What has it been?
Five years and counting that my Mother tries to murder someone during the holidays.
This time, I was too wise for her attempts and foiled her plans to give my 'German' medicinal powder to help my with allergies.
But she is not one to give up so quickly.
If she can;t murder me, she will go after the unsuspecting victim.
My Father.
My Father is deadly allergic to nuts.
And what does Mother do?
Claim she did not have cinnamon available and so she grounded up cinnamon sticks in the same grinder that she grounded nuts in a few months prior.
She innocently baked the cookies and said, "Here dear. I made you cookies. The ones you love."
My Dad bit into one and his throat seized up.
I think my Mother is testing out her murder attempts on the family.
Not enough to kill us but enough to know she can get away with it in the event she really wants to off someone.
Who she is aiming for is any one's guess.
So during the holidays...watch the offerings from my Mother.
Happy and safe Holidays from the Blonde!!
12.21.2011
What A Freaking Crazy Christmas Card
If I sent a letter with my Christmas cards it would be a first. Not only for the letter but for sending out cards.
The last time I sent out a Christmas card was when I hand painted Santa with his pants down mooning the recipient.
It was a great card and its a Hallmark to my Aunt. I have not sent out a card since she died. Its the only thing I can do to show her how special she was to our family.
And to let her know, that every year...we still think about her just as much as if she were alive.
I believe in science and I believe her atoms burst apart the moment she exhaled her last breath sending all those beautiful atoms across the universe to be received by new birth.
My Aunt's beautiful atoms grace the bodies of new life..whether that be a bug, a bird, a baby...she lives on!
Good and kindness live on because of her!
The Blonde bows at the ever greatness of life's circle!
The last time I sent out a Christmas card was when I hand painted Santa with his pants down mooning the recipient.
It was a great card and its a Hallmark to my Aunt. I have not sent out a card since she died. Its the only thing I can do to show her how special she was to our family.
And to let her know, that every year...we still think about her just as much as if she were alive.
I believe in science and I believe her atoms burst apart the moment she exhaled her last breath sending all those beautiful atoms across the universe to be received by new birth.
My Aunt's beautiful atoms grace the bodies of new life..whether that be a bug, a bird, a baby...she lives on!
Good and kindness live on because of her!
The Blonde bows at the ever greatness of life's circle!
12.19.2011
Merry Bloody Christmas
Holy cow!!! The drama that is unfolding this season is beyond any soap opera writer's wet dream.
I have to give you it in tidbits or you will explode by the thought of it all.
OK...
Sister's best friend's husband tried to kill himself.
They thought the mixture of pain killers caused a suicidal tendency.
NO!!
The freak was having an affair with a married woman.
He found out she was having an affair with another man.
He left a note in his girlfriend's husband's car tattle tailing that she was sleeping with him and another man
Seriously, what a douche!!!
are you still with me...
Anyhoo...
The suicidal douche did not bother to leave a note for his wife..my sister's best friend.
Not only is she a best friend, she is our family and you don;t fuck with our family.
When the douche gets out of the psych ward which will be delayed so our sister can get her shit moved out..
will come home to nothing more than a stocking full of coal.
The Blonde is cherry red with happy!!
I have to give you it in tidbits or you will explode by the thought of it all.
OK...
Sister's best friend's husband tried to kill himself.
They thought the mixture of pain killers caused a suicidal tendency.
NO!!
The freak was having an affair with a married woman.
He found out she was having an affair with another man.
He left a note in his girlfriend's husband's car tattle tailing that she was sleeping with him and another man
Seriously, what a douche!!!
are you still with me...
Anyhoo...
The suicidal douche did not bother to leave a note for his wife..my sister's best friend.
Not only is she a best friend, she is our family and you don;t fuck with our family.
When the douche gets out of the psych ward which will be delayed so our sister can get her shit moved out..
will come home to nothing more than a stocking full of coal.
The Blonde is cherry red with happy!!
12.02.2011
Perception and Reality
should not be on such a narrow line.
We all walk a tight rope...
The performer and the spectator
I can see it now
I am on the wire
I step out
onto the high wire
I balance
I bend my knees
I crouch
I swing my arms
I flip
and
I land
on the wire
and
I
do
not
fall!!
And so many of you thought I would fall
and even more of you
were wishing I did...
Wish and think all you like about me
but in the end
you will still be wrong
The Blonde has had a hard and long life!!
We all walk a tight rope...
The performer and the spectator
I can see it now
I am on the wire
I step out
onto the high wire
I balance
I bend my knees
I crouch
I swing my arms
I flip
and
I land
on the wire
and
I
do
not
fall!!
And so many of you thought I would fall
and even more of you
were wishing I did...
Wish and think all you like about me
but in the end
you will still be wrong
The Blonde has had a hard and long life!!
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