SuperBowl Sunday

So its here

Big Deal...the Saints and the Colts...snore!

I am ditching Dallas.

Driving 4 hours to D-town to watch a football game with an ex-boyfriend and his friends is not an option for me any longer.

I love the commercials but thanks to youtube, I can watch them without the game interrupting.

Besides I have two exams this week and issues with my hair. I am debating just chopping my goldie locks off and going Sharon Stone for awhile but than I think if I want to grow it back out, I will have the same issues with what to do with awkward stages of bang growth.

Its all about finding a new attitude.

I can't start a new style with a closet full of old ill fitted wears.

Instead of chopping off my blonde, I did something far less destructive and far more productive.

I cleaned out my baggage.

I deleted every single last email address, phone number, and correspondence from anyone who came off the web.

I have a clean slate for serendipity to play its part at the grocery store, the park, or any where I will be walking along. Anything that doesn't involve the toxic internet dating arena.

I believe its the only true way to finding something beyond portable and disposable.

The Blonde will be playing off the sidelines!!!

BeautifulPeople.com

After hearing a news clip that beautifulpeople.com dumped 5,000 profiles from their site due to fat gain from the holidays, I had to check it out. I am fairly certain the story just happened to be a well played out publicity stunt but still...I had to look.

In order to look I had to set up a quick profile with my photo which then gets rated by other members. I did see some fugly but overall it was minimal and I have to say, after comparing it to other internet dating sites, they are a better looking group of hotties.

On most Internet dating sites Texas seems to have some of the scariest, I mean to the point of looking like they were the hillbillies in the movie 'Deliverance' and after seeing more than 5 of these freaks, I get so disgusted I start looking in other states. Kansas has some really cute corn fed hotties but unfortunately they live in Kansas, and well let's just say....ewwww!! But on beautifulpeople.com that torture is cut to a minimum and I enjoyed peaking around even if I am not interested in a single one.

Now, I am not planning on joining anymore Internet dating sites. I really do think the men on these sites are just all broken goods along with many of the women. I rather take my money and join an upscale health club and hit on the cutie running next to me on the treadmill. But I do have to admit, after receiving 6 or 7 interest emails from some of the members and everyone of them happens to be super handsome, I might just have to get my super glue, because some of this broken deserves to be fixed at least for a weekend!

The Blonde is just looking!!!

Hubbell Who?

OK...so I am totally over the Hubbell thing. You know, contrary to belief I am not some emotional freak who fell in love with someone over five dates. I was more or less in love with the possibility of being in love and living a fab life.

For all I know the dude might have sucked in bed! Its what I am using to get over my crush!

So to celebrate my new found overness, I have bought the sexiest 5 1/2" heels and a super sexy shoulder baring dress and I am meeting up with my equadorian hottie at Eddie V's tomorrow night.

He may only be a friend but we look so hot together that we are VIP'd wherever we go.

I love my latin hottie and he knows how to treat me like a Princess. Its exactly what I need right now.

I am going to let him devour me with attention for a couple of hours and than tuck myself in bed with a giant smile.

Later in the weekend I am headed to D town for a Superbowl party.

I am back to happy.

I am happy I did not go to New York. I am happy I with my decision to not make friends with dates that failed. A woman needs to value herself and playing the runner up position and dangling on is not only gross but it doesn't make you feel like a winner.

The loser in all of this isn't me!!!

The Blonde doesn't need to collect names!

Time to Renew

My timing is off and apparently not just by way of men. I keep thinking it friday, although its only Thursday. I guess finishing my work early to prepare for my New York trip has my internal clock screwed up.

Unfortunately for Raine, he is not someone who likes to spoil women and I am too spoiled to be treated half heartedly as a friend. If I want a man around, I will date him and be treated like a Princess. Raine likes calling his friends because he can super budget his way into a booty call.

But not with the Blond he can't.

Every time I have visited him, I came home thinking what an ass he is. He rushes me in and than shoves me out the door. Half the day he is emailing other women from online dating services. I swear he had a date on the day I was leaving last time. He was so quick to get rid of me he made me walk with him down the block strolling my Hartman luggage behind and shoved me in a cab with no leg room for the 30 minute ride to the airport.

He also made me miss my plane and expected me to change airports to catch a flight in order to keep me from coming back into the city.

Douche!!

A few months down the time line he emails me to see if I want to come up. After the last time...I never want to go up. I only decided to go this time because I needed to get away and over Hubbell. But in the end, I would feel worse if I went to New York and let Raine get away with not treating me special.

I am tired of letting him slide on certain things I find important just because I am labelled his friend. He has lots of ladies labelled friends.

Its how he gets away with sleeping around and never committing to anyone and sparing his tight pocket from shelling out for , shall we be nice and say, a courtesan?

I don't want to sleep with him and the last time I visited, he made me feel like I should. And now every time I try to go visit him, that feeling of him trying to ease his way into my pants gets my goat and I bail at the last minute.

I f I am not in a committed relationship, I don't sleep with you...bottom line!!

That is the problem with 'friends' that started off as potential boyfriend material. Once you sleep with someone and it no longer works out, you really just have to walk away.

I am a firm believer that you truly can not revert it back into a friend situation without someone being taken advantage of.

Maybe he can but I don't want to.

I don't have to.

If I want to see New York, I will go online and find a new boyfriend that will treat me like a Queen and live the romance of Manhattan like it was meant to be. And any man that treats a woman like a Queen will be rewarded in so many numerous ways.

Get your mind out of the gutter.

OK...two seconds in the gutter and than back to the story!

Done picturing dirty deeds?

Good.

In the end, I just am not interested in keeping old dates around.

The Blonde is spring cleaning her life!!!

No York

I cancelled my trip!

After all New York is for lovers and I don't have one.

UPDATE: Since I decided to cancel the flight I found out that a snow/ice storm is going to hit Ny the day I was supposed to leave. I spared myself some lengthy layover headaches.

The Blonde is grounded!

The Grammys

is my favorite show of the year. I place it way above the hoopla of the Oscars. The Grammys has exciting musical fests to delight the eye and tickle the hair on your arms until it stands straight up.

For the past several years I have watched it alone. I don't understand why peeps don't show as much excitement for the Grammys as they do the Oscars which is just a bunch of boring thank you speeches with a little host humor mixed in.

The Captain ditched my call to watch it together. He has a sound system that probably would have made me feel like I was on X watching it. Instead I had to scavenge through the house for a couple of pairs of bose computer speakers and plug them into my little flat screen. As a women I am not as enthralled with electronic gadgets as the men. I just assume that's a blue thing. But I made do with my pink stereo hook up job.

Pink was amazing with her cirque de soleil number. How she didn't get zapped holding the microphone as water poured all over her is a wonderment in my view.

Beyonce out did herself with that hair swinging number. No seriously, the hair swinging was a bit much but I got over it.

I missed the Elton John and Lady Gaga number. I quickly ran to my computer to watch it on youtube but the video was pulled for violation in the beginning of me watching it. I would ask around if anyone was cool enough to tivo the show but I am abundantly aware that I have no one to call in times of crisis.

Robert Downey Jr who I have had a crush on ever since I can remember looked absolutely handsome as ever.

All in all I was happy with the winning outcome and I smiled from ear to ear for the entire duration of the Grammys. I always do. Its got a special spiritual something in it that makes me serene and happy. Its an experience best shared with others but even watched alone, I still enjoyed it.

Sort of like my life. I enjoy it. I just would enjoy it more if I had someone to share it with full time. It gets lonely looking at a phone that never rings. It gets lonely emailing old flames just to have dialogue with someone. Its even more lonely trying to keep up friendly appearances with someone that had as many excuses as pearls on a Mikimoto strand as to why it didn't work out between us.

Maybe I could get Pink to write a song about it.

So off I go to New York pretending that will make me happy when in retrospect it will only make me feel worse . I don't see the point of keeping in touch once the romance has dwindled and friendship is all that remains? Its like a broken record that I can't quite shut off.

Its like lyrics that get trapped in your head and you can't get it out of your head and you keep singing along to it even when you don't want to anymore.

I think what is really getting to me is that Hubbell was my last shot. I had made the claim last year after the canadian that I was broken. I took one last shot and now all my hopes and dreams have been thorougly shattered.

The Blonde will never be part of duet!

Say Hello to My Little Friend

Say hello to aderal.

After turmoil over the fact I have so much to accomplish and not an ounce of sense in my brain, I reached for a little medicinal help. And although I was up all night long...

I am done!


I finished all 4 essays for my anthropology class.

I finished my essay for government.

And I finished my essay for mass communications.

And with any luck my resume will impress someone.

The only thing left to do is bag the hope of any future togetherness with Hubbell or anyone else for that matter.

The Blonde is retiring solo!

Brain Lock

I have a hard time concentrating lately. My mind wanders to thinking about how my life was supposed to be and what my life has actually been.

On the eve before I leave for my New York trip, I have to finish 4 essays for anthropology and find it an utter bore. I have to write an essay on the intrusion of political figures lives and I am benevolent. I have to write an essay on a BBC program that featured to journalists who report on the war in the middle east and I am inspired. I have to study for french class and have trouble with retaining what I learned from the last class. And I have to continue plugging away at the job market without losing hope.

On top of it all, I am lonely. I haven't had a relationship in a long time and it is wearing on me like a wet sweater. I am all mangled up inside.

I can't concentrate on all the above mentioned because I am too busy thinking of how my life is passing me by and all the hopes and dreams I had about love and marriage are slowly diminishing. One day I am going to look in the mirror and be this sad and single creature who eats ice cream in bed wrapped up in a light blue snuggy with the cats kneeding my hair into a rastafarian, dreadlock motif.

All of my cognitive abilities are full throttle in the direction of dealing with rejection that I can't bare to spend one synapsis on the rest of my life at the moment.

I am not a freak.

I am not the elephant man.

I am more than a side attraction.

I am

I am

I am in the circus cage of unrequited love

with my face pressed against the iron bars

while the fat lady sings to the object of my affection.

The Blonde needs the key!