4.05.2018

I don't know what love means

No one ever taught me what it is.

So I made my own version of it.

Honesty, loyalty and willing to die for it.

Sounds more like an ad for the Army, but it is all I know and all I believe.




The Blonde hates the way men think.


Bumble is leftovers from Tinder


Bumble is no better than Tinder.

As a matter of fact, most of the men you see on Bumble are Tinder rejects.

I spent a few weeks with one guy, who tried so hard to put the past behind him that he could not sit still.

All the yoga in the world can not help this person's PTSD.

He has a lot on his plate.

I feel for him, but I am not going to be the transition girl while he works things out.

Every conversation leads to the ex-wife or the ex-girlfriend that cheated on him.

I am not going to be that girl who wants to listen nor engage in this co-dependent nightmare.

I am sorry you were hurt by other women. And I am sorry your anger continues.

But most importantly, I am angry that you feel it necessary to regulate my behavior based on your past relationships.

And you are a total dick for telling me all about the golf tournaments and parties you were invited to or went to and rubbed it in my face after the fact.

 What the fuck is wrong with you angry yoga man?

You don't deserve an alias on my page. You can stay 'angry yoga man' prick!

That is your shit to own. Do not project it on to me.






 I do not like a man that looks at women and grades their potential, as a girlfriend, based on how willing she is to give head at a moments notice or accommodate a karma sutra fucking style that only leaves the man with an orgasm.

Namaste, angry yoga man.

Never regulate the Blonde!!!


P.S. Don't ever put your hand on my head and push me down to give you head unless you want your dick bit off.



11.27.2017

How do you remove yourself from the web?


So you and I and many others have fucked up more than once or ten times in our life. Does it mean we have to look at it every time we google our name for the duration of our life?

The funny thing is, this is not about me. I have a lot to hide but I hide it well.

But, there are those that do not have the same web-savvy-ness to keep their shit off the web.

So how do you clean up your mess on the web so it does not follow you around for the rest of your life?

Stay tuned...I will clue you in.

The blonde has someone else's shit to clean up for a change!



10.04.2017

Male Rompers?

Will you date a guy who wears a male romper?



I doubt this new trend is going to hit the status quo anytime soon. If you remember, they were pushing man bags a few years ago and I don't see too many men sporting that trend.

But one can hope to see a plethora of men in rompers on the Tinder circuit. It certainly would add to the humor I see when flicking to the left and right for fun.

Actually, the romper lends itself to easier manipulation when it comes to men relieving themselves as opposed to a woman.

A man does not need to unbutton the entire garment and squish it down around his knees as he navigates the public, potty portal.

I say go for it men!






8.09.2017

Let's kick it off with Tinder bitching

What F----? is Tinder all about.

Swear to God, there are some butt ugly dudes, and not just ugly but look like they have been riding hard and shooting pics of themselves in drunken stoopers in their bathroom.

IS this how you get a woman?

No, it is not!

I am getting carpel tunnel syndrome from swiping so many times to the left, I need surgery now.

Geezuz, wash your freakin' hair dudes - greasy, alcoholic doesn't look good on anybody.

Stop taking pics of you, in your bathroom mirror.

Stop taking pics next to a Ferarri you don't own. If you ain't sittin' in it. You don't own it.

Do I need to play the scrub song for you?



And clean your apartment or bathroom before taking those sad little pics of yourself in the mirror.

Contradictory at best and some just down right sad.

Another thing.....

Over 40 and holding a kid in diapers, does not sweeten the pot for chicks who pay their own way in this world.

So stay out of our age district.

The blonde is back to bitch!





8.08.2017

Cleaning house and going back to Blonde

Sorry Y'all
,

 I got totally bored with the death scene, so that is all deleted - well not deleted because it will make an awesome story one day.


I and coming back in full form. All my pretty, little blonde locks are ready to tell their tale!

And fucking Grammarly, where were you when I started this shit? No more typos except for the ones their algorithms miss. (they missed accept, I caught it bitches...thanks, Gramz)

The Blonde is back in the building!

7.13.2017

So You Got Trumped


I have been living the life of everyone else these days.

Normal.

Work hard and get nowhere.

That is what my life has become after that laughter incident.

If I can experience something like laughter, am I still dead? I kept asking myself that.

And for a while, I actually convinced myself that I was getting better and that I was becoming alive again.

And so I blended in and became normal.

It is why I have not posted in so long.

The Dead Blonde is having a non-life crisis














7.18.2016

I have changed occupations

No longer do I find it funny to play the dead hooker for necrophilias.

And quite frankly, the last time I played it...I ended up laughing.

Me, laughing!!!

How the hell did that happen.

Definitely not because I felt a tickle but very large sense of amusement that rushed over my dead and cold body and actually made me laugh.

Weird. I never did that before.

Certainly gave the gentleman a fright. He went to call the police and will I could not be locked up in a morgue so I had to banish him.

No worries, you will not miss him. he was one of the 1% who lived abroad and fighting extradition.

Anyhoo,

I need my coffin for a new occupation.

I am a money mover.

I can book flights for my coffin and place money under the satin silk lining. Dogs do sniff but when they open the lid, BAM!!

They see me.

A few have freaked. Not the dogs...the guards.

Many stare and say what a pretty corpse I am. And how sad it was I died so young.

Anyhoo,

Tends to get around the airport security circuit and security is less inclined to disturb the dead anymore. I am jut another dead chick in a coffin with a flight tag in a luggage compartment holding millions in diamonds, gold and cash.

I can only do this until I have hit all the airports...a duplicate visit would surely be noticed.

My minion is still with me. Vlad...what would I do with out the little gremlin?

A modern day dead smuggle I am

I am enjoying the job.

I get paid well and if I am crossed?

Well, that would be stupid.

Who would cross me and live to tell the tale?

Cartel deaths you read in the paper. Missing money.

Hmmmmm..

Well, I speculate just like you.

The Blonde has not ventured into Mexico yet but I guess I should hurry.

I hear the Mexicans are building a wall to keep Trump out.

PS. The blonde needs to get back to work.

Catch you later alligatorous minds!