12.15.2010

What Flatulence!!

I went to Neiman Marcus to pick out some christmas favors and low and behold did to my wandering nose appear?

Making my eyes water up as if they caught winter wonderdust?

Someone ripped a huge one in between the glass entry way of the store letting the sun bake in and heat the odor to a remarkably potent stench.

Open the second glass doors and the waft of perfume mixed with the fartabulous that almost brought me to my knees!!

What the F?

For fart that is..

What kind of jack arse does this sort of thing?

I can only think of one and duh, wouldn;t you know..it would be someone I went out with.

We went to the Celtics / Lakers game and in the elevator crammed full of body heat, he rips a silencer.

I knew it was him even if his face stayed plain as day. After all, he was my date.

Who else would be such a putz?

Anyhoo,

I left Neimans unable to take the vibrant mix of holiday arse spirits.


The Blonde hopes this season you keep your hot air to yourself!!!

12.09.2010

Its Over!!

Fall semester did not close with a bang but more a close 'C' thud.
I pulled off a 3.5 GPA but I need a 3.7 to close the deal on law school.

I will make a point not to sign up for dating sites next semester.

Dating is too damn time consuming.

Shaving

Shopping

Make up

Hair

Nails

blah, blah, blah.....

It takes at least 3 hours to pull your look together for potential boyfriends.

10 dates x 3 hours = a crap load of time taken away each week from studying.

I am simplifying next semester.

I have my classes and my 2 men booked for the semester.

Now I can relax and enjoy my holiday season .


Look out Apsen, here I come!!


The Blonde is booked solid!!!

12.05.2010

The Ups and Downs of 69

I am not one to blab about the boudoire or what happens inside other than a bit of generality and I am not about to start.

I do, however, do like to get in creative debates during happy hour with friends and since politics and religion is taboo and absolute no fun...sex is the next best thing.

We settled on the topic of karma sutra and how do crazy positions, while spice thing up, and keeps the bed from a bore fest, ultimately is just plain stupid.

At least that was my argument.

How the he--double hockey sticks do you concentrate on one end while the other end is being worked on.

It can't be done to equal satisfaction, something has to give.

If anyone is screaming for pleasure they certainly aren't working the sucking vortex you need to make the other one moan.

I just think there are better ways of using positions, like moving your arse to a hot tub, shower, or outside under the moon.

There are 72 positions in the karma sutra and this is only one.

I hold my tongue until I try the rest.


That's the Blondes position on things!!

12.01.2010

Playing in Urban

I have been living it up urban style with my new out -of -town beau in a hotel suite downtown this week. Ughhh!!

Not the beau!

...the hotel thing in your home town isn't quite as posh as living it up in another town. Not to mention, I did a crap pack job and was too lazy to drive the distance to el casa to refill my wardrobe.

I forgot saline solution, toothpaste, hairspray, curling iron and panties.

I was working in third world fashion and makeup mode.

I could have gone the 8 mile distance to get the stuff I forgot but I never made it past happy hour.

Neither did my car!

I crashed the side into a wall for the second time this month. The first time I was being bullied by a prick in an SUV coming out of the narrow garage opening and I tried nice - inched over too far and scraped the bee jee bees out of my vehicle.

Nice ended the moment I felt the scraping and before douche could blink - my window was down and douche came rushing out of my curled up lips faster than the Stig can stear a Ferarri FXX around a lap.

After all his car shoving you think he would have stood his ground but instead he backed up an dwent the other way.

Was that so hard?

Couldn't he have done it before I wrecked the side of my vanden plas?


The second time might have been one of those incidences where wine may or may not have been involved. I am not confessing to anything especially since the car slots at the boutique hotel were meant for skinny asian spinner cars and not my luxury sedan.

Trying to park my car downtown when I am used to parking in suburban sprawl is like putting a sweater on my cat.

Its hard and you end up getting scratched up!!

Anyhoo, I totally have a story on 69 but I am trying to spread the blog wealth so check back in a few.

The Blonde is back in her element!!

Working the Cam













The Blonde is using visual blog filler until my lazy arse is in writing mode again!!

11.20.2010

Marriage Minded

So I never got the on your knees, ring in hand, promise to always love you kind of thing.

So I aspire to have it.

And why wouldn't I?

We all aspire to have more title, more respect, more affirmation in life.

When you have never been properly asked to be married, you have to wonder...what is wrong with me?

What have I not done to succeed in my personal life?

I realize I am a late bloomer and now after all the shadows of my past are not worthy to tangle with me in a boxing ring, I want what I should have had long ago.

I want a husband.

I have been dating so long, single so long..there isn't anyone who can get past my bulls**t meter.

They all tell you what you want to hear up front, but come a few months down the road and they get comfortable...things slip and if you in tune, you notice and listen and you leave.

Don't waste time.

Keep dating until someone puts a ring on your finger.

Money talks and the rest walks away leaving something really great behind.

I am not spending my life comforting lonely fools who think they found a comfort patsy.

They need to hit younger and a little mo' blonde than me.


The Blonde wants the ring around the finger!!

11.07.2010

Butting Blonde with a Liberal

So I have gone out a few times with 'the liberal' and every once in awhile we will not see eye to eye on some form of politics. I being a laisse-faire more conservative participant to politics; my liberal is a leftist to the umpth degree and gets his pants all bunched up if I say something he drastically does not approve of.

I am usually half-hearted or say things that are for shock value just to see his face get squirmy and his eyes do this little bulge thing.

LOOK OUT.

Blonde head butt to the left.

Duck

Crap, I got hit by liberalist attitude.

I usually quickly recover and find it a most excellent moment to keep my mouth mumz.

Mumz the word when it comes to politics, especially after a few drinks and passion arises a bit more in me than usual.

The liberal, however, probably keeps the same passion about his politics with or without said libations.

I never get offended by anyone's opinion and I won't strongly argue against it since I really do not take that much of a vested interest in regards to politics. I know enough to know what I like and don't like.

Sort of like wine.

I only get offended when the liberal says things to me like,

"You would look really great in a sari."

"You will love India."

love India?

India is not on my holiday agenda. Sari!!


Why that offends me I have no idea. maybe its because women who wear saris usually are under a subordinate role playing game in the traditional sense.

The Blonde is hardly a substitute for an obliging woman when her fashion sense is attacked by such a small statement.

Ah screaming liberals...you have to hate them.

I do like conservative democrats. But I digress sometimes.


The Blonde is a capitalist with dreams of Monte Carlo...wearing Prada!!

11.03.2010

Regulations Regarding PDA

Having come into my own during the decade of preppy, I believe in restraint and reserve public displays of affection for only those men I am fully committed to.

I do not like being walked to my car so I can be mauled by a man I just met for a first date.

What is with men?

Are there no gentlemen?

Where the heck are the manners for men 50 and below. They are severely in need ettiquette school.

The worst ones are the ex-football pleyers who think they are still in high school and expect to get lucky with the ladies. Seriously dude, you own a carpet store and lost half you hair.

The glory days are over for you.

So be polite and treat a girl with some respect.

As usual I only gripe about the really bad dates. I have had many dates with very nice gentlemen who are sweet and know some old fashion rules that I like to live by.

And thus they are spared my blog posting. I like protecting the inoccent and calling out the not so ones.

I know when I want someone and I being the femme part of the equation I get to go first and I will let it be known.

Its called communicating with flirtation.

If you don't see at the dinner table, don't expect it near a car.

If you missed the slight flirt, you get the second chance of knowing by my leaning toward you to give you a kiss goodnight on the cheek and if I grant another date, than its safe to say, I am wanting that kiss.

On occassion, if I really like someone all those rules disappear in a haze of romantic bliss.


For the rest of you fools...Do not follow a girl to her car unless you are seriously looking out for her well being and not trying to get lucky in a parking lot.

Gross.

The Blonde is laying down some law!!