Blonde Construction

I like working with my hands. It beats sitting on my arse all day in an office.

I rather work in my sweat shop, sewing burlap bikinis and repair decking for Big Daddy to avoid supplementing my writing income by doing white collar labor.

I know I did a decent job on the deck, not because my Dad fills me with praise but because he couldn't find anything to complain about the work. That is a huge compliment in Big Daddy's world.

All in all, its been an excellent day.

I can't take all the credit for the work. Boo did most of the demolition and hammering. I just cut the wood to fit using a 10" miter saw and some finagling with the uncooperative blade. The great thing about a blonde is that I don't know the limits of a tool and so I don't know any better when attempting a curve cut and make it work on a miter.

Don't try this yourself unless you have the arrogence to beat the odds of dropping a few finger tips during a cut.

After a hard days physical labor, I plunged my sample burlap bikini in the aqua blue to test the waters. I didn't hear any complaints about my bikini from Boo, so I take that as a compliment as well.

The Blonde will do what Mexicans say I don't want to do!!

Blonde Recharge

Sometimes it feels good to just kiss the world goodbye for a few days and live in a cocoon. Some may call this depression. I on the other hand call it my mental spa days.

Now that my brain is rested and my retreat (aka. bed) is made, I know longer wonder why there is a quick ice button next to the cubed and crushed ice. I guess it takes longer to shape ice and quick ice is just what is available to the less picky frosty mouths.

I also remember to use the popcorn button on the nuke oven for unburnt popcorn.

And now that I am rested, I don't lock myself out of the house so many times and I finished unpacking for my trip to New York that I spent the other night getting ready for, before I printed out my itinerary to see that my trip is next week.

I also can remember to use my spell check during email replies.

All in all its beginning to look like a good week.


The Blonde has brain power, again!!

This Memorial Day

Don't forget why we celebrate!

Fairy Tales and Blondes

I always believed in a blonde fairy tale. I always wanted two children; a boy and a girl. I also wanted a large house and lots of money. Never once did I figure a man, to love and to take care of me, in the original fairy tale.

Well, turns out I got most of my fairy tale; not all of it but enough to make me happy. I got the money and the house, but in much smaller proportions to what I once fantasized as a young girl. But than again I was a little girl and things seemed so much larger back then. And so, maybe I did get exactly what I wanted.

Like any good fairy tale someone must come along and try to take it all away.

And he did.

But unlike normal fairy tales, it wasn't the wicked witch who came to my door. It was a dashing Prince Charming and all his insecurities that whisked me away from my happy life.

My castle is gone, and my little boy, unlike Peter Pan, has grown up and left Never Neverland and I am living in a bedroom the size of a pumpkin trying to sew a life out of the last remnants of my days in a blonde's fairy after tale.

I sometimes cry in my room and talk to my cats. If they start talking back to me and finish sewing my bikinis, than I know I have gone off the deep end and lost all touch with reality.

So far so good.

I started to fantasize about the normal fairy tale with a knight in shining armor and a huge white steed carrying me off to his castle but unfortunately that ship has sunk with the Titanic after the blonde princess turned a certain age. The most I see on the horizon have been castles down sized to small condo, with room only for the children, rides booked up on the steed, child support payments, alimony, a chip on the knight's shoulder about women in general, and little left to give a blonde still looking for her real fairy tale.

I seem to be in a Cinderella nightmare where I can't wake up, working and cleaning for her scraps of left overs.

I don't mind a Prince Charming with children, after all the children were part of my fairy tale, just as long as he still has room in his castle for me.

But until that day, I think I am happiest living my original blonde fairy tale.

I may have to start off again in a tiny room, sewing my fingers to the bone, and talking to my cats, but at least I don't have to deal with someone else's unhappily ever after.

The Blonde will find her happy ever after, eventually!!

I Am Officially Brain Dead

Last night, while I was returning emails, I noticed I had become a blithering idiot.

I have been glued to this computer for more than two weeks writing, and working on my online eco friendly store front that has to replace the e-cig fiasco from a few months ago.

On top of that, I was trying to finish sewing a burlap bikini....don't ask!

To rest my weary head I am claiming this week, Blonde in a Bubble. I am shutting down the computer and the phone and just going for walks around the park and working on making bikinis that don't smell like sweaty horse when wet.

The Blondes Mind is gone!!

A 'Cell' Phone?

Why would I want to be confined to a cell?

There are certain times when I need 'me' time and the cell phone is just another distraction that I don't want to have to deal with.

I, actually enjoy playing with myself sometimes.



OK... you can have 10 seconds to picture what you are picturing.

10

8

2

1

OK, back to 'get real' now.

Seriously, what is with the addiction of the cell phone. Do you really need to be within twenty seconds reach of text messages, downloaded emails, and the vintage voice call?

I am not about to play Pavlov's dog to a bunch of ring tones alerting me of the multitude of different messages accumulated on my phone.

Maybe if I got a treat every time it rang, I would be more responsive.

If I knew something shiny and expensive was going to be plopped into my blonde behavioral feast bowl every time I heard the un-symphonic notes of a generic ringtone, I might be more inclined to answer.


I know we can't turn the world around us off, but once in a while, it feels good to tune it out.

The Blonde will be back to beck and calls!!!

Bravo, N Y Housewives!!

...for showing the world what it looks like when too much money and menopause congregate in the same arena.

I have to give kudos to the casting director for this show. You know, whomever, sat around and looked for women with egos and issues the size of a monsoon but still have qualities that make them likable couldn't have been an easy task. The extra kick to spice up the show with the beauty bobble head was totally a man's two cents, but good sense it was. The show became more of a feature for Animal Planet than Bravo, especially when the claws and daggers of the insecure housewives came out to protect the threat of their nest totally built on carefully intertwined twigs of neuroses.


Forget the Gucci baggage, these housewives are carrying a Louis Vuitton steamer trunk to carry their weight of crazy. Still, you have to give them credit, they would still come under weight requirements set by the FAA simply by dumping any sense of decency and decorum during their reunion show.

I have finished my last season with the New York femi-neophytes but only to get sucked right back into another one with the entrance of the Jersey Housewives. I swear I am going to pull the plug on my dirty little affair with Bravo and get help for my voyeuristic endeavors...

Just as soon as I see the table tipping fight.

The Blonde hates to mingle with wives!!!

Match.com is a Full Time Job

and I don't like to work that hard unless its for a good cause.

I made it to 19 days before I started to drunk reply to my messages. I would pop the cork on a bottle of vino and settle in to screw around with virtual match addicts. There are so many of them that Betty Ford would do well to open up a special wing for their rehabilitation.

I know the Captain is probably reading this and thinking I mean him but he will be relieved to know he isn't in the hot seat...this time!!

I know there are some decent love stories to come out of Match.com, I actually had dinner with a couple last week that met on Match and married, and I have met some killer friends, but I think Cupid would have an easier time piercing the tail of a lightening bug than get me to sift through the cornucopia of copy, intended to charm a pretty girls panties away, just to find one sweet guy.


Besides, I am almost Cougar status.

I need to focus on my career and Bogart as many bucks as I can before my face falls off and I have to glue it back on like Joan Rivers. I wonder how much quan she has to pay out for spooning?

Gah bless anyone looking for the real deal on Match.

I will rub a Buddha belly for you!!


The Blonde will cheer from the sidelines.