2.03.2010

No York

I cancelled my trip!

After all New York is for lovers and I don't have one.


UPDATE: Since I decided to cancel the flight I found out that a snow/ice storm is going to hit Ny the day I was supposed to leave. I spared myself some lengthy layover headaches.

The Blonde is grounded!




The Grammys

is my favorite show of the year. I place it way above the hoopla of the Oscars. The Grammys has exciting musical fests to delight the eye and tickle the hair on your arms until it stands straight up.

For the past several years I have watched it alone. I don't understand why peeps don't show as much excitement for the Grammys as they do the Oscars which is just a bunch of boring thank you speeches with a little host humor mixed in.

The Captain ditched my call to watch it together. He has a sound system that probably would have made me feel like I was on X watching it. Instead I had to scavenge through the house for a couple of pairs of bose computer speakers and plug them into my little flat screen. As a women I am not as enthralled with electronic gadgets as the men. I just assume that's a blue thing. But I made do with my pink stereo hook up job.

Pink was amazing with her cirque de soleil number. How she didn't get zapped holding the microphone as water poured all over her is a wonderment in my view.

Beyonce out did herself with that hair swinging number. No seriously, the hair swinging was a bit much but I got over it.

I missed the Elton John and Lady Gaga number. I quickly ran to my computer to watch it on youtube but the video was pulled for violation in the beginning of me watching it. I would ask around if anyone was cool enough to tivo the show but I am abundantly aware that I have no one to call in times of crisis.

Robert Downey Jr who I have had a crush on ever since I can remember looked absolutely handsome as ever.

All in all I was happy with the winning outcome and I smiled from ear to ear for the entire duration of the Grammys. I always do. Its got a special spiritual something in it that makes me serene and happy. Its an experience best shared with others but even watched alone, I still enjoyed it.

Sort of like my life. I enjoy it. I just would enjoy it more if I had someone to share it with full time. It gets lonely looking at a phone that never rings. It gets lonely emailing old flames just to have dialogue with someone. Its even more lonely trying to keep up friendly appearances with someone that had as many excuses as pearls on a Mikimoto strand as to why it didn't work out between us.

Maybe I could get Pink to write a song about it.

So off I go to New York pretending that will make me happy when in retrospect it will only make me feel worse . I don't see the point of keeping in touch once the romance has dwindled and friendship is all that remains? Its like a broken record that I can't quite shut off.

Its like lyrics that get trapped in your head and you can't get it out of your head and you keep singing along to it even when you don't want to anymore.

I think what is really getting to me is that Hubbell was my last shot. I had made the claim last year after the canadian that I was broken. I took one last shot and now all my hopes and dreams have been thorougly shattered.

The Blonde will never be part of duet!

Say Hello to My Little Friend

Say hello to aderal.

After turmoil over the fact I have so much to accomplish and not an ounce of sense in my brain, I reached for a little medicinal help. And although I was up all night long...

I am done!


I finished all 4 essays for my anthropology class.

I finished my essay for government.

And I finished my essay for mass communications.

And with any luck my resume will impress someone.

The only thing left to do is bag the hope of any future togetherness with Hubbell or anyone else for that matter.

The Blonde is retiring solo!

2.02.2010

Brain Lock

I have a hard time concentrating lately. My mind wanders to thinking about how my life was supposed to be and what my life has actually been.

On the eve before I leave for my New York trip, I have to finish 4 essays for anthropology and find it an utter bore. I have to write an essay on the intrusion of political figures lives and I am benevolent. I have to write an essay on a BBC program that featured to journalists who report on the war in the middle east and I am inspired. I have to study for french class and have trouble with retaining what I learned from the last class. And I have to continue plugging away at the job market without losing hope.

On top of it all, I am lonely. I haven't had a relationship in a long time and it is wearing on me like a wet sweater. I am all mangled up inside.

I can't concentrate on all the above mentioned because I am too busy thinking of how my life is passing me by and all the hopes and dreams I had about love and marriage are slowly diminishing. One day I am going to look in the mirror and be this sad and single creature who eats ice cream in bed wrapped up in a light blue snuggy with the cats kneeding my hair into a rastafarian, dreadlock motif.

All of my cognitive abilities are full throttle in the direction of dealing with rejection that I can't bare to spend one synapsis on the rest of my life at the moment.

I am not a freak.

I am not the elephant man.

I am more than a side attraction.

I am

I am

I am in the circus cage of unrequited love

with my face pressed against the iron bars

while the fat lady sings to the object of my affection.


The Blonde needs the key!








1.31.2010

Sleepless In Seattle

has been running on television all weekend and I have been watching it all weekend. Its one of those movies that you can watch over and over and still reach for the hanky box.

My favorite part is how Sam talks about his wife and how great he had it at least for awhile. I think we all have had it great for awhile somewhere in our past. And its those memories that make us long for a partner to make us feel like that again.

Today its grey and cold and thoughts of having someone next to my side fills my head. The best I can do is with my bed hogging cats and the romantic movie marathon on the E channel.

In a few days I will be headed to New York to see yet another internet date - turned friend. I love New York and visiting makes me happy even if no one will be waiting for me at the top of the Empire States building on Valentine's Day.

That is the problem with internet date - turn friends. You spend a great time with them but when its over you have to ask yourself, "If we are so great together, why aren't we together?"

I go back and forth on this thought and for now....

I am beginning to feel like Kate from 'The Way We Were'. All my men have become Hubbell and I have to watch them ride off in the car with the betty brunette they chose over me.


Maybe its not the greatest idea to spend time with someone that passed you over but than I think, it is far better to spend time, with at least someone, than to be alone with a flatulent cat and a tub of sugar free cool whip in front of the tele tube thinking about being the simple and lovely girl my Hubbell is seeing.


The Blonde doesn't want to roll over!

1.26.2010

Love Sucks

Just have Sex!!!

That's all anyone wants anymore anyway!

The Blonde!!!

1.22.2010

Biting the Big Apple

Who am I kidding?

I can't look for love.

It is too hard freaking hard.

I give up!

I am utterly without game anymore. I need some serious ego stroking. I am going to New York to do just that. It helps that Raine is super sweet and knows exactly when I can use some friendly nuzzle time.

I guess I was all wrapped up in finding the man of my dreams that I forgot I have quality men of my reality ready to lend me a hug any time I need.

I don't care how long the fat lady sings!

I am over Love!

I just need to find a way to get over the idea of love than just moping around. I need to just fill my days with familiar faces, fun places and some serious shoe shopping!

The Blonde needs to feed her soul!

1.20.2010

The Look of Love

Strap the apparatus on my head that bonks me on the back of my head as I reach for another heart!

It is not my nature to give up and as much as my heart breaks at each failing, I rise above and smile and look to a bright future!

And what do I see?


I see me happy without that cupid and his stupid arrow!!!


The Blonde isn't blinded by love!


1.18.2010

The Nature Of Love

Love is an evolving thing.


It grows.

It dies.

It is as solitary as your own heart.

You can give your love, take it away, lose it, or fall for it but you can never force it to be something its not.

A relationship can only exist if two people feel the same for each other whether it be 3 dates, 3 years, or 3 decades.

I think the worst part of dating isn't the bad date but rather the date that moves onto the 3rd and 4th and then disappears before it is given the chance for more.

And our minds get stuck in where it went wrong?

And even if we can pin point the exact moment, it does not matter for the one who still has feelings. Those feelings are there and we just have to wait until they disappear.

One small tiny thing can change the course of someone's desire for you and no matter how much you might want to change that, you can't. It's not your fault nor theirs...

it's just

The Nature of Love!

and we will never understand it.

We just have to find a way to grow from it.


The Blonde will always be stumped!!

1.09.2010

Is It Better...




to burn out

or just

fade away??




The Blonde

1.03.2010

Falling Out of Love With Love

Not everyone was meant to be with someone and I can get just as much love, liking a hundred men as I can loving just one!

This year I am on a journey to stay out of love. I am going to pick one man a week to play with and then like a bored cat, walk away and leave him stunned.

Every Sunday read about why sometimes it's better to love and leave quicker than a heart beat can say ouCh!!!

Going back to my little black book but beware I don't bother with anyone who isn't a member!

The Blonde thinks bad is better!

1.01.2010

Less Is More

Happy New year Y'all!!


This year I will be posting only Sunday but it will be jammed pack of the weekly low down.

How Fabulous was last night?!!!

The Blonde had a blast!!

but you will have to wait until Sunday to read about it!