porn in the name of saving the internet! I don't use adsense. Go back to watching youporn and swiping right on bumble and tinder for catfishes that will never give you the time of day!

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The 1% Started Long Ago. And I lost Fighting Them!

I miss my Dad,

He was not full of panache but still charming; more subtle, so when he hugged you, or shook your hand, or gave you a compliment.... it was a big deal.

It meant something to everyone when my Dad gave them his approval. Everyone wanted it, including his daughters.

And he loved his family and was a big kid on holidays.

And then you had my Mother!

She loved her valium; got pregnant every time she thought my Dad was about to leave her; and so duh - hated she had to share her allowance for our school clothes, so yeah, while my sisters were OK with this, I decided I was not.

So it started with me packing a plush terry cloth robe from the Fox and Hound in Fredericksburg.

And that same fucking statement, " We can forgive you but we will never forget." 

Ok, seriously, I do not care, that was the best robe of my entire life and I had it for over 10 years!

So imagine how upset I am that my 'never had to work for anything in her life' mother is letting the estate my Father meticulously cared for, crumble to the fucking ground. 

The gardens are dying; the pool is empty;  the trees in the forest are falling; and the inside of the home is decaying.

I paid for new pool decking, the new washer and dryer, and give her $500 a month that she pisses away on gourmet German cold cuts she FedEx's from Wisconsin .

And I more than anyone will understand how much it will hurt her to hear she can't stay here any more. Because the only person who was willing to care for her and pay for the upkeep of this fucking Grey Gardens monstrosity, is ME, and I am not willing to lose me over her all consuming kingdom of hell.

It will be unbearable, and devastating. And it will feel like someone ripped the very heart out of her soul, but after that ..it will only take a decade or so to get over it.

But it might not feel that harsh to her since she never once touched a nail, saved any money, worked her ass off to pay for her own place.

She was scooped up as a Kim Novak look-alike model to a Captain with a 57 convertible in Germany.

Like most European girls during the war, they played nice to marry and get out, but once they were state side, that niceness changed.

My Dad was not a pretty man, but my Mom was fucking outstanding - so she had him under her little pinky nail for his entire life, and when he showed more affection to his daughters -  she twisted that pinky nail into his heart and soul until he caved and eventually lost his loving daughters coming out to his car the moment he got home and giving him hugs and kisses

After years, it became us hiding behind the bed because she was going to start something before he got a few feet out of his car, and grow into a full on fight before he could reach the front door and put down his breifcase.

So I stand here as problem child and who fucked up!

I am a hypocrite, because I failed. When I had a tough time growing my company and about to lose the house I bought at 20 to save my baby boy from the toxic home I grew up, I let my Dad convince me it would be better if my son went to live them for a while. I should have known I was never going to get my baby boy after that. .

I FUCKED UP....BEYOND FORGIVENESS!!

SO I HAVE BEEN LIVING IN A SELF-INFLICTED HELL EVER SINCE! 

I am sure if you scaffold down the years of this blog, you will find the one where my pink house, the one for me and my baby boy were lost to a man much like my Mother. 

A Dance We Should Have Had

I am sorry you loved her so much and she was so horrible to you.  I am so sorry she beat you up and made you gang up on me when ever you showed love toward me.

Forever more, I knew your love and I always felt it behind her wall.

My gift to you Daddy.

The dance we never had. 

Love always. XOXO 

Tried to Go Cold Turkey on JULL and I was an Emotional Wreck

 Think JULL is safer than smoking? I beg to differ.

I have been using JULL to quit smoking, and it worked. I have not a had a cigarette in 2 years. Unfortunately, it does not stop your nicotine addiction. And actually makes it WORSE!

The problem with JULL is that it can be done all the time, whereas smoking you would have to take a break or go outside and typically I only smoked during cocktail hour.

But with JULL, I was using it the minute I woke up in the morning until I went to bed. It leaves no odor, or so I thought but actually you can smell the lingering nicotine oily residue in the air, on your hair, skin, bedding, etc...

I was buying one pack a week and that quickly rose to 2, and I had 3 sticks charged up ready to go if one died on me. Also, when drinking the pure nicotine would jolt my buzz into a full blown out slurry drunk. NOT COOL!

Then I began to notice the damage, of consuming straight nicotine non-stop,  to my hair, my skin, my scent. It left an oily residue on my hair; I would sweat and feel hot after vaping;  my skin began to age.

Fuck with my looks, and that is the end of that! So I went cold turkey. 

I threw out all my JULL sticks and called it quits. Within hours, I could feel myself wanting to cry. A day later, and I was full on depressed, and by the third day I was an emotional wreck weeping in the arms of my friendly neighborhood grocery stop store attendant.

I couldn't figure out my breakdown.. I was two weeks away from my holiday meltdown... but I decided to pick up a pack of American Spirits with a bottle of wine and although the cigarette tasted incredibly disgusting, I did feel calmer.

So last week I went outside and smoked a few puffs every time I felt overwhelmed and feeling much better now.

I will not buy another pack of cigarettes, this was a one time get me off JULL emergency.

Let's just say, I would tell anyone thinking JULL is cool...it really isn't once you are seriously hooked. 

The Blonde is smoke and vape free, but the craving for nicotine will be a tough road for awhile. But I notice, when the craving hits - it is short lived and a quick bit with your vibrator will get you through.

BTW, the Gillette fusion has been a rocket in my pocket for 10 years and still the best!

If you crash and burn on an aero, your family would jus think you liked a close shave:)

Little Blonde advice!