...on your dates leg!!
I had a date in good ole San Antone last night. A pretty night called for margaritas and some
tex-mex on the deck, under a large tree, at this pretty little restaurant on the north end of the city.
Seeing as its almost November and being smack in the middle of fall, it did not occur to me that the last remaining mosquito this season would land on my thigh.
It also did not occur to me that my date would take his hand and smack the mosquito so hard that it would smoosh and stick to my leg. It all happened so fast. I only saw the aftermath when my date lifted his hand.
I am at a restaurant!
I will not scream!
I will not panic
Get it off, get it offf, GET IT OFF!!!
With a quick swipe of the napkin, it was gone but the grossness of the event lingered on throughout dinner. I used half my martini to disinfect my leg and the other half to blur my memory of a dead smooshed bloody thing all over my thigh.
After 3 jalopena and pomegrante martinis, not as bad as you think, I was laughing and almost completely over the bug attack and thinking I might not get some weird new string of swine virus from it when a giant moth landed on the table.
That was all I needed to end the outdoor festivities! Other than that the date went well.
The Blonde doesn't get bugged much!!
10.28.2009
10.23.2009
Waiter, The Check ...Quickly Please
I went out last night with someone who looked about 10 years older and 4 inches shorter than his pictures revealed online. The profile also forgot to mention in the 'about me' section, about him being an old fashion bigot. He actually used the 'N' word three freaking times.
I told him he need to quickly stop with it right there. I should have just left but I am a glutton for punishment and I really wanted my petit filet and King crab legs. Sullivan's is super cheesy but there food is always good.
So I stay and it gets worse.
Oh yes it does!!
It gets fabulously worse.
Old Tex fessed up that he drank a 24 oz can of Coors ( redneck pronunciation: cuurs) driving from Houston to Austin. He had several glasses of wine before I got to the restaurant. He plowed down 4 more glasses of wine at dinner, getting a little nastier and a little more honest about his true nature, which is a natural jerk.
He starts telling me how the twenty somethings will hit on him because he has a house on the lake and big Mercedes Benz. He slurrs some sentences on why he hates pretentious people that have a problem with the 'F' bomb.
Etc...
Etc...
Etc...
As I nudge the waiters to help me round up things at this dinner, he lifts his head from a stuper and tells me he needs to pick up his friends at the airport. I kept asking, "Are you sure you don't want to switch to water or tea. I can make sure its green and not black tea." Ok, I really didn't say the last part but seriously, who says the 'N' word anymore, other than one of my favorite comedians Kat Williams.
I didn't want this dude on the road smashing into an inoccent car. He just kept telling me that he was getting drunker...but he kept drinking.
By the time this disaster ended he could barely walk properly. I left him abruptly on the curb and as I walked by the valets I said, "Grandpa is drunk again."
I just thought to myself the cops at the airport will help him out if he can't drive.
The Blonde is done with dinner dates!
I told him he need to quickly stop with it right there. I should have just left but I am a glutton for punishment and I really wanted my petit filet and King crab legs. Sullivan's is super cheesy but there food is always good.
So I stay and it gets worse.
Oh yes it does!!
It gets fabulously worse.
Old Tex fessed up that he drank a 24 oz can of Coors ( redneck pronunciation: cuurs) driving from Houston to Austin. He had several glasses of wine before I got to the restaurant. He plowed down 4 more glasses of wine at dinner, getting a little nastier and a little more honest about his true nature, which is a natural jerk.
He starts telling me how the twenty somethings will hit on him because he has a house on the lake and big Mercedes Benz. He slurrs some sentences on why he hates pretentious people that have a problem with the 'F' bomb.
Etc...
Etc...
Etc...
As I nudge the waiters to help me round up things at this dinner, he lifts his head from a stuper and tells me he needs to pick up his friends at the airport. I kept asking, "Are you sure you don't want to switch to water or tea. I can make sure its green and not black tea." Ok, I really didn't say the last part but seriously, who says the 'N' word anymore, other than one of my favorite comedians Kat Williams.
I didn't want this dude on the road smashing into an inoccent car. He just kept telling me that he was getting drunker...but he kept drinking.
By the time this disaster ended he could barely walk properly. I left him abruptly on the curb and as I walked by the valets I said, "Grandpa is drunk again."
I just thought to myself the cops at the airport will help him out if he can't drive.
The Blonde is done with dinner dates!
10.22.2009
I Am Still Here
I just have been super busy studying, writing essays for school, and looking for new beaus on a new internet dating site I joined for 30 days. So far, its going very well. Time will tell if I am dealing with more habitual daters but I am feeling positive about it.
I had a great date with my first date. He is a cutey and I had a ball. He is 4 years younger than me, so it looks like I might be wanting to exercise my cougar skills but considering this is about as young as I will go, its not truly a wild at endeavor.
I have drinks tonight with someone and I am working the phone for a few out of towners. I do love to travel, only this time I am hitting mostly the west coast.
Sorry its only a quick note for you but I have to get ready for tonight.
The Blonde is Back to her pursuits!!!
I had a great date with my first date. He is a cutey and I had a ball. He is 4 years younger than me, so it looks like I might be wanting to exercise my cougar skills but considering this is about as young as I will go, its not truly a wild at endeavor.
I have drinks tonight with someone and I am working the phone for a few out of towners. I do love to travel, only this time I am hitting mostly the west coast.
Sorry its only a quick note for you but I have to get ready for tonight.
The Blonde is Back to her pursuits!!!
10.07.2009
Changing My Blondes
...to brunettes.
You are who you hang with and quite frankly, I don't want to hang out with womanizers. At least the Captain admits it but Raine wouldn't admit he was in the wrong if you side swiped him across the head (choose whichever head you want) with two blondes, a red head and a brunette.
I don't want someone telling me women have an expiration date...uh hum...Captain. I think men in there 50's go through some type of mid life crisis because they seem to be the worst womanizers on the planet. Somewhere around 58 they get over it and start to look to settle down. I guess they realize they have an expiration date when they notice the she-well starts drying up and dating the young women they want isn't a game of shooting blondes in a barrel but more like a game of throwing a ring over a coca cola bottle; you need to pull out a lot of dollars to get the prize.
What is funny, guys lie about there age just as much as woman on internet sites. I try to stay below 46 but somehow, the men I date seem to creep up in age over a dinner date. I want someone my age who is as excited about finding a girlfriend just as much as I am about finding a boyfriend.
As far as hanging with my blondes? Eventually if I continue my friendship with these men they will have me convinced that I am too old to deserve anything better than what they are offering, which is a whole lot of nothing.
I am replacing them with brunettes.
The Blonde likes her new out look!!!
You are who you hang with and quite frankly, I don't want to hang out with womanizers. At least the Captain admits it but Raine wouldn't admit he was in the wrong if you side swiped him across the head (choose whichever head you want) with two blondes, a red head and a brunette.
I don't want someone telling me women have an expiration date...uh hum...Captain. I think men in there 50's go through some type of mid life crisis because they seem to be the worst womanizers on the planet. Somewhere around 58 they get over it and start to look to settle down. I guess they realize they have an expiration date when they notice the she-well starts drying up and dating the young women they want isn't a game of shooting blondes in a barrel but more like a game of throwing a ring over a coca cola bottle; you need to pull out a lot of dollars to get the prize.
What is funny, guys lie about there age just as much as woman on internet sites. I try to stay below 46 but somehow, the men I date seem to creep up in age over a dinner date. I want someone my age who is as excited about finding a girlfriend just as much as I am about finding a boyfriend.
As far as hanging with my blondes? Eventually if I continue my friendship with these men they will have me convinced that I am too old to deserve anything better than what they are offering, which is a whole lot of nothing.
I am replacing them with brunettes.
The Blonde likes her new out look!!!
10.06.2009
Who Got A
for annoyed?!
I got A!!
I am so glad I do not pay for the dating site I am most recently frolicking on. I would be really miffed knowing half the dudes on this site are online dating junkies.
Its like surfing through a needle in a haystack just to find one nice guy which I am fairly sure with the name of this site, there aren't really any. I mean they are nice, they just don't mean anything they portray or say on their profile.
My favorite ones are the ones that will try to string you along on a lie.
I hate those.
Why can't they just be up front about their real deal?
Its a new time.
Woman are going slut and having a ball with it!
I actually am probably way too honest, on my profile, for this site but I really don't expect to find the love of my life on it anyway... but you never know.
Always the optimist!!
Right now its a great way to blow off steam while I am studying.
Another great thing about not paying for the premo service is I can't see who viewed me and /or who favorited me. I think if they can't even say at least a little hello, he is not man enough for me. Besides I don't want to get my feelings hurt looking at all the ones that passed me up. Its so much easier to live in a false sense of fabulousness than it is seeing the reality that I was passed up by a bunch of cute junkies.
Anyhoo,
I have to get back to studying. I have a big line up for the weekend and I need to cram class work in before the fun starts to hit the fan.
The Blonde is in a better class!
I got A!!
I am so glad I do not pay for the dating site I am most recently frolicking on. I would be really miffed knowing half the dudes on this site are online dating junkies.
Its like surfing through a needle in a haystack just to find one nice guy which I am fairly sure with the name of this site, there aren't really any. I mean they are nice, they just don't mean anything they portray or say on their profile.
My favorite ones are the ones that will try to string you along on a lie.
I hate those.
Why can't they just be up front about their real deal?
Its a new time.
Woman are going slut and having a ball with it!
I actually am probably way too honest, on my profile, for this site but I really don't expect to find the love of my life on it anyway... but you never know.
Always the optimist!!
Right now its a great way to blow off steam while I am studying.
Another great thing about not paying for the premo service is I can't see who viewed me and /or who favorited me. I think if they can't even say at least a little hello, he is not man enough for me. Besides I don't want to get my feelings hurt looking at all the ones that passed me up. Its so much easier to live in a false sense of fabulousness than it is seeing the reality that I was passed up by a bunch of cute junkies.
Anyhoo,
I have to get back to studying. I have a big line up for the weekend and I need to cram class work in before the fun starts to hit the fan.
The Blonde is in a better class!
10.02.2009
Google Was Wrong
(read yesterday's posting)
That was not the guy who answered my ad for platonic ticket to ACL festival.
Whew!
But the guy who did answer the ad is not my type.
First of all, never, never, never send me a picture without your shirt on unless I have carnal knowledge of you already!
Second, what idiot wears sunglasses indoors while taking a snapshot of himself with the webcam?
and Third but not least; he used the word dating when I said strictly platonic.
The fact he emailed me 6 times already, I am fairly certain he has classic stalker tendencies and I just got rid of the last one.
This weekend I am going back some oldies but some goodies; one old date I ran into and one of the cuter ex's. He is my safe and but sorry I broke up with you backup when I am in need of comfort friend.
The Blonde turned to the right guys!
That was not the guy who answered my ad for platonic ticket to ACL festival.
Whew!
But the guy who did answer the ad is not my type.
First of all, never, never, never send me a picture without your shirt on unless I have carnal knowledge of you already!
Second, what idiot wears sunglasses indoors while taking a snapshot of himself with the webcam?
and Third but not least; he used the word dating when I said strictly platonic.
The fact he emailed me 6 times already, I am fairly certain he has classic stalker tendencies and I just got rid of the last one.
This weekend I am going back some oldies but some goodies; one old date I ran into and one of the cuter ex's. He is my safe and but sorry I broke up with you backup when I am in need of comfort friend.
The Blonde turned to the right guys!
9.26.2009
9.20.2009
Internet Dating is Funny
I have to pick on this profile..I just find it too funny not to share!!
The Dude is 51 and not Brad Pitt or John Corbett or even George Clooney hot!!
Are you that special?...a complete woman?
Description:
I am so fed up of women who have limitations...who sleep too much, who don't do this or that...who have no concept of what an amazing relationship can be like and who offer so little when wanting so much...I am not sure which is worse, the ones who are just mediocre and don't realize it...or the one's who are knowingly shallow and materialistic...please do not bother me unless you satisfy everything I am looking for below - and expect your man also to be everything you desire....Also, please do not bother if you smoke or have oral issues/limitations....
Relationship I am Seeking
I'm Seeking:
Women
For:
Marriage, Long-Term Relationship
Description:
Are you a complete woman? No REALLY? I know they exist as I have had one whom I tragically lost. They love unconditionally, make love with passion, imagination and WITHOUT limit (ie they love everything normal), prefer to be awake than asleep, kiss amazingly, live enthusiastically and plan positively. They are totally unselfish, unaffected, unpretentious and live to please. They also expect the same from their man. Please do not go any further if you do not fully associate with the foregoing or think I am looking for a lot. So, if you are interested, I'm very young-looking, sporty - all sorts, fit, speak seven languages, accomplished musician, have a doctorate, don't smoke or drink, (never have), wicked sense of humour, strong, passionate and affectionate (extremely). I'm great fun, attentive, unpretentious, easy going and I'm looking for a serious relationship, nothing else. I'm used to being with an intelligent, naturally beautiful (I'm aesthetically driven - looks do matter), internationally educated, (much) younger, elegant, sporty, sensual and affectionate girl, who has immense poise and character and a stunning physique (natural or enhanced). A woman who stands out in her own right, or could/should. Someone who thrives on being in a strong and exceptional relationship in which each partner's emotional, physical, sexual, intellectual, family, social and other needs are not only met but exceeded. Preferably someone who wants a family at some point, probably 23-37 but I am flexible. Interested? Compatible? Sure? Really? Are you an amazing lover, friend, wife and mother in the making and just needing the right guy? Then please let me know. But remember. I am no one's sugardaddie, I am someone's future equal, partner or husband.
The Blonde loves irony!
The Dude is 51 and not Brad Pitt or John Corbett or even George Clooney hot!!
Are you that special?...a complete woman?
Description:
I am so fed up of women who have limitations...who sleep too much, who don't do this or that...who have no concept of what an amazing relationship can be like and who offer so little when wanting so much...I am not sure which is worse, the ones who are just mediocre and don't realize it...or the one's who are knowingly shallow and materialistic...please do not bother me unless you satisfy everything I am looking for below - and expect your man also to be everything you desire....Also, please do not bother if you smoke or have oral issues/limitations....
Relationship I am Seeking
I'm Seeking:
Women
For:
Marriage, Long-Term Relationship
Description:
Are you a complete woman? No REALLY? I know they exist as I have had one whom I tragically lost. They love unconditionally, make love with passion, imagination and WITHOUT limit (ie they love everything normal), prefer to be awake than asleep, kiss amazingly, live enthusiastically and plan positively. They are totally unselfish, unaffected, unpretentious and live to please. They also expect the same from their man. Please do not go any further if you do not fully associate with the foregoing or think I am looking for a lot. So, if you are interested, I'm very young-looking, sporty - all sorts, fit, speak seven languages, accomplished musician, have a doctorate, don't smoke or drink, (never have), wicked sense of humour, strong, passionate and affectionate (extremely). I'm great fun, attentive, unpretentious, easy going and I'm looking for a serious relationship, nothing else. I'm used to being with an intelligent, naturally beautiful (I'm aesthetically driven - looks do matter), internationally educated, (much) younger, elegant, sporty, sensual and affectionate girl, who has immense poise and character and a stunning physique (natural or enhanced). A woman who stands out in her own right, or could/should. Someone who thrives on being in a strong and exceptional relationship in which each partner's emotional, physical, sexual, intellectual, family, social and other needs are not only met but exceeded. Preferably someone who wants a family at some point, probably 23-37 but I am flexible. Interested? Compatible? Sure? Really? Are you an amazing lover, friend, wife and mother in the making and just needing the right guy? Then please let me know. But remember. I am no one's sugardaddie, I am someone's future equal, partner or husband.
The Blonde loves irony!
Male Order Catalog
The great thing about internet dating is the turn around time to receive a new guy in an email!!
You just flip through the profiles like you would the pages of a catalog, place your item in the basket by way of a favorite button and voila; you have men in your size and color.
The one I ordered this time is a much better fit than my last order. This one comes with a yacht in Newport Beach, a condo in mid-west Manhattan, dark hair, made in Spain, with french accents. This order comes without fake promises, the too soon 'I love you' but don't mean it routine, and no sob story about some girl who committed suicide because of him.
I have no doubt after wearing the last guy for a bit, he was a very bad fit. Now that he is returned, and I have a new credit on my attitude, I am ordering a replacement.
A quick note on refilling your order for a new guy.
Be careful!!
After your order arrives and its not exactly as promised on the profile, you may feel cheated and discouraged about ordering a new man.
But just remember all of the products we buy that don't deliver what they promise either, like cellulite cream, face lift lotions, and diet pills.
In the end, we learn what does work, what is true, and eventually grow a better consumer and lover because we end up finding satisfaction in the simplest of products.
When ordering a man just remember that less promises is more man.
I personally haven't learned that lesson yet and am in search of the exception to the rule, so just do as I say and not what I do for now.
The Blonde is headed to NY for a fitting!!
You just flip through the profiles like you would the pages of a catalog, place your item in the basket by way of a favorite button and voila; you have men in your size and color.
The one I ordered this time is a much better fit than my last order. This one comes with a yacht in Newport Beach, a condo in mid-west Manhattan, dark hair, made in Spain, with french accents. This order comes without fake promises, the too soon 'I love you' but don't mean it routine, and no sob story about some girl who committed suicide because of him.
I have no doubt after wearing the last guy for a bit, he was a very bad fit. Now that he is returned, and I have a new credit on my attitude, I am ordering a replacement.
A quick note on refilling your order for a new guy.
Be careful!!
After your order arrives and its not exactly as promised on the profile, you may feel cheated and discouraged about ordering a new man.
But just remember all of the products we buy that don't deliver what they promise either, like cellulite cream, face lift lotions, and diet pills.
In the end, we learn what does work, what is true, and eventually grow a better consumer and lover because we end up finding satisfaction in the simplest of products.
When ordering a man just remember that less promises is more man.
I personally haven't learned that lesson yet and am in search of the exception to the rule, so just do as I say and not what I do for now.
The Blonde is headed to NY for a fitting!!
9.12.2009
The World Don't Stop
I am sitting on the veranda with candle light and listening to the rain with Mary Chapin Carpenter playing on my stereo in the background.
I have pulled Black Betty out for the night. For those of you who don't know Black Betty, allow me to introduce you; she is my guitar and I play her when no one is listening, mainly because I don;t know how to play it correctly.
Tonight, I am only fuzzy with sips of wine and I am at peace. I am enjoying my alone time and many epiphanies have rolled across my mind like the foam of the ocean waves that used to kiss my feet on the beach just before they roll back into the abyss.
It has been a long time since I have seen the ocean and felt its power rush over me but I remember it. With the stroke of my hand in the glass jar that holds the sand that last touched me, waves of memories and epiphanies cross my mind.
But, I still have many questions!
The Blonde mind never ends!
I have pulled Black Betty out for the night. For those of you who don't know Black Betty, allow me to introduce you; she is my guitar and I play her when no one is listening, mainly because I don;t know how to play it correctly.
Tonight, I am only fuzzy with sips of wine and I am at peace. I am enjoying my alone time and many epiphanies have rolled across my mind like the foam of the ocean waves that used to kiss my feet on the beach just before they roll back into the abyss.
It has been a long time since I have seen the ocean and felt its power rush over me but I remember it. With the stroke of my hand in the glass jar that holds the sand that last touched me, waves of memories and epiphanies cross my mind.
But, I still have many questions!
The Blonde mind never ends!
9.11.2009
Phone Purge Day
Today is the day I purge my phone from all the dates I can't remember, dates I wish I didn't remember, and one jerk, whose emails will be posted on my wall of shame blog.
I have had only one other person make it to my wall of shame in 2 years so this is a really big award. Give me time to gather up the "I really love you, want to have your baby, and your future husband' emails and post them to 'Blonded by Love'. Give me time to dust off the blog, its been awhile since I was blown off my game by an all promising ninny.
I am sure I am not the only one who falls for this kind of thing. We all have had a few in our past and they never do work out. I am learning that the ones that bring it on way too strong in the beginning have nothing to follow through with in the end.
This was a really good lesson (again) because in the end I have learned that its the ones that take things slow and who are always there for me no matter what.
I have that with someone whom I dismissed way too early on in the relationship because it wasn't moving as fast as the Blonde likes it. I think I will get out of the passing lane and move over to the right and take my time getting to where I want to be.
The Blonde has cleared her memory!!
I have had only one other person make it to my wall of shame in 2 years so this is a really big award. Give me time to gather up the "I really love you, want to have your baby, and your future husband' emails and post them to 'Blonded by Love'. Give me time to dust off the blog, its been awhile since I was blown off my game by an all promising ninny.
I am sure I am not the only one who falls for this kind of thing. We all have had a few in our past and they never do work out. I am learning that the ones that bring it on way too strong in the beginning have nothing to follow through with in the end.
This was a really good lesson (again) because in the end I have learned that its the ones that take things slow and who are always there for me no matter what.
I have that with someone whom I dismissed way too early on in the relationship because it wasn't moving as fast as the Blonde likes it. I think I will get out of the passing lane and move over to the right and take my time getting to where I want to be.
The Blonde has cleared her memory!!
9.10.2009
Climbing On Top
I am not a dominatrix but I play one on the internet, or at least I used to for fun.
Just another hilarious story hidden away in my unpublished book of "Real Blonde Moments: The Unedited Version".
I think now that I have some down time since my kanuk is AWOL, my grant money is on the slide, and school doesn't start for another two weeks, that this is the time to find an agent. Like I have always said, "I am a Paul Harvey rest of the story, waiting to happen."
The Blonde likes rock bottom!!
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