5.18.2011

Bad Professor, Bad, bad, bad...

So one of my professors got arrested in a sting operation for soliciting 14 year old girls off of social network sites and assaulting them in a park.

I knew the teacher was an odd ball, didn't seem to like bathing very much or wearing clean clothes but I just assumed he was homeless-if you knew what Texas teachers got paid-you would not think twice about some of them being homeless.

I never considered him to be a pedophile although i did notice he liked the petite form in the girls at the front of his class. i guess they =knew something I didn't.

Under these circumstances I feel i should get an A in the class because how do I know he didn't barter (spell check looks for Brett when barter is spelled wrong-what a co-inky-dink; that's the name of the prof) relations with the younger chicks and give them better grades wh8ich would mess up the curve...

Not that I am devastated but I am not above pulling a Dean's conference to get an A out of this news.

I actually pulled a 89 in the class but one little point to settle my mental anguish over the news would help me over come the trauma.

My mind is already turning attorney before I even have the degree. i am always thinking about myself and how I can do better in competition with myself.

If I keep this up- I will end up in a bidding war selling my soul to the red guy with little horns and a tail just like in Devil's advocate..of course I am not a relative so the perks might not extend to me like they did to Keanu.

I hope they throw the book at Professor Pedophile!!


The Blonde can't wait to beat bad in court one day!

5.09.2011

Thank You for Nothing



Sometimes when we have someything to say and no one to listen, we have a song that sings every thing about the nothing we feel!

Rolling In The Deep



Dont read into it, just enjoy...

The Blonde will bring it to surface later!!

5.06.2011

Almost an Officer, Always a Gentleman




Only one man deserves a 30 hour road trip from me and its the Boo!!

So its funny that a porker named Albert was shocked that I was not going to move to Columbus Georgia and set up shop with him.
Seriously dude..what did you think would happen?!

Seriously!!

I didn't drive 15 hours to Georgia to pluck some unsuspecting guy out of the hotel bar to play house for a weekend.

I was there to see my son!

I have a plethora of hater texts from this guy simply because he failed to rock my world. I am sure his shtick of being semi-retired and offering cuban cigars to the crowd works on girls in a military town but for those of us who are a little more mature and have seen a lot more of the world...

its just a no go!!

If I end up in Columbus, Georgia...just shoot me now!!

Take out your AK-47 military issue rifle and blow the blonde off my shoulders.
The funny thing about a military town is the machismo that runs rampant and evry guy is trying to bag the new girl in town.

I loved every moment when the 30 something Captains would hit on me and the minute I said I was in town for my son's graduation, they less than politely just up and turned away.

It was great!

I felt like the twenty year old with a baby all over again. Back in the hay-days of my youth guys would hit on me and when I told them I was a single Mom with a baby, they turned a 180 back in the other direction...its nice to see some things don't change!!

Anyhoo,

The thirty hour drive was excruciating but looking back on it..I would do it over again in a heart beat because there will always be one man in my life worth the dump truck supply of coffee and twizzlers I endured on the road.

And its my Boo!!

The military isn't the only thing making great men.


The Blonde salutes single Moms everywhere!!!

5.04.2011

Driving Like a Bat out of Hell








I drove 15 hours with only pit stops for gas to Columbus, GA...

And if you think I am done with pics, no way!!

30 hours on the road leaves a lot of creativity time behind the wheel and multiple chair positions just to make it through the unbearableness of all that road.

By the time I finished the drive I had 23 different seat positions working..the last was the lotus position with my seat back jetted forward and the seat portion pushed to the front of the floor board with my legs crossed in a lotus position driving with cruise control.

My body was a human pretzel twisted and turned to suffer through more hours.

On my way up I was captured by the Louisiana po-po!

My car was profiled by a state trooper in Louisiana-its black and has more than its share of dinks and dents, not to mention the fur coated trunk....it would set off even the laziest of cops at 3 AM in the morn.

I was asked if I was carrying drugs and or illegal aliens. The Texas plate is to blame for that question. My car license, registration, and inspection are all long since been expired but I got off anyway...love southern hospitality...

I think the cop was flirting in the end!!

On my way back to Austin, I was working with one contact, a pack of twizzlers, and beucoup cups of cafe!!

But I made it and I have a few tales to tell...but later..

I haven't been this exhausted since my drive back from San Antonio partying with Collective Soul and one crazy coked up ex-wench friend of mine.

The Blonde is glad to pull the throttle back a bit!!

4.23.2011

Applying Like Crazy

I spent today applying to all the pre-law schools recommended by the American Bar Association. Apparently, they do not agree with the US World News Report rankings of schools.

And I rather work the schools ranked by the Bar association than a magazine that sells ads to universities for a living.

Along with my educational apps for the fall; I spent the rest of the day creating online employment opportunity apps with health food stores near and around my proposed schools.

I don't know why I am so gung ho about working for a health food store but I am.

My intended target and apron wearing fantasy starts at applying to

Sprouts


I am a fanatic about keeping fit and healthy through proper dieting because I am too lazy to exercise and if you eat well, you dont have to bust your balls in a gym.

I am such an obesity snob, it would make sense for me to promote proper eating in a health food store rather than laying my eating rules down to the poor college slob who accidentally chose to sit next to me in class.

I get so aggravated by the sloppy way people take care of their bodies.

The ridiculousness of it all escapes me.

My sisters waited in line for an hour to put 5 pounds on their arse on a cupcake binge. Since this was a rare occurrence and the DC cupcake shop is on television, I can see the entertainment value. And it was super fun with the kiddos..so a little escape to sugarville is great..Bravo..

By the way Pookums...


You can order DC Cupcakes online now that you got the fan fair and the lime lighted shop scratched off your bucket list.

I love cupcakes too and once in a blue moon-my blue moon, not Michelle Obama's blue moon that keeps her arse growing in leaps and bounds-it perfectly alright to indulge in culinary for the pulmonary, a little bit.

But something has to give before the world gets weight heavy and tips a bit.


We think ourselves the best nation in the world not because we have to stand in line for food rations but because we can choose to stand in line to buy a dozen celebrity status cupcakes...

In Texas we have the top 3 cities for fatness and its all thanks to tex-mex which is nothing more than a combination of lard, flour, burger, and chicken cooked 18 different ways with cheese and salsa smothering the top of it.

Throw in a sugary dose of margaritas and its rotundity central in these parts.

I am a terrible fat snob..

A bigot of hugery!!


Chelsea Handler likes these mounds of flesh and fat because they make her look skinnier and prettier standing next to them..

but in reality obesity is costing us more than smoking and it doesn't make anyone look good to promote it!

Put a sin tax on coca-cola and McDonald's and see if people can quit?!!


The Blonde is a little health nut!

4.20.2011

Two Timers & Teetotalers

Teetotalers- with their fanny packs and guts - aren't the only ones scratched from my list...


I haven't been two timed, at least not that I know of, but there are two men that I feel especially sad for the women that endure their selfish undertaking.

After 6 years of being the other girl, I am doing other men. After years of being the one that helps keep proper relationship in tact, I have whipped out my blonde colored magical carpet and am fleeing to higher ground.

Augusto and Raine have women that they have been in long term relationships with. They apparently love them but not enough love is in their heart to keep their Johnson from poking at a private off base.

Augusto, I have a little more empathy for but Raine...he is just a wolf in Red Riding Hood's cape carying a basket of his ex's injustice on him so he can pander to a passively aggressive skip on women. He likes to interject how wonderful and honest he his being with is lovers but he fails to extend that same honesty with his pseudo betrothed.

He has given her the rules of engagement but as a woman-she is civilian- I am certain his ethics don't reach outside the boundaries of his mid-life crisis and the militarical (its a sniglet-you need to be SNL savvy to understand) belief system that he propagated in his man mind.

How funny men can me?

Raine and Augusto really do believe their massacre of truth becomes a tasty treat of bologna for all to consume.

Its bologna...that is what bologna is..a mesh of non meat -- non truth...

I am not hurt by their indiscretion but I am hurt by the fact, that for awhile, I became complacent to their mediocre bourgeois bologne.

Eat me..you neophytes... you will never have the charm and charisma of a European to carry out your silly rudimentary American affairs for very long.

Your day is coming near...

Woman who are smart and pretty will realize they need to feed on better men before they begin to believe 'they are what they eat'.

Lets all eat, pray, and love in a European way..sans the American men...

Fast food and gluttony have surpassed fine cuisine and good taste in this country.

I am rebelling!!

A Blonde only drinks and eats the best!!

4.19.2011

Holding Out

I have been holding out in the library now for a week. My finals are coming up and I need to rock on.

I am two weeks shy of finishing out this semester. Just in time too because I am solidly broke. Not just a little broke, I mean down right lint in the handbags and wallets broke.

It will be nice to find some full time work and relax on grades through the summer.

According to the news, jobs are on the rise..let's see if this non-traditional student can find work in a law firm...

I wouldn't mind working in a health food store with kids that have lots of tats and piercings. Wearing jeans to work for the summer appeals to me too.

I actually have 10 years in advertising and producing but I am fairly certain that job door that has been bolted for awhile now.

Besides, who wouldn't aspire to wearing a green apron every day?

I am beyond shame or embarrassment. I rather go to work and earn money for law school on my own than try to shag some old guy for allowance any day of the week.

Besides, I tried that and its totally not worth the boredom and the baggage that comes with these old birds.

Somewhere online -match profiles- I was convinced that X gen girls couldn't get a guy there own age..untrue..there are plenty of men my age and they have a lot less mental cargo than the crypt keepers I have been hanging out with.

An apron and dreadlocks for the summer?!

Better than wearing old dudes around my arm!!


I only have two thought and that is to get through law school and not date another douche for the duration of my time on this planet and I will start by bringing the age bracket down from AARP membership and going with real men that look good on my arm...


The Blonde has a steady grip!

4.13.2011

Candy Store Dating

That is what online dating is, Its a candy store with too much candy and you keep eating your way through until all the good candy is gone.

But your so addicted to it that you will start sampling the candy you don't like thinking liquorice might turn out tasting like sweet tarts.

Online dating is a pez dispenser.

The dispenser is fun but the candy is the same and it sucks.

Insanity is doing the same thing over expecting different results.

I hate pez, I hate liquorice, and I am sick of eating the crap candy online.

I lasted all of 3 days on MM before deleting my profile.

Get out of the candy store. Go to the park and play, fly a kite, do anything but the same old routine that has never produced a lick of good results.


The Blonde's candy turned sour!

Oie



Oie is french for goose.

Oie vay is what I say when my Mom asks me to babysit her newest project.

She is raising baby geese for fun before she sends them back to her friends farm.

Its one thing to see my food wrapped in cellophane in the isle next to my wine. But when my food follows me around the yard and tweets at me and sleeps on my lap...suddenly...I am not hungry any more.

I just hope to God the neighborhood associations puts their foot down on baby cows.

I would hate to not wear leather again!!


The Blonde is not going to eat poultry ever again.

My cats, on the other hand, are trying to figure out how to get the grille working as I type.

4.10.2011

To Bang or Not To Bang

that is the question.

Get you mind out of the gutter...


I meant my hair.

First thing a blonde does after done with a man is chop of her goldilocks for a new 'me'.


But I like my hair and the most I am willing to go is with some bangs.

I am in a budget crisis and the only natural thing to do is take a scissor and cut a new look.

A little bit of bangs goes a lot farther than botox on a budget.

Not that I am ready for botox...yet, but give me a few more stressed out months with my scholarship money depleted...and I will need a face lift.


What was I thinking?

Its not like I need more maintenance in my life.

I didn't want to break a tradition


I turned on Dog Days are Over and sang along in the shower as I balded my peeka-boo into a Telly Savalis

Not quite Bali

but when on a budget


A Blonde needs the best bang for her buck!

4.09.2011

I Am Winning

and in a real way, not the coked up Charlie way.

I feel better today. I still have money trouble but at least I can work that out.

Exercise is the main ingredient to feeling better.

For normal bouts of being down, you do not need a feel good pill to turn it around.

You need to mentally challenge yourself to get up and get moving.

Even if you hate it, it will help.

And when you feel better, things just seem to turn around for the better.

I actually got hit on by someone my age, super cute, and he is a Jewish dude from Boston

Bonus!!


Jewish men are awesome and if they are from the east coast, even better for me.

I have to replace Raine any way and this looks like a great replacement.

Even if I do not go out with this new attraction, just knowing I am not too old to find someone my own age...made my day.

The Blonde still has hope!