4.24.2015

Life Seems so Inevitable

Every night we go to bed crying and hoping for a better life. We think about dying until we re actually dead and then all we think of is what could have been.

But what could have been only exists in our fantasy. Life is what life is, right?

We were born under either a lucky star or one that was very unlucky.

The lucky ones have it so easy. 

For the unlucky ones, we cave to internal hate and disgust. We are too old to blame our parents, even though they are to blame for almost everything.

No child was ever born a bad child. No child was ever born lacking self esteem or confidence unless....

They stood alone when ever they were hurt.

And many of us were hurt. I am not alone and neither are you.

I have the freedom to write about this now because nothing shames me any more. Nothing hurts me any more.

But it stills hurts you. I hear the ache in your hearts as you try to fall asleep and all the world is coming down on you.

Where will you live? Where will you find food? Where will you find anyone to love you and take care of you before it is too late?

I would say one day it will be better but you know better than that.

So I will say good night and tomorrow will be another wretched day but keep the faith...at least your not dead like me....if you take a chance you could feel something.

Fight to feel or come to my side....no hunger, no taste, no thirst,no passion....no nothing other than games with people as my little rats





As a Little Girl Did you Ever feel Like this?




Let them all be caged!!!

Feed my fish...that is all I ask!

4.15.2015

The Undead have no sense of timing

nor a sense of reasoning or maybe we do....

what do I care what you humans think. You all are so self centered, it is almost ridiculous until I think that God does play with you like ants...he has the giant magnifying glass and hones in on almost anyone for no reason at all and can crush your world just for fun.

Do you find it funny to love a God that does not love you?

You can't love someone if you do not exist!

All you do to honor him is based on the words written by people who made him up and created his name to control you!

When you die...you die and your carcass disperses into millions of tiny atoms and those atoms will find others and reform and you will be reborn.

This is how our world works...one big bubble of a certain amount of atoms and they die and are born but they never change in number in the whole existence as we know it.

We are a bubble forever more!

I can't go anywhere...my atoms are locked here in some cruel fate. And so are yours!

So is my cat; only my cat knows he has other lives to live and he will come back to my son in one form or another.

Heaven is only a dream my friends and only few get to live it!

Life is best served living here, living now!





4.12.2015

My Cat Died

I knew he was dying. An undead can feel it. I felt it from far away and wanted to see him and my son. God I can't seem to recall the days, the months or the years I have been gone.

I just know I had to be there. Watching silently as a dog broke free from his leash and went after Goose.

I watched from afar as my Mother tried to fend off the beast with bush clipping spears. I watched the owner hold back her 80 lbs white dog, rabid with taste for my dying old cat as the brown dog, free from his leash took to tormenting my son's 20 year old cat that was hoping only for some peace and a little bit of sunlight before his impending death. An attack was never part of the plan.

I watched from afar as my son came to the house. I lingered outside without him knowing I was there. Being dead is being invisible, you can be wherever you want and no one sees you.

The pain of watching him relive another death crushed me and I was unable to comfort him. His heart was broken in two and his tears flooded the fur of his beloved cat as he whispered in his ear that it was OK to go. The cat trying to be so strong and brave trying to raise his head and my son's large hands coddling the delicate and small head of his once viking prince of a cat.

Crushed by forces...both my son and his prized beast....

and what do we get from the stupid woman who let her stupid 8 year old hold a leash of a beast twice her size?!

GUSTAF VALDIMIR BLACK CAT...HAIL THEE!!!!

I thought having an non-beating heart and ice cold veins could never undo me but tonight I have been undone.

Tonight I feel the rage again and tonight, I want to kill.....


Blindead by Blonde has some reckoning to attend too!  And fuck you dog owners...eye for an eye when a cat dies by their jaw!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


4.02.2015

I had Thoughts Today about Dying

It is not like I can not cease to exist; an undead can cease to exist....she just needs to set herself on fire and let every atom of her body evaporate into the circle of energy we call the earth system.

But I am not ready to cease existence. I want very much to stay here and watch over my son.

And while this is my most admirable pursuit and quite frankly the only one; I have some dark ones that I would like to continue to delve into.

These darker pursuits would be the bad men that we all know exist and many of us have had the unfortunate displeasure to run into. I do not mean to go all 'Thelma and Louise' on y'all but I think that story tells it all and offers up some true advice; that one gun shot can snuff out a bad man and stop the heartache for many women.

You can be so perfect and so sweet and that sweetness is resented by men. If you want to be with a good man than you need to be strong and unwilling to yield.

The bitches in this world get everything...the mouse scours the ground for little bits of whatever is left.

Do not be a mouse!!

I was a mouse once and it got me into many bad places where I coward in the corner. Now that I am undead, the fear is no longer with me and I can take my revenge.

I do not suggest you follow pursuit of my final hour but I do want you to live life and be well.

The first rule to gain control of men is knowing that you have the power. You have something they want and porn and hand jobs will not satisfy them. They need you and they want you and the more you make them wait and tease them....the more they will beg.

We were all young once and we inadvertently teased men without knowing how much power that held. Have we lost that now that we are a little older? Of course we have and do you know why?Because someone told you not to be a prick tease because guys don't like that. Guess what gender was spreading that gossip? One guess only, but I bet you do not get it wrong!

Being a prick tease is the very essence of your power over men. Read up on some famous french courtesans and see how much they acquired in their lifetime for being smart and strong and ignoring the rhetoric of men!!!

I will post some writing of the most famous courtesans in the world but for now, the movie 'Cheri' with Michelle Pfeiffer will get your studying started.

I will make sure before I go up in flames that I will rise like a phoenix and create stronger, better, smarter women who will break the men that think they have all the power over us.

Now, I have to go...it is a full moon tonight and I always enjoy killing one bad man in the moonlight.

Death only becomes the virtuous. Ahhh...guess that is why I remain undead!




4.01.2015

Are You Crazy if You Say So?

They say your are not crazy if you say you are. Am I?

I am crazy and saying it does not make me any less crazy.

Of course being dead makes it easier to say.

I guess the right statement is that I was crazy but now I am just undead.

I had a right to be crazy when I was alive. bad things happened to me from early on that just seemed to punish me my entire living life.

Now I can talk about it because nothing phases me anymore.

SO let me share why being undead is better than living.

I was young and made a stupid bet with some teens. They bet me that they could ride over me on their bikes and I would flinch. I was arrogant and said no I won't.

They said if I flinch, I had to get in the car with them. It was two teenage boys and one teenage girl.

Well, I did flinch and so I paid up on the bet. I was 7 and did not really know what the cost was until I got in the car.

To this day I do not remember past the teenage girl holding me down in the back...I draw a complete blank,,,but I do not think it was.....

Well, whatever it was, it was the catalyst to my demise and one I never did recover from.....

Being dead and being able to kill people without remorse must have something to do with that day.

I wasn't the only little girl who got stuck in a car but I was the only little girl who got to leave breathing.


3.09.2015

Devil or not the Devil

So how do I choose?

Now it is easy because I have crossed that threshold and no heaven is an illusion but many years ago while I was alive I had choices and made the wrong ones each time.

So, how do I teach you to not make the same mistakes I have?

Well, let me tell a story that may help.

Once upon a time...

cheeky yes but well deserved in my situation...

again,

Once upon a time there was a woman who had her choice of men and chose unwisely each time.

First she chose a man for money over a man who loved her and bought a pretty little sapphire ring and she thought nothing about it other than to pawn it to pay a bill.

Then karma hit her like a bat out of hell and all that she thought was it was worth it for the few years of peace from the fear of having no money comes from,  but it was crushed and pummeled beyond anything she ever imagined because as much as she tried to love the man, he knew she did not.

Loyalty and love turned in a horrible direction when he she refused to give any more of herself at the man's whim in the bed.

He took my home...

I said "Over my dead body. I will burn it to the ground before you get one penny."

Courts take these kind of statements to heart and it was enough to finds me behind a cage.

That woman, me, was locked away in an insane asylum while the man she thought would take care of her forever pieced away her life.

True story my friends....

I was locked away for over a year while the world took everything away from me.

When  I got out, I had nothing and no where to go.

I remember walking with my silly little suitcase filled with nothing but cotton t's and a few pair of pants.

I walked from the asylum two miles down to a Wal Mart to call the only number I had burnt in my mind.

And what is funny is that, I can't remember that number any more or who I called or how I got back back home. I say a home but it was not mine...I was reminded about that every day I lived there.

All I remember is the punishment did not fit the crime.

Give me a bit to remember.... after all....I have been dead a long time and my old life is hard to remember

The blondead will write again....I promise

Stray with me for just a little bit...

I may not be here much longer but while I am....I have some good advice for you girls

and warnings for you men


.






7.21.2014

Validation

I was sitting by my gravestone the other day and 'Whaaaa?!!" happened but an ex boyfriend who was stupid enough to leave me showed up at my stone while I was there.

He didn't see me..that is one of the things going on in this undead thing..I figured out I can see everyone and they can see me unless they loved me.



The ones that love me, I am a ghost.

Kinda cool from my perspective because I can remain close.

Anyhoo,

I feel like a kid who was given up for adoption and the Mamma hunted me down...

Affirmation!!!

Awesome!!!!

Thank you Ex...I don't why this makes me smile...I have no emtion, just thiis giant fucking ssmile on my face....

Semper Phi Dude

Really?!! No flowers for my grave?!!

Douche!

It is all good in a dead Blonde's world

Booya...Back Again

Taking on a new form and the transition has been odd.

I am stuck in the 80's wanting nothing but vintage stuff...clothes, cars, men with whipped wing hair....

I look good for dead...28 until forever is not so bad...I can live with it...

be a slut forever can be cool!!




I am still stuck between killing peeps and fucking them...but eventually I will find my purpose...I am pretty sure it won't be a super hero but it will be something....

 I will let you know...stay in touch;)



By the way..the Continental Club in Houston sucks...the music was too fucking loud and uncool...Fitzgeralds is the place to hang if your undead and have sensitive ears to the sound of music!

Blonde dead bitch is out!!



6.30.2014

Still waiting for fire and ashes

I am over the anger phase and now just calm and quiet and waiting until that moment where the world ceases to exist as I know it....

I have traded in killing for some sexual devencies but it still does not feed my destructive mode.....

I will find something that does.

BTW...i finally got around to claiming my coffin from customs...

The story llater

The blonde is being a busy biatch

4.01.2014

Go Away!!!

Fuck!!

Stop it!!

The dark cloud tht came my way has left but I felt it while it was here.

It cast grey over everything.

I forgot that I wanted to e good and I went to the darker force and he...
He just has a way of pulling me into the dark grey abyss.

I am sorry for the fat cop killing. I feel bad I was angry about them.

I apologie but I reall yam not sorry.


Certain cops are mean and they pick on those who have not been in trouble and seem to get off on it so....I

alright

I am not sorry

I liked killing the fat cop

but now

the dark cloud has left

He is not here anyomore and I want to do good


ad I mean good without killing

You ave to forgive me for struggling

I had to leave my family, freinds, home, life because I was not growing old properly.

When your kid is the same age as you biop-metrically...

It does not make sense,

SO yes,
I arbor anger....

I hate to see my son cry at my tombstone.

I told him not bury me...I aksed that I be forgotten but he can't

and I see him every time when he visits a grave that is empty and all I want to do

is tell him

MOMMY is HERE

I am HERE

but I can't and so
OK a bloody mess for a biit

I am still pissed about my coffin and the stupid Duke and his bitchy wife...

I don't know my place

I don;t know where I belong and I have no friends and my
wing man had to go...

he told too many people and I had to kill him


Oh fuck......I am sorry..I wish I knew how to kill myslef so this could be all voer but everything I have tried has failed

Undead out for now....


PS..I could care less about proper writing so you dicks that send me typo errors...join my kill list!!!!!