Beating the Blues

I could sit here and succumb to sorrow but its stupid to let bad thoughts win over good ones.

I watched Eat, Pray, Love and even though it was cheesy, it did kind of lift my spirits a bit.
Actually, it was just the part with Javier Bardot that did it for me.

And I actually learned something about my life from watching it. While the money situation gets me down, its not what really upsets me.

What upsets me is being alone in this life and realizing men just aren't what they used to be when I was young. They all are a bit self centered and unwilling to fall in love and care for a woman.

Every date I have been on starts with the same verbage, "I already married and took care of someone, I am not going to do that again."

Great!

How would you like me to say on a first date, " I have been nothing but a sex toy for guys and I am not going to do that anymore!!"

Would I get a call back?

Hell no.

And neither are these guys. I am just pissed I wasted me time and one back end of a car on the last two.

They so were not worth my jag looking like a rumpled tuna can.

Anyhoo,

Today I beat the living crap out of the tennis ball and my opponent on the court.

It felt good to hit the ball.

I was dark and moody and didn't want to leave the house but I have to catch those thoughts and beat them out along with the tennis ball.

I have to keep fighting this feeling until passes. Its a mental challenge but so is tennis.

I can't be with a man right now and I am sad to think that I may very well end up alone forever.

I go to school and work from the house...the only way I could meet men is through online dating and there is seriously something wrong with a human catalog. It makes people not invest in someone for the right reasons.

Its a soulless endeavor that only follows money and external beauty.

I just can't stand the thought of selling my soul to another man that really has no interest in anything but finding a companion that doesn't interrupt their life.

Love is not just for the young but it seems as I grow older that it might not ever find me...and that breaks me more than being broke.

So I am feeding the personal kitty...

I am investing in myself....

and although my market share is down right now...

I will pick up and hopefully...


one day...

I might actually be happy again.



The Blonde is just a little worn from the fight!!

Sludge Day

I am down and rock bottomed out on my thoughts.

After dealing with Capital One and a merchant dispute in which they might find in favor of the deceptive advertising dicks..

After driving by Sandra Bullock and seeing a glimpse of what a wonderful life can be filled with...

After knowing I am late on bills and have to pawn yet another piece of jewelry...

After listening to callers on the radio asking for help becuase they are about to lose everything...

I got hit hard emotionally yesterday...

and pissing off with a bottle of wine seems like the only good way to end a day...

but...

I have to keep moving ahead

This will pass

I am not pissing 2 years of school away...

Who knows if my life is going to get better...

It might just end up that it will suck forever in which case taking my beater car and driving it into the ocean and letting the tides pull me out to sea might be a great option...

One day...

but for now...

The Blonde is treading!!

O-hell-io

Thanks for the fave, you were the only hit, but as you can read or about to begin to read,

The men I have had the unfortunate circumstance of dating have burnt the last bit of anything good I might have had in me.

I am sure you are a great guy but I am no longer a great chick to deal with.

And no offense, but are you kidding?


Me in Ohio?

The women would have me black-balled, tarred, and feathered before I stepped a foot into your house.


Besides,

now


I am just buying time in law school....

How can I possibly be an attorney when I hate the clothes I would have to wear in court...

there is no such thing as a sexy suit...

and even if there were...

My expiration date is marked.

I turned sour!!



The Blonde has no high on anything!

Life As I Know It

isn't worth a life at all.

I do believe in reincarnation. After taking physics, you learn that life, a person, is energy and energy does not die. It goes somewhere.

Energy will never be more nor less than what it is...so for everyone that dies, something lives.

I am ready to live another life. This one really has not panned out.

I am playing gout a false facade of school, men, and one day having something.

It is never going to happen.

At my age, I am all but done with hope. I just want to be able to pass on my journals of 30 years so maybe, one day, some one can understand that sometimes, you just can't fix broken.

No matter how hard I laugh and smile and try to work this world out, I just can't do it any more.

Nothing is funny any more, not even the douche bags I date.

Its all just a hopeless comedy that would be better sold when I am gone.

So sit back and enjoy the tragedy and comedy of 30 some odd years of my life.

If I were manic, I could have these journals up in a month but I am just your average moth in the the yellow light taking awhile to burn out.

The Blonde has only so much to live for!

I Am Fuccked

I have been living a long time and nothing seems to improve.

I am done, I am tired, I want to leave, leave, leave....

I didn't have a great start and its not going to be a great ending...

I have only one reason to be here and once he is safe and on his own away from this place...

I can leave with my furry assed jag and go!!

The Blonde is done!!

Yes its a rant on wine but I have had many that you do not see but since I have nothing to lose and nothing to gain in this life, I am not deleting anything any more.

You will get the real to the end!

No More Raine

I booted Raine off of Facebook.

Not that is saying much since these days I don't play on FB. I am too much of a social outcast to feel like I belong. Twitter is so much more my style.

Anyhoo...

Back to the Raine. I booted him and everyone else that was a "friend". I love the creativity in his definition of friend. Its basically, a booty call on their cell's Rolodex and when they are feeling a little tickle in their turkey neck below, the fumble for the long distance dial to my phone when he isn't feeling the passion from his steady.

Other than that, I never hear from him.

Probably becuase he is busy with the steady in Cabo.

Which leads me to why I booted him from the blonde realm.

Cabo...a place I have never been invited to. I do not know why since we have been "friends" for six odd years.

Maybe his girlfriend wont think I am really a "friend"?

I suspect she is not familiar with Raine's specific definition of "friend" in the femme form.


Anyhoo...

I didn't mind before going to New York for a few days and hanging out as a "friend" and I probably would have continued to do that until law school started but Raine made a fatal error.

He came to Austin and booked a one night in $99 Hampton Inn downtown as if I was some cheap hooker for the night!

He gets the gold plated douche award for this play.

This is where pissed off comes into action.

Don't come to my town, rent a cheap hotel downtown and expect me to be happy about your visit when I know your girlfriend "with an understanding" is getting caviar, Cabo and a condo...

on the beach!!!

I am so turned off by that one act, that when I went to kiss him good-bye as I tried to knock him to the airport curve.... my skin felt like crawling out from under my blonde.

Uckkk....so done!

A blonde is never going to allow that behavior more than once and consider it a faux pas. Second chances are never an option for this kind of hustle.

Like my natal chart says...

I hold onto men way too long and I think its time to start spring cleaning.

No more Raine to piss on my NY or Austin garden.


The Blonde is not a wet rag!

Going for the Zodiac

Everyone who has had a tough go at relationships is always looking for a better way to pick and choose the next one.

I am no different. I have tried going in the exact opposite direction of what I once picked, I tired praying, and even contemplated follow9ng in the Captain's foot steps and hit the past life theory but I have enough in this life.

I do not need to add a few more of my lives to the stress bowl.


Oc course its only natural that I am going to try astrology to pick a new partner. You can get your natal chart online just by adding your birthday and exact time of birth. Its surprisingly accurate in describing who I am...good and bad.

And, if it can give me a clear written objective view of my personality, why not the next mate?

It can't possibly do any worse than I have done.

No harm, no foul, just an interesting new thing to try.

I do find a little hypocrisy in this horoscope thing. While its alright for a blonde chick to play around with this as a novelty, it would be a little creepy to find a guy who was into astrology.

I like that.

I finally found a double standard where it applies to this side of the femme line.

Atrology: women can and the men I date... can't!!


The Blonde is checking the signs!!

When your Venus is in Virgo

you express love by doing things for, and fussing over, your loved one. You notice little things about your partner, make mental notes of their likes and dislikes (this may sound contrived, but it's not—it's simply the way you're wired!), and genuinely try to help your lover in practical ways. You listen to what your lover has to say, and you have something sensible and intelligent to say in response! In fact, you are great at communicating about your relationship.

One dilemma that can easily happen with this position: Your partner doesn't always know how to please you. You might have a simple answer, but he/she may still wonder. You see all of the details of your relationship. You worry about its viability, and tend to the practical details of partnership. These are important contributions to the relationship, but because they lack glamour, your partner may not always appreciate you. You are not the most romantic partner, and your tastes are rather simple (although, as mentioned before, it is hard for others to see that simplicity because you may have a habit of fussing). Can't see the forest for the trees? Your partner might accuse you of this, and it may be true. You will benefit from sitting back and infusing yourself with some faith in the big picture, once in a while. But, you are needed! And there are partners who will see that. You work hard at making yourself indispensable in your partner's life. Generally, you don't throw yourself into love affairs too readily. This does not mean you are chaste, like the Virgo of yore. Some Venus in Virgo natives can even be promiscuous. But when it comes to gooey romance, where lovers bare all, you are rather selective and self-contained. You are a very sensual being who wants to feel safe before giving yourself to another. Venus in Virgo has a reputation for being critical. This does happen, but it generally is a symptom of insecurity. You can't help but see the failings and the holes in any partnership, and you can sometimes be quite reticent about entering a partnership. Generally, though, you will see what's wrong with a person at the outset of a relationship when it doesn't feel safe to you as yet. It's a defense mechanism more than anything! Your own insecurities can propel you to see faults and problems in your partner. Once you feel safe, however, you are not quite the fussbudget Venus in Virgo is made out to be. You value effort put into a relationship (in fact, for many with this position, effort from their partner is at the top of their list).

If I could just hand this out on a first date, it would save a lot of remorse!!

The Blonde is a Venus Goddess!!

When your Venus is in Virgo

you express love by doing things for, and fussing over, your loved one. You notice little things about your partner, make mental notes of their likes and dislikes (this may sound contrived, but it's not—it's simply the way you're wired!), and genuinely try to help your lover in practical ways. You listen to what your lover has to say, and you have something sensible and intelligent to say in response! In fact, you are great at communicating about your relationship.

One dilemma that can easily happen with this position: Your partner doesn't always know how to please you. You might have a simple answer, but he/she may still wonder. You see all of the details of your relationship. You worry about its viability, and tend to the practical details of partnership. These are important contributions to the relationship, but because they lack glamour, your partner may not always appreciate you. You are not the most romantic partner, and your tastes are rather simple (although, as mentioned before, it is hard for others to see that simplicity because you may have a habit of fussing). Can't see the forest for the trees? Your partner might accuse you of this, and it may be true. You will benefit from sitting back and infusing yourself with some faith in the big picture, once in a while. But, you are needed! And there are partners who will see that. You work hard at making yourself indispensable in your partner's life. Generally, you don't throw yourself into love affairs too readily. This does not mean you are chaste, like the Virgo of yore. Some Venus in Virgo natives can even be promiscuous. But when it comes to gooey romance, where lovers bare all, you are rather selective and self-contained. You are a very sensual being who wants to feel safe before giving yourself to another. Venus in Virgo has a reputation for being critical. This does happen, but it generally is a symptom of insecurity. You can't help but see the failings and the holes in any partnership, and you can sometimes be quite reticent about entering a partnership. Generally, though, you will see what's wrong with a person at the outset of a relationship when it doesn't feel safe to you as yet. It's a defense mechanism more than anything! Your own insecurities can propel you to see faults and problems in your partner. Once you feel safe, however, you are not quite the fussbudget Venus in Virgo is made out to be. You value effort put into a relationship (in fact, for many with this position, effort from their partner is at the top of their list).

When your Venus is in Virgo

...you express love by doing things for, and fussing over, your loved one. You notice little things about your partner, make mental notes of their likes and dislikes (this may sound contrived, but it's not—it's simply the way you're wired!), and genuinely try to help your lover in practical ways. You listen to what your lover has to say, and you have something sensible and intelligent to say in response! In fact, you are great at communicating about your relationship.

One dilemma that can easily happen with this position: Your partner doesn't always know how to please you. You might have a simple answer, but he/she may still wonder. You see all of the details of your relationship. You worry about its viability, and tend to the practical details of partnership. These are important contributions to the relationship, but because they lack glamour, your partner may not always appreciate you. You are not the most romantic partner, and your tastes are rather simple (although, as mentioned before, it is hard for others to see that simplicity because you may have a habit of fussing). Can't see the forest for the trees? Your partner might accuse you of this, and it may be true. You will benefit from sitting back and infusing yourself with some faith in the big picture, once in a while. But, you are needed! And there are partners who will see that. You work hard at making yourself indispensable in your partner's life. Generally, you don't throw yourself into love affairs too readily. This does not mean you are chaste, like the Virgo of yore. Some Venus in Virgo natives can even be promiscuous. But when it comes to gooey romance, where lovers bare all, you are rather selective and self-contained. You are a very sensual being who wants to feel safe before giving yourself to another. Venus in Virgo has a reputation for being critical. This does happen, but it generally is a symptom of insecurity. You can't help but see the failings and the holes in any partnership, and you can sometimes be quite reticent about entering a partnership. Generally, though, you will see what's wrong with a person at the outset of a relationship when it doesn't feel safe to you as yet. It's a defense mechanism more than anything! Your own insecurities can propel you to see faults and problems in your partner. Once you feel safe, however, you are not quite the fussbudget Venus in Virgo is made out to be. You value effort put into a relationship (in fact, for many with this position, effort from their partner is at the top of their list).

If I could just hand this out on a first date, it would save a lot of remorse!!

The Blonde is a Venus Goddess!!

Birth Chart of Solar Girl

Sun in Leo

There's an unmistakably regal air to Solar Leos. These are dignified--even noble--folk. Leos have a reputation for being conceited, but think again. Leos do feel important, but this generally takes the form of wanting to change the world in some way--to make the world a better place. They are generally motivated by affection for people, and often have big dreams and plans to make people happy.

Generally, Leos are hard-working. After all, they are attracted to the good things in life, and they know they have to work to get them. It is sometimes difficult to imagine Leos as go-getters if you happen to catch them in one of their languid moods. These people can sleep in, laze around, and luxuriate for long periods of time. However, when they do get to work, they do it with intensity and determination. In this way, they are not unlike their symbol, the lion. The worst thing you can do to a Leo is accuse them of bad intentions. Displaying behavior that makes them think you don't appreciate them runs a close second. These happy, jovial people become mighty hurt when others don't see them for their noble intentions.

Loyal, and sometimes rather traditional, Leos are, after all, a fixed sign. They'll hold on to situations and people for a very long time before they give up. There is an unmistakable idealism to Leo's view of the world and the people in it. Often, Leos have a very noble inner code that they answer to. Although on the surface, Leos appear rather confident, they can actually be some of the most humble souls around. They are the first to blame themselves when something goes wrong. Once again, it's the Leonine self-importance at work, and this characteristic works in unexpected ways. Instead of being the conceited, self-absorbed show-offs of reputation, they are usually very self-aware, self-conscious, and, yes, even humble.


I will post the not so glowing paragraphs later.


Let me have tonight to bask in the glow!!


The Blonde is shedding some light!!

Budget Crisis

Its a crisis when you can't afford your expensive face cream and have to use what you can find around the house. I personally pillaged my parent's home and grabbed some glycerin suppositories.

I figure for someone whom every once in awhile talks out her ass could use a little butt cream for the face.

It actually works better than Loreal face cream and its not as greasy as Vaseline. I would have used Preparation H but ever since they took the shark oil out, it doesn't tighten as well.

If this sounds gross, its not half as freak as shaving your face. Some dermatologist in California is telling women the best exfoliation for the face is to shave it.

Personally I couldn't do it. It felt way too manly and weird.

Its all about boundaries.

Of course mine isn't set so high that I am not above using butt suppository bullets on my face.

Everyone is tightening their buckle these days. I am just glad I found a cheap way to tighten my facial epidermis.

Anyhoo,

I was thinking about home facial peels and if I bought the new Compound W Freeze Away with the q-tip stick and lightly brush it over my face I could achieve a refreshing new complexion for $20.

I will have to think about that one. I have haunting memories of trying to use Nair for hair laser removal on my pee-ka-choo and that nearly burnt my labia off.

Hmmm...

Blondie needs a few more physics classes before attempting to freeze off dead skin layers.

The Blonde is dangerously money conscious!!